Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan looked up from her book and sighed. It was late, and she needed to be up in the morning to practice the glaive with the Yamani ladies. She was thinking of how much she had missed the early-morning ritual when she was in Scanra when someone knocked on her door. a voice said, Let me in It was Raoul's. Puzzled, she let him in.
Kel gave him a questioning glance. She looked closely at him, noticing he seemed troubled. He usually didn't drop by so late. Kel wondered what was going on. she asked.
I just got out of a meeting with Jon, Wyldon, Gareth, Flynn, Alanna and Sir Myles, Raoul said. He guided her to a chair and sat her down, then pulled up another one for himself. Kel was surprised by this action but she sat.
I'm to be married to Buri in the spring. I'm not as young as I used to be and my wound from that giant this past summer still bothers me. I'm getting old. The meeting was to find a replacement for me in the King's Own.

Yes sir. But what does this have to do with me? Kel asked, confused.

You're the one. You are to be Commander of the King's Own.
Kel blinked. Excuse me my lord, but I could have sworn you said I was to command the Own.

I did.

Kel looked at him like he was crazy.
she said, I thought you didn't drink. Maybe it's time you went to bed. Raoul looked at her sternly.
You can smell my breath if you wish, Kel, but I'm serious. They made up their minds before I got there. In the spring you will take up command.
Kel sat there, stunned. You're mad she whispered. I've got to be the...
Youngest commander in the history of the Own Raoul broke in.

Yes. You can handle it. Go to bed. We'll talk more in the morning. Raoul got up, stretched, and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Sleep was out of the question. She lay in her bed, tossing and turning for over an hour and then got up. She threw a robe over her nightdress and went for a walk. Jump, confused, padded behind her. Kel didn't know where she was going, she just knew she needed to walk. She wasn't surprised when her feet led her to Neal's door. SHe hesitated before she knocked on the door. Neal had seemed tired and rather--there was no other word for it--sad latley. Maybe she shouldn't... She knocked. Three times. she said to the door. Open up. She heard him coming to the door. He opened it.
Kel! What in Mithros's name are you doing here? You woke me up! Are you crazy? It's two o'clock in the morning.

I'm sorry Neal, but I need to talk to you.
Neal looked at her, and opened the door wider to let her in.

Kel...? What's going on?
Kel sat down on the edge of his desk. Raoul just informed me that I'm to be commander of the King's Own she said, her head in her hands.
Neal stared at her. He yelled. KEL! You've got to be the youngest...

Commander in the history of the Own Kel said wryly, lifting her head. I know. Raoul told me.

Who decided this?

The king, Alanna, Duke Gareth, and Wyldon. Raoul said they had decided before he even got there. I can't do this, Neal, I can't! They'll hate me, they'll kill me, goddess, I'm only twenty, the older men will despise me... She started to sob. The war, the deaths of so many friends, Cleon marrying, Dom's death in a surprise attack on New Hope by hurroks, Tobe leaving her to study with Daine, and now the added stress of commanding the Own. Neal stared at her, shocked. He'd never seen her cry before. Gods, I thought she didn't know how to cry he thought as he sat down and put his arm around her.
It's all right Kel. It'll be fine. Don't worry. He sat there rocking her as she slowly fell asleep.

When Kel awoke, it was not yet light outside. She didn't know where she was. Then she realized. She cursed Neal and struggled out of his bed. She threw open the door to his study. He looked up at her, smiling.
she growled. Why didn't you wake me up last night? What will people think?
My, my, the lady awakes, Neal chuckled, his eyes twinkling. I didn't wake you because I didn't think it was necessary. And since when do you care what people think? Sit down. You make my neck hurt.
Kel yelled, exasperated. Then she sat down, laughing. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I worried what Yuki would think if she found out. You know those proper Yamanis.
Neal looked stricken. Oh..nononono..... he breathed. Yuki. If she hears anything she'll kill me, even if I tell her that nothing...inappropriate went on.
Neal, it will be fine, said Kel. No one needs to know. And I thank you for your comfort. She winced, hearing the formality in her voice.
She got up to leave. She pulled the door open and Yuki almost rapped on her nose. Neal, who was standing behind her, saw Yuki and cursed under his breath.
Kel? Neal? Yuki whispered, her eyes widening as she saw they were both in their nightclothes.
Yuki, let me explain. Neal said calmly.
Neal, I don't need an explanation. I can clearly see what is going on. I only wish I had found out sooner. If I had, I would never have accepted your marriage proposal. She broke off and ripped the ring off her finger. Keladry, I thought we were friends. How could you do this to me? She threw the ring at Neal's feet as her face crumpled and she turned away and ran down the hallway towards the Yamani chambers.
Kel slowly turned around to face Neal. His eyes were haunted. Neal, I'm so, so sorry, Kel said in a low tone. She knew that he'd probably never want to see her again and she didn't know how she could live with that. I love him. He's the only man I have ever loved. If I love him, I will leave him and not hurt him anymore. It's my fault he's in so much pain. Knighthood had prepared her for pain, but not so much as this. She turned to go.
Neal, I'm sorry. I'll go. Goodbye.
Kel. Wait. Don't go. It's not your fault.
How can you say that! Of course it's my fault. If I hadn't come to your rooms... Why did he detain her? Didn't he hate her?
Kel. Don't be angry. Kel shivered as he touched her arm. The logical, stupid Kel made her draw away.
Why should I be angry? she asked, confused. You're the one who should be angry! Yuki just broke your engagement! she broke off, realizing that she really wasn't helping the situation.
Neal, I need to go. I told Lord Raoul that I'd meet with him today. I promise I'll come back. We can talk about it later.
Yes. You're right. I will meet you in the gardens
***


Twilight made the gardens beautiful, but Kel could hardly see them. Her mind was racing, full of things she shouldn't let slip to Neal, and her heart was full of dread for what might happen. She heard Neal coming behind her and turned around. Gods, she thought. He's beautiful. She cursed herself for being a helpless romantic and waited for him to get close before she spoke.


There was a long, rather uncomfortable silence.
said Kel, unsure of what to say.
Kel, don't blame yourself. It's not that big of a deal.
NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL? NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL? She stopped, realizing that she was screaming. She took a deep breath and continued.
Neal, I don't know if you were paying attention at the moment, but Yuki--broke--off---your---engagement. She said the last words slowly and carefull, as if talking to someone slow.

Neal whispered. He looked at Kel with penetrating green eyes filled with pain. He gripped her elbows so hard it hurt. Kel just stood there gazing up at him. Kel. I know you don't want to hear this. But I have to say it. I love you. You're the only girl I have ever loved. When you were with Cleon I gave up hope. Yuki helped fill that void. But I realize now that it'll always be you, Kel.
Kel just stood there and stared at him. Move she told herself. Say something. She didn't. Neal turned away.
You say noting. I know you can't return my feelings. Gods Kel! Just forget I said anything. His voice cracked with emotion as he turned around to face her.
Kel was finally freed from her spot on the ground. She flung herself at him, sobbing. Neal! I love you I love you I love you! She whispered in his ear. He held her at arms length and looked at her tearstained face. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Slowly he drew her to him and kissed her full on the mouth.
At last they thought. At last.