Author: KatieClare
Rating: PG
Notes: This is not a happy story. I don't usually write unhappy stories, but "Endgame" did not leave me feeling particularly happy.
I am alone. There was a time when I wasn't. There was a time when he looked into my eyes and told me that I was not alone. And I believed him. I went on believing until I had a stack of rainchecks on dinner high enough to rival the warpcore. I foolishly persisted on asking him to dine with me, never even wondering what those ambiguous other plans of his were.
Then she came onboard. The woman who opened my eyes to what my destiny will be. I saw the way she looked at Chakotay and Tuvok when she was beamed in. I didn't understand why at the time, but now I do. It's the same way that I'm looking at my first officer right now. Tom has been summoned to sickbay to meet his daughter and I've asked Chakotay to take the helm. The bridge is silent, as everyone is in disbelief. Earth is visible on the viewscreen, as are the multitude of ships that have become our unofficial convoy. Every captain wanted the honour of escorting the famed USS Voyager and intrepid crew home. Every captain except me.
I excuse myself and head for the sanctuary of my ready room. I can feel Chakotay's eyes on my back as I leave the bridge. I know that he'll be at my door within ten minutes. Out of habit I head for the replicator to order some coffee but as I think of Admiral Janeway, I order tea instead. Cradling the cup in my hands I sit down to wait. Five minutes pass and my tea is now cool enough to drink but I remain alone. Ten more minutes come and go, then twenty and finally thirty. My tea is now lukewarm.
My hand hovers over my commbadge, I'm considering calling Chakotay in here. Reluctantly I abandon the idea and with some difficulty my mind switches over to thinking of Tom and B'Elanna and their new addition. I remember that I have a blanket for the baby in my quarters. Now would be a good time to give it to B'Elanna. Quickly I walk out of my ready room and with a brief announcement that I am going to sickbay, I head for the turbolift.
Baby blanket in hand, I enter sickbay. The Doctor sees me enter and moves to greet me. I offer him a fleeting smile. He shakes his head.
"I'm sorry Captain, but Lieutenant Torres is resting at the moment as is the little one."
"I won't take long. I just wanted to give her this blanket."
The Doctor frowns, "I don't want her to be disturbed. I finally got Mr Paris to leave five minutes ago and I don't want to excite B'Elanna anymore than necessary."
I nod and turn around, "I'll come back later.", I call over my shoulder.
I find myself blinking back tears as I walk down the corridor, clutching the tiny blanket in my hands. My crew passes me, offering me smiles and thank you's.
"Captain! Captain!"
I turn around to find Chell on a pursuit course, his blue face smiling. I stop and he approaches me, ever so slighly out of breath.
"Captain! I just wanted to let you know that I'm holding an impromptu gathering in the messhall this evening at 1900 hours. Call it a celebration of our return to home and of the birth of our newest crewmember. You'd be the guest of honour!"
I glance down at the tiny blanket again, "There are a lot of things that require my attention at the present time Mr Chell. I can't make any promises."
Chell smiles again and bustles away. He's trying so hard to replace Neelix. At the thought of Neelix, I find myself blinking back tears once again. No one thought to contact Neelix.
"Chakotay to Janeway"
I jump a bit at his page and fail to respond quickly enough.
"Commander Chakotay to Captain Janeway"
I tap my communicator, "Janeway here"
"Could you meet me in my office as soon as possible? There are some things that I need to discuss with you."
The tiny blanket shifts in my trembling hands, "I'll be right there. Janeway out."
Some things that he needs to discuss with me. Those words repeat themselves in my head as I ride the turbolift towards Chakotay's office. As I step off the lift and into the corridor, I realize that I'm still holding the blanket. I should have dropped it off in my quarters but now it's too late. I approach his office with false confidence and press the chime. The door opens and I see Seven standing next to Chakotay. The tiny blanket falls to my feet and I know that I am alone.