Romeo and Juliet: The Abridged Version - Prologue
The narrator enters. She is approximately 5ft tall, has short dark hair and wears glasses. And has a really fucking annoying squeaky voice, especially on video. She says 'basically' too much.
NARRATOR: Hi, I'm the narrator and I find it necessary to spoil the entire plot for the sake of dramatic irony and some shit that Elizabethans believe in! Basically what happens is that there was some feud ages ago between the Montagues and the Capulets but no one really remembers (or cares) anymore. It's basically a massive and blatantly obvious plot device and remains completely unexplained for the duration of the entire play. Anyway, the two houses really hate each other and take every opportunity to try and start fights to kill each other for no apparent reason. Then, a rebellious teenager with no brain and a misogynistic paedophile randomly fall in love and die. And that's the entire plot. Have fun sticking around for three hours to watch exactly what I just told you! I mean, it's only the most obvious plot in the history of man. And I can't believe I just got away with calling Shakespeare unoriginal!