Okay, I'm perfectly aware that possibly no one is around to read this - this part of FanFiction hasn't been as active over the last couple years, at least - but that won't stop me from posting this fic. I first got into CBFD back about two years after it came out, and I actually did start a fic then. But, due to my history teacher's love of projects and classwork, as well as the fact that I didn't even know this site existed then, I never got to do anything with this story. It's about four years in the making now, and I think it's time to put it to good use. Even if no one's around to read it, at least I did something with it. So now I can finally get it out of my head.

And yes, the title's a famous quote. I was tempted to name it after a website I'm working on, but "In Serious Need of Grim" didn't fit the bill for me.

Quick disclaimer (I virtually never bother with these): I do not own CBFD, though that would be super-awesome. I DO, though, own Sinbad, Adrian, and anyone else that you don't recognize. Now read, and be merry.

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War to End All Wars

By Burning Bridges

Chapter One: Storm's Blowing In

Conker twiddled his thumbs, waiting patiently for Sarge to arrive. He had called him at five in the morning saying he had some bad news, but it would be better if he told him in person. A few hours later, he still wasn't there.

"What the heck is taking so long?" he muttered to himself.

"Maybe he died," the skinnier of the two weasel guards suggested idly, and the other one scoffed.

"Like people just drop dead after making a phone call."

"It could happen! Maybe he had a heart attack."

"Enough," Conker said tetchily, and they both shut up. Just as the king was beginning to think that this "bad news" was probably nothing at all, Sarge entered the court, his expression uncharacteristically grave.

"King Conker," he said with a quick salute, "There's some very bad news."

"I'm already aware of that. What's up?"

"During the routine fly-over survey of the island, non-hostile activity was reported."

Conker frowned. After the end of the war, he had set up a military program to monitor the Tediz island in case of any future carryings-on (mostly to make the kingdom feel safer), but he had never seriously thought that anything would turn up.

"What kind of activity?"

"Rebuilding. Someone is rebuilding the old fortress. There was also an unverified report of Tediz… They might be back."

"But how? They were virtually eradicated, and the Professor died."

"What should we do?"

"Well… Send some soldiers there to poke around and see what's going on."

"Will do." He saluted again, and hurried on his way, ever eager to get to work.

Conker glanced out the window. It was a sunny day, and the land below was peaceful. Butterflies were fluttering around, their wings catching the sunlight and shimmering red, blue and purple. The rebuilt windmill turned steadily, watching over everything in its sights. Could it see what was happening across the sea right now?

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"'It's important that this assault goes well'," Sinbad muttered to himself mockingly as he got to his feet, "'Stick together, boys'. Yeah, right."

He laid his hands on the edge of the boat, hoisting himself up just enough to peer across the glistening sands towards the Tediz fortress and then immediately duck back down when a shot rang out.

The 18-year-old squirrel paced for a minute before re-seating himself and crossing his arms. This whole thing had happened too fast.

It wasn't even six months before, when activity had been noticed on the island, and King Conker had sent some of his people to see what it was. The answer was obvious when the only thing that returned was a box with a few squirrel heads in it.

Shortly after that, France was attacked, and the King declared war. And Sinbad had left home to enlist… And get away from his parents.

He had just joined the army, and already he found himself at the front lines, and right in the middle of a complete disaster. A few hours ago, at least one hundred other squirrels had stepped foot on this same beach. They had all since disappeared, either joining the dead that were scattered as far as the eye could see, or penetrating the citadel to face an unknown fate. Either way, the inexperienced Sinbad was completely alone, without ammo, holed up in a carrierboat run aground along the very edge of the beach where sand and water met, several yards from the Tediz base.

A thick fog was starting to shroud the strange landscape, and with it's coming Sinbad was beginning to lose all hope of help finding him anytime soon. As much as he wanted to, he knew he would more than likely die if he made a run for the base. So, on a rather begrudging note, he leaned back and watched the ocean waves crash against the beach, the sea having turned an ugly black-green with the coming of a storm.

No one was around. The only noise he could hear were the waves lapping the sand only feet from him.

"… Has our conscience shown? Has the sweet breeze blown?" Sinbad murmured the tune to himself, "Has all kindness gone? Hope still lingers on. I drink myself a newfound pity, sitting alone in New York City and I don't know why. Are we listening to hymns of offering? - "

"Have we eyes to see…" a hoarse voice whispered close by, and Sinbad jumped to his feet, his fur standing on end.

"Who's there?"

"…Love is gathering?…"

"Who's there?! Answer me!" No reply. "All the words that I've been reading have now started the act of…"

"…Bleeding into one." With that, a brown head appeared from around the corner and a stitched mouth smiled at the frightened squirrel. It was a Tedi, the first that Sinbad had ever seen up close.

From where the bear stood, Sinbad could tell that they were about the same height. His stitches were lacking consistency, sewn at strange angles in varying sizes and he appeared to have a terribly sewn patch or two, probably the result of battle wounds. Unlike other Tediz, though, he had a tuft of hair done up in a spiky manner, almost like a punk rocker.

He just stood there, a grin still gracing his features as he stared at Sinbad with his beady eyes.

The squirrel backed up against the hind wall of the boat, wishing desperately that he could sink into it. With no ammo, all he could do was talk… And he had never been a good conversationalist.

"Uh… I wasn't going to kill anyone, seriously! I got lost and I was just hanging out here waiting for - "

"Help."

"Yeah… What?" Sinbad was confused by this whole situation. Tediz were bloodthirsty little buggers, and the fact that this one just stood there was beginning to creep him out.

"Poor attempt at reverse psychology," the Tedi answered. His voice was raspy, like the others, but a bit more comprehensible. "What are you doing here alone?"

"Why is that any of your business?"

He laughed. "I've come to help you."

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Yeah, introductions really aren't my thing, so as first chapters go, this one's a bit rushed and not as good as I would have hoped. But it will definitely improve, especially when I cure my cold 'cause it's taken away from my typing time.

Anyway, leave me a review and let me know what you think, and anything else. I should be updating this every week, unless my Resident Evil fics keep me from working on it.