Why Pre-nups are a Good Idea. Except when Exacting Revenge.
*I Own Nothing. It's all yours J.K
I growled incoherently as I paced back and forth in front of my less than lavish fireplace.
Late again!
That blasted woman has been gone all day and made me wait for her for two bloody hours after our arranged meeting time.
Something clicked in my brain, as if I had just overlooked a vital piece of information. I stopped pacing abruptly as I thought about what I just said, or rather, thought.
"Wait a minute, two hours?"
My mind scanned through the previous evening.
Lovely dinner? Check. Quick plan recap? Check. Coffee, accompanied by her stunning home made triple choc muffins? Check. Light, witty, and ever-so charming banter on my part? Check.
I straightened my back and held my head high.
Nope, there was absolutely no logical reason for this punishment, whatsoever. Unless...
I felt my stomach drop.
What if something's gone wrong? What if...?
I turned to glare at the fireplace. It was the most horrible colour of old I have ever seen, just like wrinkles. Unfortunately my whole ruddy flat was the exact shade of old and ugly, with traces of expiration and depression everywhere.
The stupid half collapsed peasant's portal was probably holding her hostage.
Suddenly an image of my belated guest, somewhere on the other side of the fire, unable to get through, plagued my mind, and I felt that white hot heat of temper slowly slipping from my grasp. Didn't the insufferable thing know I was on a schedule? How dare it interrupt what would of been a triumph, a celebration even!
I once again eyed my saboteur.
"You two knut piece of junk", I grumbled as I stalked toward the fireplace. "I demand you give me back my woman at once or I'll...!"
My little tirade was cut off as I was startled back by a flare of green, followed by said (previously thought to be kidnapped) woman stepping through into my living room.
Mouth half open, I stood in shock as I hoped to Merlin she hadn't just heard my 'I don't negotiate with terrorists' episode.
I'd never hear the end of it. She already thought I was going bonkers. I quickly thought back through the last 20 seconds and released a sigh of relief as I remembered it was all in my head. I hadn't actually said any of that insanity out loud.
Had I?
My heart quickened its pace as I steadily met her gaze. She was standing not four feet in front of me, and I could see in her honey amber eyes that she was thinking hard, trying to assess exactly what she had just walked into.
She took a long hard look at me, then at the fireplace, before slowly turning her confused and very amused gaze back in my direction.
Crap.
The way she stared at me made extremely uncomfortable, like when you step into the shower to find the hot water's been used up. I subconsciously started shifting my weight from one foot to the other, and back again, until I realised how much that didn't help the situation. Malfoys don't fidget.
Annoyed that the bothersome witch had caused said fidgeting, I lashed out.
"Well what the devil are you looking at woman? Why are you so bloody late?"
She made to speak, her soft plump lips parting slightly as she drew in a small breath, but paused.
I sincerely hoped it was to rethink mentioning my previous state of temporary insanity involving that loathsome hearth.
No such chance.
"Draco," she hesitated "Dear,"... "Did I just hear?" She held her breath for a moment before she continued in a shaky voice; "Were u just reprimanding the um . . Fireplace?"
My eyes, a brilliant shade of liquid silver, mixed with a dash of ice blue, a most attractive combination, if I did say so myself, widened instinctively.
It was a clear act of guilt any idiot could read. Still I did my best to look shocked and offended.
Yet there she was, unrelenting in her accusation, barely holding in whatever outburst of obnoxious giggles I knew was coming. Seriously who giggles nowadays?
I changed my stance to a defiant one. Puffed out my chest a little, and glared.
"Don't be so absurd, I was merely-"
"Oh no no no," she interrupted. " I clearly heard; 'You two knut piece of junk'," (she sniggered) "'I demand you give me back my woman, or I'll'. . . ' I'll"
Two seconds later she had given up on her little 'I'm interrogating like a professional' act as I was horrified to hear a full-blown snort come out of her button nose before she practically collapsed with glee, unable to further contain her amused hysterics.
Insulted that she was unashamedly laughing like a hyena, and at me no less, I made to defend myself. I had to at least try right?
"Well everyone knows that things that don't cost obscene amounts of money are bound to malfunction in the crudest ways!"
My attempt at redemption made me cringe.
I knew as soon as that excuse had left my mouth; I had only added fuel to the already terribly uncontrolled fire.
I sighed and slightly dropped my head in shame, as I knew a lost cause when I saw it.
I slumped over to the closest stain-smelling armchair and reluctantly lowered myself into it. I prayed for her to hurry up and be over with the rant she would surely dish out.
I didn't have to wait long.
"First if all", the petite female managed through giggles, "Who in their right mind comes to the conclusion that an inanimate object has taken someone hostage?"
"Yeah well when you put it that way anythin-"
"Second of all", she interrupted me, yet again, "Why not think; 'oh she could be late' or-'oh maybe the floo is down for maintenance' or...or anything else other than a corrupt, ransom seeking fireplace!"
That set her off again. If she was laughing before now she was downright cackling.
I suddenly felt incredibly foolish, well, even more so than before. Why did I come to that bizarre conclusion?
Starting to feel very irritated now, I must've spent a full 10 minutes glaring daggers at her before she finally continued.
"Lastly," she spat out, "What in your right mind makes you think I'm yours?"
By this time she had managed to somewhat compose herself and was now staring at me, awaiting my explanation, when I saw a familiar flash in her eyes.
She was baiting me. Daring me to say something chauvinistic and pigheaded, but that wasn't all.
She was genuinely curious. Curiosity is always a weakness, particularly for women. Especially, for this woman.
This was the perfect time to switch to the offense. I almost chuckled at how easy this would be. Instead, I did what I do best.
I smirked.
Immediately she stilled. She's always hated the haughty facial gesture. Only because she was jealous of how I perfected it so.
"Ah see I thought that would be quite obvious. It is my plan. Applying the use of my resources. You are my accomplice, well employee more like it-"
"You don't have resources and you're not even paying me you bro-"
" AND", I continued over the top of her, " You just happen to be female. Therefore you are my woman through default. Honestly girl if you weren't so busy being a bint you could've figured that out for sure."
Her cheeks were slowly heating up with the exact colour I had been aiming for. . .anger.
"That doesn't make sense u conceited git! Plus I believe you said acting like a 'bint' was required", she retorted.
It was fair to say she was much less confident and much more livid then her previous state of joy, but I didn't stop there.
"Acting like a bint?", I taunted smugly, "Yes. Becoming one? I should think not. Hardly a productive move wouldn't you say? I mean we are trying to accomplish something here, aren't we?"
I smiled at her obvious fuming. Her eyes met mine head on. I saw her wand hand twitching dangerously. She was probably readying herself to hex my bullocks off in the event her death-glare didn't succeed in killing me.
Still, it certainly was a welcome change from that demented hyena she was earlier.
I stood up and walked slowly over to her. I gently and cautiously put my hands on her shoulders in an attempt to calm her. Since she thrived on anger and hostility in moments likes these. I hoped this simple, composed gesture would dampen her temper.
She stayed rigid in my grasp for a minute or to, before finally she relented.
Every inch of me screamed cocky at this point, and why shouldn't I be? The headache of a woman was back, which means the deed was done, and it was only a matter of time before I would be living the high life that had been snatched away from me all that time ago.
I almost felt guilty for pushing her buttons, but she should've known better. It was time to put her in her place.
I waited until she lost her internal battle to look anywhere else but my eyes, and when grey met tawny, I drawled out slowly and deliberately:
"No-one laughs at a Malfoy, You of all people should know that by now, Mrs Parkinson."
She immediately threw her gaze to the floor.
Since I had put the matter to rest and come out on top, I headed for the kitchen without giving her a second glance.
Then I heard a sound and stopped me dead in my tracks.
She laughed.
Not the 'that's so funny I can't contain it laugh', no. Something much, much worse. Evil, would be an understatement.
I turn to face her.
If she had somehow gotten the upper hand, I was not going to have my back facing that demon woman.
"Oh, whoops" she spoke with a fake tone of sincerity, bringing one hand up to lightly cover her lips. "I know you only just told me, but I guess a bint like me already forgot not to laugh at a Malfoy".
The mocking way she said Malfoy let me know just how angry she was.
It was a low blow.
My eyes followed her as she arrogantly sauntered towards my front door, opened it, and made ready to walk out, but not before she turned to pleasure me with an unnaturally cruel smile. I should be proud really, but I was terrified.
Something must be terribly wrong, if she knew something I didn't. Something very important.
"Then again", she drawled, "You're not exactly a Malfoy any more. Are you?"
A feminine tinkered giggle slightly filled the room as she left, gently closing the door behind her.
I winced as I eyed the door suspiciously. Surely that wasn't all.
Sometimes I think I'm psychic.
Not even ten seconds later, I heard the front door open a fraction and saw the little witch I now knew as Ginevra M. Parkinson, née Weasley, poke her head through, obviously ready to deal the real damage.
I braced myself.
"By the way Draco darling, Pansy, you remember her don't you? Yes your ex-wife, that's the one, well she insisted Hadrian and I not get married today. In fact, she talked her father into us having a big wedding. So Hadrian and I will be wedded in the winter. That's what? Two and a half months away? You'll get to spend another 10 weeks in this lovely flat that you adore so much! Isn't that wonderful? Anyway, got to run Draco dear I have a wedding to plan, Toodles".
I heard a loud crack and knew she had really gone this time.
I stumbled back onto the wall, as the weight of her words sunk in.
She wasn't yet Ginny Parkingson. She was still plain old red head Weasley.
I took a hateful look about the dreadful, decaying apartment I would have to spend a further 10 excruciating weeks.
Cursing loudly I stormed into the kitchen and grabbed the strongest, most expensive bottle of Firewhiskey money could buy from the cabinet. It was the only thing I had managed to salvage from my luxury days. Well that and my obvious good looks.
I should've been angry. Hell I should've had her head on a stake in the middle of my lounge room. It definitely would have been the only thing here that wasn't a damn eyesore.
I couldn't help but be impressed, however, at her impeccable timing and deliverance of the news that would cause me this intolerable misery.
"Touché, Weasley. Touché indeed."
A/N: So I have this whole idea for this story planned out in my head. I just need the practise and inspiration to get in on paper, as I'm a very new writer. Also need a beta, any takers?