I Think its funny how love is, how you think you love someone and then you meet someone new and suddenly you realize you had no idea what it was. You always think your in love with the assholes. We all know who these are the ones who abuse you maybe not phyiscly like hitting but metaly like yelling and making you feel uncomfortable in your own skin..ive had my share of assholes. Ive had my moms share too. my mom dosent understand love, in a lot of ways we are alike. We bolth fall in love with the wrong guys, but from her mistakes i hope ive learnt not to.
Steve's a name id never like to hear again. To you this name might sound like just another name but to me this name means hell. it means living in a trailor for six years, staying up with your mom and holding her as she cries. It means growing up much faster then you should, and trying to stop it.
In lots of ways im afraid of love, but the fact that somtimes, just somtimes it can be soo beautiful its worth all the pain.. i thought i loved an asshole, then i met Rich. I Remeber the first time i saw him all i could do is look at him. he was gorgeouse. he was tan, tall and muscular, he had perfect looks. He was in love too though. But not with me, with my best friend Kayla of all people. I thought hed never see me. Then it happened the night that changed my life the night i realized how beautiful and how horrible love is, our first kiss. My Friend Jessica picked me up on the side of the road telling me how we were going to pick rich up. It started as a joke that led to the night ill never forget. we drove to Richs house and then went to the beach. It was midnight the beach looked beautiful the sand was cold in between my toes and the sky looked like a canvas. everything was perfect it was a dream come true. Jessie decided to throw me in the water and after a while it ended up that all of us were in the water with only our underware on. It was if there is a time in everyones life the time i felt infinate. i dident want this to end the soothing sound of motion city soundtrack from our stereo our laughter it all seemed muffled. In the car on the ride home I Told rich i was cold. he put his arm around me and i laid down on his shoulder. he rubbed my arm to warm me up, his touch made me nervouse i started to feel butterflies he grabbed onto my hand and i looked at him and smiled. you see Rich was perfect i was not. people say im pretty, but i think im far from it. I have brown hair tan skin and a messed up nose. Far from kaylas blonde hair and rose complection I couldent compare, but in that moment i felt like the prettiest girl in the world.
When got to his house the car stopping brought th akwardness of the end of a first Date. The feeling when you don't know what to do, you want to kiss but you dont know how the other person feels. we kind of just sat there till my friend jessie broke the akwardness my yelling "KISS ALREADY" in the front seat. He went in to make out and i went in to kiss. i had never made out before, but i woulde't tell him that. I mean im already a loser compared to him, he noticed i went in to peck and said im sorry i missed as if he knew what i was thinking. i watched his lips and copied them, i moved my tounge the same way he moved his. when i leaned out of the kiss there was akwardness. Me and rich were best friends before this what would this do to us.
Rich scares me he makes me feel things ive never felt before, he makes me trust him by just holding me. he makes me see how beautiful love and friendship is, he dosent know how easy it would be for him to hurt me, or maybe he does because he never has. he made me forget steve for a while and realize not every guy is out to hurt you. he made me feel the thing i was most afraid of, Love.