Warnings: I'm a teenage fangirl with a fondness for boy x boy pairings and swearwords. Therefore, this fanfiction won't be for the faint hearted. Or even the not-so-faint-hearted. Also, I'll probably sneak in some references to amazingly awesome things that nobody else knows of. Keep an eye out.

Disclaimer: I think we all know who owns the concept, and the characters. In any case, IT AIN'T ME.

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What... what is this? Unicorn of death is writing another fanfic and... it isn't Kingdom Hearts? Don't piss your pants, people. I'll still be continuing with "My sister talks to fire and my brother is gay" and "A million munny", but I was very nearly getting... tired of AkuRoku? Shocking, I know. So I decided to write the story I've been planning in my head for months. ENJOY :D

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The dark little tale of Ellie McGonagall

Prologue

When I was in Year Six of primary school, I received the best letter ever. I kept it, always. It was treasure. It never left my bedside table, even when I was rampaging through my bedroom after another day of anger and misery.

You all think I'm talking about my Hogwarts letter, don't you?

I mean, don't get me wrong, finding out I was a witch was okay. But it was nothing – absolutely nothing at all – compared to the moment when I saw my big brother's handwriting, telling me that he was okay, and he was coming home.

I kept that letter, not because it had any important details in it, not even a date when he'd arrive home, but because of the last few sentences.

"I hope my little Elliephant is holding up okay. No, I don't hope – I know. You're a strong kid, Ellie, and I want you to remember that, always. Promise me that? See you soon, smelly – Keith."

Everything I did after that letter was to live up to my brother's idea of me. I was a strong kid. ...Right?

Of course, I got other letters from Keith. But they were few and far between, too short and too cold, like he was trying too hard to write the things that should've come naturally to him. The one in which he told me he was coming home was so much better. And the day he arrived home was so sweet that thinking about it gives me toothache. He swung me in a circle – he was always way bigger than me – and told me I looked so grown up, and said everything a big brother should say. A week later, the other letter arrived, my Hogwarts letter.

Keith cried and told me that he didn't want me to go to a boarding school, that they wouldn't be able to look after me, they wouldn't understand me, and that I should stay at home.

But my mum was delighted. Sending the problem child up to the north of England for an entire year, to learn things that would make her much more helpful around the house? Yes, please! Keith was shouted down – and that took a lot of shouting – and I was taken to London to buy the very cheapest equipment we could find. I accepted it all with the tired resignation of someone three times my age, so used to horribly sharp changes in my life by now, and followed my "mother" around Diagon Alley with my head bowed meekly, not daring to ask if I could pretty please have a cat to look after me if I couldn't make any friends.

The very last shop we went into was Madam Malkin's, because the one thing my mum always refused to go cheap on was clothes. Maybe that was because she didn't want me to look neglected, even if it was blatantly obvious in every other way. And I'm glad we went to Madam Malkin's last, because if we hadn't, we might not have met Christian.

But I suppose you don't want to hear about an eleven year old girl stammering her own name to an equally nervous little wizard boy before stumbling out of the door with her cheeks tinged bright pink, so I'll stop blathering on for now, and maybe later on I'll tell you about my actual love interest in this dark little tale.

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So, what do you guys think? Honestly, out of ten, what would you give it?

Oh. Okay. Think about "My Immortal". NOW, what would you give it out of ten?

I would really really appreciate reviews. I don't care whether they're praise, flames, or constructive criticism. This is the first Harry Potter fic I've ever written, and I want to know how good it is. Thank you, and have a nice evening.