Author's Note: This might be the cheesiest, most adorable, most hilarious thing I have ever written. And I absolutely love it! Review if you feel like it!
How to Woo a Stormtrooper
A list of Poe Dameron's five guaranteed steps for wooing a rogue Stormtrooper. And how each one failed more miserably than the last. Poe/Finn. Humour/Romance.
One: Compliment His Sharpshooting
So maybe the trooper – Finn, he'd named the guy Finn – was a little rough around the edges. He was nervous and frantic, but Poe couldn't blame the guy. After all, he'd just betrayed an organization he'd worked for since birth, committed high treason, and nearly gotten shot down before they even gotten out of the hangar. Then the First Order had been trying to kill them, and Poe realized just how good a shot Finn was when he wanted to be.
And how gorgeous. And enthusiastic. And how Finn's laughter was contagious and bright. How his smile probably matched. How quickly he adapted to the weapons and trusted Poe – just as Poe trusted him. And okay, so maybe he was crushing a little bit, but he could handle it.
"Wooo!" shouted Finn as they sped away from the destroyer.
Or maybe he couldn't. But it didn't matter. He was a hell of an actor when he had to be – except the Rebellion was always claiming that was a lie, but what did they know? – and it wasn't like Finn could see his face anyway. He was good.
"That was incredible," said Finn. "You are such an amazing pilot, holy shit."
Poe chuckled. Yeah… he already had it bad for this guy. He was in for a wild ride when they got back to the rebel base. That was, if the guy wanted to go.
"And you're such an amazing shot! I can't believe we survived that," said Poe. "That was all you, my friend."
"Yeah?" And Poe swore he could hear Finn blushing. "Awesome."
Poe grinned. Yeah, he could get used to this guy. They were going to be a great pair.
Then there was arguing and shooting and then they were falling and everything was terrible. And Poe lost Finn for a while and that made things even more terrible.
Two: Save Him Extra Rations
Part of working with the rebellion was dealing with a shortage on supplies. Poe knew that. General Organa (-Solo-Skywalker) knew that. Everyone knew that. Except Finn. Finn, who had lived on freeze dried protein packs his whole life. But they were apparently more filling (if far less delicious) than the rations the rebels got.
So when Finn complained about not getting seconds the first time and had been told by General Organa (-Solo-Skywalker) that there wasn't enough for seconds, Fin had shut up. Either from a natural drive to be obedient, a fear of upsetting the general, or just some adapted selflessness that had appeared since he'd started hanging out with Rey.
Who was super amazing, by the way, but Poe hadn't gotten to spend much time with her yet. Even though he wanted to. Maybe later. After he'd talked with Finn more.
But getting back to the point at hand, which was Finn's lack of complaints about being very hungry. Poe had heard his stomach growling about an hour after dinner. Finn had played it off as a yawn, but Poe had known better. So Poe had gone and dug out something special from his stash of rations he kept hidden away in his fighter. You know, just in case.
He stuffed the handful of protein bars into his pockets and jogged off toward where he knew Finn was hanging out with BB-8. The guy had taken to reorganizing, cleaning, and rebuilding the blasters almost every night. It took him an hour each night, but he seemed to like it. Besides, he'd picked up a haunted look since they'd gotten back. And Poe was all for anything that got that look off of Finn's face.
"Hey," said Poe.
"Hey," said Finn. He looked up from where he was sitting, surrounded by half built one-handed blasters, and smiled at Poe.
Poe forgot how to breathe for a few seconds. Which was a perfectly normal reaction to such a smile. Then, Finn's smile turned into a concerned furrow of the brow, and Poe stumbled to remember what he was there for.
"Protein bars!" said Poe, loudly. Finn just stared.
"What?" said Finn.
Poe cleared his throat. "Protein bars." He reached into his pocket and thrust the three bars in Finn's direction. "I know it's not much, but you said you were hungry. Can't have my best sharpshooter going hungry!"
Finn took the bars and grinned. Then, he stood and threw his arms around Poe in a tight Wookiee-style hug.
"Thanks," said Finn in his ear. Poe tried not to melt into a puddle of ace pilot goo. He thought he managed quite well, considering he still had a body.
"You're welcome," he managed, well aware of the blush that dusted his cheeks.
Three: Give Him New (Used) Clothes
Finn looked good in Poe's jacket, if Poe did say so himself. And he did, quite often, in fact. But only ever in his head. And once to General Organa (-Solo(?)-Skywalker). But she'd looked at him funny, so he hadn't said it again. Wouldn't do well to upset the general. She was as incredible as she was brave as she was experienced. Poe didn't want to get on her bad side. Especially since her husband(?) had just died.
But even if Finn did look incredible in Poe's jacket, Finn was still running around in what basically amounted to under armour. Sure, it was nice under armour, probably even counted as clothes in most systems. But there was something odd about Finn running around in the equivalent of long underwear for Stormtroopers. And indecent (not that he'd put much thought into that. Nope.), really.
So, Poe had decided one day, he was going to get Finn more clothes. Of course, it didn't matter in the grand scheme of the immediate timeline, seeing as Finn was currently in the coma. And shit, that was just upsetting.
He'd tried and tried not to think about it, but really, it was impossible. Finn was in a coma. Rey was gone after some ancient Jedi master that was also General Organa's (-Solo(?)-Skywalker's) twin brother.
He was as alone as he'd ever been.
But he wouldn't let that stop him.
So, he raided all the rebel base closets, spoke with everyone who knew anything about Finn, found a bunch of people roughly Finn's size, and set to work on gathering up a decent wardrobe for Finn. Then, when he was done, he put it all away in Finn's new closet (which was actually Poe's closet, but he didn't use it much, and what had possessed the general to stick them in the same room? He swore she was mocking him sometimes).
Then, he waited patiently at Finn's bedside for Finn to wake up. He was healed. He was safe. He would wake up any day now.
Or at least Poe kept telling himself that.
Four: Teach Him to Fly (Because Really, This is Getting Ridiculous)
"No, that's the lightspeed switch, we don't touch that," said Poe, patiently. This was only the third time he'd told Finn about that switch. Surely it'd be the last one.
"Then what does this one do?" asked Finn, pointing to another.
"That's the autopilot," said Poe.
Finn pouted. "Why can't we just use that?" he asked.
Poe sighed and tried not to let himself get distracted by Finn's pout. By the furrow of his brow and the wrinkle of his nose. It was hard. And not just because Finn was unfairly attractive. But also because Finn was staring at him with an intensity Poe hadn't thought those dark brown eyes could hold.
"You need to know how to pilot, and auto-pilot isn't going to help you in the field. Besides, the Falcon," Poe gestured to the ship around them, "has an auto-pilot, X-Fighters don't always, and, beyond that, they aren't terribly creative or reliable. You use it in a fight, you will die."
"I'm a gunner," protested Finn.
Poe sighed. Loudly. Scrubbed a hand over his face. "Finn," he said, voice as put-upon as he could make it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and kept his eyes closed. Refused to look at Finn because he knew Finn was pouting. And there was no way he could stay firm and stare at Finn at the same time. It just wasn't possible.
A sigh. Then, "Okay, let's do this," said Finn.
Poe opened his eyes and grinned. Finn grinned back and Poe's stomach did a back-flip and landed somewhere up between his lungs. He swallowed to shove it back down.
"Let's just work on starting the Falcon," said Poe. "It's that switch, that button, and then you pull out the clutch by pulling back the wheel…"
Finn followed his instructions perfectly while Poe leaned over Finn's shoulder. Poe used the lesson as an excuse to lean close to Finn and hoped Finn didn't think it was too weird. Every day, Poe's flirtations got bolder, but Finn seemed to still be oblivious to them. Frankly, it was getting ridiculous.
"Okay," said Finn. "Here we go." He pulled out the wheel slowly, just as Poe had showed him. There was a click, the lights came on, then a great shudder and a creak. All the lights went out and the ship gave a great "thunk" sound.
Finn's hands flew off the wheel. "I didn't do it!"
"Nope," agreed Poe.
They locked eyes, faces only inches apart.
"Run?" asked Finn.
Poe nodded. "Run."
They scrambled over each other to get out of the Falcon and as far away as possible before Rey found them.
Five: Chicken Out of Kissing Him
…Twice.
Today was the day, Poe thought with a kind grim certainty he usually only reserved for upcoming missions. Especially those that usually had terrible odds.
What was his mission for today, one might ask. Well, it was as simple as it was terrifying.
Poe was going to kiss Finn.
He'd been working up to this for weeks. He'd talked to Rey. To General Organa (-Skywalker). Even to Chewbacca. All of them had been completely supportive of his want to talk to Finn about his feelings (if "talk" was even the right word for his plan). Though Rey had seemed more exasperated than anything else. She'd gone on about the "will of the Force" and how he was "as dumb as a bantha" and a few other things that hadn't really made sense and had mostly hurt his feelings.
So now, it was time to put his plan into action. Finn was hanging out in their shared room (which was still a special kind of hell and now he knew the general had done that on purpose.) listening to some music.
Poe watched him for a moment from the doorway. He caught himself smiling – a warm, soft thing that betrayed far more about how he felt than he was comfortable showing off.
Then Finn was looking up at him with that bright look of his, and Poe didn't mind that he was wearing his emotions on his sleeve, even if it put a lump in his throat he had to breathe around.
"Hey," said Finn, setting down his headphones. He stood and, for a few seconds, their faces were only two inches apart. And this was it. He could do this. Poe's eyes flicked to Finn's lips. He leaned, just a tiny bit forward, and then…
Finn was ducking around him to get to the door, grinning.
"Lunch?" asked Finn.
And Poe grinned and followed after Finn, ignoring the pit in his stomach. Next time, he promised himself. Next time.
Said next time came three days later, when Poe was trying (and largely failing) to teach Finn how to do maintenance on the Falcon. Rey had joined them – because last time they were on the Falcon they'd managed to short out the entire electrical system and damn it all if Poe still didn't know how they'd managed that – but was off doing her own thing on the ship.
Finn and Poe were shoulder-to-shoulder as Poe showed Finn how to hook up a few of the emergency hoses and how to detach and re-attach the main hoses. It was a good practice, especially since the ship was currently powered down. It lessened the risk of getting steamed by one of the hoses (lessened, not got rid of, as Poe had learned the hard way when Rey had been teaching him about the temperamental ship).
"So, you hook it up here, then here, then you do this…," said Poe, performing the actions as he said them. "And there you go, emergency hoses up and running."
"Great," said Finn, grinning cheerfully.
"Do you understand?" asked Poe.
"Not in the least," said Finn, still grinning, though this time it was accompanied by a laugh.
Poe sighed, but he couldn't help but laugh as well. "Great," said Poe. "Want to try again?"
Finn groaned. "If I hear any more mechanic talk, my brain is going to explode. Let's break for now, okay?" said Finn. He turned to face Poe just as Poe turned to face Finn. For a moment, they were chest to chest, their breath ghosting over each other's lips. Poe forgot to breathe. Forgot to think. He would have been convinced his heart had forgot to beat as well, if not for its jackhammering against his chest. He wondered if Finn could feel it.
And then he tilted his head, eyes flicking to Finn's lips, and leaned in just a touch…
And Finn was still grinning, but suddenly this seemed like a terrible idea, and Poe pulled back, cleared his throat, and turned away.
"Lunch?" he asked, weakly.
Finn nodded. "Sure." And did he sound disappointed? Or was it just Poe's wishful thinking?
Finn walked passed Poe and headed for the canteen, tossing something over his shoulder about seeing Poe there. Once he was out of sight, Poe leaned against the wall, scrubbed his hands over his face, and groaned.
"You don't even have an excuse that time." Poe opened his eyes to see Rey leaning against a doorway, arms folded and a smirk on her lips.
"I know," said Poe.
"He was right there, Poe," said Rey, grinning now.
"I know," groaned Poe.
"I'm gonna tell Chewie," said Rey.
"Please don't." But he knew she would. And then he'd get Chewie's shit too. Perfect.
(Six): Try Not to Cheer When He Kisses You. Fail Miserably.
After Poe's (second) failed attempt at kissing Finn as a means to reveal his feelings, he gave up. It was too humiliating to be revealed a coward over and over in the face of his own emotions. Plus, he could only take so many mocking jokes from Rey, terrible puns from Chewie (and really, how had a Wookiee gotten so great a puns? How did puns even translate?), and sad, knowing looks from General Organa (-Skywalker). Frankly, it was just embarrassing after a while.
So, when Finn cornered him one day after a mission – they won, First Order lost, Poe had picked up a couple new bruises, and, in a hilarious change of fate, they'd all survived for once – Poe had no idea what to expect.
It wasn't that he'd been avoiding Finn, per se. Just that he'd been busy and their paths hadn't happened to cross as of late. Yeah, that was totally it.
...Yeah, even he wasn't in enough denial to believe that.
"Finn," said Poe, pretending his voice didn't squeak. "What are you doing?"
Finn grabbed Poe by the arm and dragged him down one of the access hallways in the base. It was quiet, empty, and largely out of view of the rest of the base. Poe stared at Finn. Finn stared at Poe.
And then Finn was leaning in, tilting his head, and kissing Poe.
And maybe Poe forgot how to breathe again. Or think. Or do anything really.
And then, of all things, he cheered. He freaking cheered into Finn's mouth. And then Finn was laughing and the kiss was broken and both of them were laughing like idiots and trying not to bump foreheads.
"So, I take it you liked that, then?" asked Finn, once he'd managed to stop laughing.
Poe grinned. Wrapped his arms around Finn's waist and said, "What do you think?" They bumped foreheads. They kissed again, still breathless with laughter.
"How…?" asked Poe.
"You don't have to be a Jedi to see you've got a crush on me," said Finn. "Base has been taking bets for weeks."
Poe groaned and dropped his head to Finn's shoulder. "That's embarrassing," he murmured.
Finn combed his fingers through Poe's hair and smiled at him. Their eyes met again. They rested their foreheads together.
"It's pretty good, actually, or I might never have noticed," said Finn.
Poe stared. "Really?"
Finn rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "I'm really dense, have I mentioned that?"
Poe hummed and tugged Finn a little closer, until they were flush from chest to knee. "No," he said. "But thanks for the head's up."
"So, uh, now what?" asked Finn.
Poe chuckled. "Lunch?" he asked.
And Finn laughed too. "Lunch," he agreed.