A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, prepare to be… FICSPAMMED!
Yeah, my mind is being stupid and won't let me work on anything that you guys are actually waiting for from me, but I've been away at camp for two weeks with no Internet at all and a bunch of ideas bouncing around in my head and cluttering up my notebook. So, basically, over the next few days, you might see a lot of things like this from me. Just a heads up.
Anyway, thiefshipping! Yay! Nothing graphic or anything happens, because it's pretty much just Bakura monologue-ing. (What is it with me and writing these?) I actually wrote this to get even more practice on developing Bakura's character, because I usually write him as the kind of guy you see in my drabbles (shameless plug here: please read and review them if you haven't already). This is just another way for me to work on my madd writin' skillz. I'm trying to branch away from my usual cracky-humor attempts, which means that this is going to be a little different than what you usually see from me. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!
Tell me, does it hurt to be as stupid as you are?
Yes, Malik, I think you're stupid. In fact, I think you're probably one of the biggest idiots ever to walk this planet, in your time and mine. And I've met quite a few people. But of course, you knew that, didn't you? You are, after all, one of the foolish people who helped me get where I am today. Though, of course, that's not why I think you're so dumb. I suppose I would actually thank you for that one, if I gave out thanks.
I know exactly why you're looking at me that way. You're rolling those pretty purple eyes of yours, full of disbelief at everything I'm telling you. They scream challenge, even when you don't mean them to. You honestly don't think I'd hurt you. You think you can flash your smile and flip your hair, and everything will be okay again, because, really, how could I hurt something so perfect? Well I'll tell you something, my dear, and it's that the perfect ones always have the most beautiful screams. Yes, I could kill you right here if I wanted to. But, of course, you don't believe me, do you? Still, that's not what makes you so utterly dense.
You're laughing now. It's a laugh full of scorn and coldness, but also something else, because you're only human. That is what they say, right? "You're only human." They use it as an excuse for the failings of mortals. They use it to cover up the mistakes falling like blood from their hands. "It's not my fault… I couldn't have prevented it… I'm only human." You forget, though, that I was human too, once. I know all the secrets of the trade. I know exactly what it means to tell a lie. But I digress. What were we talking about? Ah, yes. Your stupidity. Don't look so excited; we haven't come to the conclusion yet. We still haven't figured out why I think you're such a moron.
Come, now, Malik, don't play the fool. I know you're dumb, but you know how to pretend otherwise. Sometimes, you almost trick me—I'll look at you and almost see an equal. Almost. You still have ways of giving yourself away, though. I've heard you cry. I've seen you in pain. No, you're not in line for any awards yet. You could be, though, if you gave up that one itty bitty thing that makes you such a dim-wit.
Ha, you're getting impatient now. You're telling me to get on with it, to get to the point. That's actually one of the things I admire about you, you know— you hate it when people sugar-coat things, then tell you it's for your own benefit. How many times were you ever actually told the whole truth in your life? I bet you could count each one off on your fingers and still have room for more. A pity, isn't it? Maybe if they told you what was actually going on, they wouldn't have had to watch you turn into what you are. A monster, with a thirst for blood and a taste for flesh.
Oh yes, I know you still feel it. I know exactly how much you still hate. But then again, I know it all, don't I? Yet you know nothing at all about me. A bit unfair, don't you think? Or wouldn't you know?
Please don't get angry. It's really quite inconvenient. That's the thing about you mortals; you're so emotional. It's quite hard to make myself heard over your inane shouting. Perhaps if you paid attention more, we wouldn't be in this predicament. Maybe you should have thought of this before you went completely and totally over the edge and made the worst mistake of your life.
Do you know what that mistake was, Malik? Do you have any inkling of what terrible, horrible crime you committed? No? Well, let me fill you in.
You fell in love with me.
Yes, that's what makes you such an idiot, you stupid, beautiful boy. You went and fell for the one person on this bloody awful planet who could dig out your heart with a spoon and feel nothing. Except… I would feel something, and that's another reason why you're so dense. You made me vulnerable. You made me care about something, and that's bad, because I am the Thief King, and I do not do vulnerability. That means you've made me angry, and we both know what usually happens to the people who make me angry.
Yes, I know you're surprised. It comes as a bit of a shock, doesn't it? It's hard to fix something you can't control, isn't it? You don't need to answer that—I know it is.
But now that all the secrets have been revealed, the curtain drawn aside, I find that, through all this bickering, something strange has happened: I've answered all of your questions, but you've never answered the one that started this whole bloody mess.
So tell me, Malik, before I go mad with curiosity; does it hurt to be as stupid as you are?
Bah. Is short. XP Oh well. Review? It'll make me haaaaappyyyy…..
-Eggy