Gone, But Not Forgotten
Today is a day I never thought would come.
A day I'd never even considered.
Today is the day my brothers and I bury our father.
Death is inevitable, yet we never even consider it in our lives. It's everywhere around us, and we think it will never catch us. Even at the age of twenty nine, I never considered Master Splinter's death. I knew he was old, in fact I remember asking him as a kid just how old he was. I can clearly remember his response.
"I'm old Leonardo, if I were still a rat, my life would have ended years ago. But I've been blessed to be able to live out the length of an average human life so far. Just remember, I will not always be around, I'll be gone much before you and your brothers"
As a child, I hadn't really understood what he meant. I'd hugged him and told him he didn't look old. He'd laughed at that.
As I stand at the hole we've dug with the help of Casey, I can't help but think of my master. When he found us in the sewers as babies, he didn't have to take us in, care for us, and even risk his life for us. But he did out of the kindness in his heart. He didn't have to scavenge food for us, he didn't have to provide shelter for us, raise us as his children. Yet he did. He didn't have to teach us ninjitsu. But still, he did. He didn't have to do any of these things, yet he still did. He was the most kind-hearted soul in the world, and now he's gone.
I stare around me. I see Casey's farmhouse, and the barn. I see the battle shell parked outside. I have some great memories here, we all do. This was not only an escape, but a place of healing. After I was ambushed in New York by the foot, it was here we came. After our final showdown with the Shredder, it was here we came to recuperate. When we felt trapped in the city, this farmhouse was our freedom. We could walk around in the daylight, we could yell, we could scream, we could train in the sun, and we didn't have to hide. There was no one to hide from.
Sensei loved coming here. Not only did it give us a chance to be wild teenagers, but it gave him more room and a better environment to meditate, an almost normal living environment, something he's always want for us. I think he'd want to be buried here, where we were free. Now, he's free completely. He's free to travel to the afterlife, and meet up with his beloved Master Yoshi.
My eyes go to his coffin. Casey, Raph and Donny built it when we first came to the farmhouse. It's beautiful; Mikey has painted it himself in white with a colourful flower on top. He spent hours on it, and it truly looks wonderful. I walk over to it and press my fingertips lightly to the painted flower.
I wipe the tears from my eyes when I hear my brothers coming over to begin the funeral service, and look up. I see Michelangelo walking first, he's quiet, his blue eyes filled with tears. I must say I'm surprised he hasn't run out of tears, Mikey was never one to hide his emotions, and even when he tried, he couldn't hide them well. Every night I hear him cry himself to sleep, and every night all I want to do is comfort him. But I can't.
I see Donatello walking next to Mikey, his arm around our little brother's shell. Mikey needs all the comfort possible. Donny's eyes are dry, and dull. It's the first time I've ever seen his intelligent brown eyes dull, and uninterested. I bite my lip as I stare at them, before looking away.
My eyes go to Raph. Raph is still back near the farmhouse, walking quickly with his arms crossed, like he's in a huff. Even from where I'm standing, I can tell he has anger burning in his eyes. I know he's not really angry at anyone, or anything, but it's just Raph's way. He's most comfortable feeling anger, so that's what he chooses to cover up the tears, and the grief. He pushes his grief away, but he'll have to grieve soon. When he does, I feel he will be worse than Michelangelo, Donatello and myself put together. I fear he may lose it all together.
Then I look to April and Casey. Casey has his arm around April's waist, and she holds a handkerchief in her hand. She wears a black dress, and Casey wears a black suit.
I move my eyes from our human friends to Leatherhead. He's walking slowly, his head down in his chest and his eyes to the ground. I scan them all before turning away.
I keep my eyes on Splinter's coffin as they all slowly join me. Donny and Mikey stand on my right, and Raph arrives on my left. Then, when we're all ready, Leatherhead begins the service.
There hadn't been much debating about who would run the service. At first they'd wanted me to, but I knew I'd never be able to, so Leatherhead volunteered, which was fine for all of us, because none of us wanted to do it. Now, as I stand and hear LH talk about Master Splinter, I'm happy we made that decision.
I stare at Master Splinter's coffin during the whole ceremony, memories flooding my mind. Good memories and bad. Happiness, sadness, love and hate. I don't even want to stop the memories, for they're all I have now. I don't take in a word that LH says, but I can tell from not only the reactions of my family but the sound of his voice going on, that he's done it well. I feel the tears flooding my cheeks, and just stand there, staring at that flower. Then, LH asks for my brothers and I to say something. I go first.
I talk about Master Splinter gentle and loving soul, and his kindness. I mention the day he found us, and his ninjitsu skills. I mention Master Yoshi, and how Master Splinter witnessed his murder. And I talk about his love. His love for my brothers and myself, for our friends, and for life in general. By the end, I can't talk anymore and step back silently. Donatello goes next, and then Raphael says a few words, then Michelangelo.
April says a few words on behalf of her and Casey, then, it's time to lower him into the ground.
Casey, Raph, Don and Leatherhead lift the coffin and place it in the grave we've dug. I never take my eyes off that painted flower as they lower him into the ground. Then they step back. I take a step forward and throw in a few flowers I had picked earlier. Mikey does the same, but he's got a whole bouquet. I feel ashamed I only had a few flowers that are more than likely weeds. April throws in a single white rose. When she steps back beside Casey, I see her sway and lean into him, he puts his arms around her and she sobs quietly into his chest.
Finally, it's over, and Leatherhead begins to fill in the dirt over Master Splinter. As the flower is covered up, and I can no longer stare at it, I look to the piece of wood we have as a gravestone. I had insisted I do it myself, and although I know Mikey would have done a better job, I'm glad I did. It's simple:
Hamato Splinter
Beloved father, sensei and friend.
It also has his name in Japanese kanji. I think that because it's simple, it's suitable. Even if we could have done something elaborate, simple is the best way to go. I quickly glance at my brothers. Michelangelo is crying openly, fat tears rolling quickly down his cheeks. Donatello stands by him, eyes still dry, still dull. Raphael is glaring at the ground, but I can see the tears trapped behind his lids. My gaze returns to the tombstone.
Leatherhead finishes and collects his gear. Casey and April turn away, as does Raphael. Raph leaves quickly, trying to escape this depressing scene, no doubt. Donatello slowly turns away, as though he doesn't want to take his eyes of the tombstone, but must. He makes his way back to the farmhouse. Then, I notice Michelangelo sitting on the ground, he's crying silent tears now, and I think that's even worse.
LH comes to make sure I'm fine, and I nod. He moves to Mikey and helps him up; they start back to the house. But I don't.
I remain there, staring that those simple words. I'll be here for a while yet, until someone comes out and finds me still here. Probably LH or Casey. They'll finally convince me to leave, and they'll guide me back to the farmhouse. They'll guide me upstairs to a bedroom, where I'll collapse on the bed, and pass out from emotional exhaustion.
I read the sign again:
Hamato Splinter
Beloved father, sensei and friend.
Gone, but not forgotten. I should have put that. But it's too late now. I guess I don't need to put it anyway.
Everybody know he's gone.
And he'll never be forgotten.
Ever.