Hey all! My first ever fic, I'm so excited! Well, the first ever published. So please don't be too hard on it, okay?
Thanks for reading, please review! ^^
The bedroom door flung open as two stumbled in, kicking it shut behind them. They had not parted for air since their lips had come together the first time. Every place they touched seemed to burn with excitement, and they were warm with shared body heat that radiated through them in the room's chill. They both tasted and smelled of whiskey, but neither seemed to notice.
The younger was more excited, kissing more hungrily than his experienced companion. The older's hands were tangled in his hair, holding them together. Impatient hands tugged at the shirt he wore, fumbling with the buttons.
"Off." He said breathlessly into the silence before smashing his lips to the other man's mouth again. The button-up disappeared from his chest and found a new home on the other side of the room. The older man moved his lips to the younger's neck, enjoying the warm soft skin he found there. The brunette gasped, mumbling his partner's name. "Ben…"
"C'm'ere." He pulled the techie closer to him by the belt loops, their bodies close while their mouths stayed apart for the moment. This had happened before, but it felt new and different every time. Riley stared, eyes wide with excitement and anticipation. Ben took full advantage of his vulnerability, kissing him heatedly. He moved them over to the younger man's bed, collapsing onto it with the other on top of him. He lifted the T-shirt over Riley's head. He rolled them easily, switching places with him.
Pinning Riley's wrists down, he kissed along his throat to his collar bone, and the other man gasped at the sensation.
"You're so unfair." He accused, his speech slightly slurred with a mixture of the passion in his throat and the alcohol he had recently consumed.
"Nope, just know you too well." Ben replied, a small grin forming on his face. He kissed the tech's lips, his hands resting on his sides. He felt his body grow tight with anticipation, and he wasn't sure how much more of the playing he could take. "I need you."
This struck him in an unusual manner – it had always been 'I want you.' When had he crossed the line from 'want' to 'need'?
He could've cared less at the moment, though. His thoughts were consumed with one thing – the younger man gazing up at him, those crystalline blue eyes burning with excitement and passion. Ben pressed his lips to Riley's once more, even more heatedly. Every ounce of passion in the kiss was reciprocated, and before either of them knew it, they were entangled in the bed sheets and each other, perspiring slightly with the heat and kiss every available inch of skin they could find. And then three words were spoken that changed it all at once.
"I love you."
The words had come from Riley's lips. He had moaned them, obviously in a fit of heated drunken ecstasy. It took a few seconds for them to register in Ben's brain. They rang in his ears, bouncing around his head before falling like a rock to the deepest pit of his heart. It hit him at once when he realized what had been said – he had let this go too far.
Ben usually only came to Riley when he and Abigail had been fighting about something. It had been that way for almost a year, a quiet affair that usually involved alcohol and almost always ended with Ben sneaking out of the apartment in the small hours of the morning, fighting his pounding head. But his visits were occurring more often now, practically every night. He loved Riley; he knew he did somewhere deep down in his heart. But not in the way one means when they say 'I love you.' He loved him physically and mentally, but he couldn't love him emotionally. That was too much.
He fell away from Riley at once, suddenly losing interest. The techie seemed confused, and slightly angry, but said nothing for the time being. Ben stared at the ceiling, arguing with himself mentally about what to do next.
Minutes ticked by, and Riley moved to lay his head on Ben's shoulder, tracing patterns on the older man's bare chest.
"What did I do?" He finally asked, struggling to keep his speech calm. "I did something wrong."
"No," Ben half-lied. "It's me. Go to sleep, Riley."
"Ben…"
"Just go to sleep."
Riley didn't seem happy with this order, but rolled over anyway. The room fell silent, and more time passed. Ben silently mulled over what had happened, knowing somehow what he needed to do. He had to go. He couldn't come back anymore. This had gone on too long, had gone much too far.
He waited until he knew Riley was asleep, and then got out of bed, gathering the clothes that had been thrown across the room. He dressed himself slowly, his heart aching, guilt chewing at him. The kid would be heartbroken. But Ben knew he'd never even be able to look Riley in the eye again if he didn't get out now.
Ben walked across the room, opening the door just a crack when he heard Riley's voice behind him.
"You're leaving, aren't you?"
His heart skipped a beat, and he slammed the cracked door shut, never looking behind him to look at the person who'd spoken. "Yes." He finally managed, his voice a broken whisper.
"You aren't coming back, are you?"
"No."
"Will you ever come back?"
"I'm… not sure."
There was silence for a minute, and Ben heard Riley shifting his weight on the bed.
"Why not?" The younger man finally had to ask. Ben sighed, staring at the dark wood door, still clutching the door handle.
"Because I'll never be able to if I don't go now. I'll never be able to stop. I'll always have to come back, and I can't… I can't do that. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'm sorry. Part of it's my fault. Don't know what I did, and I probably can't fix it, but I'm sorry anyway." His voice was sincere, almost too sincere for a drunken man's. There was pain in his voice, but he masked it well. He only sounded strangely calm and truly sorry.
Ben nodded, blinking back the tears that unexpectedly threatened to spill onto his cheeks. One did escape, leaving a salty wet trail down his cheek. He sighed again, shaking his head as if wishing he didn't have to do what he was doing now.
"Goodbye, Riley." He finally said in a throaty, broken voice, opening the door and stepping out into the other room. He shut the door behind him before Riley could say his own goodbye. And he never looked back.