Disclaimer: I don't own PJO nor HoO, they are the beautiful children of Rick Riordan.
A/N: Written for Tumblr's PJOShipWeeks 2014: 17-23.08 - Free Friendship (LEYNICO).
Suggested listening: Red - Hold Me Now (to this fic), Fall Out Boy - Alone Together (to the bromance that, sadly, still isn't canon).
Home
He did once feel at ease, felt a part of something beautiful and true. A part of family. When his mother was still alive, with Bianca there to hold his hand. Even Hades would come and act like a father should, at the time. Nico had no other way than to be happy and calm... Too bad it was only the past right now, hurtful to remember, a sliver in his memory, a want of his life never to return. The Fates were cruel, even more than death itself. They burdened him with the weight of living when all he wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up, to finally rest in peace.
It's cold. Freezing so bad his fingers feel numb, air comes out his mouth in a white puff, like a ridiculous little sheep. Nico doesn't like sheep. They are unpredictable, staring at you with those emotionless orbs of theirs until one gets a stupid, senseless impulse strong enough for it to bite you. And it hurts like Hades when they do, he learnt that himself when Bianca as little as turned around to speak to the farmer. No, Nico will never trust anything seemingly innocent again.
It's wet. His clothes stick to his body, claiming, disturbing his personal space. Yet he wouldn't get rid of them, ever. The jacket's collar, he can hide behind it when people are watching, their stares leaving bruises. Their eyes shining in guilt or pity, as if they even could change anything in the life that is his, and his only. Grim colors allow him to melt into the background, to disappear. To run away from everything and everybody that could hurt him more than that animal once did.
It's dark. He can't see. The darkness... It's calming, at first. It tucks him up in it's cover, gives him the feeling of stability he rarely feels. It's something that's finally still and unchangeable. Unshakable, even... But it stops being a friend when it pushes into his nose and into his ears, depriving of all senses, leaving weak, so very frail and scared... It is a bizarre thing indeed, but Nico can't help but think there might be one son of Hades that's scared of dark, after all.
It's lonely... Nobody there to turn to, nobody to help him rise. He's on his own, in his own sad, dark world of guilt, anger, anxiety, heartbreak..? He's never fully accepted the fact of the last feeling even existing.
It hurts... He's suffocating, gasping for air that never does reach his lungs. Just make the pain go away, make it stop..! It doesn't even matter what the costs would be, anymore...
But then, something flickers on his side. The gleam grows stronger, bigger, warming his face up and thinning the darkness. Making his eyes squint and his hands travel up to his face, to cover and protect. To isolate himself from the heat, the peace it brings, the state of mind he doesn't even remember how it felt to have, so long ago it was last with him. But his arms betray him, leaving him unsheathed, making him regain hope, for one last, final time.
And Nico sees it, looks at the fire in front of him, in the quiet of a forest glade on a winter evening. It was Leo who summoned it, the boy grinning proudly, his expression alone able to melt the frost away from his bones.
Nico feels an arm embrace his back and pull him close. He looks at her, surprised, but Reyna only smiles, her grip not loosening even once when they allow the other boy to dry their snow-covered clothes up with the heat of the fire in his palm.
It's warm, Leo's burning eyes and Reyna's beating heart.
It's dry, his friends' sincere laughs at the poor jokes the Latino makes.
It's bright, their forms clear in his eyes, always there for him, not once wavering in his sight.
He loves and is loved and, this one time in his life, he believes they won't leave, like everybody else did. He knows they won't.
Nico smiles, the expression tender and frank.
X
He sees her once again. His mother smiles at the little boy in front of her, messing up his untamed, curly mess of black locks. He giggles, glowing with pride when Esperanza examines her son's newest invention. Not even he knows what it's supposed to do, but since when is life only about practicality?
She gently touches the small mechanism, her fingers brushing over tiny levers and pinwheels. It's beautiful, glossy fragments of indefinable metals put together with utmost precision. And they say eight-year-old children can't focus for more than a few dozen minutes, not even thinking about such fine creations!
"Bonito, mijo" she praises, her smile enlightening her face even more, little crinkles appearing in the corners of her eyes. Leo can't help but stare, drinking in the warmth her face holds. He loves it when mama smiles. He loves her so very much, the most in the entire world.
Small hands reach to touch Esperanza's bigger ones, roughened with hard work yet still gentle and soothing when her son wakes up from a terrible nightmare. But something's off, his fingers trash thin air and Leo feels as if an ice-cube has been thrown into his stomach. Why is his mom suddenly so far away..?! Why does she keep getting smaller, disappearing from his sight?! Why does the nightmare become reality?!
"Mama!" he screams, panic hazing his senses when he starts running, chasing after her. Where is she, why did she go away?! Why is he alone?! He gets no answers, but soon he loses any idea of what direction he has headed for. All he sees is fire, vicious, hurtful, blinding wall of light and heat. Not warmth, that has disappeared with the only person that has ever mattered to him. Heat has never been as cold as those flames he hates.
"Mama!" he yells, low and hoarse, so not like a kid like him should be able to get out. Something in the back of his mind notices the way his T-shirt sticks to his chest and back, drenched in sweat and crumpled from all the tossing his body has done, over the night. His breathing shallow and irregular, not enough to provide appropriate amount of air to his trembling body. His fingers brush over his cheeks and he feels moistness before they go up to claw in his hair. "It's my fault, all my-" he chokes on the mumble, and if that wouldn't hurt Esperanza further, he doesn't know if that reality would be enough to keep him alive. The universe where he's lonely, hurt and... a murderer...
He killed her, his mama, he-
Lean fingers haul his hand away from pulling hard on his locks. They're cold and thin but somehow, Leo feels only a few things in his life have ever been as calming as their firm grip. "It's ok, it was just a dream" the boy's quiet whisper reaches his ears as the fingers never separate from his.
His breathing slows down, returning to the usual, healthy pace, bit by bit. A soft tune of a Spanish lullaby rolls steadily off the girl's tongue while the tips of her fingers delicately brush away the hair that has stuck to his forehead. It's not the one his mother used to sing to him, but Reyna isn't Esperanza, neither Nico is.
They are his friends. The ones he shares his pain with. The ones who understand him, who feel him, truly and completely. The ones he'd face the cruel fire for, head on...
"Thanks, guys" he murmurs, his lips curving ever so slightly through the flow of tears.
X
Jason laughs, squeezing her hand laying on the table while Hylla only rolls her eyes. The brightness of Reyna's eyes and smiling face go in pair with the weather, sun caressing New Rome through the most gentle rays of spring light. She inhales, easily and deeply, smelling freshly cut grass and newly brewed coffee. Relishing in the sweetness of the birthday dessert she's just eaten, she can't help but walk into the future with her head up, her boyfriend's palm in hers and her sister by her side, always there if she ever needed her, to cry on her shoulder or share endless happiness, makes no difference...
Only it's not really her life, not her thread painted in the beautiful colors. It's not the man loving her with all his heart, nor the closest relative she has. It's not her, even... It's Piper McLean. Jason Grace, the brave warrior never to return his old Roman comrade's feelings. Thalia Grace, the perfect older sister Hylla just hasn't been able to be, and it isn't even anything Reyna could be angry with her for.
She is here, a few tables from theirs, her hands clenched on the untouched cup of cocoa, not even to keep them warm, as the liquid has gone cold a long time ago, but to stop her fingers from doing something she might regret later. What exactly, she isn't sure, but that bitter, frigid feeling in her gut is nothing to be trusted.
Reyna's eyes never once leave the scene in front of her, the fulfillment, the affection... Everything she doesn't have, settling for a seat in the back, praying to her mother (who doesn't listen, anyway, because what problem is a little heartache to the war goddess?) for the strength not to lose her praetor cool and just cry, silently but incessantly. The wail is not enough to stop the pain, but what other choice does she have..?
Since arriving in the US, she's been trying to fool herself. Trying to make herself believe she could do this, even on her own. She was supposed to be independent, daring, strong, only... She never could get rid of the fact that she was a human being, too, sometimes scared, at times - desperate, usually lonely... She's surprised to find a single, embarrassing tear make its way down her cheek and wants to rub it off, make any sign of it ever even existing disappear, but...
He wipes it off for her, with a small smile gracing his Italian features and the beautiful, knowing, understanding eyes. "Let's go" Nico offers his hand and she takes it, one of not so many things she's done without hesitation. She turns her back to Jason, Piper and Thalia. She can never erase that tempting scene from her memory, but she doesn't have to waste her life on merely watching as the time goes past her, not ever waiting. She can go with them, instead...
Leo wraps an arm around her waist and presses a gentle kiss to her temple, his lips barely as much as grazing her skin. And though she should push him away, because what is he doing, they're in public or everybody's watching, she doesn't. She returns the hug, pressing into his warm, soft form and making him chuckle, small blush creeping its way up his face while he messes up his hair awkwardly.
"Yeah, let's get out of here" she confirms confidently, grabbing Leo's heated, rough hand and pulling Nico closer by the link between them that has been made by his fingers, chilly and smooth. She leads them away, in the direction of setting sun, not even once looking back.
They are her boys, the ones she can fully trust. The ones she'd die defending and that would do the same for her. The family she hasn't had for so long, but... If the anticipation was the costs of the quality, she wouldn't even mind waiting for them for the rest of her life.
"Where are you taking us to, reina?" Leo asks playfully, grinning when she returns his gaze. He is the light, warming them up, making the worst look just a little bit brighter, sharing his energy and the spark of life. And when his strength wears out, when he's left scared, defenseless and weak, they give the power back to him, in return.
"Why do you always have to know everything?" Nico snorts, rolling his eyes disapprovingly. He is the darkness, stable and calming, giving a chance to escape when nothing and nobody seems right. And when he gets enough of the cold the dark wants to force into him, they are the warm blankets he can wrap into to hold on through the storm.
And her? "We're going home" she answers, smiling at the surprised looks on their faces. Reyna is a mixture of the two, the backbone for their opposing sides, making it able for them not to destroy one another, but to cooperate and bring out the best in themselves, as they are doing with her, also. And when she's at her worst..? Well, she just returns home.
It's wherever the three of them are, together.
ZJeM, 18-21.08.14
From author:
The Simpleton (aka ZJeM) writing metaphorical angst, lol. (It's weird, I actually love its outcome. T T)
THANKS FOR READING!