Title: When The Sand Runs Out
Part: 1/2 (Claire POV)
Genre: angst, tragedy, fluff
Warnings: character death and mature themes
Spoilers: a death from 3x06
Summary: Charlie regrets his decision to not go on the hike to find Eko when the team returns without the holy man and they confirm his worst fears.
Disclaimer: Lost doesn't belong to me and neither does Rascal Flatts, whose song I have stolen the lyrics to for the title of this fic.
Dedication: to all of you who read and review – and especially those who concrit me! And to all my fanfiction writing buddies – you're all in deservance of a very big, very shiny gold star.

Claire was surprised to say the least that Charlie didn't volunteer to go on the hike – usually he was raring to join in on whatever the latest crusade the survivors had going might be. Today however he seemed quite content to potter about after Claire and Aaron wherever they went, simply enjoying the day like he had all the time in the world.

'Why didn't you go on the hike with the others?' she asked nonchalantly over their meagre lunch of fruit and a small fish which Charlie had proudly caught and cleaned himself that morning while Claire and Aaron had watched, laughing, from the shore.

Charlie shrugged, licking his fingers clean. 'I can think of better things to occupy my day with – like spending time with you and the baby. And eating this bloody marvellous fish I caught.' He waved a piece of said fish at Claire to accent his point. 'I'll bet they aren't dining on fresh fish for lunch are they? Poor buggers don't know what they're missing out on.'

Claire smiled at Charlie and his pride in his fishing skills but her attention swiftly moved onto the massive pile of washing in the corner of the tent that she had to do that day or risk running out of clean clothes. Charlie's eyes followed the direction hers were pointing in an instant and he began to tut disapprovingly. 'You're not seriously thinking about doing laundry on a day like today are you?'

'Well it's either that or I go naked,' Claire said defensively. Charlie's eyes twinkled mischievously at this and Claire reached over to hit him on the shoulder in mock anger.

'Well that's just one more good reason for me to drag you off down the beach for a walk then isn't it?' Charlie said, grinning and pulling himself to his feet, brushing crumbs out of his beard. Claire peered up at him from her seat on the ground, her hands still full of fish, and she hesitated. Charlie's grin faltered slightly. 'Come on Claire – when was the last time we actually had the time to take a walk together?'

Claire chewed her lip as Charlie gazed imploringly at her.

'Please?'

Claire sighed a little as she nodded, cramming the last of the fish in her mouth as Charlie rummaged for Aaron's Bjorn, grinning triumphantly. When he offered it to her however, she shook her head.

'We're…not taking Aaron?' Charlie guessed.

'No,' Claire took the Bjorn from Charlie, reaching around his neck to fasten it securely. 'You're taking Aaron and giving my back a chance to rest up a bit.'

Charlie stared at her, his mouth slightly open as she picked her son up and placed him snugly inside the Bjorn. 'Are…you're sure?'

Claire adjusted the Bjorn slightly to make sure Aaron was well and truly settled and then glanced back up to Charlie's eyes. 'Come on Charlie – we'll be here all afternoon if you keep asking me questions.'

Claire grinned secretly to herself as she set off down the beach, Charlie following at a careful trot until he drew level and caught her hand in his. In her peripheral vision she could see the broad grin on his face and she tried not to smile herself as he swung their hands back and forth cheerfully.

She had the feeling that she had just made Charlie's day.

The afternoon passed uneventfully. The team still hadn't returned by the time the sun was starting to set but Charlie seemed supremely unconcerned with this fact, opting to keep himself busy with anything he could get his hands on. It wasn't until he started fiddling with Claire's tarp and began shifting her table around that she began to think that perhaps Charlie really was worried but just didn't want to say it. He'd always been fidgety but this was becoming ridiculous.

'Charlie?'

'Hmmn?' he glanced up from scrutinising Aaron's cradle and immediately averted his eyes when he realised that Claire was breastfeeding as she spoke to him, Aaron's face and her own breast being surreptitiously covered by a blanket.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' Charlie shrugged. 'Why?'

'Um…' Claire cleared her throat. 'Because you're uh, you're rearranging the furniture.'

Charlie froze and then his eyes came up to meet hers, a somewhat sheepish look on his face. 'I am?'

Claire tried not to smile. 'Yes Charlie, you are.'

Charlie shrugged suddenly and stood up, gazing out towards the ocean, his arms folded across his stomach. 'I guess I'm just not used to staying behind. And I am worried about Eko – he's been really out of it since John and I rescued him from the Polar Bear.'

Claire's brow furrowed as she set about fixing her top, Aaron having finished feeding now. 'Polar Bear?'

Charlie glanced back at her, surprised. 'Did you not ever hear about the Polar Bears?'

'Um…no?'

'Oh.' Charlie scratched his head sheepishly. 'Well there are Polar Bears here on the island. Sawyer shot one when we first got here and Eko got dragged off by one too.'

Claire stared. 'You're pulling my leg right?'

Charlie grimaced. 'Wish I was love. But then Polar Bears are the least of our worries with that black smoke monster that chews people up and the Others kidnapping our doctor and the crazy French lady and the weather and every bloody thing else here.'

Claire laughed. 'It's not that bad.'

'Sure it is,' Charlie sat down beside her, dropping a gentle kiss on her lips. When he drew back, he ran a hand over Aaron's downy head and looked earnestly at her. 'But some things make it worthwhile.'

Claire felt herself smile widely as she leant forward to kiss him back. Charlie responded gently to her affections, tangling his hand in her hair as she deepened the kiss slightly.

When they parted, Claire sighed contentedly and then ruefully eyed her washing. 'I think I'm going to make a start on my washing – it probably won't dry completely overnight but its better than getting up at the crack of dawn to do it. Is there anything you want washed?'

Charlie shook his head. 'Thanks but I think I'm good. What are you going to do with Aaron?'

'Can you put him down for a nap for me?' Claire asked, offering Charlie the bundle in her arms. 'I won't be far away…'

'Yeah, course,' Charlie took him gratefully and his face split into a proud smile as he began to rock the child from side to side. Claire glanced over at him as she collected her washing in a metal bucket and couldn't help but smile too.

'You really missed him didn't you?'

Charlie looked up at her and she thought that his face might just split in half from smiling. 'Yeah I did.'

As she scrubbed her clothes in the nearest water collector, Claire glanced back over at Charlie as he put her son to sleep, completely oblivious to everything around him except the tiny form in his arms. A deep feeling of contentment was growing inside her and Claire wondered why it was always Charlie who seemed to give her that fuzzy maternal feeling.

Today was the first day since she'd kissed him, since she'd let him back into her life that she'd let him take care of Aaron and she felt glad she had – if for nothing else than for the smile on his face. He hadn't had cause to smile for a long while now and whilst it had undoubtedly been her fault, Claire felt it was justified.

A month ago she hadn't been smiling much either.

A movement out of the corner of her eye drew her attention and Claire perked up considerably when she saw a small huddle of figures appearing out of the darkening trees.

'Charlie,' she called and he straightened up from putting Aaron in his cradle.

'What?'

Claire pointed. 'The teams back.'

Charlie craned his neck as he walked several steps closer to Claire, his hand going to her waist in an almost unconscious gesture. 'So they are. I wonder where Eko and John and Sayid are though...' He glanced over at Aaron, back at Claire and then brought his gaze to the returning party and then back to her son again. Claire smiled at him – trying not to laugh at his obvious distress. 'You go. I'll keep an eye on Aaron till you get back and then you can come back and tell me everything.'

Charlie nodded and smiled in silent thanks before hurrying off towards the jungle in the late afternoon sunlight. Claire picked up her bucket of washing and returned to her shelter. It really was getting too late for washing anyway. And it looked like it was going to be a cold night anyway – not the best conditions for drying wet clothes in in.

After a quick glance at Aaron assured her was still napping, Claire sat down and looked over at where Charlie was now talking to Desmond who seemed to be shaking his head. Peering a little closer, Claire saw to her surprise that Nikki looked like she crying and Paulo had put an awkward arm around her shoulders.

When Charlie began yelling, Claire's eyes snapped back to him instantly. Although she couldn't hear exactly what he was saying, he looked furious. His whole demeanour changed however, when Desmond pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to him. He froze still, looking completely shell shocked as Desmond turned and walked away rather abruptly. Nikki and Paulo peeled off in the complete opposite direction, their faces cast down and Charlie turned back in the direction of Claire's tent on tottery legs.

What made her go to him Claire would never know. Leaving Aaron in his cradle and trusting her instincts that he would be all right, she jogged up to where Charlie stood staring blankly at nothing. He didn't respond when she called his name and it wasn't until she touched his shoulder that he even registered that she was there.

'Charlie,' she looked up into his face, her stomach clenching at the expression on his face. 'What's wrong?'

Charlie licked his lips and took along, shaky breath before answering. Even so, his voice cracked when he spoke.

'He's dead Claire.'

Claire rocked back like she'd just been hit in the face with a bag of wet cement.

'What?'

'John told them he must've been killed by an animal or something,' Charlie continued blankly. 'Which is impossible because…he…he can't…'

Without another word, he began to walk, Claire following several worried steps behind. For a moment Claire thought he was heading for the ocean but even if he was, he never made it to the water. Just as he passed through her tent, his knees buckled and he grabbed at the nearest solid object to support himself – in this instance it happened to be the edge of Claire's bed.

'Charlie!' Claire fairly flew to his side and, when trying to pull him to his feet proved to be a fruitless exercise, she allowed him to collapse completely, his face bare inches from the sand and his legs curled uncomfortably underneath him.

'I think I'm going to be sick…' Charlie gasped, and indeed, his body began to buck and contract like he was about to throw up. Claire began to rub small circles on his back but instead of vomiting as he had predicted, Charlie began to sob. His whole body juddered uncontrollably as he tried to stop himself, soft cries ebbing from his mouth as his tears began to fall.

Claire almost choked at the sight – she'd never seen Charlie like this before. It was highly unusual for him to display a strong outpouring of unchecked emotion – usually he chose to hide behind his humour, the strongest defence mechanism he knew. It was hardly believable that only five minutes ago they had been talking and laughing together and now they were crumpled in the sand together, sharing a sudden grief that knew no bounds.

Despite her best efforts to stay upright and strong on his behalf, Claire found her own tears starting to fall – Charlie's grief was far too overpowering to not affect her. Even Aaron had woken up and was warbling worriedly from his crib. She shushed him from a distance and the sound of her voice seemed to calm him slightly although he continued to whimper quietly as Charlie finally began to master his emotions.

Eyes shut against the tears that were burning down his face, he took a half dozen slow breaths before opening them again and turning his face to chance a look at Claire.

'I'm sorry…' he whispered. 'I'm so sorry to do that to you…'

Claire bit her lip, still trying to hold her own tears back without much success. 'It's okay. I'm okay Charlie.'

'No,' he grimly reached out a hand to brush her tears away, his eyes were red rimmed already and hers weren't far behind. 'You're not okay and it's because of me and I'm sorry.'

'Here,' Claire said, changing the subject. 'Why don't we just sit?' she guided Charlie to a seated position, his back leaning against her bed, before she joined him. All the power seemed to have gone out of his limbs so she put her arms around his shoulders instead. It seemed to have the opposite response to the one she was looking for however – he began to cry again.

'Shh,' she murmured, pressing her lips to the side of his face. 'It's okay.'

Charlie shook his head and words began to bubble out of his mouth, uncontrolled and punctuated with sobs. 'Th-they b-b-buried him out there – out in the – out in the jungle where he died.'

Claire nodded as his voice trailed away into a shuddering sigh and then he brought his fisted right hand up to his face. Claire watched curiously as he kissed the back of his own fingers before opening his palm to show her the contents.

A silver cross glinted dully against his palm, a twisted piece of leather threaded through the ring at the top. Claire's breath caught in her throat with recognition.

'Eko's cross.'

'John said to give it to me,' Charlie whispered. 'To remember him by I guess. He knew we got pretty close…building the church you know?'

Claire nodded again and reached out to touch the cross with her fingertips feeling an inexplicable sadness welling up inside her. She hadn't known Eko very well – certainly not as well as Charlie had. The two of them seemed inextricably linked by their faith. Despite effectively being the one who had ratted on Charlie's secret to Claire, Eko was still rewarded with respect, with friendship and an endless loyalty.

'You know I blamed him?' Charlie whispered suddenly and Claire was startled out of her thoughts.

'What?'

'Eko,' Charlie said, still whispering although his voice had stopped shaking and his tears had stilled. 'I blamed him for telling you about the statues. Only for a short while. I didn't stay angry at him for long – I don't know why. Maybe because I knew that really it was my own stupid fault.'

Claire was silent for a moment as Charlie leant his head on her shoulder, the occasional aftershock sob rippling through him and into her.

'God I feel tired now.'

'Well maybe you should try to sleep.'

Charlie shook his head vehemently and stood up decisively. 'Tomorrow I'm going to go find his grave and I'm going to do my goodbyes properly. It's not fair that they didn't bring him back here so I could…' he paused and rephrased himself here. 'So we could i all /i say goodbye.'

Claire's brow furrowed sadly and she stood as well, taking his hand in hers and squeezing gently. 'Maybe they thought we'd had a few too many funerals lately. And it's not like Eko's a small man – it would have been hard to carry him all the way back here, especially if they were out quite far...'

Charlie gently pulled his hand out of her grasp and his anger seemed to dissipate as he turned to offer her a smile that came nowhere near to his eyes. 'Yeah you're probably right. Will you be okay? I might go play my guitar for a while or something.'

Claire nodded, rather taken aback at his sudden mood change. 'Are sure you're okay Charlie?'

Again he smiled, his eyes just as blank as before and he leant forward to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, lingering for a moment to breathe her in. 'I'll be fine love.'

And with that, Charlie disappeared, leaving nothing but a feeling of coldness in his wake. A sudden, particularly strong gust of wind blew down the beach and Claire shivered and reached for her bag.

It was definitely going to be a cold night.