Forever

Dear Cassie,

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing you this letter as I know you'll never read it. I just wanted to talk to you and this seemed like the best way to do it. The Library isn't the same without you Darlin'. I always knew that you would leave us, but I guess I always thought it would be under different circumstances. I always thought it would be your tumor that took you away from me. I never expected that you'd decide to leave the Library; that you would leave all of us. I thought that we had become a family.

I wanted to be your family, but I guess that I was just a little too late to realize it. I'm sorry I let you down. I know that you kept hoping that things would change between us and I kept making sure you stayed at arms-length from me. I knew the moment that I met you, you would change my life. Every moment that I got to spend with you was a gift. You've left a hole in my heart and I guess you'll never know. I wish you could have told me you were leaving. I wish I could understand why it is you left. All I know is that we didn't have enough time in each other's lives.

It's not just me that misses you. Every one of us feels a bit lost with the void you've created. I've been most surprised by Jenkins reaction to your absence. He never really seemed to take a shine to any of us, but sometimes I think he misses you almost as much as I do. And while Baird and Flynn miss you they have each other to take solace in. Jones goes out more often than usual. I don't think he's falling into old habits, but I guess he could be. It's just empty here and none of us want the reminder.

I found a picture of the three of us that was taken the Christmas we saved Santa. I remember how excited you were when you found out that Santa was real. The smile on your face was brighter than any I'd ever seen. It was a magical moment for you and I'm glad that I was there to see your Christmas wish come true. I find myself staring at the picture whenever I get the chance, needing to hold on to the memories of a time when we were all together and happy. I want to see you happy again. I hope that maybe someday I'll get that chance. Maybe you'll find it in your heart to find your way back to me and the Library.

Well, Darlin' even though I could probably go on and on about the goings on around here and how much we all miss you, especially me, but I should probably find something more productive to do with my time. I hope that you are well. Just know that I miss you and wish you were here with me.

With Love,

Jake

"Whatcha doing Stone?" Ezekiel asked as he walked through the annex after returning from who knows where.

"Nothin'," I replied hiding my letter to Cassie under some books on the table and stashing the photo back in my pocket.

"I was thinking of going out for a drink tonight, wanna join me?"

"No, I think I'm just going to go home and enjoy the quiet."

"You have to stop wallowing eventually Stone. She'll come back when she's ready. If she wanted us to know where she was she would have told us."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I have to accept that she's gone or that I can't try to find her."

"Well you'd be the one who could out of all of us since you were the one who paid the most attention to her."

"That might be true, but I have no idea where to look."

"Too bad Mate. I'm gonna go grab a snack from the kitchen before I head out, so I guess I'll see you around."

I turn to leave after Jones heads off toward the kitchen completely forgetting about the letter on the desk.

I decide to wait until I'm sure Stone is gone before I go retrieve the letter he left on the desk. It's just one of many that he's written to her in the past month. If he only knew what I knew maybe things would be different. Personally I don't know how he hasn't found her yet, but it probably has something to do with the guilt he feels. I never read the letters. I might be a little nosey and I might be a thief, but I'm not cruel, especially when it comes to Cassandra.

Even though I just returned from a mission I head back over to the back door to leave again, the envelope I stashed the letter in, in hand. Maybe this time he will have said the right words and she'll decide it's time to come home. Her leaving has been just as hard on her as it has been on him, but it was her decision to leave. I don't know what exactly she's looking for, but I hope she realizes that she's needed here. Though it doesn't seem to matter how much I tell her, she seems to be waiting for some sort of sign.

She opens the door before I have a chance to knock. I guess she must have seen me walking up, but then again maybe not. I find myself at her doorstep more often than not these days hoping that I can convince here to come home.

"He wrote you another letter today," I said handing the envelope over to her.

"Thanks," she replied looking a little sad as she stares at the envelope now in her hands.

"Are you ever coming back? I'm not sure that Stone is going to last much longer without you," I explained and know I'm not really being fair to her feelings in doing so. She deserves the truth. It's hard to watch both of my only real friends falling apart in front of me knowing there's not a thing I can do.

"He can't miss me all that much, he hasn't even tried to find me," she turned away from me with the reply.

"He tries Cass, but he can't see past his guilt. He thinks you left because he pushed you away too many times."

"Maybe I did." Her voice is brittle and it worries me.

"If that's your reason then you're not the person I thought you were. Because the Cassandra I know is strong and resilient. You don't let that "brain grape" keep you from doing anything then why would you let him?"

"He's not the reason I left, but I wish that he would have given me a reason to stay."

"And my awesomeness wasn't a good enough reason for you?" I asked in my most annoyingly cheerful voice. Thankfully she smiles. "At least I know that you can still smile. Are you ever going to tell me what this self-imposed exile is all about?"

"I thought that maybe I could find myself while working at the Library, but now I just feel lost. Even more lost than when I was working in a menial job because I couldn't hold down one that actually would use my intellect."

"Well, I hope you find your way home soon. Don't worry I still won't tell him where you are," I assured her before walking to the door knowing that she prefers when I keep my visits short.

"Goodbye Ezekiel," she said before I walked back out the door to head back to the annex. I turned around after she closed the door to see her gingerly opening the envelope that contained Stone's letter. I think I might see tears, but it's hard to tell from where I'm standing.

I'm glad she's reading them and not just stacking them in a pile somewhere. I know I promised not to tell him where she is, but maybe I could leave a few clues for him lying around. All I know is that even I can't take much more of this.

Dear Cassie,

I'm going to make this a short letter, as I don't know why I keep writing to you, so this will be my final one. Just know I can't wait for you to come back any longer. I keep hoping that I'll find a clue to where you're hiding, but every time I think maybe I've found you I turn out to be wrong. I wanted to find you so I could tell you all the things I wanted to say in person. And I need to say them. I'm hoping that if I write them in this letter they'll somehow find their way to you.

You were the sunshine that lit up this little corner of my world. Despite the fact that I kept pushing you away in a sad attempt to keep you from breaking my heart you wormed your way in and found a way to break it anyway. I miss your smile because it brought hope along with it and I could never stop myself from smiling along with you. If I had been a smart man I would have grabbed a hold of you and never let you go because you are the most amazing person. I want you to know that I fell in love with you a long time ago, but was so afraid of really letting you in that I ended up having to let you go before I was ready to do so.

There I said it, I love you. Please come back to me because I'm tired of having to live without your smile, without you.

Love,

Jake

It was two weeks since I had written my last letter to Cassie. I kept looking for clues to where she might be, but I never could find anything that would lead me to here. I don't understand why I can't since Jones was right that I was always paying attention to what she was doing. I was the only one who could walk her through her seizures. Why can't I find her? I pushed the books I had piled up on the table away from me and was surprised to find one of her notebooks sitting there in front of me.

I don't know how long I sit there staring at it, but I'm afraid that if I open it, it will bring a whole new wave of pain. To look through her equations and musings might just be the finally straw to break me apart, and I'm barely hanging on as it is. In the end I can't help myself because I want to touch the pages, and hold on to some little piece of her other than the photograph I keep on me at all times. If I'm lucky maybe this will hold the clue I've been looking for and I'll finally be able to find her.

I look at every page carefully. I don't understand most of it, but I'm drawn in by her handwriting. I wonder if this is what she sees when she's having one of her episode. There are notes on some of our missions in here too. I want to take each of these memories of hers and commit them to memory.

If there's a clue to her whereabouts it doesn't jump out at me. I find myself debating on if I should take the notebook home with me to look it over more closely, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I keep turning the notebook over in my hands as my internal debate wages on in my head.

"You know you really shouldn't read other people's things Jake," I jump at the sound of her voice. When I realize she's really standing there I get up. I want to run over to her and take her in my arms never to let her go, but I stop myself. Jones is standing just a few feet behind her and I finally put together the reason he's always out lately.

"How long have you known?" I asked Jones with anger in my voice. I wanted to go over there and throttle him, but I kept myself in check, just barely.

"Only took me a couple days to find her Mate," he said it matter-of-factly, without his usual smugness.

"And you didn't tell me," I yelled. "You knew I was looking. You knew what her absence was doing to me."

"She asked me not to," he said glancing her way, "I delivered your letters though."

"What?" I questioned knowing the shock must have showed on my face.

"All those letters you were writing I delivered every single one I could get my hands on," he admitted. "Well, I'm going to let you two talk." He gave Cassie a short embrace before walking out of the main room.

We both just stood there staring at each other for a long time. She looked exactly the same just a little sad. I wonder what she sees when she looks at me. Do I look sad too? Can she see all of the pain that has accumulated over the past month that she's been gone?

"I would have come back sooner, but it took me a little longer than expected to realize what I was looking for was here all along," she finally said breaking the silence.

"You really got all of my letters?" I questioned. Why had I never wondered where they disappeared to?

"I don't know, how many did you write?"

"I wrote one to you every time I wanted to talk to you, so almost every day," I explained.

"Ezekiel probably didn't find all of them then, but I got quite a few of them." She gave me a slight smile when she answered.

"Why did you leave?" The question has been eating me up since she left.

"I was feeling lost, more lost than I had felt in a long time. Your letters were like a lifeline." Somehow her voice sounded small.

"I can't believe Jones found you and I couldn't." I run my hand through my hair in frustration.

"I knew he would be the one to find me. Even if I hoped that it would be you the first time he knocked on my door." The sad look is back, and it breaks my heart that she knew I wouldn't find her.

"How did you know that?"

"Because he would check the unusual places."

"Where were you then?"

"The magic house we came across when we were in Slovakia. It took me a couple days to find it again, but I knew that I would be safe there." When she answers I find that I understand why she decided to go there. She was connected to the house, and I'm sure that house will be forever grateful for her.

"Why didn't you just come talk to me Cassie? I would have done anything to help you."

"I know you would have, but I think I needed to do this on my own. You did help me though, with every letter you wrote to me I began to realize what it was I really needed in my life."

"And what exactly is it that you need?" I asked knowing there was hope in my voice. Knowing that she knows my feelings I'm hoping that she still reciprocates them in some aspect.

"You, just you in my life. Forever." I can see the love shining in her eyes that are glistening with unshed tears.

"Come here Darlin'," I tell her before she runs into my open arms.

Ezekiel stood quietly in the doorway watching his friends embrace. Finally everything was right with the world again and he could go back to basking in his awesomeness.

I hope that you all enjoyed this little story. I was trying to write chapters for a few of my other stories when this one popped in my head and demanded to be written. I love hearing from all of you so I would greatly appreciate a review. Thank you for reading!