I haven't been writing much, the words just don't flow. I've been in the biggest funk ever. I listened to this song, Haunted by taylor swift, on repeat for about a week after Reichenbach, and voila! Writers block cured. Sort of. Temporarily. Maybe.
With misery as my muse, I have written this little songficlet thing. I hope you likes. Lyrics are bolditalic, the rest is normal. No beta and a dud hand, so all mistakes are fault of the right. And my broken space key. Johnlock, with slight hints of possible unrequitted GregxJohn, if you squintsie, although it isn't intended. Spoilers for Reichbach. Character death, that occours before this story. Rated PG-13, I guess. 1,562 words, apparently. John's POV.
[A/N [Minor spoiler] In this fic, John thinks Shelock doesn't feel anything for him, which, of course, isn't the case. Although you can't tell reading this, for there is no Sherlock POV. Just thought you all should know that I am not denying the complete and total mutal cannoness of Johnlock.]
Haunted
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and it's all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And It's coming over you like it's all a big mistake
Waoh, I'm holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold
We always had a precharious relationship. I never knew which parts of it were real and what I imagined. I know Baskerville was real. "I don't have friends", you'd said. I remember I knew. I knew you never thought of me as more then a co worker and a flatmate. I remember that didn't change the hurt I felt hearing you say it aloud. That day, I walked away, determined to cut myself off from you. To give you up before you became too intoicating. That day, I lost you. Just for a little while. It wasn't the only time of course, but it was the only time that counted, because I truly believed for a moment that I wouldn't get you back. It didn't last, of course. I wasn't strong enough then and I'm not strong enough now. I can't cope without you in my life. I have nightmares, you know. The way you looked at me, your eyes so empty and so expressive at the same time. I wake up, my pillow damp, my eyes puffy and feeling- lost.
C'mon, c'mon don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
C'mon, C'mon don't leave me like this
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
I can still hear your voice, clear as crystal in the littlest things. I see you everywhere, all around me. Sprawled out on the couch, your eyes closed and listening to the silence. "I'm bored, John. I need a case". Sitting at the table, engrossed in whatever disgusting substance you're studying. "Could you get my phone, John? It's inmy pocket". Tearing through every drawer, cupboard and artice of furniture in the flat. "John, I need some. Get me some". The way you said my name was captivating. It's one syllable, common enough name, but hearing it from your lips- I'm like a bloody schoolgirl. You are everywhere. You worked your way into every recess of my mind and you stuck there, in a way only you could. I just can't get you out.
Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
He will try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
Waoh, I'm holding my breath
Won't see you again
Something keeps me holding on to nothing
221b feels wrong without you here. It'sempty and cold. No violin playing at four o'clock in the morning. No suspucious smells wafting in from the kitchen, or the bathroom, or whatever corner of the flat you've taken over this time. No sarcastic rambling in my ear all hours of the day and night. I never thought I'd say I miss opening the door to find a severed head in place of my jam. I still won't. I don't miss the head, I miss the person crazy enoough to put it there. I miss you, Sherlock. I- No. I can't say it. I can't even think it. Oh, god, I'm so pathetic. Greg says it's 221b. Says I need to move out of our flat. That I need to stop living in the past and move on. He comes around sometimes, to check up on me, fill me in on cases. He knows I miss the action, but my limp has come back since you left, and the danger isn't enough anymore. Not without you. I think Greg is scared for me. Scared I'll do something I'll regret. Or, worse, something I won't. He's a good bloke. Good friend. It's not that I don't enjoy his company it's just- it's not the same. He will never fill the hole you made when you left me. Nothing will.
C'mon, c'mon don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
C'mon, C'mon don't leave me like this
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
I know you couldn't have thought of me the way I grew to think of you. You once told me you were married to your work, and you were. You are. Sometimes I thought just maybe- an accidental brush of fingertips, an unconcious compliment, grabbing my hand as we ran down the cold, dark streets of London. Sometimes the way you looked at me, I could think it was real, that just maybe- oh, but then youwent away. You leftme here with nothing but a pain in my chest and a violin I don't know how to play
I know, I know
I just know
You're not gone
You can't be gone, no
If there's one think I know for certain, it's that I believe in you. The great Sherlock Holmes Does not why aren't you here? Why did you leave me? I can't bear life without you, Sherlock.I need you.I don'tcare what they say, you can't be gone. It's not an option. Not are not gone.
C'mon, c'mon don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
Won't finish what you started
C'mon, C'mon don't leave me like this
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back now, I'm haunted
You are everywhere. You are everything. You did this to me, made me like this. I can'tescape you. I never want to.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have Known it all this time
Never ever thought I'd see it break
Never thought I'd see it-
I miss you, Sherlock. I love you.
-finis
So! What do you think? I think this one may have been a little over-dramatic… Anyway, I apologize ahead to anyone who wasted their time reading and didn't like it. Oh, and if you haven't already, you really must listen to the song. Please leave a reveiw,I do love them. Even flames, if their creative ones. Always good for a laugh.
~SirScribblealot