The Mysterious Transfer Student!
A Gintama fan fiction by Michael Lochlann and Jinnxe ForeverKuran
Chapter 1 The Beginning of the End.
A beam of sunlight filtered through the white blinds, illuminating a typical scene from a japanese high school: desks lined up in rows, dressed with open books and pencilled notes, populated with straight-haired, sailor-uniformed students. Two students at the back of the class were sleeping with their heads on their desks; while the girl with braces and glasses on the front row stared intently at her teacher, a man she secretly had a crush on.
"And that," the teacher said, brushing the back of his curly white hair with one hand, "is why Jump manga is superior to all other forms of manga."
"Professor Sakata?" asked Brace-Face in the first row.
"Brace-face in the first row," Gin said. His spectacles fell down on his nose as he looked down at her. He pushed them back up as he frowned, in an effort to appear knowledgeable and responsible.
"There's a man smoking in the hallway!" Brace-Face used her Tattle-Tale voice for this, but Gin was not impressed.
"That's not a cigarette. He's just choking on a stick of dango. That, kiddies, is why you need to take small bites." His spectacles fell down on his nose as he looked down at her. He pushed them back up as he frowned, in an effort to appear knowledgeable and responsible.
"But it's lit. There's smoke coming off the end."
"Well-he's a traveling entertainer who was practicing his fire-breathing act. Look at me, I'm swallowing a flaming stick of dango! But it didn't work. Poor guy. That, kiddies, is why you need to study hard, so you will never have to do things like that for money." His spectacles fell down on his nose as he looked down at her. He pushed them back up as he frowned, in an effort to appear knowledgeable and responsible.
"Professor Sakata-"
"WHAT?! Is he choking? Is he choking on the flaming dango? Is it my responsibility as a teacher to give him CPR? But I didn't pay attention when they were giving CPR lessons in the Intro to Teaching seminar because Ketsuno Ana was on TV? Does that mean I was being irresponsible? Am I being irresponsible right now?"
"Professor Sakata!"
"-My god, is he dead? He's dead isn't he? He choked to death while I was talking, and now they're going to interview me on the news and show my driver's license picture under a scary graphic? This is bad?!-What will Ketsuno Ana think?-"
"He's not choking, he's smoking a cigarette. And he's looking at you weird."
"He's not smoking a cigarette," Gin said. "Sunrise can't animate smoking. It's against the rules."
"But this is a fanfiction," said another student in the middle of the class. She had long red hair and secretly had a crush on him. "There's no rules like that in fanfiction."
Gin shook his head quickly. "No-no-no-no-no. We're not in a fanfiction. I would never do a fanfiction, even for all the sugar money could buy. I have principles, you know. I can't be sold out to the highest bidder like a cheap pink kitty sweater on eBay. It's called Odd Jobs, not Odd Slobs."
"But we are in a fanfiction." Redhead smiled. Gin-san shivered, as if he had been shocked while trying to plug in his hair straightener.
"That's just your opinion, and just like Ketsuno Ana's, everyone has one. That doesn't mean your Ketsuno Ana is right. The only person Ketsuno Ana is right for...is me."
"He's staring at you," Brace-Face said, interrupting them. "Like, really staring. Like he's going to pick you up and crush you into a little ball with his hatred alone. It's kind of scaring me."
"Do you think he'll go away if I keep ignoring him?" Gin said, walking up to her desk. Using his best teacher voice: "The study of manga is important, class, because!-"
The door burst open and slammed against the wall with a bang. Everyone in the class jumped with fright as a tall, angry-looking man with black hair stormed into the room, shouting, "How long are you going to keep me waiting at the door!?"
"Hi-hi-Hijikata!" said Gin, revolving around like a broken water sprinkler. "What are you doing here? Did somebody bring you in for Show and Tell? More like Stab and Shout, I think. Or perhaps you're here to discuss the health benefits of Mayo Bowls?"
Hijikata suddenly lost his fire and looked sullenly at the floor. He muttered something.
"Eh? What? I can't hear you. Speak up, like you're the King of Mayo and you're addressing your Mayo Soldiers."
"I said, I'm transferring in!"
The class was silent. Even Gintoki Sakata had nothing to say.
"...I'm supposed to introduce myself," Hijikata said.
Brace-Face stood up from her desk. "You're too old!" she said. She scowled at him for a moment, then sat back down.
Hijikata's sword-hand trembled at his side. Where a sword did not hang. They wouldn't let a student carry a sword to school. As Gintoki noticed this, he realized Hijikata was serious.
"My name is Hijikata Toshi. Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi. I am transferring into this class to refresh my knowledge of advanced algebra in order to more effectively manage the Shinsengumi's finances-"
"You failed the Shogun's new Police Exam!" Gin said, slapping his side. "You failed it so hard that he put you in remedial classes!"
"Graaaah!" said Hijikata. "Prove it! Go to the Shogun's palace and bring me the records that say that!" He bowed hastily to the class, then marched to the back of the room, his eyes burning black coals. He sat down at the empty desk in the back corner.
"No, no," Gin said. He clicked his tongue and waved his finger. "You sit in the next one over. Velma sits there, she's just out sick today."
Hijikata shot Gin a Demon Look. He grumbled something under his breath, then slowly stood up and walked to the desk to his left. He sat down without meeting anyone's gaze.
Gin let him sit for a minute. Then he scratched his chin and said, "Wait wait wait. Isn't that Daphne's seat? That's Daphne's seat, isn't it? The girl who's out with a severe case of chicken pox? No, you can't sit there. She's supposed to be coming back next week. But you can sit there, in the seat one over." Gin pointed to the desk to Hijikata's left, as giggles erupted from the other students.
Hijikata's knuckles were white as he gripped the end of his desk and rose to his feet with the menace and intensity of a man standing on a pile of men slain by his blade. His body seemed to emanate an aura of black violence as he slithered over to the next empty desk. He plopped down in the seat, and hurriedly pulled the book out from the wire basket under his chair.
"Wait, wasn't that Scooby's seat-"
"I'm going to kill you!" shouted Hijikata. "I'm going to kill you so hard your soul will come out of your ass!"
Gin didn't say anything, just walked over to his desk. He picked up a feathery pen from his desk and scribbled something in his note pad.
"What did you just write?" said Hijikata. "If you've got something to say, be man enough to say it to my face!"
"I wrote, 'Hijikata'," Gin said, putting his finger into his left nostril. "Then I wrote, 'after-school detention.'"
"You can't put me in detention! You're the one who should be in detention! Adult detention! Also known as, prison!"
Gin walked to the door and shut it. "Whoo," he said, walking back to his desk with his hands behind his back. "Our new student is a live one, isn't he? Anyway, class. This brings me to a good point in my lecture. You see, in manga and anime, the idea of a transfer student is often used-"
There was a knock at the door.
"Huh?" said Gin. "Who could that be? Has the principal come to visit?"
"Don't answer that!" Hijikata said. "Get away from the door!"
"Or perhaps," Gin said, "Mayo Mommy has come to see how her little Mayo Prince is doing on his first day of school?"
"On second thought," Hijikata said, "Go ahead and open it."
Gin shrugged and stepped to the door.
He looked through the glass and saw no one. "Hmm, maybe they're gone. I should check just to make sure, though." He grabbed the doorknob and turned.
There was a heart-stopping roar as Sougo Okita's bazooka fired, launching an arm-sized missile into the class room. It flew straight past Gin's shoulder, arced over Brace-Face's head, and headed straight for Hijikata. "Oh, shiiiiii-!"
Boom.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Sougo Okita. I'll be transferring into this class for this semester." Okita bowed towards Hijikata, who was buried under a pile of blackened desks and broken glass.