Remind me who I really am
By
Aranna Undomiel
Okay, let me start by saying that I never expected to write a fanfic for Glee, even though I adore Klaine and I love Sebastian to bits! But I was reading some fics from ournoisyhearts and that got me on the Seblaine-train, or over to the dark side; her words, not mine ) And my muse, being the obsessive being that she is, decided to start bombarding me with ideas. So here I am, writing a fic about Sebastian and Blaine. It's meant to be a friendship fic, but rereading it, I think it could be Seblaine too, if you squint real hard ;)
Well, this story is probably going to turn very AU the second Glee starts their new episodes, so I figured I'd post it before those, as this story is partly inspired by the rumors around the next episode with the Sadie Hawkins dance.
The title comes from the song "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson.
Hope you'll enjoy!
The phone call was unexpected, to say the least. He had just flown home from New York the day before and he was currently in his room, catching up on some reading, when his phone started buzzing on his desk. Fishing it off, he stared at the unknown caller ID. Frowning, he picked it up. "Hello?"
"Blaine?" Came the response in a familiar voice. Nick…
"I'm not coming back to Dalton, Nick, I think I made myself very clear about that before…" he responded forcefully. He could hear Nick sighing on the other end of the line. "That's not what we're calling you for Blaine. Look, I know we're probably not the most favourite people on your list right now, after all that happened. Hell, you'll probably hate us and I can't blame you. I get it, I do…But we need your help, Blaine. Or well, Sebastian does…"
Blaine remained silent after that, a somewhat uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach at Nick's tone of voice, even when his mind immediately conjured up all the things Sebastian had done to him since they had met. The green-eyed boy might have promised him he was changed when he saw him the last time in the halls of Dalton, but he still wasn't too sure about that. Vaguely he became aware of his name being called at the other side of the line. "Blaine?...Blaine?...Blaine! He's not answering anymore Jeff!" He could hear Nick talking to the other boy; almost grinning as he remembered other times Nick and Jeff were discussing something amongst themselves while he was on the other end of the line still. He should have known Nick wouldn't have been alone to make this call; he was nigh inseparable from the blonde boy. There was some shuffling and then a rushing sound and soon Jeff's voice replaced Nick's.
"Blaine? Listen, we wouldn't be asking you this unless there's no other way. We've tried everything we could, but we think you're the only one who can get through to him. We're worried about Sebastian…Please Blaine?"
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And that is how he found himself making the familiar trip from Lima back to Westerville. Good thing his body remembered where to turn, for his mind kept going back to what Jeff had told him earlier…
As the boys had reunited at Dalton after their vacations with their families, they hadn't seen Sebastian, who had spent the Christmas holiday at Dalton; at first. It wasn't until Hunter returned, that he realised there was something wrong with his roommate. The other boy's face was black and blue, wincing at every move he made. He hadn't spoken to anyone and would only talk when asked a question in class. The boys had obviously asked him what was wrong; what had happened; who had done that to him, but Sebastian ignored them. No snarky remarks or icy retorts, not even a smirk since they were back.
They had figured it out eventually, or at least they thought they did, since Sebastian had neither acknowledged nor denied their findings. It hadn't been until they pieced together the bar Scandals from the paper, where people had been attacked at New Year's Eve, with the bar Sebastian used to talk about. When Hunter had confronted him with their findings, Sebastian just turned and walked out of Warbler practice…and he hadn't been back since…
Parking his car in the guest parking lot, Blaine stretched his sore back and headed for the entrance, where he was awaited by the main members of the Warblers. Nick, Jeff and Trent smiled at him unsurely, not knowing how he would greet them; but the Warblers' new Captain didn't seem to have the same qualms.
"Blaine, thank you for coming. Sebastian is in our dorm room at the moment; let me show you up, I'll give you the combination so you can get in. I hope you can get him to open up, he's not well…"
Blaine nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the trust Hunter seemed to have in his abilities to fix Sebastian. "Sure" he said uncertainly. "I'll try, but I don't know if he'll talk to me, I mean we haven't spoken in ages, not since before…you know" Blaine waved a hand in the general direction of his eye. Hunter stopped walking for a moment, turning to face Blaine. "I may not have been here last year, but I know what happened. And I also know that Sebastian has tried to change. He might not say it, but he cares about you Blaine. I could see that when you were here last time"
"Yeah right, he wants to get me in bed, that's all he cares about" Blaine shot the ex-army boy an incredulous look, but the other seemed unfazed by that. "Well whatever it may be, I think you're the only one he will answer too, so good luck" With that, Hunter steered the other Warblers down the hall, leaving Blaine to proceed up the stairs, heading for the room Sebastian shared with Hunter…
After punching in the code to the door, Blaine silently opened it, stopping dead in his tracks as he took in the sight before him. Sebastian was sitting with his back to the door, his tall frame cast in the shadows as only one little light near the other side of the room was lit. He had never seen Sebastian anything other than confident; head held high, shoulders straight, filling a room with his presence. This version of the boy startled him; shoulders slumped, clothes rumpled and his hair mussed. "Sebastian…?" He questioned softly, not wanting to startle the other boy. Sebastian whipped around in shock, green eyes going wide as he looked at him like he'd seen a ghost. "B-Blaine?" The vulnerability in Sebastian's eyes and the rawness of his voice nearly brought Blaine to tears. This was nothing like the boy he had learned to love and hate; this was the one hiding behind the mask, the one protected behind the snarky comments and sarcasm. "Hey Seb…" Sebastian coughed, before visibly straightening himself. "Hey Killer, fancy seeing you here…" Sebastian smirked as he approached Blaine, stepping into the light circle and Blaine gasped at the sight of his face. His right eye was nearly swollen shut and dark bruises stood out against pale skin, running along his neck to disappear under his shirt. Sebastian invaded Blaine's personal space and he had to fight his instinct to step back. "Finally decided Lady-face wasn't enough for you and now you've come to find a real man" The tall boy whispered in his ear, smiling at him seductively, like he had done many, many times before. But Blaine wasn't fooled. He had a vast experience with Sebastian's seduction techniques and the one thing he noticed from the start was the fact that every sneer, insult or suggestive smirk was backed up by an accompanying look in his eyes…eyes that were now deceptively empty…
"Sebastian…" Blaine warned softly, a gentle hand increasing the distance between them again. The taller boy scoffed and stepped back, plopping back down on his bed, wincing as he did so. Blaine tried again to catch his attention. "Sebastian…what happened?" Walking towards the bed, he turned on another lamp. Gently reaching out, he turned the other boy's face towards the light to take a closer look, gently running his finger along a particular dark bruise on the boy's neck. He felt slightly startled by his own daringness, but he kept up. Long eyelashes fluttered closed over green eyes and Sebastian leaned into his touch before he suddenly straightened up, slapping Blaine's hands away and pushing him away from the bed. Startled, Blaine took another step backwards when Sebastian surged upwards, anger evident in his entire posture, eyes blazing. "What do you want, Blaine? You come here to mock me, to help poor Sebastian and then drop him again when he's on his lowest, so you can have a good laugh at my expense? That nosy Hunter put you up to this? He did, didn't he? Spoiled military brat; thinks he has a right to know everything. Well you can tell them, there's nothing to tell. I can manage on my own, I don't need them. And I certainly don't need you! " Sebastian deflated after that, shoulders sagging as he turned away. "Just go, Blaine. I'm not worth it"
Keeping his voice as low and gentle as he could, Blaine started talking again. "I want to help Sebastian. So do the other guys, they're worried about you. " He ignored Sebastian's scoff at this and continued, slowly walking around the bed to face him again, even though he refused to meet his eyes. "You need to talk about this, Seb. If you don't, it will eat you up inside. It will grow and fester and it will destroy you slowly. Trust me, I know…" Blaine swallowed thickly, unwanted memories resurfacing of the time after he was attacked after the Sadie Hawkins Dance. He had kept it all inside, having no one to talk too; his parents refusing to, because that meant they had to acknowledge the fact that he was gay. Cooper was already in LA by that time and though he had made him promise to call him if he wanted to talk, there was always something, an audition or big party, that stood in the way. Life had felt dark and meaningless and for a long time he had been but a shell of himself. Music and the boys at Dalton that had accepted him without question were the things that had saved him; had made him feel worth something again. He would have given anything for someone just to listen to him, to tell him it was okay to feel like that and to tell him it was okay to be gay.
He was brought out of his own feelings when Sebastian cleared his throat, green eyes searching his face, looking for the lie behind his words. "Tell me…?" The words were spoken softly, almost hesitant, but Blaine heard them anyway. He sighed and sat down beside Sebastian, nudging the taller boy softly so he would scoot over a bit. Green eyes searched for his own as he started his tale, of the guys that had attacked him and his best friend after the dance, beating them within an inch of their lives, just for being gay. "The worst part wasn't even the beating…" he concluded "It was the things they said; like I was dirt under their shoes, not worth living. I hadn't even met them before, they didn't know us, and we had no beef with them. And yet, something as simple as holding hands made them think we needed to die…" The silence that hung in the room felt like a heavy blanket, yet Blaine felt slightly lighter now that he had talked about it like this; though he felt bad for having burdened Sebastian with it, who already had enough on his plate as it seemed. He wiped at his eyes, surprised to find tears there after so long. They sat like that for a while, shoulders and knees touching, until Sebastian broke the silence with one whispered sentence. "I provoked them…" Blaine slightly started at this, it seemed loud after the silence, and he tried to catch Sebastian's eyes, but the taller boy was staring at the floor as if the answers could be found there. "I provoked them, so I must deserve this…Maybe they were right about me, maybe everyone was right about me all along…"
"Sebastian, no! Whatever happened, this was not your fault, no one deserves this!" But Sebastian did not seem to hear him, instead he continued on with his story and Blaine decided to hear him out before trying to convince him to see his point. "It had been a while since I had been in Scandals, but there was nobody here at Dalton and I didn't want to be alone on New Year's Eve, so I went there. It was pretty crowded already in the city, most people already drunk. Some guy at Scandal's seemed to dig me and he seemed okay to me, so we danced some and made out some and then he invited me over and I agreed. He started kissing me as soon as we went outside…There was this group of guys…they….they…" Sebastian's voice trembled and he closed his eyes. Grabbing his hand, Blaine gave his fingers an encouraging squeeze. "They were drunk…They pulled us apart when we walked past them, calling us dirty fags and more of those colourful things. You know I don't do well with people telling me what I can or can't do, so I responded. I told the one holding me on my right, that if he'd wanted a piece of me, he could have just asked, but that his friend on my left could have forgotten that, because of his total lack of attractiveness…I don't know who was more offended: the one I told I thought he was gay or the one I told I wouldn't touch him with a ten-feet pole…" Blaine couldn't help but smile at this, it was so typical Sebastian, and he was relieved to see Sebastian give a small answering smile after a bit.
"They started beating us then and told me I was worthless, that I did not deserve to see another year start, for as long as we faggots lived, the world would be doomed. I think I passed out after a while, because when I woke up, there were paramedics checking me out. The cop that questioned me seemed bored and his partner even implied that it was my own fault for being gay…" Sebastian angrily wiped at the tears that had started to fall. "It's okay, Sebastian, you can let go, you don't have to be strong all the time. You'll get through this, I promise you. It will take some time, but you can count on me!" Green eyes looked at him in wonder "Why? Why help me?"
"Because you ARE worth it and don't you dare ever think otherwise!" Blaine slung his arm around the taller boys shoulder as he finally broke, heavy sobs wracking his light frame as he clung to Blaine, burying his face into his shoulder. They sat like that for nearly half an hour before the sobs died down into silent hiccups and Blaine felt Sebastian sag into him even more. He gently held the boy at arm's length, taking in the bags under his now half lidded eyes. "Sebastian…have you even slept since that night?" The face-splitting yawn that he received was answer enough, as green eyes looked at him sheepishly. Grinning, Blaine gently lowered him to lie on the bed, pulling the cover over his body. He moved to stand up and let him sleep, when Sebastian's arm shot out and grabbed his hand. "Please…stay?..." Sebastian's green eyes looked at him nervously and Blaine wondered how much it cost the normally stoic and composed boy to ask him this. Instead of answering, he laid down next to Sebastian, feeling him slowly relax. "Just so you know Killer, this does not count as sleeping with you in my book and if you ever tell anyone of my breakdown, you'll be forever sorry…" Sebastian mumbled, as he settled in more comfortably. "Whatever you say, Smythe" Blaine responded, earning him a breathy chuckle from Sebastian. "And Blaine? Thank you…" "Anytime you need me, Sebastian. Just call if you do…" He gave the other boy's hand a squeeze and listened as Sebastian's breathing slowly evened out.
It was going to be a long way and no doubt a bumpy one considering this was Sebastian, but he would turn out to be okay, Blaine would see to that. Closing his own eyes, he wondered at the strange ways of live that brought him here, before he too drifted off…
That was what Hunter walked into when he came to check on them, two boys sleeping peacefully; one under the cover, one on top of it, but with their hands still entwined. The Head Warbler grinned, before closing the door softly, heading to the Warbler common room to bring the rest of the boys the good news: Sebastian, and Blaine, would be okay…
THE END...or well, that was the plan, for this to be a one-shot. But yeah, you know, fickle muse and all, she wouldn't stop pestering me untill I started a new chapter. That one is nearly finished, so I hope to post it sometime next week...
TBC
Please let me know what you thought of this, reviews make my day :D