Surprisingly, I do not own anything to do with Star Trek, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or Nemo.

.........

THE CHILDREN IN US REMAIN FOREVER

The Starship Enterprise, the fleets flagship, best looking ship of the quadrant (though a certain captain and Scotsman might be a bit biased on that particular subject), run by only the crème de la crème. Her crew was the best and brightest Starfleet had to offer: hardworking, dedicated, loyal to a fault etc.

Having an average age range half as young as on the usual constitution-class Starfleet vessel, they could be excused for some moments of immaturity, after all, you were only young once. However there were some days when things just became downright wierd and the ridiculousness of those moments bordered on the obscene.

"Gaila, get OFF!"

"NO"

"Now!"

"NO!"

"Gaila, I swear if you don't let me get back to my job I will find the largest bat in the Federation shove it up your ass and proceed to parade you around as the world's first Orion popsicle!"

"...No"

"And knowing YOU, you'd probably LIKE IT! AAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!"

"...no?"

Now this seemed to finally become interesting so McCoy got up and opened his office door only for it to reveal a rather wonderful (for him at least) sight. A sight that happened to be James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the Starship NCC-Enterprise flailing on the floor and looking rather like and epileptic starfish. Probably failing to get up due to the 200 pound Orion clamped around him like an overgrown green and clingy octopus. Said Orion was probably also the reason the Captain was sporting a rather blue complexion with two antenna fixed to his head which looked to be made of cotton swabs. Medical cotton swabs. He should probably scold Gaila for that but he was busy being slightly too amused to care.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Bones! Help me for god's sake!"

Unfortunately for him, McCoy had yet to extricate himself from his position on the floor where he had promptly collapsed on in a fit hysterical laughter.

"Ensign Coulby could you please refrain from looking up Lieutenant Vro's dress and fetch Commander Spock"

"Yes Sir!"

Surprised, that even in such an undignified position the Captain could still maintain an air of authority...not a very imposing one, granted, but some authority all the same.

"Booooooones! She's cutting off the circulation to my junk, I don't want to amputate it just because of an overprotective whale!"

Aaaaaaand it was gone.

"Hey! That's hurtful, I'm beautiful, just because I have a much higher bone density than you weak humans does not make me a whale. And I'm not overprotective...just want to make sure that you are safe."

"NOT overprotective!? You dressed me up as an Andorian - quite poorly I might add - so that you could steal me off the ship and lock me away where nothing can find me so that I won't get hurt!"

"...ok...to make sure you are very, very safe."

"GAILA!"

"Anyway I have a right to protect you, you are my baby, and today was just another example of how you cannot protect yourself!"

"I had a MINOR allergic reaction to Chekov's wierd Russian gloup thing that he dares call food. Even Bones said everyone overreacted and HE'S the biggest mother hen you'll ever find...ok...second biggest."

"SEE! You can't even protect yourself against FOOD!"

"...Get OFF!"

"NO!"

At which point Spock arrived, took in the scene, then promptly turned around and left.

"Spooooock! Noooooooooooooooo!"

.........

Uhura exited the turbolift, expecting a rather boring Alpha-shift if she was to be perfectly honest. They were in the middle of two milk runs and that was probably the reason why she found every sing male on the bridge sporting a head of shockingly neon green hair.

She decided she didn't want to know. No. Scratch that. She very much wanted to know how her two commanding officers and the rest of the male bridge population came to looking like twisted versions of Oompa Loompas - and judging by the very grumpy pouts they were all wearing it wasn't going away any time soon. But she was a professional so simply contented herself to respond to the incoming hail from Starfleet Headquarters. And because she was a professional, she wouldn't laugh at the expense of her peers, not at all, nope.

Unfortunately for the afflicted parties, Admirals Pike and Komack weren't so gracious.

.........

Scotty had been working diligently on his latest pet project for the past three weeks! So of course it wasn't his fault he got a little grouchy when three ensigns broke his new miniature scale REAL sandwich factory - not that replicated crap. So, of course it wasn't TOTALLY his fault when said ensigns mysteriously found their quarters filled with what suspiciously looked like Targ faeces (no one knew exactly how Scotty managed to get some but then again he wasn't exactly conventional either), or when the ensigns' alarm clocks started playing Justin Bieber songs at some ungodly hour, or even when they turned up for their shift a fluorescent yellow after taking their showers that morning.

So no, Lieutenant-Commander Montgomery Scott did not understand why the Captain put him in the brig and took away his sandwich privileges for a month, giving them to Keenser instead.

Watching the chief engineer mumble away in his corner in the brig, Giotto wondered how they even managed a week without HQ ordering them all back home.

.........

"Ooh! Ooh! Hikaru! Look what I found!"

"What is a Tribble doing here."

"I do not know, but I found her zo she is mine."

"She?"

"Yes Karu, she. And I vill call her Wiwian, she vill be mine, she vill be my Wiwian" "...Really?"

"Yes"

"Hey gu-"

"Oh, hey captain"

"What. In all that is holy and all that isn't, is that?"

"Why keptin it is Wiwian, my new pet Tribble"

"Sulu, why oh why does he have a Tribble?"

"Uuuuuh...do I want to answer that?"

"No."

"Alrighty then."

"Oi! IS THAT BETTY?! IS THAT MAH TRIBBLE?!"

"Captain, don't snort it's unbecoming"

"No, zis is Wiwian."

"GIMME BACK MAH BETTY!"

"NO!"

"Captain, we shall be arriving in 2 hours, 47 minutes and 34 seconds so shall...Captain, why is Lieutenant-Commander Scott biting Ensign Chekov?"

"Spock, move, I can't see!"

"EEEEEK"

"That's wight, you should not mess with ze Russians and their Wiwians"

"Ya nipple crippled meh! WHY YA LITTLE..."

"Captain, although it is quite remarkable at the speed at which the Lieutenant-Commander is managing to throw the Ensigns's meatballs at him, it would be wise to prevent this from degenerating any further which may lead to displeasing consequences and-"

"Meester Scott! Vill you stop EEEEK stop pulling my ears!"

"Then STOP BITING MAH NOSE YAH WEE JESSIE!"

"Sulu! Stop taking wagers!" [Sigh] "You are probably right Spock. Alright then"

"BETTY!"

"WIWIAN!"

You can imagine the surprise of the Tellarite merchant ship travelling at warp factor 2 in middle of nowhere when there seemed to be some sort of explosion of white hair and red on their front viewscreen.

.........

Crème de la crème: French for the best of the best.

Targ: is a boar-like animal, native to the Klingon home-world Qo'nos.

Jessie: is a Scottish insult to a man by calling him effeminate and child-like.