Author's Note: Just a little ficlet I thought up and decided to write, since I am still fascinated with Kakashi Gaiden. To the readers of Living Arrangements, the next chapter should be up tomorrow. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
We're Never Alone.
I.
It was a month to the day of Obito's death that she found him there at the tombstone. He was alone, as per usual, just standing in front of the tombstone like a statue, one coal eye gazing hard and with agony at the hard rock which marked the final resting place of their teammate.
Although the funeral procession had been weeks ago, the memory of it was still quite vivid in young Rin's mind, and she knew that it probably was in his too. While Obito had not been close with many, most of his clan along with all the shinobi in their age class had attended the funeral. Asuma, Kurenai, Genma, Raidou, Gai, and even Anko had been there to pay their respects to someone they hadn't really known.
Rin also remembered how Team Yellow Flash had stood isolated from the rest of the attendants, mourning in humiliated silence. Since then, Rin had gotten on with her life as best she could under the circumstances, but was most surprised to see that, out of all of them, Kakashi was the one who was taking the death the hardest; he had yet to resume some semblance of his "normal" life – his sensei had prescribed him only B-rank missions for the past month, ordering him to come to terms with what happened and understand the meaning of this death before he went back into the line of fire.
Surprisingly, Kakashi had not complained, and had even asked to be relieved of his Jounin title. None of the council members were able to agree to such a delusional request, especially during the war, thus Kakashi was left with only the option to get better at being a leadership and understand what it meant. When Rin had heard of Kakashi's request, her entire expression had softened into sympathy for the boy, who probably felt as though he were incompetent and his efforts insufficient.
She had tried as best she could with her busy schedule to sit down and have a talk with him about it, but every time she attempted to, he would just get up and walk away, claiming he didn't have the time at the moment. It would have angered her, his attitude, if not for the fact that she knew how he felt; maybe she didn't understand it, but she could ascertain that he probably felt worse about it than she did. He blamed himself for Obito's death – something she had once yelled at him for because it was an unhealthy thing to do and he was wrong – and it really seemed as though he had a long way to go on the road to recovery; that was, if he was going to ever recover.
Standing in the shadows of nearby trees, she watched him as he paid his regular one-hour or more visit and desperately wished she knew what to say to him. It was bad enough that Obito had died – now that Kakashi was acting nearly dead as well, it was nearly beyond unbearable. Aware of his family history, Rin often wondered fretfully if Kakashi would suffer the same fate as his father – if he'd decide that it was all too much, all too painful to live, and end his life. He seemed so fragile, so broken, the pieces of his mind and heart scattered everywhere, and Rin feared that she wouldn't have enough strength, enough power to heal him. Physical wounds were her specialty, not emotional wounds.
Determined to do something and not let him go on suffering this way, Rin walked out from under the shadows and approached the tombstone in front of which Kakashi stood. "Hi," she greeted, and received a grunt in response.
Not currently having anything else to say, Rin took to watching the tombstone with him, and even bent down to trace the name of her best friend with cold fingers. She stayed crouched down for the longest time, simply observing the way Obito's name was carved out in fine, calligraphic writing. Along with tracing his name, she prayed to Obito that if he was up there, to help Kakashi through this. One dead teammate was enough to last Rin a lifetime – she didn't need two deaths on her hands.
With a sigh, she placed her hands on her knees and stood back up beside Kakashi. Without even looking in his direction, she said, "I'm worried about you."
He didn't look back either, only responding in a toneless voice, "You shouldn't be. I'm not the one who's dead."
Rin ignored the comment and continued on, "Everyone's trying so hard to be strong…and that's really all we can do right now…be strong and move on." She paused to glance sideways at his face, and noticing that he wasn't going to stop her little speech, she pressed on.
"But the thing is, they all have someone, Kakashi, and they're going to survive. You" – she spared him another glance and sighed heavily once more – "I don't know if you're going to survive."
He looked back at her with one cold onyx eye, and she bit her lip and looked away. It wasn't that his hard gaze intimidated her – it did, but that was not what made her look away – it was that his eyes were filled with such agony, such pain, and in them she saw a younger boy who was afraid and just wanted – no, needed – someone's help. "I'm fine," he insisted through gritted teeth, yet his tone of voice affirmed just the opposite of what he was saying.
Rin kept her head down, suddenly interested in the grass and the way the morning dew sparkled off it in the glimpses of the sun. Too discomforted to continue on with the words she knew that she needed to say while they were in such close proximity, she turned her back to him and proceeded to walk away.
Kakashi was fairly disgruntled by this – had she just given up and decided that he was a lost cause, someone who was too hopeless to save? She wouldn't have been wrong, but the action did not seem to fit the profile of her personality. Then again, what did he really know about her personality? He had never taken the time to get to know her before, so he had no clue what she was like outside of missions. Still, something told him that her walking away was not right.
Wanting to stop this uncharacteristic action on her behalf – but not really knowing why he wanted to – he reached out with one arm and enclosed his fingers around her wrist. He heard her gasp softly before returning to the frozen motion position she had been in. One foot was half off the ground, as if she desired to run away from the situation, but the other was firmly grounded, almost as if to tell her that she needed to stay. Moments later, the other foot joined the first in placing itself firmly on the ground beneath her, but still she did not turn back around.
She couldn't. She was on the verge of tears, caused by a medley of the grief she felt for Obito's death, the frustration she felt at herself and the world, and the fear and sympathy she felt for Kakashi.
Her words started pouring out on a shaky breath, coming out almost incoherently, but Kakashi listened patiently until she was finished, and the meaning had come out crystal clear. "I – I…I know y-you think you're alone in this," she told him, and he looked down, suddenly feeling more guilty than usual. Not only had he managed to cause the death of their friend and teammate, but now she was also upsetting herself over him? It just didn't seem right, didn't seem fair. In fact, it made him sick to his stomach. He only brought people displeasure. Maybe ending his life – as he had been pondering of doing for the past little while but could not bring himself to – was the right conclusion for him. Maybe it was the only fitting death scum like him could ever have.
Her voice made him snap back to reality, and she spoke more steadily now, the words flowing from her lips with conviction. "But you have people you can talk to…people who care." Kakashi dropped her wrist, and she turned around to look him square in the face. "There's Gai…and sensei…and me, Kakashi. You've got me…ok?" Her words were soft and tearful, but firm, letting him know that she meant every syllable.
In a quick flash – before he could discern what was going on – she had sprung towards him and her arms now tightly embraced his middle, her face buried in his shoulder, her tears soaking a portion of his shirt. "Whatever you're going through…!" she sobbed, clutching at him even tighter, her fingernails digging into his back, "Whatever you're feeling…just know that you don't have to go it alone!"
She suddenly released him and placed her hand over her heart, her fingernails gripping the fabric dress around it firmly. "This pain…I know how it hurts. I know how much you miss him, because I miss him too. I know how guilty you feel…because I feel guilty too!"
She did not embrace him again; she only took one of his hands in her own, and lifted his slender and rough fingers, moving them up and down gently, before bringing her gaze back up to his face. "But you have to understand. This pain…it's not going to go away, not if we try to get rid of it alone. Together, we could help each other, and we could overcome it. Obito would not want us to be unhappy, nor would he blame us. We must realize that, so that we honour his sacrifice and ensure that he did not die in vain. I could help you, and you could help me, and in the end we could come out of this alive, and happy. We could do so much more than just survive."
Kakashi felt himself become detached from the conversation and gazed questioningly towards the sky. Could what she was saying be true? Was it possible that he was not alone, and that he had a chance at redemption? It all seemed too good to be true, and he expected that any moment an enemy shinobi would relieve the genjutsu they'd placed on him, and all the relief and comfort and wonder he was feeling would slowly dissipate, bringing him back down to reality. Strangely enough, that did not happen, and Kakashi started to feel almost convinced. Perhaps what Rin was saying was true, perhaps it was possible.
"Not alone?" he wondered out loud, the thought forming itself into words that slipped from his mouth.
She wrapped her arms around his frame. "You're not alone. I promise. As long as I'm here, you're never alone."
Even though the words she had spoken were so simple, they brought on a brief epiphany mostly fuelled by hope. Maybe this tragedy wasn't impossible to overcome. Maybe suicide was not the only option. Maybe, just maybe, they could get through this by keeping each other strong. Even if it wasn't the easiest way, even if it wasn't the quickest way, Kakashi, in the past few minutes, had become convinced that it was the best way, and therefore, the only way. He waited until she pulled away from him, and then told both her and Obito appreciatively, "Thank you."
Author's Note: Well, that is the end of this oneshot-ish fic. I really do hope that you found it to your liking, and that you will leave me a lovely detailed review filled with constructive criticism and your honest ideas. Thank you.