Dear Diary,
What I am wanted since I came back from the tour finally happened! K realized that we need each other, especially since Lucas had his heart attack. I almost forgot was it like to be awoken by her; holding our 'soul mates' binder and wearing that red cardigan without the shoulders. (She's so cute in it.) She even came with Shipleys! Those are truly the best doughnuts. Diary, you don't eat or you would understand how much joy lives there.
We talked about the summer as she showed me the pages she wrote while I was away. 'Her first day', 'How Shane swims like a wet cat and can still rescue someone' and even that crazy all-star cheerleader who tanned excessively in the afternoon. Even her rants to herself begging and apologizing. Me, all my angsty notes are buried in my email. What a dork. At least I can share that with K, who is one too. It's all coming back together after over a month. It's hard to have faith this long. I did and so did she. Its magic.
K was reminding me how much family we truly are when Lauren decided to announce herself and slam the door. Sometimes sharing a bathroom with her is a curse. She obviously overheard everything and reacted as she always does, thinking the worst. So I apologized and reminded her she's my sister.
Well, not really. Now that the divorce is final, we aren't anything but roommates again but still we shared a lot of good times. Can wanting her to be my sister be so wrong? I don't have one. K's my soul mate, so that is so different. I wish she wasn't so jealous and angry.
So standing in the bathroom, with K now reading my emails, I tried to reassure her, K and I were solid. All relationships have these issues. That Mom and Bruce could get by together because well her love life unlike mine is tragic yet sustainable. So to cheer her up I agreed with her plan to get Mom and Bruce back together. Mom recycles everything, exes included so it's a decent plan.
It would have worked last week when K and I were distant. However, yesterday it failed and now Lauren hates me again. She thinks I'm in K's rabbit hole (not sure if she meant Alice in wonderland or not. Shane wouldn't have, but then again, he's over with Liam watching him spectacularly explode again.) Truth is, as weird as it sounds, I am. Being without her hurts and I don't know why. It just does.
So I created this plan to catfish Mom and make her think it was Bruce. Not that He loves sailing or Carrie Underwood, but Mom does, even if Jesus never takes the wheel from her hands. Don't get me started on that song, diary. I've heard it enough especially when I came out last year. Now every time K stays over, like last night, she plays it.
So the plan was Reginald would go Austin Swing Fest with her. He would delay, then stand her up. Bruce would see her there and they would get back together. Lauren and I would be sisters again.
K biked back to the house two hours later and we went to the nearest Whataburger to eat. She seemed shook up but glossed it over. It wasn't until later she told me what really happened. Lucas and her mom are polyamorous and have found someone named Diane to be in a relationship with. She though they were going to bring her back after going to Swing fest. Which is funny because K didn't know that it's the same Swing Fest Lauren and I were going too. K wanted to come and I couldn't deny her especially if she's spooked.
It's that reaction that scares me. Diane is nice and all, if a bit creepy, but K, even after all the weird sex with Liam and the thruple twice, seemed uncomfortable the whole time around Diane. I can't help to think that's my fault. I did this to her because she's uncomfortable with anything beyond our friendship. I love having her back yet I fear even more that she'll flee me if it reaches that point again. As much as I love Pussy explosion, if I had known, I would have stayed. We need to work this out.
That brings me to waking up with her this morning. It's been months since we slept in the same bed. I never expected her to be standing at the door at 11 pm, so sad. Lucas and her mom said that 'they have to live their truth' so no they wouldn't give up Diane. It's like they know too. So we lived our 'truth' at the Frisco at Addison and Burnett, just up the road (in case this one gets out too, which it won't because of this janky lock). She ate a Black and Bleu salad and I ate Blueberry Hotcakes, bacon, eggs and orange juice.
The cute waitress though we were a couple and gave us extra everything and a special price too so it was only $20. That seemed to bother K more even though she hid it. I just want everything to settle. I want the pain to fade. I want to just love K and have it not hurt me or her. I want Lauren or Mom to not flip when I bring K home because she's drunk and I don't want a repeat of pool night.
And if we kiss, (WE DID, TWICE!) I want it to because it truly means something. At least I know where I stand. Halloween is coming up. The party is next week yesterday. It will be fun and maybe things will change for the better. Baby steps, right? What could go wrong, diary?
Well, K's up, Mom's calling for me to come down for breakfast and Lauren is knocking on the door so time to say good bye until the next one.