Project Love

by EpicInTheLibrary

For One Man Writing Games.

Miss Fenway: "This story is obviously dedicated to One Man Writing Games. It is dedicated to her as much as anything can be dedicated to anybody. A few days ago she was struggling with her confidence in her writing abilies which is easily one of the most absurd things ever. She is the most gifted writer I have ever come across and I love to read. I've read a lot but by favorite authot without a doubt is One Man Writing Games.

EpicInTheLibrary and I wanted to do something for Alex to show just how amazing she really is, both as a writer and a person. So EpicInTheLibrary came up with this whole idea, which is the most amazing, sweetest idea ever and I'm so glad to have had a part in it. So this also has to be dedicated to EpicInTheLibrary because I never would have written it if it wasn't for her.

I started writing this on Saturday and finished on Tuesday. It is the longest thing I've ever written by far and I'll probably never write anything as long ever again. I wrote over 9,000 words of it on my iPod late at night when I was supposed to be sleeping because I was way too inspired to actually get any sleep. I was kept awake by this story and during the day time I was distracted from everything else by this story. It was my life for four days. And it was all worth it.

Anyway, to One Man Wiritng Games: I hope that you love this story because it was written from the very bottom of my heart and it's all for you. I also hope that you realize how awesome and wonderful and fantastic you are as a person and a writer. You never ever fail to inspire me and inspiration is the best gift one writer can give to another so thank you. I love you.

To EpicInTheLibrary: This was all your brilliant idea so don't you dare give the credit to me okay? You're a freaking genius and an amazing friend. I had a ton of fun conspirering with you these past few days. Like I said, this is dedicated to you because without you, it wouldn't even exist and I'd be in my Weeping Corner acting all pathetic. I love you.

To everyone who participated in this glorious project, thank you. I love you all."

EpicInTheLibrary: "This is dedicated completely, undoubtedly, and solely to One Man Writing Games."

Project Love was the idea of EpicInTheLibrary. Miss Fenway was an incredible helper and source of support. Miss Fenway wrote this story following and edited the majority of it. EpicInTheLibrary assisted with the editing.

---

James Diamond was many things. He was a son, a brother, a best friend. He was a student, a singer, an aspiring actor. In many ways, James was your average American teenager. But there was one thing that made him different. There was one thing that made James stand out. James was gay.

He was only twelve when he realized that in contrast to most boys his age, he wasn't at all attracted to the opposite sex When all of his friends stopped thinking that girls had cooties and started teasing them simply to get their attention, James went along because he wanted to be with his best friends. But he never once pulled a girl's ponytail or chased her around the school playground because he thought she was pretty.

He never said anything though. Not even to his family or his best friends. Twelve is already an awkward age when kids his age were struggling to cope with the changes their bodies were going through. He never once admitted that he was jealous of Kendall's smooth complexion when his own face was covered in acne. He never told Carlos that he wished he had his straight white teeth. And he never told Logan that he thought the younger boy looked cute when he had to get glasses or that he liked it when his voice was changing and it squeaked when he got scared.

James never had an actual crush on any of his friends. But he liked certain things about them that he knew wasn't normal for him, as a fellow boy, to like. He didn't really have a crush on anyone when he was in sixth grade. But he knew. He knew that he was different.

It scared him to be different. Twelve is still a fairly young and innocent age but James knew what it meant to be different. He knew that it wasn't cool or even socially acceptable to be different. He had seen the way kids in his school or his neighborhood were treated because they looked or talked or acted differently. One of his best friends, Carlos Garcia, got teased because of his rich Hispanic heritage.

James didn't quite understand why it was so bad to be different. He liked the darker tone of Carlos' skin. He liked the way Mr. and Mrs. Garcia spoke Spanish sometimes. He liked the way the foreign words sounded and the way the R's were rolled. It sounded cool. But maybe he was the only one who felt that way.

By the time he was thirteen James was pretty certain that he deserved an Academy Award for Best Actor. No one, not his family, not his friends, ever suspected a thing. He was the most popular boy in seventh grade. There wasn't a single girl at the middle school that didn't dream of going out with him one day. And he played the part perfectly. He teased and flirted with the prettiest girls and when he finally asked Madelyn Dawes to go to the dance with him, she instantly became the most popular girl in both the seventh and eighth grades, the object of jealousy.

James and Madelyn dated for the typical length of time for a couple of middle schoolers who either walked everywhere or had their parents drop them off. When their relationship did end, Madelyn was consoled by those she thought were her friends while in reality the same girls were rejoicing over the fact that they now had a chance at dating James Diamond. James' friends didn't understand why he had broken up with Madelyn because even those who were jealous thought they were the most perfect couple. But Kendall and Logan and Carlos were good friends so they didn't press the issue to James' relief.

After he became single again James had mixed emotions. He was relieved because the act was harder to keep up when there were kisses and hand holding involved. But he was afraid too because someone as good looking as he was couldn't stay single for too long, even if he was still relatively young. So he made excuses saying that he'd rather hang out with his best guy friends and do guy stuff with them. And it worked. At first.

But then the boys turned fourteen and Kendall got a steady girlfriend in Carly Smith. It only got worse because then Carlos started hanging out with Marie Lopez and even shy Logan talked to a fellow bookworm named Lizzie Marshall. His friends were still as inclusive as ever and invited James out on their triple dates. But he felt like the odd man out so he found himself forced into another unwanted relationship with Madelyn of all people.

The older he got the harder it got. The eight friends would go out for dinner and James would paint a smile on his face and play up the act with Madelyn. And all the while there was always a small, irrational part of him that was jealous of Lizzie or Carly or Marie. He still wasn't attracted to his best friends, a fact he was eternally grateful for, but he envied that they had what he wanted. He wasn't jealous of Maddie though because he was almost positive that Maddie knew their relationship wasn't genuine like the other couples. He felt bad for her but he was also glad that she had no idea why he wasn't attracted to her like she was to him.

When they were freshmen in high school, James and Maddie made history by being voted prom king and queen over all the older kids much to the delight of their oblivious friends. James smiled for all the pictures and held Maddie close to him but none of it felt real. He saw the pride in his mother's eyes and he couldn't bring himself to disappoint her.

He had nothing else to offer his family. He wasn't like Kendall, who was already being offered numerous scholarships by college hockey scouts. He wasn't like Carlos who was goofy and fun-loving but almost sure to follow in his father's footsteps and end up on the police academy. He certainly wasn't like Logan who was definitely headed to an Ivy League school. He had his good looks and his good voice.

James liked to sing. Correction: He loved to sing. He wanted to be famous. He wanted to sing in Hollywood more than almost anything. Of three things James was absolutely positive. One, he had the best friends in all the world. Two, he wanted to be a star in Hollywood. Three, he was gay. And James wasn't sure how those three things lined up.

He was afraid of not being accepted. He was afraid of being ditched by his friends. What if they didn't understand? What if they were disgusted and hated him? He had heard of these things happening. He had heard of people "coming out of the closet" and being more or less abandoned by their family members and former friends. What if that happened to him? Who did he have to go to?

What if by some miracle he did make it to Hollywood? He would be under public scrutiny every single day of his life. What would the press and his fans say if he was never in a relationship? The rumors were sure to start and he couldn't very well deny them. Sooner or later he would have to come out. How would everyone react then?

Part of James just wanted to break down and confess. He wanted everyone to know his secret. He wanted to stop the act and be honest with them. But the fear nearly choked him. He couldn't lose what he had. He couldn't lose his friends and his family. So he didn't know what to do. He was lost.

---

Alone at last. James sighed in relief and flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had only been five minutes since everyone left and already his eyes began to fill with tears. He rolled over on his side and pressed his face into his pillow, muffling his sobs.

He had done it. He was in Hollywood. He was a singer. Not only that but he was part of the well known singing group, Big Time Rush, along with his best friends. It was truly a dream come true.

And yet at the same time it was a nightmare. It was exactly as he had feared only worse. The act was exhausting. He couldn't keep it up for much longer. Once again all of his friends had girlfriends and he was single. He, James Diamond, The Face of Big Time Rush, was single. And people were starting to talk.

They weren't saying too much for the time being. But they were questioning why he was single. It scared him. But no one suspected a thing. They bought his lies about waiting for the right girl and not wanting to risk a relationship when they were so busy. But they weren't going to buy it for much longer. Sooner or later the whispers would start. The whispers would turn into bigger rumors and then those rumors would turn into him finally being forced into admitting the truth. What would happen then? James was positive that he would bring the whole band down once his secret was exposed. It was only a matter of time.

And that time was close, he just knew it. That was why he had begged out of the party tonight saying he felt a little sick. He didn't want to go out into public and pretend he was happy when he was absolutely miserable. The mask was wearing thin and he knew that his five year charade was almost up. He was slipping.

He had waited until Kendall and Carlos and Logan left and Mrs. Knight and Katie went to the mall for a girl's night out. Then he got up from the orange couch, turned off the hockey game that held zero interest for him, walked into his room, and collapsed sobbing onto his bed. He didn't try to stop the tears that blinded him. He didn't try to steady the wild, shuddering breaths. He just cried, emptying himself of everything except the burden that continued to weigh heavily on his shoulders. He cried so hard he didn't hear his door open and he didn't realize that he was no longer alone until he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard a familiar voice.

"James? James, what's wrong?"

Carlos had returned to Apartment 2J to collect his forgotten jacket while Kendall and Logan waited impatiently in the lobby of the Palm Woods hotel. But as he passed James' closed bedroom door, he heard the sound of someone sobbing so hard that Carlos was certain that the same person was horribly injured. Of course, that person had to be James and James was one of his best friends in all the world so he instantly forgot all about his jacket and Logan and Kendall and the party and everything except the fact that he was positive James was dying.

He shoved the door open with far more force than necessary and nearly fell into the dark room. Quickly steadying himself, Carlos hurried over to the huddled figure on the bed. "James? James, what's wrong?" He asked, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. He placed a trembling hand on James' shoulder and tried again. "James, talk to me. What hurts?" His friend had said that he wasn't feeling well. Maybe it was worse than they had originally thought. Carlos yanked his cell phone out of his pocket, ready to dial 911. "It's okay, James. I'm getting help now."

"No!"

James' sudden cry startled Carlos into dropping his phone. He bent down to retrieve it and straightened to find James sitting up. "James, sit still okay? I'm-"

"No, Carlos." James shook his head frantically, struggling to regain his shattered composure. "I'm fine. I'm not hurt."

Carlos could only stare at James. His face was pale and his eyes were swollen and red from crying. Carlos felt his own eyes fill at the sight. "You're not fine." He protested weakly. "Why were you crying, James?"

But James could only shake his head again. "I can't-" A stray sob caught in his throat and he paused to gather himself together again. "I can't tell you. You'll hate me. All of you will."

"No we won't." It was literally all Carlos could think of to say. "James, you're our best friend. Why would we hate you?" As he spoke, he watched James break down again and he quickly dialed a familiar number.

"Carlos, where are you?" Kendall's voice eased some of Carlos' fear but before he could speak, Kendall went on. "Logan and I have been waiting for you. Did you get lost?"

"K-Kendall." Carlos finally managed to choke out. He was surprised by the tears that were suddenly falling and making it hard to see and almost impossible to speak properly.

It worked though. Kendall was silent at first and then his voice was low and urgent. "Carlos, what's wrong? Did something happen to you?"

Dimly, Carlos could hear Logan talking to Kendall, asking him what was wrong. "I don't know." He admitted miserably. "It's James. I came back here and he was crying and he won't tell me why. He says we'll hate him."

"We'll be right up." Kendall said quickly. There was a muffled conversation and then Kendall spoke into the phone again. "Logan says to try and calm James down if he's freaking out."

"Hurry." Carlos dropped his phone and focused his attention on James again. "Kendall and Logan are coming up and you're going to tell us what's wrong." He said firmly. He had no idea where this sudden boldness had come from but he didn't care.

James didn't answer. He couldn't. Speech was beyond him. He felt sick to his stomach because he knew what was coming. He knew that his friends were about to know that he was gay. He knew that he could very well lose his friends. The fear gripped him and held him tightly so that he could hardly breathe. His mind felt frozen and numbed and he couldn't think straight.

Carlos could only sit and rub James' back in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. He was unspeakably relieved when Kendall and Logan finally burst into the room, both boys looking breathless and scared.

"Hey, James." Kendall tried to keep his voice from shaking and failed miserably. Carlos hadn't properly prepared him for the state that James was in. He was sobbing inconsolably, nearly oblivious to his friends and their frantic concern for him. "Can you talk to us?"

"I-I don't know." James gasped out. The fear had switched into an all out panic and his lungs felt deprived of oxygen.

"Hang on." Logan finally spoke and disappeared for a minute before returning with a glass of water. He sat down on the edge of the bed and helped James sit up. "Take it easy, buddy. Just breathe for now."

James did as Logan instructed and to his surprise it worked enough that he could take the glass of water from Logan and take a sip from it. He let the cool liquid soothe his throat, ragged from his uncontrollable crying. Then he handed the glass back to Logan, trying to ignore the fact that Logan's hand was shaking far more than his own.

"Can you talk now?" Kendall asked patiently.

"I can but I'm not sure if I want to." James replied meekly. He was still sitting up but he drew away from his friends and tucked into himself. "I'm afraid you'll hate me." He added with a sniff.

"James, we will never hate you." Logan said firmly.

"My dad will." James whispered.

"What makes you think that?" Kendall asked, confused.

"Because," A lone tear ran down James' pale cheek. "I'm gay."

The silence in the room lasted a full two minutes but it felt like two hours to James. The only sound was four boys breathing, one slightly harder and louder than the rest.

It was James who eventually broke the silence. "I've know it for five years. Since I was twelve. But I never wanted to s-say anything because I thought that everyone would hate me for being different. And t-then my dad was watching this rally for gay marriage and he said that gays are sick and don't deserve to be classified as human beings. And he said he wished they would all b-burn and-"

"James!" Kendall cut him off abruptly and drew the taller boy into a tight embrace. He felt James shaking in his arms even when Logan and Carlos joined in. "It's going to be okay, James. I promise. We'll here for you. Always."

James felt his eyes flood and tears made him blind once again. But as he found himself smashed in between Kendall and Carlos and Logan, he discovered that he wasn't the only one crying. And for the first time in five years, James felt his heavy burden lift just a little. He wasn't afraid anymore because he wasn't alone anymore.

---

"It'll be okay, James." Kendall placed his hand on James' shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Logan, Carlos and I will be right with you."

"I know." James swallowed and tried to smile. "Thanks, guys. You're the best. This really means a lot."

"So are you ready then?" Logan asked softly.

James could only nod. He turned and walked out of his bedroom, followed closely by his friends. When they emerged into the kitchen and he saw his parents and his older sister Jessica, he almost turned around and rushed back to his room. The presence of Kendall and Carlos Logan was the only thing that kept him from doing so.

"Hi, James!" Jessica was the first to greet him. The twenty-three year-old stood up from her place at the counter and pulled James into a hug. "It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you, Baby Brother. How has Hollywood been treating you?"

"Hi, Jessie. It's great to see you too." James replied, purposefully avoiding her question. "How have you been? How's college?"

Jessica stepped back and inspected her younger brother. "College has been great. One more year and I'll have finished up law school."

"My sister, the lawyer." James smiled but the facial expression felt stiff. Jessie knew something was up.

"Let us take a turn, Jessica." Lucinda Diamond stood up slowly and smoothed her skirt before stepping gracefully over to her son and embracing him. "Hello, dear."

James hugged his mother back and then shook hands with his father, Richard. "Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. It's great to see all of you."

"It's a pleasure to see you as well, son." His father returned formally. He gazed at James with his cold, calculating blue eyes. "You said you wanted to speak to the three of us in person about something."

"Yeah." James' mind froze and for a while all he could do was simply stare at his father. "I did. I-I mean I do."

"Well?" There was just a hint of impatience in his father's voice and it did nothing to ease James' panic.

"Um." He glanced nervously from his friends to his family. Kendall, Logan and Carlos all nodded encouragingly. His parents had adopted a worried look while Jessica looked concerned but patient. "Maybe you should sit down." He finally suggested.

"Oh my word." His mother whispered as she took her seat. "James Alexander Diamond, what on Earth have you done?" She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples with her fingertips. Before James could answer, her eyes snapped open and she stared at him. "James, is this about one of those girls we met downstairs? Tell me you didn't get one of them pregnant. I just couldn't bear that."

"Mother!" Jessica protested. "Let James talk okay?"

But James couldn't think. His mother's words made him forget everything else. Got one of the girls pregnant? If she was that upset by him fathering a child at seventeen years old then what would her reaction be to finding out that there was no way he'd get a girl pregnant because he liked guys? "Those girls are Jo, Camille and Stephanie." James said quietly, stalling for time. "They're their girlfriends." He pointed in the general direction of where his friends were still standing.

"Oh James, it wasn't a one-night stand that was a result of alcohol was it?" Lucinda Diamond was off on another one of her infamous rants. "I swear, James if I find out that you've been drinking out here then that'll be the end on this Hollywood dream of yours. You're seventeen. You-"

"It's nothing like that." James finally cut in.

"Well then?" Richard Diamond chose that moment to speak up again. "Are you going to tell us or do we have to play Twenty Questions?"

"Mother! Daddy! Let James talk!" Jessica sighed in exasperation but when she looked at James her expression was kind. "What's up, James?"

James wished he was as brave as his older sister. He wished he could stand up to his parents the way she did. But her presence as well as the presence of his friends gave him just enough courage to at last speak the truth. "I'm gay." He said bluntly.

Just like it had gone quiet when he told his friends, the room went completely silent. Except this time the silence had a cold feeling to it that sent shivers up James' spine. His mother gasped and covered her mouth with a perfectly manicured hand. His father's face suddenly hardened and closed off. Jessica's eyes had filled with tears. James felt his own eyes burn at the knowledge that he had made his big sister cry and he opened his mouth to apologize. But before he could say anything at all, his father stole his breath away.

Richard Diamond stood up, nailing his only son with his piercing blue eyes. "You're a queer?" He took a step closer to James, ignoring the way his friends crowded around him protectively. "Listen to me right now, James. You can either be a member of this family or you can be a queer. You can't be both. No son of mine is gay. I won't have it. So what is it going to be?"

James trembled at the venom in his father's voice. "It's not really a choice, Dad-"

"Don't ever call me 'Dad' again." Richard interrupted. "I'm not your father anymore. I won't have a son who chases after men. Do you know what it'll do to my reputation?"

"Your reputation?" Kendall repeated in disbelief. "James is your son. He's family. How can you-"

"He's not part of this family anymore." Richard said coldly. He stepped away from James and his friends and pulled his weeping wife to her feet. "Come, Lucinda. I think it's time we went back to Minnesota. There's nothing here for us."

"Daddy!" Jessica sounded appalled. "How can you do this?" She slid off her stool and bent to the floor where James had fallen to his knees. "You can't just abandon him!"

"Watch me. And I'll do the same with you if you side with him."

James watched through blurred eyes as his father and mother moved to the door. Then as Richard grasped the doorknob with one hand, the boy stumbled to his feet and lunged desperately toward his parents one last time. He wasn't expecting his father to spin around and shove him backwards with a terrible force.

James was caught so off guard that he had no chance of reclaiming his balance. But he didn't fall with the ferocity that the shove warranted. Instead a pair of arms met him halfway to the floor and another body broke his fall. He and Logan crashed to the ground together.

"Are you guys okay?" Jessica was the first to reach them. She took James by the hand and gently pulled him off of Logan.

"Logan?" James asked weakly.

Logan nodded and forced a smile to his face. He was in pain but it had nothing to do with falling on the floor and having James land on top of him. It wasn't a physical pain. It was an emotional pain from witnessing his best friend be abandoned by his parents. "I'm fine, James." He said quietly. He brushed off Kendall and Carlos as they tried to help him up and rose to his knees besides James. "What about you?"

James' eyesight blurred again and when Kendall and Carlos joined them on the floor he couldn't hold back the tears if his life depended on it. Instead of talking, he simply shook his head. He felt Jessica take hold of him and he cried into her shirt, listening to her soothing words but thinking of nothing except what had just happened between him and his parents.

When at last he had run dry of tears James pulled away. "I can't let you do this, Jessie." He whispered.

She frowned. "Do what?"

"I can't let you be my sister if it means you losing Mom and Dad too. That would be wrong."

Jessica's frown deepened. "James. What Mom and Dad did to you was wrong. And it would be wrong of me to do the same thing. You're my little brother and I love you more than anyone or anything else in the world. I'd never leave you. You could be a murderer and I'd still love you. There's nothing you could do to change that."

"But what about school?" James choked out. He didn't even notice that his friends had slipped out of the room to give the siblings some privacy. "They won't pay for Harvard and you can't afford it on your own."

Jessica cupped his chin in her hand and tilted his head so that their eyes met. "You matter more to me than any silly law school. I'll never leave you, James. I promise. No matter what happens you will always have me and Kendall and Logan and Carlos."

"I'm scared." James admitted.

"It's okay to be scared." Jessica told him. "But everything will be okay. I promise."

A small smile brightened James' countenance. He believed her. "Okay."

---

"This is it." James said to himself. He took a deep breath and swung open the bathroom door.

"Ow!" Carlos and Kendall stumbled backwards and ran into the wall opposite the bathroom.

"What were you guys doing?" James couldn't stop the smile from crossing his face despite the fact that he was scared to death.

"Us? We weren't-"

"They were eavesdropping." Logan rounded the corner with a smirk on his face.

"They were eavesdropping on me in the bathroom?" James asked in confusion.

"We were just making sure you were okay." Carlos insisted. He threw a dirty look at Logan then turned back to James with a huge grin on his face.

Carlos had one of the most contagious smiles James had ever seen. He laughed and pushed his friends aside. "Come on. We may as well go get this over with."

"Are you okay?" Logan questioned carefully. He kept pace with James' pace easily despite the fact that the other boy was much taller with longer legs that covered more ground.

James hesitated before answering. "I guess. I've been better but I've also been worse." He gave a short laugh and shrugged. "This is going to be easy compared to telling my parents. The worst that can happen is Rocque Records drops us. That's nothing compared to getting dropped by your parents." His tone was light but his friends could hear the underlying sorrow.

Kendall and Carlos caught up with James and Logan and Kendall placed a hand on James' shoulder as they walked. "I know it's not easy for you to talk about but how are you doing with that, James?"

James winced slightly but he answered Kendall anyway. "Better I guess. I mean it still really hurts. But I still have you guys and Jessie. I was doing really well for a few days. Probably because I was still in denial or shock or something like that. But then I got that notice in the mail and that pretty much set everything in stone."

"Your parents don't deserve you if they disowned you just like that." Logan shook his head in disgust.

"I feel really bad about Jessie though." James confessed. "She didn't do anything wrong and not only did she lose her parents but she had to drop out of school. It's always been her dream to be a lawyer."

"She didn't do anything wrong." Logan agreed. "But neither did you, James."

"Yeah!" Carlos said, not wanting to be left out of the conversation. "Besides, you heard her, James. Your happiness is more important to her than school. She's fine taking classes at the state college."

"But she's better than that." James said fiercely. "She deserves better."

"Yeah, well so do you." Carlos returned stubbornly.

"Thanks." James said gratefully. "That means a lot, Carlitios."

Carlos smiled but he didn't say anything more and the boys walked the rest of the way to the Palm Woods parking lot in silence. There they met Jessica who was waiting to drive them to Rocque Records for the day.

The ride over to the studio was silent. After five minutes, Jessica turned the radio off because it was too strange to have the boys, especially James, not singing along.

James grimaced when the car came to a stop. His nerves returned full force and he wanted nothing more than to tell Jessie to turn around and drive back to Palm Woods so he could hide under his bed. But Kendall got out followed by Carlos and Logan and when Jessie finally got out, James decided that he should follow suit. "You don't have to come, Jessie." He told his older sister.

Jessica looked at him like he was crazy. "James," She said slowly, as if he were hard of hearing. "You're my little brother. You're about to tell your manger that you're gay. Your manger is a big jerk-"

"A giant turd." Kendall corrected, bringing a hint of a smile to James' face.

"Right. A giant turd. Anyway, as your big sister it's my job to protect you."

James bit his bottom lip. "You know, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm helpless."

"Oh, I know." Jessica said quickly. "You're far from helpless, James. But that doesn't mean that I won't stand up for you if I need to."

"Same with us." Kendall said firmly.

James shook his head. "You're all so incredibly stubborn, did you know that?" But his smile had returned. "Just try not to freak out or anything, Kendall. You and Gustavo have been getting along so well lately."

Kendall merely rolled his eyes and led the way into the studio.

They met Gustavo in the hallway. "DOGS!" The big man boomed. "What is this whole deal about you showing up early so we can have a talk?" Then he noticed Jessica. "And who is this? Carlos, tell me that it's not another friend you promised to make their Hollywood dream come true."

"I promise it's not another friend that I told I would help make their Hollywood dream come true." Carlos parroted obediently. His wide grin was full of the innocence that made anyone who knew him, nervous.

Predictably, Gustavo looked at Logan for another answer. "Carlos is telling the truth." The other boy confirmed. Then he nodded to James. "James?"

"Oh!" James snapped out of his trance. "This is Jessica. She's my older sister. She's here because. . ." James cleared his throat. "Gustavo, I have to tell you something. Is Kelly busy?"

For once Gustavo seemed to sense that the situation wouldn't be made better by him yelling. He shook his head. "No. She's in my office now organizing some paperwork. But that can wait."

"Thanks." James brushed past Gustavo and headed to the office. He just wanted to get it over with.

Soon they were all seated in Gustavo's office, every pair of eyes on James. He fiddled with his lucky comb, keep his eyes riveted on the object in his hands. "I'm gay." He was surprised at how much easier it had gotten to admit already. He looked up just in time to catch the reactions of Kelly and Gustavo.

Kelly looked concerned and sympathetic all at the same. When she crossed the room to give him a hug, James was relieved. He liked Kelly and he was glad that she didn't hate him for being different.

Gustavo didn't look mad. But he did look worried and it wasn't long before he voiced his opinion on the matter. "James, I have no problem with you being gay. That's who you are."

James felt the relief wash over him in a tidal wave of emotion. But before he could stammer out a thanks, the record producer continued to talk. "I don't mind you being gay." He repeated. "Not personally. But I'm worried about how Griffin is going to take all of this. I am worried about how the fans are going to react. Big Time Rush is just getting really popular. I'm afraid that any negativity might bring you boys down." He looked at James, a serious expression on his face. "Do you think you can-"

James was shaking his head already. He knew what Gustavo was asking him and he couldn't comply. "I can't pretend anymore, Gustavo." He said, pleading for understanding. "I've been pretending for five years now. It's too hard to keep going any longer."

Kendall and everyone else tensed, ready to jump to James' defense, should the situation call for it. But Gustavo surprised them all. "Fine. You shouldn't have to, James. But I need to warn you that even if Griffin doesn't pull the plug on this whole Big Time Rush operation, it's very likely that you'll lose a good number of your fans."

James nodded. "I know." He said in a surprisingly steady voice. "I'm sorry."

Gustavo sighed again but his expression had softened. "Try not to worry about it. Just focus on today and our rehearsal."

James' shoulders slumped in relief. "Thanks for understanding." He murmured. He had passed another hurdle with one more to go.

---

It was funny how quickly things could change. One day, James had his secret all to himself and it was eating him alive. Then within a week his friends knew, his family knew, the record company knew, and anyone who had ever heard of Big Time Rush knew. A huge part of him was relieved because even though his parents had disowned him, he still had the support of his friends and his sister and even the record company and a good number of their fans. He no longer had to pretend. He could be real for the first time in years.

Another part of him grieved for what he had lost though. It had hurt him deeply when his parents had rejected him and when he got the legal document that informed him that he had officially been disowned it had been like salt being poured over the open wounds. It certainly didn't help to have many of their fans instantly withdraw and leave them with smaller numbers than any of the boys would have honestly liked. Granted, a good deal of their defective fans had a lot to do with parents not wanting their children to listen to 'Big Time Gay' as they were soon dubbed by the most vile of haters. But somehow that made it worse. Kids could be cruel and spiteful to people who were different. But apparently James' parents weren't the only adults who were so against differences is their ever changing society.

For the most part though, James was pretty sure that the good outweighed the bad. His friends had held true to their promise and stuck by him as loyally as was humanly possible. Jessica had moved back to Minnesota after a month because the schools in the mid-western state were more affordable than they were in California. She kept in close contact though and James was comforted by that.

Griffin hadn't been happy at all. His team of researchers had provided him with evidence of boy bands going down the tubes after members confessed to being gay. He insisted that James continue his act. But James insisted that he could no longer pretend to be something he wasn't and Kendall and Carlos and Logan refused to even think of replacing their best friend and it wasn't because of the disastrous results that had occurred the one time they had tried to do so. They refused to have James replaced simply because he was their best friend and replacing him would cause them to break their promise to him. They insisted that Griffin could either take all of them or none of them. They were a packaged deal. And since the market for talent was at an all-time low, Griffin was more or less forced to keep them at least for the time being. Besides, he had already poured too much money and too many resources into making Big Time Rush successful. To drop the boys so suddenly would be the wrong move.

So in the end, James was finally able to be honest with everyone. He had mixed emotions but on the whole he felt positive. He still had Jessica and his best friends and his singing. When he really thought about it, James was pretty sure that everything went over pretty well. At least that's what he thought until one night changed everything.

---

It had been a long hard day of rehearsing with Gustavo. The four boys were preparing for a concert in the city of LA and their manager had been keeping them at the studio for extra hours all week long so they could get as much dance practice with Mr. X as possible and of course, they could never practice enough harmonies. They had been getting up early and going to bed late for days on end and were so exhausted that when Gustavo pronounced them ready for the concert and gave them the next day off, they could only mumble sleepy thanks before immediately heading back to the Palm Woods.

"I'm so tired." Logan complained as they slumped over in the bus seats. Mrs. Knight and Katie had gone into San Francisco for the weekend and the boys were forced to take public transportation until they returned. "I'm tired and sore and hungry and-"

"We all are, Logie." James said wearily. "We've been going through the same things you have, remember?"

"Shut up and let me complain." Logan retorted half-heartedly. He sighed and let his head fall to rest on the back of the seat. "I don't think I've ever been so tired in all of my life."

Kendall glanced at his watch. "Well, in about five minutes we'll be back at the Palm Woods and you can go to bed then. How does that sound, Logan?" He grinned and leaned over to mess with Logan's neatly combed hair.

"Hey!" Logan protested. "Don't touch the hair please. Don't touch me, Kendall. Leave me alone."

Kendall laughed at Logan's sleep-deprived rant but let him be. "How are you guys holding up?" He asked James and Carlos.

Carlos lifted his head and glared at Kendall. "What kind of question is that?"

James chuckled at the fake look of hurt that Kendall sent him. "Don't expect me to be any better." He warned. "I can't remember the last time I got a decent amount of sleep. All I know is it's been way too long. I'm just glad that Gustavo gave us tomorrow off."

"Amen." Logan's voice was muffled from his face being buried in his arms but the one word was perfectly coherent. "I'm not getting out of my bed tomorrow."

"Now that's a Carlos thing to do if I've ever heard one." James chuckled. "What about Camille?" He teased.

"She can come visit." Logan peeked out from underneath his arms and grinned at James. "We'll see how good of a girlfriend she can be."

"Putting her to the test, are you?" James was amused.

Logan nodded and mumbled something none of his friends could understand then promptly fell asleep.

"Logan fell asleep?" Carlos woke up almost instantly from his trance-like state to watch his friend. "He has great timing, doesn't he? We're back."

"Yo, Logie. Hey, sleepyhead." Kendall gave Logan a gentle shake. "We're home. Time to go to bed."

"M'kay." Logan shifted away from Kendall but didn't move anywhere else. "Night."

Carlos snorted but cast an anxious look at the bus driver who was waiting rather impatiently for the boys to get off his bus. "Rise and shine!" He called cheerfully.

"No." Logan moaned and slapped blindly at Carlos. "Go 'way. I'm sleeping."

"We can see that." James shook his head. "But Logan, I think you'd be more comfortable in an actual bed. Besides, wouldn't you rather wake up in your room at the Palm Woods as opposed to wherever this bus stays overnight?"

In response Logan sat up and, his eyes still closed, held his arms out to James. "Carry me." He ordered in a pitiful sounding voice.

James and Kendall and Carlos laughed. "Logan, are you serious?" James asked.

"Yes. Please."

James hesitated but then Earl, the bus driver made the decision for him. "Carry him or I'll throw all of you off my bus." He growled.

"Fine." James rolled his eyes and then easily swung Logan up into his arms. "Man, Logan. You're quite the light-weight aren't you?" He chuckled at the dark look he received from his half-asleep friend. "Okay, Earl. We're going." James eased down the bus steps and watched as the vehicle sped off. "I guess Earl has big plans tonight." He commented wryly to his equally amused friends.

The boys made their way upstairs to Apartment 2J where Kendall unlocked the door and let his friends in before entering himself and closing the door behind him, double checking that the locks were secure.

"Thanks, James." Logan allowed James to set him on his own two feet but still leaned on him heavily.

"Anytime." James rolled his eyes again. "Come on. Let's get you in bed before you fall over."

"Um, James?" Logan's face suddenly reddened slightly. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

James stopped and looked at all three of his friends. Carlos and Kendall looked like they knew what Logan was going to ask him. Actually, based on all three of their faces, James had a good guess himself. But he decided to play out on its own. "Sure." He said lightly. "Ask away."

"Do you like anyone?" James blinked. He honestly hadn't expected Logan to be so blunt. Not that he minded at all. Logan was his friend. He deserved to know. So did Kendall and Carlos. "I don't like any of you if that's what you really mean."

"What? No! I mean. . ." James watched in amusement as Logan struggled for words. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. It's just that-"

"It's fine, Logan. Really." James stopped Logan mid-rant. "I'm surprised that you haven't already asked me."

"We didn't know how to." Kendall said honestly. "We didn't want to hurt you."

James smiled. "Well you can stop worrying. I've never liked any if you that way. I promise. And I promise that I don't mind you asking me about it either." He gave Logan a shove and then steadied him when the tired boy staggered. "Can I ask you a question now?"

"Sounds fair to me." Logan replied, Kendall and Carlos nodded in agreement.

"Why did you ask me to carry you?" He blurted out the question.

"Because I was tired." Logan said sheepishly. "I was up late working on a paper for school. There wasn't any other reason. Promise."

James nodded. "Okay then. I'm glad we have everything cleared up." He muffled a yawn and glanced at the clock, groaning when he saw that it was once again past midnight. "Can we go to bed now?" His friends answered him by moving off toward their respective bedroom. James grinned and followed them. He swung his door open and flicked on the light. After that he could only stare.

Someone had been in the apartment. That same someone had been in his room. And still that same person had yanked out his dresser drawers and dumped the contents all over the floor. They had found his personal collection of his head shots, hung them up on the wall and played a game of darts, using his face as the target. And they had spray painted his walls with blood-red paint. James didn't even realize he was screaming until his friends had come running, demanding him to tell then what was the matter. But he had no words to describe the scene that lay in front of him.

So he waited. He waited until Kendall and Carlos and Logan all skidded to a stop in his doorway, nearly crashing into each other in the process. He waited until Carlos hugged him and Kendall proceeded to storm around in a tight circle, yelling that when he found out who had commuted the terrible crime, he would make them regret their actions for the rest of their miserable lives. He waited until Logan ran back to his room, retrieved his cell phone and dialed 911. He waited until after all of this happened and then he fell to his knees, bent his head to the ground, and cried.

---

James sat on the edge of his bed and stared blankly at the wall in front of him. It was white once again. Logan had concocted some sort of environmentally friendly chemical and he and Kendall and Carlos had spent three and a half hours scrubbing the hateful words away.

But even though they had erased the words from his bedroom walls, James' best friends could never erase them from his mind. They were forever burned into ugly images in the back of his brain. Even when he closed his eyes, he could see them.

There were the usual slurs that he had grown used to over time. They hurt but not nearly as much as they used to. Part of James wondered if he had simply become numb to them. He was like Teflon, everything just rolled off of him after it hit. The words didn't really stick anymore. James had become an expert at tuning out the world when it slandered him. His friends and his sisters all said to ignore them and so he did. It got easier with time. So as hurtful as they still were, the names on his wall didn't really bother James all that much.

What did bother him was the harsh, criticizing messages that had accompanied the name calling. They said that he was ugly and that no one would ever want him. They said that he was stupid and that he didn't deserve his best friends. They said that he didn't belong anywhere, especially in Hollywood. They said that he had no talent.

He would always remember the day he auditioned in front of Gustavo Rocque. He had been so incredibly nervous. The earlier rush of adrenaline that had been running through his veins during the entire time he and the other boys were driving to the audition had worn off. He remembered Gustavo's stare, the eyes behind his glasses seeming to bore into James as if they could see into his soul. It was then that James forgot how to sing and choked up completely. Gustavo had then told him that he had no talent.

Everything had eventually been resolved and they had compromised and moved on. Everyone got along much better now. Okay, sure. Kendall and Gustavo still butted heads occasionally but it was usually when Gustavo was tearing apart one of the other boys and Kendall jumped to their defense. They didn't fight over trivial matters anymore. Everything had worked out.

But a tiny part of James' self-conscious had always held onto Gustavo's words. He had never forgotten that his music producer had once told him that he didn't have any talent. He would always remember that day, both for the good memories and the bad memories.

When James saw that those same words had returned to haunt him, his world fell apart. He was forced to question everything he thought he once knew.

It really shouldn't have gotten to him so much. He knew that those words were nothing more than the proof that some people could be downright cruel. He knew that they weren't true. Or did he? Because the longer James sat alone in his room the more he began to doubt himself.

What if he really was a horrible singer and dancer? What if he wasn't talented after all? What if he was just delusional?

It was all so new to James. He had never questioned his talent before. Music was his passion. He loved to sing. Big Time Rush was his dream come true. But now that had all changed.

"James?" Kendall knocked on the door before walking into the room with Carlos and Logan on his heels. He eyed James in concern. "You've been sitting alone in here for over an hour. Maybe you should come into the family room and watch a movie with us. We can watch Miracle if you want to."

James shook his head. "No thanks." He said in a dull, lifeless tone of voice. "I'm really not in the mood."

Logan frowned in disapproval, the aspiring doctor in him taking over. "This isn't healthy though." He gestured vaguely around the room. "Have you even eaten today?"

"Um," James tried to remember if he had eaten anything at all since the night before and wound up shaking his head. "I honestly don't know."

"James-" Logan sighed in exasperation.

"I'm not hungry." James interrupted his friend before he could launch into another Logan Mitchell Lecture.

"Then at least come and hang out with us." Carlos broke into the discussion before Logan could protest. "Please, James?"

"Listen." Kendall touched James lightly on the shoulder. "I know this is upsetting. I mean I can't even imagine what you're going through right now, James. You must be terrified. But James, some people just can't handle difference. I know it must be hard, practically impossible, but try to ignore them."

"It's not that." James sighed. "It's not the whole homophobia thing that hurts me. I mean it does hurt a lot. But I'm also kind of used to it. So that's not what really bothers me."

Kendall's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Then what is it?" He asked, desperate to know so that he could help his friend.

James took a deep breath. "The names they painted in my walls didn't really bother me. But what did bother me, what I'm not used to, is being told that I suck."

"Suck at what?" Carlos asked. "At singing? James, you've gotta be kidding me. There's no way that you suck. You have so much talent."

"Carlos is right." Logan nodded. "James, you're a great singer and dancer."

"That's what I used to think too." James sighed. "Because all my life people have told me that. But then Gustavo told me that I have no talent and now. . . this. I'm not sure what to think now."

"James, you don't actually believe any of that crap, do you?" Kendall suddenly sounded angry. When James didn't answer, he threw his hands into the air. "You've gotta be kidding me." He muttered in disgust. "This is ridiculous."

"James, Kendall is right." Carlos insisted. "You're being ridiculous for buying any of this."

"Whoever did this is wrong." Logan spoke up then. "They're just jealous of you, James."

At that, James laughed humorlessly. "Jealous of me? Yeah right. Tell me, Logan. Why would anyone be jealous of someone like me?"

Logan crossed his arms and glared at James. "Why? Because you're good-looking, smart and incredibly talented at everything you try to do. Especially singing."

James shrugged. "Sure." He said, clearly not convinced.

"Come on!" Logan mimicked Kendall and threw his arms in the air. "Do you believe us as your best friends or some idiot you don't even know?"

James could see the hurt in his friends' eyes and he felt his own beginning to sting. "I don't know."

Carlos was even more upset by his answer. "Well then I don't know about Logan and Kendall but I feel like a bad friend now. Because if I was a better friend, I would be able to convince you otherwise."

James felt his mouth drop open slightly at Carlos' statement and his eyes widened when Kendall and Logan nodded. "Guys, no. Stop it." He pleaded.

"Then you stop it." Kendall's voice was still angry but it had softened a great deal and what anger he had left wasn't directed at James. "You're an amazing person, James. We just wish you could see that." Then he stood up and motioned for Logan and Carlos to follow him. They walked out into the hallway and Kendall shut the door behind them.

"What are we doing?" Carlos asked. "James needs us."

"I know." Kendall wandered out into the family room and began pacing.

"Then what-"

"Hang on, Carlos." Kendall held a hand out in front of him. "Let me think for a minute. We need a plan. We need to prove to James that he is talented."

"How though?" Logan watched Kendall with a worried look in his eyes. "He doesn't believe us. We're his friends. It's our job to tell him that he's great. I mean it's true but when we tell him that-" Logan broke off and shrugged. "Do you know what I mean?"

Kendall nodded. "Yeah. I do." He sighed in frustration. "This is so stupid!" He exclaimed, the anger returning full force. His hands balled into tight fists. "If I ever get my hands on whoever did this to him-"

"Kendall, that won't help James." Logan shook his head. "It doesn't help to fight fire with fire."

"Well, I don't know any other way to fight." Kendall replied, helplessly.

"Think, Kendall!" Logan persuaded. "What do firefighters use to put out fires?"

Kendall stared at him as everything to began to click into place. "Water."

Carlos bounded to his feet. "So we fight fire with water!" His enthusiasm faded and he frowned. "I don't really get it."

Kendal took over. "This whole mess with James is like a fire. We want to put out that fire. Right now because of that idiot, James thinks he's a bad singer with no talent. We have to make him see the that they're wrong and that we're right. We have to take away the negative and replace with with something positive. So why not get the fans involved?"

"But how?" Logan and Carlos prompted at the same time.

Kendall frowned in deep thought. Then, his green eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. "I've got it" He said in excitement. In response, Logan and Carlos leaned forward and stared at Kendall in eager anticipation. Kendall resumed his pacing, sharing his plan as he did so. "James won't listen to us because he's our friend, right? But there's plenty of fans out there who love him. We just have to remind him of that."

"I love it." Logan said in satisfaction. "Let's do it." But then he frowned slightly. "How are we going to get the fans involved without him finding out? And what exactly are we going to do?"

"Leave it all to me." Kendall said confidently. "We just need to distract James for a few days. It shouldn't be that hard since he's so down. The fans can keep a secret for a day or two, right?"

"Let's hope so." Carlos said solemnly. "I'll distract James. You and Logan rally the troops."

Kendall smiled and nodded. "Perfect."

---

"Oh come on, James! You're no fun anymore!"

James sighed and glanced over at Carlos where the younger boy stood glaring at him. "I'm sorry, Carlos. I just don't feel like doing anything right now."

Carlos sighed and crossed the room to sit next to James on the bed. "You've been moping around for three days straight. I think it's time you actually got out and did something for a change."

"Like what?" James asked in an uninterested tone.

"Anything!" Carlos exclaimed with a roll of his eyes. "Just so you get out."

"But Carlos, everyone knows what happened. It's embarrassing."

"James, these people here at Palm Woods all care about you." Carlos told him. "You know that. They're your friends. They miss you. Just come down to the pool with me, please?"

James shook his head stubbornly. "No."

"I can't believe you're letting this get to you so much." Carlos was clearly frustrated. "What can we do to convince you that we're right and The Jerk is wrong?"

The Jerk. James smiled a little. That's what Kendall and Logan and Carlos had dubbed whoever had vandalized his room. The name fit even though James still couldn't shake the feel that The Jerk was right about his lack of talent. He started slightly when he noticed that Carlos was actually waiting for a response to his question. "I don't know. It's like this, Carlos. Ever since I came out as gay, everything that's happened to me has been bad. My parents disowned me and my sister for sticking with me, we lost a ton of fans something Griffin probably hates me for, and now this. I probably deserve it all."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Carlos was still mad but his anger was all out of frustration. "Look, James. I don't like anything that's been happening to you lately either, but the worst part is the fact that you won't believe us. Why would we lie to you?"

"Because you're my friends." James stressed. "You're supposed to say that I'm a great singer and everything. You're supposed to say that it's okay that I'm gay."

"No. We're supposed to say it because it's true." Carlos insisted. "Why would we lie to you if we were your friends?"

James couldn't think of an answer for that question so he merely shrugged.

To his surprise, Carlos seemed willing to drop the subject for the time being. "Well, at least come down to the pool with me then."

"Carlos, no." James shook his head again. "I don't want to go out there."

"So what, you're just going to sit in your room and pout for a few more days?"

"You just don't understand." James said helplessly.

"You're right. I don't understand." Carlos agreed. "So please enlighten me."

James' eyebrows shot up. "Enlighten you?" He repeated, a small smile curving his lips upwards in the first smile that Carlos had seen since before the vandalism. "That's a big word, Carlos."

As glad as he was to see James even slightly happy, Carlos didn't smile back. "Help me understand." He replied dryly.

James' smile faded and he sighed. "Remember when I first auditioned in front of Gustavo? He said that I had no talent. He knows what it takes to become a star in Hollywood. I mean, maybe the only reason I'm here is because of Kendall. Gustavo liked him but Kendall wouldn't go without us. Now look at you three. Logan still occasionally trips over his own two feet when we have dance rehearsal but he's doing great otherwise. So are you and Kendall."

"So are you." Carlos pointed out.

But James shook his head. "Am I? I feel like I haven't made the improvements that you guys have made."

"Only because you've haven't needed to improve though!" Carlos' voice rose in exasperation and James flinched slightly so he quickly calmed himself down before going on. "James, you were always the most talented out of the four of us, no matter what Gustavo said at first."

"You think?" James asked doubtfully. "Because Gustavo-"

"Gustavo doesn't know everything." Carlos interrupted. "I bet if we asked him today, he would admit that he was wrong."

"No." James disagreed. "He was right. I didn't have the fire. If you don't have that then nothing else matters."

"James, by fire, Gustavo meant passion. If you don't have passion than no one does. This is all you've ever wanted since we were little kids. It's your dream."

"Maybe that's all it is. Just a silly little dream." James slumped against the wall and stared down at his hands. "Maybe I don't have what it takes. Ever since I moved here everything has gotten harder and I can't handle it. If I really were meant to be here than I could take it. I should be stronger but I'm not."

Carlos felt like pulling his hair out in absolute frustration. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever met." He said softly. "And you can handle it. But you can't handle it alone and that's what you've been trying to do. You need to let us help you, James. You need to believe us when we say that you are talented and that you do belong here." When James didn't look up at him or reply, Carlos went on. "Why do you think we're here?"

James shrugged. "Because you're all amazing at this whole singing thing."

Carlos rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You're ridiculous, did you know that? We're not here because of us, James. Sure we love it but do you really think we're going to stick with it? No. Kendall is going to play hockey and Logan is going to be a doctor and I'll probably wind up where my dad is now. But you? You were born to do this, James. And we're here to get you as far as we can before Big Time Rush ends and you wind up with a solo career."

Instead of being convinced, James looked even more doubtful. "Well then you're wasting your time."

"Shut up." Carlos snapped. "We are not wasting our time. We're your friends, James and we want you to be happy. But that doesn't mean we would lie to you for all of these years. We wouldn't tell you that you're amazing at singing if you really did suck. And we definitely wouldn't fly all the way over to LA and be part of a singing group if we didn't think it would help you. We're doing this for you, James. It's never been about us. It's always been for you."

"Well," James said slowly. "You could always be wrong and you probably are. But I appreciate it, Carlos. I wish it was worth your time. I wish I was worth your time."

"We wouldn't be doing any of this if we didn't believe in you, James." Carlos sighed.

"Thanks." James mumbled.

"Anytime." Carlos replied sarcastically. "Anyway, I think you owe us."

James looked confused but relieved at the subject change. "Okay?" He asked uncertainly. "How can I pay you back?"

"Besides believing us?" Carlos asked with a small smile. "Well, for starters you can get off your butt and come hang out with me."

James groaned. "Where are Kendall and Logan? I haven't seen them all day? I thought all three of you would be bugging me. It's only you. Why don't you find them to hang out with you. They're better company anyway. They're actually fun."

"You're fun too when you're not depressed like this." Carlos said sadly.

"I'm not depressed."

"Sure you aren't."

"I'm not depressed." James repeated. "This is just what happens to people when they get a harsh dose of reality."

"But you didn't get a harsh dose of reality. You got a harsh dose of. . ." Carlos trailed off, searching for the right word. "You got a harsh dose of a jealous idiot." He shook his head, hating that he couldn't find a better way to phrase the situation. "Whatever. Just come hang out with me. Please?"

"Where are Kendall and Logan?" James pressed.

Carlos bit his bottom lip. "Um, I'm not really sure actually." He lied. He knew exactly where Kendall and Logan were. They were waiting for him and James. He hadn't expected that it would take him so long to get James out of his room. "I haven't seen them all day."

James looked up, a worried expression on his face. "Seriously? Do you think they're okay?"

An idea came to Carlos then but it seemed cruel. Then again it might be the only thing that would work. So he shrugged. "I don't know. Should I call them?"

The depression disappeared from James' eyes and he looked only worried for Kendall and Logan. He nodded. "Yeah, maybe you should. Just in case."

Carlos leaped to his feet. "Okay, I'll be right back. I have to go get my phone."

"Wait!" James called after him. "You can use my phone. It's right here." But Carlos apparently didn't hear him because he was already out of James' room and down the hall. James sighed and slumped back down against the wall. He closed his eyes and waited for Carlos to return, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling that had suddenly wormed its way into the pit of his stomach. Where were Kendall and Logan? They had been gone before he got up and he hadn't even heard from them all day long. That wasn't normal, especially for Logan. What if. . .

Suddenly, a terrifying thought gripped him. What if whoever had destroyed his room had hurt Kendall and Logan? What if they wanted to punish them for James sticking around? What if Kendall and Logan were missing because they were both laying in an alley, broken and bleeding? What if they were. . .

But James refused to finish that thought. He sat and waited for Carlos to return, jumping when his door opened again and Carlos walked in. To his distress, Carlos looked even more worried. "Well?" He asked impatiently.

Carlos shook his head. "I don't know. Neither of them answered their phones when I called. And I tried both of them twice."

"Are you serious?" James rose to his feet. "Carlos, maybe we should call the police."

"But. . . we don't know if anything is wrong." Carlos spoke hesitantly. "Besides, we have no evidence and they'd just wait until Kendall and Logan were missing for twenty-four hours before they even started looking."

"By the time they're been missing for twenty-four hours, something could have happened to them!" James said angrily.

"I know. But that's what they do." Carlos frowned as if in deep thought. "Let's go looking for them ourselves!"

James flipped open his cell phone and dialed Kendall's number. He saw Carlos open his mouth the protest and he held a finger to his lips, signaling for silence. He counted the rings and shut the phone with a frown when Kendall's voice mail picked up. Please pick up, Logan. He thought as he opened the phone back up and dialed Logan's number. But he got the same result with Logan. "Carlos, they're not answering." He said shakily.

"So let's go look for them." Carlos grabbed James' wrist and tugged him forward. "Come on, James. I know you don't want to see anyone but this is Kendall and Logan we're talking about. They could be in trouble and we're the only ones who can help them right now."

Carlos was right. James didn't care about what anyone might think of him. He shook free of his friend's grasp and followed willingly. "This is all my fault." He muttered as they walked out into the hallway. The words were barely out of his mouth when Carlos suddenly shoved him up against the wall. James had been taken by surprise and couldn't brace even himself. "Carlos, what-"

"None of this is your fault, James." Carlos hissed angrily. "Stop blaming yourself for everything."

"It might be though!" James returned. "Look at everything else that has happened since I came out. I probably should have never come here."

Carlos rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'll let Kendall and Logan convince you otherwise when we find them."

"If we find them." James said glumly.

"When we find them."

James had given up arguing with Carlos so they walked the rest of the way to the elevator in complete silence. Inwardly, he was screaming at himself. He didn't belong in Hollywood. He didn't have what it took and he had dragged his friends into the fray. Now Logan and Kendall could be paying the price for his stupidity. He tapped his foot anxiously as the elevator moved slowly down, wishing they had taken the stairs instead. Then, without any warning, James felt something being wrapped around his eyes and he couldn't see a thing. "Carlos, what the heck are you doing?" He reached up to remove the bandanna that was probably one of his, but a pair of hands grabbed both of his wrists and tugged them back down. "This is no time to be fooling around, Carlos."

"Maybe I'm not fooling around. Maybe this was the only way I could get you down here."

James stopped struggling and stood still. "What's that supposed to mean?" He demanded. "Does that mean that you know where Logan and Kendall are?"

"Maybe." He could practically hear the smirk in Carlos' voice. "That wasn't funny at all." He said in disgust. "Carlos, I was worried about them."

"Well, we've been worried about you." Carlos said promptly. "I'm sorry if you had to get a taste of your own medicine but you refused to listen to me so I had to resort to desperate measure."

James gave up on trying to get the bandanna off and folded his arms over his chest. "Jerks." He muttered. "Did you even call Kendall and Logan?"

"Nope." Carlos replied cheerfully. "And they didn't answer you because. . . Well, you'll see."

James sighed and stood in stony silence as the elevator continued its descent. When it came to a stop he let Carlos push him forward. "I think this is called kidnapping. And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is against the law."

"Call it an intervention." Carlos said simply. Then he grasped James firmly by the shoulders and tugged him to a stop. "Okay. Don't move. And don't take off your blindfold until I tell you to."

"Fine." James didn't dare take a step more since he couldn't see where he was and he let the bandanna stay over his eyes. Kendall and Carlos and Logan were obviously determined to make him feel better. The least he could do was humor them. He frowned and felt his face turn red when he heard whispers. They weren't alone. It wasn't just the four of them. He was going to kill them for bringing him out and forcing him to-

"Okay, James!" Carlos yelled.

James flinched. Carlos was standing all of four feet away from him. "I can hear you just fine, Carlos."

"Well then, take your blindfold off." Carlos was unperturbed by the snappy tone in James' voice.

With a shaking hand, James reached up and untied the loose knot. Then he slowly lowered the cloth from his eyes and stared.

Kendall and Logan and Carlos all stood in front of him. Their friends from the Palm Woods stood slightly behind them, wearing the same huge smiles on their faces. But behind even them, spilling out into the otherwise empty parking lot were hundreds of fans. He had never seen so many people in one place other than their concerts. But this was different. No one was screaming in excitement and singing along to "Oh Yeah". Everyone was simply standing there, smiling at him. Then it occurred to James that a good number of people were holding up signs that read various things like, "I love you, James!" and "You rock!" and "You're amazing." and even "You're so talented!"

"What. . . What is this?" He asked in confusion.

Kendall and Logan and Carlos walked over to him. "This," Kendall stood by his side and draped a long arm over his shoulders. "This is our message to you. This is our way of showing you that we love you and care about you and that we know you belong here in Hollywood."

"I don't understand." James said in a small voice.

"James, every one of these people here wants you to know that The Jerk was wrong about saying that you had no talent." Logan explained. "Kendall and I have been gathering a bunch of people together to prove to you that it's not just us. We all know that you're talented and you deserve every chance that comes your way."

"And I distracted you!" Carlos said triumphantly. "I mean, not that you really needed any distracting because you were kind of sulking and not believing us."

James felt tears stinging his eyes. Before he could think of anything to say, Logan took his arm and pointed over to a table piled high with stacks of papers.

"See that?" He asked. "Those are letters and notes just for you from us and the fans telling you why you're so amazing, James. And every single word is true."

"We love you, James!" A girl suddenly shouted from somewhere in the crowd. "Please don't quit Big Time Rush! You're too awesome to do that!" A chorus of voices rose in hearty agreement.

"I. . ." James stammered out. "I don't know what to say."

The grin faded from Kendall's face and he stepped in front of James, momentarily blocking his view of the fans. "You don't have to say anything, James. Just believe us. Please." His voice shook and little and James could see that all of his friends had tears in their eyes.

James was stunned. He didn't know what to make of everything. Up until that very moment he had been doubting himself and his talent. But he had also doubted his friends and it was at that moment that he realized how determined they were to make him believe them. Surely they were telling the truth if they had gone to all the trouble of bringing their close friends and their fans into their plan. He gazed out at the number of fans, all of them silent for once, watching and waiting expectantly for him to speak. He couldn't speak though. He was completely robbed of speech.

They all believed in him. How was that even possible? It wasn't just his friends and the others that were close to him. It was hundreds of people. They had all taken time out of their day to come to him personally and let him know that they believed in him. They wanted only one thing and that was for him to believe in himself.

"Well?" Carlos bounced impatiently from one foot to the other and ducked the elbows that Kendall and Logan sent his way. "Do you believe us now? All of us?"

James looked from Carlos to Kendall to Logan and then out at everyone else that was there for him. The tears burning his eyes finally began to make their way down his face. The burden on his heart lifted and fell away never to bother him again. A smile lit up his face. He still couldn't speak but they were all waiting so anxiously that he couldn't stand making them wait any longer. So he nodded. The simple motion brought forth a deafening storm of cheers and James was instantly swallowed up in a tight embrace by his three friends. When he began crying in earnest, it was out of joy. He knew then beyond a shadow of a doubt that his friends had been right all along and that he was where he belonged.

"Come on!" Carlos broke free from the hug and began pulling them over to the table. "You have to read some of the notes that they wrote you."

James let himself be led over to the table. He was gently shoved into a chair and Kendall and Carlos and Logan all pushed sheets of paper over to him. "Wait." He said unsteadily. "I want to say something first." The chattering in the crowd instantly stopped and everyone seemed to lean forward to hear better. "Thank you." He said simply.

"What are friends for?" Logan and Kendall and Carlos asked simultaneously. They grinned happily. "Now go on a read!" Carlos waved his hands in a frantic gesture that indicated just how badly he wanted James to comply with his wish.

James laughed at his friend's eagerness. Logan and Kendall were more reserved but at the same time he could tell that they were just as excited. So without waiting any longer, he picked up the first note and began to read.

---

111+ Reasons Why One Man Writing Games is an Amazing Writer

1. "One Man Writing Games takes everything she writes seriously. She holds it close to her and thinks it out carefully and then pours every little drop of emotion out onto the paper. It's incredible, and three prime examples are "He Lives On," "Feel Alive," and "Therapy." "Therapy," completely blew me away, because everything was so real and painful and just really, really unreal. I feel privileged to be a close friend because really, it's a window into everything I love and more. When I read "Feel Alive," I was interrupted and couldn't finish in one sitting, unfortunately, because I was ready to cry the first half and would have if I'd been able to finish at the time. It was the first one of her stories to ever make me cry, the third fanfiction ever to make me cry at all. I'm not an emotional person in that respect, so really, it takes serious talent to move me that much. Plus ever since reading that I cry every time I watch The Lion King. So I declare her the cause of that. "I'm Fine, Just Fine," is also a wonderful story, because the suspense and panic conveyed in her words of story-telling just astound me, and if I were to critique it harshly, I know there would be nothing to say, because it was all just perfect and flowed wonderfully. Besides Miss Fenway's "Little Hollow," "You Would Have Lost," brought me into a love of Logan angst, just because it took the smallest things from episodes and turned them into the biggest things. I wish it were more than just two parts, even though everything already there says it all. "He Lives On," was another one that moved me, because I read it straight after finishing "Little Hollow." I was still caught up in the emotion of it all and that just sent me over, because it was just horrifying to find that everything had been for naught. It was well thought out and astounded me once again. "Disabled," has an enthralling plot-line, and I am beyond excited to read it. Everything I know about it has be basically in love and I will cling to this story even after it's finished, which will be a very sad day. "Why I'm Home," was another one that just completely blew me away. I had to be told by her to read it, if I remember correctly, which was insanely stupid of me because if I had known how mind-blowing it would be, I would have read it the day I found out about her writing. It was the first songfic that had really gotten my attention, and I completely just loved it. Everything was beautiful; the broken friendship, the hurt, the injury, the loneliness, the horrific revelation, the mending. It had me sucked into it all, as everything else she has written has done to me. I always forget I'm in my living room reading a story, thinking instead that I'm in another word with four boys angsting it up. A truly amazing experience, something that I have recently been finding harder and harder to find. With One Man Writing Games, it's guaranteed. I honestly couldn't believe she had as many reviews as she did, because honestly, she deserves sosososoSO much more than she has. She's an incredible writer. Finally, to make things ironic, "Monster," was the first thing I ever read by her, the introduction into her works, everything. It was fast-paced, action-packed, full of angst, and I just loved it. Completely, without a doubt. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen, I really couldn't. It was astounding, how into it I really was. I'd read a few fics concerning kidnapping before, but none of them had gotten to this level, by FAR. This was just something completely new to me, and to see it now over just breaks my heart. Of course, it will live on forever, but I honestly don't know what I'll do in the place of pestering her to update, update, update! I think this was another place where she deserved a whole lot more than she had, which is an understatement, but I would like to take a moment in recognition of chapter twenty-three, my favorite chapter. Moment of silence. Okay done. But seriously, "Monster," is by FAR my favorite fic by her, as it is the other half of what brought us together as "soul matest soul mates." I don't know what I would do without her in my life, or her writing, for that matter. She has astounding talent, and if she ever doubts it again I will fly myself right over to her house and hit her over the head until she gets it. Why do you think you're on my favorite authors list?" -EpicInTheLibrary

2. "Alex is legitimally one of my best friends in the world. She's funny, she understands me and she inspires me. Every time I read anything she writes, it's like I'm transported to another world and I can see everything happening right in front of me. She makes me feel for her characters. I read more of her writings with my hand over my chest because my heart just aches when someone in her story is hurting. It doesn't matter that the characters aren't real. I care about them as if they were real and I want to hug them and make all of their pain go away. I laugh when something funny happens and I grin like an idiot when something happy happens. 'He Lives On' is currently my favorite thing that I have ever read in the world. I've read it numerous times and I still cry myself to sleep when I read it again. It's truly a masterpiece. 'Monster' was incredible as well, The suspense often kept me awake at night and distracted during the day. 'I'm Fine, Just Fine' made me love Kendall which no one else has ever been able to do. 'Why I'm Home' made me cry throughout the entire story and it was pretty freaking long. 'You Would Have Lost' I absolutely love no matter what she says about how it's not good. It is better than good. It's amazing. 'Therapy' is brilliant. I could never write and song-fic and incoporate the lyrics as perfectly as she did. 'Feel Alive' is and always will be my favorite slash story ever. It's beautiful and I cried so hard the first time I read it and just. . . I love it okay? 'Disabled'. Don't even get me started about 'Disabled'. I dream every single night about 'Disabled'. Every single future fic she has planned out will be just as amazing, I know that. I know it. I love all of her stories but I love her more and I wish she knew how truly amazing a person and a writer she really is. Her grammar, puncutation, and spelling are always perfect too. This shows tat she bothers to take the time to proof read her stories before she submits them. ANd that means she cares. That means that she's a writer." -Miss Fenway

3. "Does she really think that? That's insane. She's amazing. She writes the best Jangst in the entire world. When I first got my account, she was the first person that I added to my Favorite and Author Alert because I was in love with everything she wrote the minute I read them. Everything she writes inspires me, and a lot of other people. She can make her readers laugh, and she can make them cry. She's amazing at building up suspense and keeping us there. Whether or not she realizes it, there are a TON of writers out there who totally look up to her and, well, basically idolize her. She started the Shane revolution." -Falling To Fly

4. "One Man Writing Games is one of the best people in the world, not only as an amazing writer, but also an amazing friend. I haven't check out her newest updates due to not having a computer, but I still get excited whenever Alex's pen name comes up in my email. Her writing is not only intensely dramatic (in a way that captures interest and keeps readers on their toes) but it also touches the hearts of anyone who reads it!" -OnceUponABrokenFairytale

5. "Reason 1 - "Monster" has to be one of the greatest, angsty-est James fics I've ever read. It's incredible and I re-read it ALL the time. I LOVE it.

Reason 2 - "Feel Alive" is the most beautiful work of writing I've ever laid my eyes on. Enough said.

Reason 3 - "Disabled" is so heartbreaking but so so so incredible to read. And it's more JamesAngst which she is AMAZING at writing and I eat it up all the time.

Reason 4 - "Why I'm Home" is the first thing I've ever read by her and I fell in love with her writing ever since. So if she stopped writing, I would like die or sometihng.

Reason 5 - She is seriously really great. Her writing style really touches me and moves me in ways that I didnt think was possble and I really enoy reading all of her stories." -fall into your sunlight

6. "OMWG has her own unique writing style that instantly attracts people to her stories and updates." -BeastBoyfangirl

7. "She can write slash, non-slash, and friendship with an equal amount of talent" -

Starbucks3894

8. "Her writing is amazing! She has one of the most unique writing styles I have ever encountered. Her stories will get you addicted quick." -CarlisleLover1234

9. "I like that you take the characters into different directions than the show and you make them feel like their real ages. I personally like your writing style. Some people have a hard time writing good stuff with a limited word count but you do it really well and it's a skill that is really impressive." -Igettvgeeks

10. "One Man Writing Games is an amazing author for her unique ideas. I hadn't read a story like "I'm Fine, Just Fine" before and I was hooked from the moment I read the first chapter, waiting to see what else she had waiting for her readers." -crazedreader96akajetli

11. "Because she is a good writer and Her stories keep drawing me in and her story "Disabled" gave me the idea for my stories." -racingrebel17

12. "She is an amazing writer and gives detailed descriptions. Her stories have unusal plots, which make me want to read them more!" -UnderworldChick-n-VMKPirate

13. "OneManWritingGames really knows how to paint a picture, the description in her stories makes it come to life. she keeps everyone in character and makes it believable, i luv her stories, i don't see why she should ever stop." -I'm a Dinosaur so like rawr

14. "First of all, tell her that she's an amazing writer. Her stuff is just so amazingly written. It's as good as some of the stuff I've read in real books. No kidding. Probably the best writing style I've read on this site. I went through her reviews and wow, if I ever got a review that long I would DIE of joy! And none of them really say anything bad. Now I feel I've got to up my review writing ability, lol. I can't see why she would think that she's a bad writer." -Rockport268

15. "I read "He Lives On" and honestly, it was amazing. Completely unexpected twists, which is what sets it apart from a lot of other stories I've read." ValFish

16. "Her writing has a power to it, it reaches into your soul" -Wings Dipped in Silver

17. "She has an ability to convey emotion in a haunting and chilling way that is so rare among the writers of Fan Fiction" -AbbyMasrai

18. "One man writing games is amazing! Her stories seriously made me cry! I re read them all the time and I literally scream everytime I get an email telling me ahe updated one of her stories!" -fuzzybuzz21

19. "She knows how to create suspense and hold it as long as possible without boring the readers" -VladdieChica

20. "Her stories are completely unique, and are amazingly original." -TealMoose

21. "She's an amazing writer because she can capture my attention from the very beginning and keep it. Which is a very difficult thing to do to someone like me, who has a very short attention span." -LoveIsAJokeWithNoPunchline

22. "She's so good with portraying character emotions. She can right angst or humor or anything and she never overdoes or underdoes(is that a word?) it." -acatnamedmouse

23. "OneManWritingGames' work is not only creative, but is beautifully executed. She's definitely one of the most interesting, innovative, entertaining, original, and just plain amazing writers on this site." -RyDeNiSlOvE

24. "I love the way she describes situations! Like places and emotions." -Ryan-Kun

25. "Every bit of angst is well placed and makes the stories a legend!" -BeastBoyfangirl

26. "Her stories where the ones that inspired me to write my own. I wanted to be an awesome writer like her." -unnaturalstories

27. "The writing is captivating-it keeps me interested and wanting to read more." -Fish Stick Friday

28. "I think 'One Man Writing Games' is a great author because she is really good with detail and emotion. When you read her work, you see and feel what the characters feel." -KingdomHaley

29. "I think the thiing I like most about it is the way she portrays ehr characters. It's great/ :)" -bbalgirl22

30. "she spent a lot of emotion in words and write in a way that made me trip and this place in person. In the story he is still alive, he managed to carry me to the event, the funeral and everything ... it was like being real what is happening ... I feel like being really were an episode" -claudinha sampaio

31. "She's an amazing writer! I swear, I'm addicting to her stories! But I have no time :( I would've reviewed more! I HEART HER STORIES~ and have recommended them to others." -LovelySpiral

32. "She PERFECTLY balances humor and angst in her fics" -Starbucks3894

33. "I like how angsty you get with the characters too. It makes for a great story!" -Igettvgeeks

34. "And I definitely think that One Man Writing Games has incredible writing talent for sure!" -ValFish

35. "She paints such wonderful imagery that makes the story seem almost real." -AbbyMasrai

36. "She always leaves us on the edge of our seat wanting more :)" -Btrlover98

37. "She controls characters well, AKA not OOC, even when she's writing a story where the characters are darker than they are canon" -VladdieChica

38. "she has a way with writing Friendship and angst together like no other and her stories make my friend feel better about her self." -racingrebel17

39. "One Man Writing Games is one of my favorite authors :D Her writing is some of the best on this site :)" -TealMoose

40. "Secondly, her works are always so beautifully written that everything that's in the story feels so REAL. The amount of detail she puts into her writing could rival any best-selling author on the market today. There's very few authors on FF that could do that, and she's one of them. I truly wish that I had a quarter of the talent she possesses." -Fang lover23

41. "She's great at songfics. The pieces she rights really fit the song and the lyrics and writing make a beautiful combination." -acatnamedmouse

42. "She comes up with Ideas not may people would think of, She hardly and most of the time never has mistakes in her stories, Her chapters are always long and suspenseful, She leaves you wanting more every time, She keeps up a good updating pattern. She is one my favorite writers and Has awesome writing ability." -unnaturalstories

43. "My Reason why One Man Writing Games is a great writter is that she is good at discreption and she adds feeling to each of her stories. She has actully made me cry on some of her stories and that has never happened to me reading an emotional story" -Musicdude212

44. "Great plots, never one quite like it" -BeastBoyfangirl

45. "The writing is descriptive; paragraphs actually LOOK like paragraphs." -Fish Stick Friday

46. "I really look up to the way that even though her stories are mostly angsty, and that's not something I can picture happening on the show (because...well, it's NICK) I CAN picture the characters really saying/acting the way she writes them, and not a lot of writers can do that. It takes pure talent for that to work." -mindless scribbles

47. "She has never failed to get the characters in her fics perfectly in character" -Starbucks3894

48. "I like that you write some stories that aren't slash too. It's nice that you can write well for both audiences." -Igettvgeeks

49. "One Man Writing Games is an amazing writer. My friend and I check everyday for updates on her stories. Personally I love her stories because of the way she goes into depth with the characters. She gives the boys friendship so much feeling that its almost like you can see it with your own eyes. Another reason I love to read her stories is because they are hilarious. Some of the things she writes has me laughing till it hurts. She is very talented and should never doubt herself. :)" -ChasingTheeDream16

50. "She's a consistent updater (we all know know most of us aren't...)" -VladdieChica

51. "She has great ideas that I've never seen before in any other story." -Btrlover98

52. "Without her fanfictions I would legitamently have no life" -FunLover101

53. "The grammar in her stories is impeccable." -TealMoose

54. "She's got incredible ideas for stories and knows how to word them beautifully. She's got an excellent taste in fandoms, also." -HalfwayThereNow

55. "One thing I think I first noticed about One Man Writing Games is that, she's pretty much the only story writer's stories I read that don't have slash in them! I mean, if it's James angst, I'll read it any day, IF he's not paired up with a chick! I usually don't like James angst stories if they have no slash! There are a couple I do like, but One Man Writing Games is the biggest exception! All of her stroies I've read, are No Slash, but I end up loving them! So, coming from me, that's a BIG compliment!" -KxJ luver

56. "Makes the story hers" BeastBoyfangirl

57. "The writing is actually readable because it isn't horribly disfigured by numerous spelling and grammatical errors." -Fish Stick Friday

58. "Her writing abilities are AMAZING! Seriously, I wish I could write as well as her. Her stories are so addicting and make me want to keep reading more." -cityismoving

59. "The angst is incredibly real. She uses detail and description, but doesn't overload her stories with it. Plus, her stories are some of the few wickedly, brilliantly angsty Big Time Rush stories. (:" -Stori Booke

60. "Her devotion and kindness are an inspiration to me :)" -Starbucks3894

61. "She is reallygood at writing the stories and they are all different which makes it great." -Btrlover98

62. "Her stories make me think. She takes BTR to a whole new level that I didn't even realize could exist." -FunLover101

63. "From what I've read, NO random OC's; all of her's have a direct purpose and even have character development." -VladdieChica

64. "She writes some of the best angst stories that I've ever read." -TealMoose

65. "Twist in every corner" -BeastBoyfangirl

66. "The characters aren't OOC." -Fish Stick Friday

67. "I'm a writer and assistant editor for a publication in my town and no one on staff has talent like hers. If she lived remotely near me I would hire her on the spot, no questions asked." -FunLover101

68. "Small one here: wonderful grammar and spelling; its such a relief to find someone who writes intelligently =)" -VladdieChica

69. "All of her stories are written in a way that get in touch with the readers emotions, and really get a person hooked." -TealMoose

70. "Many fantastic, Awesome James centered stories" -BeastBoyfangirl

71. "Her writing is flippin' amazing and it's kinda sorta really really sad to know she has little faith in it. She updates all of her stories often, which is something a lot of writers on here don't do, but her work is also so quality. It's angsty, and emotional, and you just get so into it! I also feel like she really puts herself into her writing and it's so nice to know there are still writers on here like that."

72. "Each Update she has instantly brightens my day and everyone!" -BeastBoyfangirl

73. "Her work is well thought out, excellent diction, interesting and unique plots. The storylines are gripping and contain such indepth portrayals of emotion and capture the essence of the character. Above all, her work shows her passion and love of writing and her love and respect towards the people and characters she is writing about. I emmensly enjoy her work and hope to see her continue to work hard and create new pieces of art in the future for she is an excellent writer that has such a way with words, as well as a bright future ahead of her." -ashleyjordan

74."Knows that if she even has a few fans she never dissapoint!" -BeastBoyfangirl

75. "One Man Writting Games is an great writter her stories are amezing. I really love the James angst in the stories everytime I read it I always think 'How does the author do that?' I always find it amezing how well she can write the angst but I also love the sweet moments she has in 'Monster' So there's no reason why she should ever doubt herself." -Magiccatprinces

76. "Her stories really sucked me into the Big Time Rush World" -BeastBoyfangirl

77. "I voice my opinions when someone screws up big time, I have never done that before with her writing and most likely never will." -FunLover101

78. ""One Man Writing Games" is an excellent author. Her writing style is easily recognizable and has this almost sarcastic feel to it which adds almost a sort of comedic or ironic tone. Her use of details makes you feel closer to the subject of the writing, like you're a close friend or even inside their head. She doesn't use personal pronouns very often and it works well in her favor, making her writing much less confusing. And her ability to tell a story is mesmerizing; she is able to pull a reader in and make them want to know what comes next. She can also write very goog cliffhangers, though I'm not sure if that's really a good thing or not. And the scenes where it all goes wrong, such as when Kendall became truly ill in "I'm Fine, Just Fine", are well written. Usually when those sorts of scenes come along, the author doesn't seem sure or confidant on how to write such a thing so the scene itself becomes choppy or too detailed or even less detailed and it takes away from the dramatic effect. But "One Man Writing Games" has mastered this and is able to write a bad happening with ease and without losing the quality of her writing. All in all, she is one of the best writers I have ever encountered on Fanfiction." -koreto-chan

79. "Introduced me to many great writers!" -BeastBoyfangirl

80. "Doesn't let anything break her creative brain down!" -BeastBoyfangirl

81. "I would thank her for making me LOVE BTR fanfictions" -BeastBoyfangirl

82. "OMWG, you've really got a fantastic grasp of both character and plot. I know this may sound a little obvious, but as a writer I know how hard it can be sometimes. To be honest, I haven't reviewed the last several chapters because I'm trying to be strong and wait to read them, since I know there's probably some great cliffhangers. This is selfish of me I admit, and so once I find enough time to sit down and read all the chapters, I promise I'll do so and review. But I can already tell you this much-I know the chapters are great because I know you're a great writer. I've only done this whole "wait and read" thing for a couple other writers who are also good at writing cliffhangers because again, I'm selfish and I want it all now! :) But you are definitely one of the best writers in the BTR fandom, and I'm really looking forward to reading more from you. Please don't let the lack of reviews get you down. I've struggled with that, too-I think every writer has those times. When it happens to me, I always like to take a look at the number of people reading. Yes, it's frustrating that they aren't reviewing, but on the other hand, it's also really cool to see just how many people are reading (and where they're all from-that's cool to see too). Sorry to ramble on; I can sum it all up into four words: You're fantastic! Keep writing! :D" -moogsthewriter

83. "I'm Fine, Just Fine, has to be my all time favorite story :D Because it's written so well, and the way it's written gives it a realistic feel. (Not to mention the great Kendall angst :D)" -TealMoose

84. "All of her stories also keep me coming back for more. 'Monster,' especially. "I'm Fine, Just Fine" is another one I look forward to seeing more of in the future because I need to know that she's NOT gonna kill off Kendizzle. X]" -Fang lover23

85. "I love reading this story. 'I'm Fine, Just FIne'. The plot is great and how you written the characters are amazing. You have their personalities down right. Also I remember at the beginning of the story in your author's note that you researched a lot before writing the story. That's amazing and you put so much effort into the story. Your work is great I hope you continue on writing." - Music4ever1617 =)

86. "Her story, "Why I'm Home" is the first story ever to make me tear up whilst reading, since she wrote the friendship between the guy's so beautifully and put so much detail into it." -TealMoose

87. "I can assure her I believe she is a wonderful author. She puts a lot of emotion into her writing and knows exactly what to put where and how much or how little information should be given at a time. Shew kept me guessing all the way until the end in "Why I'm Home". The song choice was equally beautiful because now I just can't stop listening to the song. I really hope she feels better and realises just how amazing her writing really is." -spazmoid

88. "I just reread "Why I'm home" and i think your friend should keep writing because he/she is a fantastic writer! That story was able to bring out so much emotion that i have not felt in such a long time and it was able to just make me go "aaaaaaawwwww" which a lot of stories are not able to do." -Xedaanimeluvr

89. "What I loved about the story "He Lives On" was the style in which she writes it; it was so unique by referring to the character as Logan but then later on telling us it was actually Logan's son. Also, she was so descriptive and I could see the imagery and feel the emotions. Her writing allowed us to be there without actually being there. I really hope she gets her confidence back, because whether she believes it or not she is an amazing author." -Mrs. Wolfe-Sanders

90. "He Lives On" made me think about the complexities of life and death, and how it affects those who are left behind." -AbbyMasrai

91. "One Man Writing games is an amazing writer because in "Feel Alive" she got my emotions in to the story. I'm not the one to cry. So if you can make me cry with just one chapter you know your an amazing writer." -TextingTantrum

92. "When I read "Feel Alive" I can actually visualize what's going on" -Wings Dipped in Silver

93. "It was written so well I actually cried (and I never cry)" -Wings Dipped in Silver

94."I am going to be one-hundred percent honest here:

Her story "Feel Alive" is by FAR my favorite of all of the fics I've ever read on here or any other site. Which is why I am shocked she is doubting her writing abilities. Supernatural fanfiction is usually my favorite thing to read about but hers completely blew me away. I've actually recommended it a couple of times already and was going to ask her if I could put it at the bottom of my profile as a recommendation but I didn't do it because I was afraid I'd annoy her. Anyway, I've never actually had a story effect me the way hers has, which is one of the reasons I loved it so much. Her story, while incredibly sad, felt very...real. As I said in the review I usually write long thought out reviews but I couldn't do that on hers for the simple fact that I was crying too hard. Everything I said in that review still stands today. And if I am being honest I still have no words to accurately describe how much I truly loved that story. I still go back and read it and am completely blown away each and every time. It's...amazing.

In smaller words: Her writing is fantastic and "Feel Alive" no matter how many times I read it never ceases to amaze me and make me cry.

Oh and I already cried at the Lion King but I now BAWL. I haven't been able to watch it since reading that story. I've gotten many strange looks from it actually..." -Ibbet

95. "I love her stories because they are awesome, full of angst, drama, and friendship, and because they are so well written. Two of my favorite stories by her are Monster and Disabled, and I am always excited to read a new chapter. Her writing is amazing :)" -fabulous36

96. "One Man Writing Games has this way of writing I can't explain... she writes something and it's so perfect... I can picture everythi9ng that happens! In Monster and Disabled and Feel Alive, I see what's going on! In Why I'm Home and Therapy, the angst kills me! How can one person be so talented in writing something? She doesn't see how talented she is, and that makes me baffled. How could she not see it? She has so many people that love her! The stories she writes are unlike anything I've ever read and I love it every time! I think the only reason people don't review even though they read it or favorite or whatever, is because they have no idea what to say! They're so amazed, the words are taken right from their mouths! They're blown away and have no idea how they can tell her how much they love the story!" -KxJ luver

97. "-To begin with, I love every one of your pieces that I have read. I only reviewed one because... well, because I'm a lazy butt, but your two stories ("Monster" and "Disabled") I've been following actively for some time. I love them. Love them. They are literary masterpieces. Action, and your emotions, in a perfect. I love the way you write the emotions especially, because you seemed to capture the characters exactly, something I always had trouble with when writing fanfiction... I mean, I've read some people's stories where they attempt to do emotions and stuff, and... bleh... thats all I have to say really... I mean... really painful... But yours... you know, despite seeing the end of the chapter coming on the scroll bar, its still disappoints me every time when i realize that there isn't more...

I think that you capture dialogue very well, and keep it realistic. And your humor, with the weird quirks that teenage boys tend to put into their conversations. Thats something that I've always had trouble with when I'm writing. Any sort of light-heartedness is really difficult. You make it look so freakin' easy. It's not even like you had to try to get the lightheartedness in there. I envy you for that.

I really love your stories, and I will try to get my lazy fingers up and review. I know that whenever someone would review my stories, it would make my day, so expect some more coming in :) Keep on writing!

~Ravenwing" -Ravenwing679

98. "She's an overall amazing author, and the way she writes is true story-telling. SHE'S JUST AWESOME! :D" -TealMoose

99. "A lot of people will miss OMWG if you stop writing! I mean people would actually die if she stops writing." -BeastBoyfangirl

100. "Monster is like- the best Jamesnapper story EVEERRR!" -TealMoose

101. "'Monster' is the greatest. Truly. The plot is perfectly paced and super exciting." -acatnamedmouse

102. "I LOVE her story, Monster. Seriously. She is the queen of BTR angst and the emotional strain while reading the story is amazing. Its so realistic, I love it!" -RaquelSchmidt

103. "I really love the story "Monster". First of all, I like the way it is written- it's very easy to read and very interesting, making you want to read more and more. And I really like that One Man Writing keeps close to the characters, but still brings something new to them. And I would love to read some more stories by her." -leetvfan

104. "Well, where to begin? Well, first off, 'Monster' is one of my top 5 fave fanfics of ALL TIME (cue Kanye West moment). And let me tell you, I've read A LOT of FF. That story has taken me on so many emotional ups and downs, it reminds me of pretty much anything that Miss Fenway writes (in a very GOOD way, of course) =]" -Fang lover23

105. "One Man Writing Games is talent. the story Monster is AMAZING! its so full of detail. i can picture everything unlike some books that are published that i have read. she is great at adding drama in the story. everytime i got the email saying she updated Monster i was super happy that i got to read the next chapter. she is a talented writer and she needs to know that." -JoluJasamSkate

106. "I love 'Monster' because it combines my two favorite genres. The story is so incredibly written that I can't see how someone who doubts their abilities to not see the amazement it brings to us reviewers. I think its obvious how great they are at writing and you don't need an insane amount of reviews to prove it. Just think of the thousands upon thousands of people that read stories but leave no comment. It doesn't mean they don't love it. :)" -DarkAndStormyNight

107. "I just have this to say about One Man Writing Games. MONSTER IS ONE OF THE BEST FANFICTIONS I HAVE EVER READ. And I got really sad when my school work started piling up and not letting me read it! Girl has got some mad writing skills, she should never stop!" -EpitheticalBabylon

108. "You are an amazing writer! One of the only ones that is actually able to keep me into the whole story. Your writing has so much depth. I've never read any work better than yours. Don't ever doubt your writing abilities because you are such a great writer with so much talent!" -Melany Rose Skylear

109. "One Man Writing Games is incredibly gifted and gives me unending inspiration for my own stories. Whenever I'm stuck, I know I can count on her stories to get me out of my rough spots. :)" -ThatHobo

110. "She is hands down the best Big Time Rush fan fiction writer no matter what anyone else says. Everything she writes is just perfect and I love her." -Miss Jagan

111. "One Man Writing Games is one of my favorite authors on this site! I have read everything of hers and there isn't one thing she's posted that I've disliked.

"Why I'm Home" was the first story I read from her, and ohemgee it just took my heart and did things to it and I loved it and I read it everyday just for the sake of feeling those emotions again. I mean, it had angst and friendship and angst and hurt/comfort and angst and Jesus Christ I love it and I hope she never deletes it because I would curl up in a corner and cry for days.

After I read that, I went back and read "You Would Have Lost." This story just, I don't know. It made me cry, but in that good I-love-it-and-it-touched-my-angst-loving-heart kinda way.

And then I subscribed to her author alerts and read everything she's posted since.

The third thing I read was "Monster." Well, I'm still reading it, because it is unfinished. But I just. I don't even think words can describe how much I adore this story. Adore seems like a weird word to use, but it's exactly how I feel. It's such a great story with awesome characterization and the plotline is consistent and it has angst, which is like the air I breath, and I seriously read it from the beginning every time a new chapter is added because, well, because I do and I love it.

"He Lives On" had me bawling my eyes out within minutes. I honest to God clutched my laptop to my chest when I was done and just sobbed these loud, choking sobs. No story had ever done that to me before, except for Miss Fenway's "Little Hollow." I mean, at first it was sad crying, because Logan was dead. But then little Logan was there and he made me happy and it broke my heart and there was James and he used to be messed up and he was helping Camille now and I don't even know. I could ramble forever. All I know is, I know I will probably never experience something like this story any time soon. It's like a great work of art.

"Therapy." This story. It took my heart and smooshed it and broke it and then fixed it back up and gave it a great big hug. It was so perfectly angsty and I loved it to life. It made me cry and shake and I think I scared my mom into thinking that something was seriously wrong because I kept re-reading it and having the same reaction.

And then came "Feel Alive" and it was like "He Lives On" all over again. Only this time, I was in a public library and had numerous people asking if I was okay and all I could choke out between gasping sobs was that no, I was not okay, that James was dead and he wasn't coming back and 'The Lion King' will never look the same to me EVER again and that Logan was so broken, like my heart and he died too and then, in the end they were together. I'm not sure where that rant was supposed to go but it worried the people around me to no end. I think they were confused. But I didn't care. If I could give this story a standing ovation, I would have. It's so amazing, this story is, and I can't ever imagine it not being there.

I am eagerly awaiting updates on "I'm Fine, Just Fine" and "Disabled". I need to know what happens to Kendall, need to see more bromance, need to see more of, well, everything. And I am just dying for more James angst and Logan angst in Disabled and I am yearning for even more bromance and awesomeness, and I don't even know. I just want more of these two stories!

I realize that this is probably not really how you wanted this written, but I feel as though I need to make up for my lack of reviews. I just hope that it makes One Man Writing Games realize that she is amazing and without her, the Fanfiction world would be just a little less bright and lot less awesome and I would have that many less AMAZING AWESOME GREAT LOVELY stories to read over and over again.

But to sum it up, I love OMWG. I love her writing and her talent. I love that her stories make me laugh and giggle and cry and sob and they break my heart and then fix it with hugs and every time I read one, I pretty much explode with emotions and and and, I don't even know." -StillLovely

112. "So, after I read Little Hollow I was on Cloud 10 practically and so when I saw He Lives On I knew I had to read it. And when I did, my little heart was shattered and I fell to Cloud -15 I was so sad. But it stayed with me. I always think back to when James told little Logan to move his little butt and when Lil Logan said "My butt is not little!" and how I could perfectly picture (and still can!) the look on Camille's face when she finished decorating. I'm pretty sure that I'll be an 80 year old woman and still be able to remember this. Seriously.

Sooooo, my point is that YOU. ARE. NOT. AND. WILL. NEVER. BE. A. TERRIBLE. WRITER. You are like and explosion of uniqueness throughout the sea of OC and girl group stories. You give these characters more depth, more feeling, and more importance. I think that if it wasn't for that type of fanfiction I would not be obsessed with BTR like I am (and I take pride in obsession xD). So you really shouldn't doubt yourself, because two people who really and truly care about you took the time to create a list of 111 (and now 112!) reasons that you're amazing. (:

Keep being awezome (cuz that's what you are!)! ;)" -TheWonderfulLiz

113. "To me, One Man Writing Games will always be awesome because she was the one who got me hooked on the Jogan pairing. I can honestly say that I didn't like that pairing very much but after reading "You Would Have Lost" I was hooked. Her stories are amazing and I can't ever tear my eyes away from them. Once I read them, I can't stop. She is an amazing writer and I'm glad that he became a fanfic writer." -Hikari of Death

114. "I really haven't read all of her stories nor kept reading the ones I have because I have no time thanks to my school work, but from what I have read I can say that she is a great writer. All the details in the stories are great! And she keeps the characters IN character which is somethig not everybody can write.

Honestly, her writing is amazing and I hope she keeps writing, and I hope she feels better about this because there are a lot of people that have read her stories and have said such nice things, and the haters that hate everything are just stupid, people. Haters just want you to feel like your writing is not good enough for people to read. She should ignore that." -rOcKeR4LiiF3

115. "Well, there are really no words to expalin how great of a writer she is.. her wording captivates me, and leave me interested and inspired every time" -Sexy-chan

116. "I loved the suspense I found within the plot. It had my toes curling waiting to sink my teeth into the next chapter. Her writing style is magnificent." -Moonlight Grace

117. "One reason I think she's a great writer is because is excellent at doing angst! It's sometimes hard to write tradegies and I find it super impressive that she can make all the emotions feel so real and upsetting. I really hope she doesn't stop now! :P" -myjumpingsocks

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Well Wishes

"When you talk to her next, give her my love. And tell her that as soon as I get a break from writing my own stuff, her stories are number one on my reading list." -Starbucks3894

"Please send my love for her writing. 3 :)" -CarlisleLover1234

"I hope things get better! Hang in there!" -Igettvgeeks

"I hope she feels better about her writing abilities, because she is an amazing and gifted writer." UnderworldChick-n-VMKPirate

"I can't see why she would think that she's a bad writer." -Rockport268

"she is a talented writer and she needs to know that." -JoluJasamSkate

"Tell her that I think she is amazing and should keep on writing, no matter what anyone else might say." -Wings Dipped in Silver

" I really hope she gets her confidence back, because whether she believes it or not she is an amazing author." -Mrs. Wolfe-Sanders

"I hope she does continue writing." -Music4ever1617

"She is very talented and should never doubt herself. :)" -ChasingTheeDream16

"One Man Writing Games absolutely positively CANNOT stop writing. She should have all that faith in herself that we do, and more, because she is amazing and we need her talent. So so so SOSOSOSO much." -StillLovely

"Tell her if she ever needs anyone to talk/vent to, my inbox is open! =]" -Fang lover23

"i hope she feels better about her writing! :)" -koreto-chan

"never gve up on your writing! You are amazing in every way. 3" -OnceUponABrokenFairytale

"And tell her that at some points I think everyone has some doubts about it, it's absolutely normal, but she reslly IS good." -leetvfan

"Tell her I love her stories and I hope she will begin to believe in herself after this. I'm glad to be a part of this." -HalfwayThereNow

"And I meant everything I said."

"I am terribly sorry she is having a hard time right now and really hope she realizes soon just how amazing her writing is." -Ibbet

"I really hope she feels better and realises just how amazing her writing really is." -spazmoid

"tell her to never give up, she would be letting down a lot of people if she did. People think she's a talented writer and she should to. Please don't give up." -unnaturalstories

"I just want One Man Writing Games to know one thing... WE ALL LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! KEEP UP THE BREATHTAKING, AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC WORK THAT EVERYONE LOVES! WE ALL ENJOY WHAT YOU WRITE AND THERE SHOULD BE NO REASON FOR YOU TO DOUBT YOURSELF, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO DOUBT! :)" -KxJ luver

"Please don't let her ever stop writing. She is a creative angst-tacular, inspirational writer who wont let no one get her down!" -BeastBoyfangirl

"She seriously needs to realize her talents, skills and the potential she has to be an amazing writer, which she already is. Don't give up and thanks so much!" -ashleyjordan

"You're fantastic! Keep writing! :D" -moogsthewriter

"I hope One Man Writing Games never quits writing, because her stories are just thrilling to read." -mindless scribbles

"I hope she realises what an awesome writer she is." -Stori Booke

"She is really talented, and needs to know it!" -KingdomHaley

"So keep writing One Man Writing Games. :)" -TextingTantrum

"Don't ever doubt your writing abilities because you are such a great writer with so much talent!" -Melany Rose Skylear

"Keep being awezome (cuz that's what you are!)! ;)" -TheWonderfulLiz

"Hope she feels better soon." -rOcKeR4LiiF3

"she really shouldnt doubt her writing :)" -Sexy-chan

"I hope this helps. It comes from the bottom of my heart and I would LOVE to read more." -Moonlight Grace

---

Thank you SOSOSOSOSO much to everyone who helped out, participated, everything. You are all the most amazing people in the world and I love you all so much and I want to organize a big huge giant group hug and meet you all and thank you personally, but the Private Messages will have to do. Seriously, everything I'm saying right now is SUCH an understatement, you don't even know. I don't think I've felt this much love in my LIFE. Thank you SO much for helping with this, it was a huge project, completed in five days! That's astounding. Thank you to everyone who helped out, for making this possible. If you hadn't helped, it would be completely pointless. HUGEHUGE thank you to Miss Fenway, who was a HUGE support and help and helped me organize everything, AND SHE WROTE THE STORY. She wants you all to know that it wouldn't have been written if it weren't for me, though. IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY TODAY WITHOUT YOU.

If you did not get to this in time or want to be a part of this, please PM me about what you want to say and I will add you to The List. Thank you so much.

Alex, I sincerely hope this helped open your eyes to everything you've been missing. It's incredible, don't you think? I think so. And please, if you're ever feeling discouraged about your writing again, just take another look through this list, I'm sure it will erase those doubts straight away. We all love you, so much. Don't ever let The Jerk take over.

Love, the fans, Laura, and Rieley.