A/N: My KH fans are probably lol'ing at this. XD In the past, I have made it very clear that I would never write a songfic. And now, here we are. A songfic. XD And I oddly had a lot of fun writing it, much more than my other EClare fics.
I do not own the band Marianas Trench, their song "Beside You" or any of their affiliates. But I do strongly urge you to check them out. I enjoy the music from a lot of bands but, when it comes to emotion and lyricism, I am a terribly harsh critic. There are very few artists whom I have respect for their lyrics. When it comes down to it, Marianas Trench are my favorite. Every song is so well written, every word intricately woven into a web of pure emotion, magic and beauty. "Beside You" is only a taste of their true potential. I don't even feel worthy to use their song in my fic. XD The story is mostly based on the music video.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Degrassi. Stop asking. -_-
When your tears are spent on your last pretence
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence
She let a sigh escape her lips as she felt the soft breeze dance through the strands in her hair. Anyone would consider this a perfect day; the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, the breeze was smooth and the temperature was just perfect. A day this perfect was able to make anyone happy… or so it thought. The lovely day could tap on anyone's window with glee, sing a happy song of merriment to the bystanders on the street and still be praised with love, affection and compliments as to how absolutely perfect it looked as it brightened up everyone's day. But Clare Edwards was no fool. The lovely weather can't make her smile; it's much too innocent. The weather doesn't know what the real world is like; it doesn't know of the evil sins and iniquity the world hides under its masked face. The weather has never known fear, feelings of pure terror as it watched that stupid boy, that godforsaken brainless stitch of a human being, the one who smirked his way into her every thought and had stolen her heart with his playful sarcasm and warm personality he only displayed when she was around… watched, actually watched as the one thing she ever learned to actually love with every ounce of her being almost die in an instant. Her best friend, almost lost to her forever. The weather has also never known anger, anger at him for not listening to her sooner, for not stopping his pathetic string of destructive actions, for not running away with her when she came to warn him of impending doom. No, the weather just knew how to smile at you. It even smiled when it rained. Clare wasn't buying it.
She scowled at the happy passer-bys as they merrily skipped across the sidewalk that paved itself in front of her house, not even noticing the teenage girl who sat solemnly on the steps of her porch, listening to her music as she tried to make sense of her dishevelled thoughts and bouts of raging teenage angst.
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
She felt her phone vibrate in her jeans. Three soft, quick movements in her pocket, alerting her of an incoming text message. People have warned her not to use the Lord's name in vain but now seemed to be appropriate; thank God for text messages. Every time Alli texts her about the new shades of lip gloss she bought, Clare could merely take a few seconds congratulating her with mock cheerfulness, add a colon and a closing bracket to simulate some form of a smile, send it and go back to being angry and upset. Alli was never the wiser. She pulled her phone from her pocket, wondering what brand of shoes her giddy friend decided to abruptly tell her about this time.
She'd chuck her phone across the street if her mother hadn't paid for it.
Meet me where you first saw me – Eli
She took a minute to re-read every word carefully, as if trying to search for a hidden meaning in his words. They hadn't spoken in a week. Not since… well, she'd rather not think about it now.
She clearly remembered where they had first met… outside the school. He crushed her glasses with his car and she hesitantly explained about her eye surgery, looking like a total idiot in front of the mysterious new boy. What he said next blew her away.
You have pretty eyes.
And that was it.
Clare gingerly stood up, still gazing at the message on her phone. She was still angry with him. Even after he stole a kiss from her in the library, even after he complied with her idea of being his girlfriend, even after the moment she realized how every time he would look into her eyes, he'd take her breath away… the events that took place later that night weren't easy to forget.
If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
Ugh, why was this song so damn sappy? She ran a finger across the screen of her mp3 player, gazing at the album art. Marianas Trench? That Vancouver band? Although the song was soft, they weren't her style. Why did she even have this song?
Oh, that's right. Eli had sent it to her.
Everything around her just screamed Eli. Her phone, her music, the giddy smirk on her face she wished would just disappear every time she tried to be even remotely upset with him… She needed to get out of here. Take a walk somewhere, just to clear her head.
Packing up her phone and mp3 player in her pockets, she descended the steps to her home, the song still ringing clear in her mind as she made her way across the neighbourhood.
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
He stared at the phone that lay on his desk, the sound of music trickling softly from the stereo beside him. His eyes bore into the phone as his mind raced back and forth, thinking, thinking about nonsense, thinking about everything, about her. It had been a week since he had spoken to her, seen her pretty face light up at the sight of him and her eyes… her gorgeous, sapphire eyes. It had been seven days. 10080 minutes.
604800 seconds.
He had survived over six hundred thousand seconds without seeing her. And spent every single one of those seconds thinking about her, about her gemstone eyes and if he'd ever see them happy again, wondering what she was doing, what she was watching or reading, wondering if she was upset with him or had changed her mind. He wondered if she even thought about him the way he had about her. His days were filled with thoughts about her, memories about their time together, the look in her eyes when he had grabbed her wrists and backed into a telephone pole, the way her soft touch grazed over his bloody lip, the way he had left her breathless after surprising her with a kiss and the way she twisted his arm around her shoulder, pulling him closer to his new girlfriend. He remembered being so surprised at how perfectly she fit beside him.
Beside him. Beside You. That damn song was still playing on his stereo. May it burn in hell.
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud
He glared at the phone on his desk, subconsciously trying to set it on fire with his mind. It had been a week since he had seen her. And every second he spent away from her sent him over the edge. He couldn't sleep at night anymore; and watching eight consecutive hours of Six Feet Under just didn't do the trick anymore. He had to see her again. He had to see that beautiful angel again, the one who invaded his thoughts at night, depriving him of sleep and free will. He had to gaze into her crystalline eyes again, just to get lost in them one more time. And he had to warn her of her offense; thievery was against the law. She had stolen something valuable and precious, something not too many people are able to steal; she had stolen his heart and, although pilfering was a criminal offense, she had to know how much he wanted her to keep it.
He quickly grabbed his phone from atop the table, his fingers moving swiftly and smoothly atop the keypad, punching an array of nonsensical words he would probably regret later on. Meet me where you first saw me.
If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
He sighed heavily when he pushed the 'Send' button. What in God's name did he just do? He fixed his gaze to the view outside his window, running his fingers through his bangs to clear his eyes. He was such an idiot… why would she even want to look at him after what happened on Vegas Night? After he last saw her? He wouldn't be surprised if she was staring out the window in her room at this very moment, cursing his name and his existence.
He should just leave her alone. Let her move on with her life; find a sweet, innocent boy with good intentions, the kind of boy her parents would approve of. He would be gifted, well-educated and he would respect her and have nothing but pure intentions. Who knows, maybe they'd get married one day. Maybe they would start a family, live in a typical suburban home with a pretty, red car parked in the driveway.
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
And he would come home every night, oblivious as always to the fact that he had a pure angel for a wife.
He would never love her the way she deserved. No one ever could. No boy in the world could ever love Clare Edwards the way Eli Goldsworthy did.
And he had to let her know.
I will stay
Nobody will break you
He gazed at his stereo, listening to the lyrics that filled his room. That's right; he'll stay with her forever. Nobody will break her. Not while he was around. Maybe one day this will be their song… but for now, he had to make things right.
He confidently stood up from his seat and grabbed his car keys. Going back to where she first saw him.
Clare blinked at her surroundings, trying to tune out the hustle and bustle of the city. There were so many people on the streets at this time, running to catch a bus, talking on their cell phones, laughing much too loudly or bumping into other bystanders as they attempted to send a flurry of text messages at once. The buses were filled, the traffic was at a standstill and the drivers cursed and shouted. So much for trying to clear her head… She took a swift turn at the next corner, taking one last look at the crowded street. Thank goodness she was out of that…
She remembered the street she was on all too well. The school wasn't too far away and a local café she had learned to love, The Dot, was naught but a mere few blocks away. She'd stop there but she wasn't in the mood for coffee. She was much too agitated.
She wanted to be upset with him, more than anything. Come on! She was just fine without him! She had just spent an entire week at her grandmother's house, spending relaxing time with her family, reading, catching up on…. ok, no use lying to herself, she was bored out of her skull. But the point is that she survived an entire week without him. Even after spending days on the front porch of her grandmother's house thinking about him, spending seven nights counting the tiles on the ceiling when sleep would have much rather traded places with her vivid thoughts about him. She survived. Her thoughts were obviously in shambles but she survived, didn't she? She'd probably be better off if she didn't see him.
She came to an abrupt stop in front of a lamppost that overlooked a crowded flower shop where an old man was hard at work arranging the flowers at the doorway. Turning to gaze at the shop, her sapphire orbs caught the attention of something much more interesting; a bench. A deep green bench stood in front of the flower shop.
She and Eli had sat on that bench. She had given that poor shopkeeper a heart attack when he dared her to scream. And she advanced towards him as he wrapped his hands around her feeble wrists, keeping her in place a mere inch away from his lips. And she remembered feeling happy for once.
Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
That… song! That godforsaken song! The flower shop had the radio on for its customers and the music trickled vibrantly through the front door, making its way towards the wretched bench and the confused teenage girl. The radio had over a million songs in its arsenal; it had to go and choose this one? She shook her head, marching away from the corner that reminded her of the one thing she was trying to escape.
Clare dropped her hands to her sides in defeat after successfully escaping that miserable corner. Everywhere she went, he was always there. Thoughts of him, memories she'd rather forget… or wish never happened. And that goddamn song. It followed her everywhere, thirsty for her blood.
No matter how fast she ran, that damn song was always faster.
No matter how fast I ran, he was always faster.
She quickly looked away, pained by the memory of him. He never listened to her. He was much too stubborn to ever admit he was wrong, or to ever give up a stupid feud. She did everything; she pleaded, she argued, she faked anger to frighten him, she teased him to persuade him, everything! And he still kept it up. Was his pride that important? Was it that fucking important?
She brought a hand to her cheek, caressing her skin. It was damp; had she been crying? What on earth would she be crying about?
She came to a halt in front of an electronics store and gazed at the television screens in the window. They were all tuned on a channel that played music videos. She sniffed and dried the few tears that had managed to trickle their way down from her eyelashes onto her skin. A man was playing his piano on the screens while a young woman was strolling around a harbour, obviously upset.
Wait… she knew this music video.
Just trust in me, trust in me
AAGH! That fucking song! It followed her all the way here! She let another tear roll down her cheek, this time not even bothering to wipe it away.
Forget it… there's no use running from it anymore. Wherever she went, that song would find her. So why should she even bother running from it? Just let it catch up to her. Let it find her broken and dead inside; let it laugh at her innocence and misery.
Because no matter how much she fuelled her anger towards him, it never changed the fact that she loved him.
That's right. She loved him.
This wasn't stupid puppy love she had with her first boyfriend. Would she have jumped in front of him and taken a stabbing for him had he been the one in Eli's place? Perhaps not. Would she have taken a knife for Eli?
Yes.
No hesitations. The answer was yes.
She shook her head. Focus! You're angry with him!
Really? She would've taken a stabbing for him? So, why didn't she do it?
Get away from me.
Because he asked her not to… He asked her to leave him, pushing her away from the danger. And as her vision blurred, she was able to catch one last look at his pain-stricken face as he watched the only person that mattered to him step away from his threat.
And she didn't try to save him. God knows she wanted to. She didn't try because he didn't want her to. Underneath it all, she trusted him.
Just trust in me, trust in me
Clare brought her hands to her now dry face, staring at the electronics shop in horror. This was too much to handle, there were too many distractions. She needed to leave; get away from it all. Go somewhere where no one would find her.
The girl in the video was alone at the harbour. Nobody goes to the water.
Without a second thought, Clare took off down the empty sidewalk, running as fast as her legs could carry her. The river was nearby. That damn song couldn't find her there.
She breathed heavily as she finally slowed to a stop in front of the set of metal railings that separated her from the water. The waves crashed into the cement scaffolding beneath her and the river smelled like the ocean, despite having clear water instead of salt water. The place was deserted, save for a tiny information booth not too far from her. The booth was void of any human life but a miniature stereo sat solemnly on the windowsill, the radio blaring a familiar song through its speakers.
Cause I'm just trying to keep this together
Cause I could do worse and you could do better
She was a fool to think that song wouldn't catch her. No matter where she went, it would find her, bringing thoughts of him along with it. She couldn't escape him. He was all around her, anywhere she went. Thoughts of him invaded her mind, depriving her of sleep, causing her to blush scarlet at the thought of his quirky smirk and the softness in his kiss.
And the look of pain on his face as he pushed her away from the dagger. Frightened that he may never see her again, never kiss her again, never look into her eyes again. Although he never spoke these words, they were written all over his face.
Perhaps Eli finally realized something. Clare knows she did.
Tears are spent on your last pretence
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence
Eli may be an idiot; he sure acted like one when it came to his useless feuding. But Clare was sure of one thing: he may be stupid as sin when it came down to some things but… it's what made him so special to her. The way he teased at her innocence, the way he smirked when he realized she had won an argument, the way she would catch him staring at her face or gazing into her eyes when he should have been doing his homework…
The way his gemstone eyes gazed into hers, unravelling every secret she kept hidden behind them and the way she fit so perfectly at his side with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Yes, she noticed that.
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
She gazed out towards the river, smiling at her foolishness. When did all this happen? It was so easy being angry with him that she was much too blind to see the clearer picture that sat right under her nose; he was under her skin, in every thought that coursed through her mind and filled every crease of her heart.
She loved him. And she finally understood that sappy, godforsaken song that followed her everywhere.
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
For a moment, as she gazed at the river, she imagined him approaching her from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder, taking in the scent of the river and her hair. She would tell him she loved him. He would whisper softly in her ear that he loved her too. And she would smile.
She turned around, hoping to gaze into his perfect eyes only to find no one behind her. Her smile fell, realizing he was only a figment of her imagination. If only she could tell him everything. Everything he had done to her, everything she felt for him.
If only she could tell him she loved him.
She raised her gaze, resting it on the pavement before her. He asked to see her where she first saw him. If only she wasn't too late!
She began running down the street whence she came, a small smile forming on her face. Going back to where it all began.
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
She slowed to a stop in front of the steps of Degrassi, gazing at the entrance for any sign of him. The doorway was deprived of any form of life and the steps were completely deserted, save for an innocent pigeon that pecked at the ground for food. Even the pavement where his tires had crushed her glasses was empty.
There was no mistake. This was the place where she first saw him. Perhaps she was too late?
Her thoughts drifted towards the worse possible situation. What if he grew tired of waiting for her? What if he left, closing his heart to her forever? What if she couldn't get a second chance? She felt her smile fall into a saddened frown as she took a step back, gazing at the very spot where their eyes first met.
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
Clare widened her eyes in confusion. She was quite used to the fact that that particular song seemed to follow her everywhere. She also understood that the music was coming from behind her. She just couldn't fathom how music could be playing in a deserted school crossing. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face the source of the music.
Under the shade of the oak trees that rested beside the crossing, Clare saw a regal hearse parked at the curb, windows rolled down as the music seeped through the stereos. Propped against the car was a mysterious and brooding boy, a genuine smile breaking across his face at the sight of her. This wasn't one of his teasing smirks. This smile was real.
Eli stepped away from his car and slowly began walking towards her. She did the same, closing the gap between them until they met halfway.
She took in everything about him; how his smile spoke a thousand words, how the sunlight reflected off his smooth hair and how his emerald eyes gazed into hers. She smiled at him. All the things she wanted to say to him, about how he had her heart in his hands since the moment they met… it seemed he wanted to say the same thing. He slowly took her hands in his, their fingers intertwining as they shared a smile, gazing at each other with nothing but pure love in their eyes.
He didn't need to speak; neither did she. The song that played on the stereo said it all.
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
Ah, EClare fluff. Who could not love fluffy fluff? XD Reviews make me write more fluff. And inspiration. O_o I think inspiration is the problem with the lack of EClare fluff these days...
And to my dear reviewer, WaterWitchXShadowCat: You have private messaging disabled! I can't send you sweet review replies thanking you for your reviews. That makes me sad. :(