Pat Hammond

by suzisouth

Meeting your mother in name.

Patrick's Life

Introduction

Every year, when the leaves begin to fall, I think one very special young man that I fell in love with in 1986. The reason I associate my meeting to him is because of the fall and the big white farm house that he lived in. Aged trees surrounding his home dropped more leaves than I had ever seen in my entire city life.

We trudged a bit through the thick leaves while playfully throwing them at one another. Today was family yard clean-up day which he explained how much he dreaded it. I thought it would be a fun thing to do but he didn't invite me.

Our first meeting was actually just the night before I saw this wonderful house in the fall. Basically, we had an 80's one night stand after meeting at a dance club. We continued our meeting at my apartment after closing down the club. Sleeping was the last thing on our minds when we entered my apartment. Both of us were so enjoying each other's company mostly in conversation but it eventually led to awkward sex.

Leaving his beautiful house the next day made we want more of the happy times I thought we both would have together. I was so very wrong.

Chapter I

Beginning a Friendship

Kathleen and I met in the smoking lounge at work. She had just been transferred from Cleveland, Ohio to our Columbus, Ohio inbound call center due to company downsizing. Our job, at the time, was one you didn't want to lose since the benefits were great and our salary put us well into middle class wages without a college degree.

At that time, she was living with an older divorced woman that also had transferred from Cleveland and who had two teenagers. The house was quite big but Kathleen was staying there just temporarily until she could find a reasonably priced apartment for herself.

I also was looking to find an apartment because of the restrictions of living under my parents' roof in having a curfew, reporting in, etc. Not being able to do what I wanted, at nearly 24 years old, was making me feel nearly like a stifled prisoner. Surely, I could basically come and go as I pleased but it was time for me to move on. Freedom to grow up was within my grasp.

Plus, there was the fact that it was a long drive from my parents' house to my job. In Columbus Ohio, traveling just 20 miles took almost an hour with the rush hour traffic on the freeway, frequent accidents, and weather problems. So many people drove badly in rain, snow, and sometimes just bright sunny days. Driving each day was very stressful, both to and from work, knowing that you were basically driving for your life. People were just crazy, weaving in and out of traffic and you really had to be on your toes to not be a part in an accident.

For some reason, Kathleen and I, began talking about finding a nice apartment, but how we could not really afford the area around our work location. Everything in the area was newly built, as was also the building we worked in, which made the cost of living extremely high. Anything that was even close to our price range by living alone was either a dump or too far away.

Twice a day we met in the smoking lounge for our 15 minute break. Spontaneously we decided to find out if we could possibly find a place together. We weren't really good friends but we did like each other. It sort of made sense to search the option of becoming room-mates.

It seemed that we would get along okay to be just room-mates, to us, because I was never normally home. I worked two jobs. By day, I worked at the call center, and at night, I taught dancing 3 nights a week until 9pm. On the weekends, I usually was either out with my friends, at a dance club, or on a date. There was very little downtime for me so it would almost be like she would have the apartment to herself. I think she really liked this idea.

In the planning it seemed like a perfect solution for the both of us. She was a homebody and I was only at home to sleep.

C 2

The Perfect Place

It didn't take long for us to find a perfect place that was a bit high on rent of $450 per month to split. Our take home net salary, at that time, was around $250 per week, Utilities would cost us both another weekly paycheck. Since our Salary, at that time, increased every 6 months this was definitely affordable. We figured we could stretch it even though our cars, credit card bills, and insurance nearly left us both with less than $200.00 per month for spending. If we had to eat only peanut butter, that was okay.

We proceeded to make that move because the apartment complex also gave us 1 month free rent. That month of free rent meant we could stock up on food and stuff. Plans to moving in happened very quickly in March of 1986. Everything ran smoothly in our move and we both loved having our own place. With our work schedules and activities, we hardly ever saw each other.

Our apartment 2 bedroom apartment was absolutely perfect. Upstairs, we both had our own bathrooms attached to our large bedrooms. Her room was the master bedroom, that was slightly larger than mine, and it also had the washer/dryer hook-up in a small hall from her bedroom door. She bought a washer and dryer on credit to put there. Her walk-in closet was very nice too but my closet was also just large enough just for me. My closet was actually larger than the closet I had living with mom and dad which made me happy.

Downstairs, was just as luxurious for two people just starting out. It had a very nice sized living room with a gas fireplace, a cozy dining nook that we decorated in peach, a half bath, and an adequate kitchen with lots of cupboard space. There were more cupboards than we had dishes for. We really didn't have dishes nor pots and pans yet. All we really needed though was a sauce pan for soup, a frying pan for hamburgers, about 6 glasses, 2 soup bowls and 4 coffee cups. Paper plates is all we needed for dish wear. Who wanted lots of dishes to wash? Silverware was something we shared in purchasing at the dollar store for less than $5. Who cared if it was cheap?

Since she had the master bedroom, I had the one car garage to park my brand new black fierro two-seater car in. Perfect for me since I now had the new car, great new apartment, and freedom to do whatever I wanted. She had an older and more sensibly paid off car and a place to park very close to our garage entrance. Both of us were so very happy about the entire arrangement.

With it being our very first apartment, everything we had in it was new and on credit. My new living room furniture consisted of a turquoise sofa and loveseat with a white lily flower print. She had found a beautiful wicker dining room set that had two big chairs and a glass table. Somehow, the rest of the accessories that we had seemed to have owned matched the rest of the décor. Both of us had our own bedroom furniture to move in where the rest was delivered just shortly after we arrived.

It was exciting that on every payday, we both bought more stuff for the apartment and surprised each other. A toaster, placemats, coffee maker, wine glasses, cooking utensils, cloth napkins, vacuum cleaner, dried flower arrangements, etc. Decorations and regular household items accumulated very quickly. It began to really feel like home in just a very short time.

We never had anything in our refrigerator except for Diet Coke, Beer, butter, and maybe some eggs. I didn't buy groceries because I was never home to eat them. Most of my meals were fast food or meals from dates. My Room-mate ate toast with coffee everyday. She normally ate like a bird anyway but I wasn't around to see what she had for dinner.

We had one of the newest apartments of the area and we were quite proud of it. The pool in the complex was going to open soon and we couldn't wait to meet some of the neighbors there. Maybe we would meet some single rich guys? At least that is what we were thinking.

c-3

Our Animal Room-mates

Beaker was a cockatiel bird that I bought for my father as a Christmas present because he liked to whistle a lot when he had been drinking, which was nearly everyday. My dad was retired. My mom still worked until sometimes late evening in her real-estate career. I thought the bird could keep him company. Dad could really have a friend and teach him his whistles when mom was at work.

Dad told me that he really didn't like the bird because he squawked most of the time . That was when I first brought the bird to his house. It took about a month for this bird to repeat Dad's favorite whistle that I knew from when I was a baby. Dad had whistled every day, from when I was a baby, when he returned from work "hi susie," and I would immediately reply "Dah Dah Dah," in the same musical tone. It was a daily ritual that made my father very proud. It actually took me many years to break that automatic response (embarrassed me several times around my friends in the teenage years).

Beaker began whistling this non-stop after learning it. This crazy bird started learning all types of noises after that. He also learned a few of Dad's other whistles of songs. Most hilarious was when the bird learned the answering machine tone. He would whistle the tone of the beep from the answering machine and then do some gibberish after like hearing a garbled chatter of the messages left. It was priceless in the amount of laughs we had when we figured out what he was imitating.

Dad insisted that I take Beaker to my apartment because he was tired of cleaning up his messy cage daily. I was sort of glad to take beaker because he was a reminder of my father's whistles each day plus his acute hearing/mocking was always an added humor each day.

Beaker became the third room-mate and Kathleen really seemed to like him too. Except that on the weekends, when we tried to sleep in, he squawked non-stop early in the morning until somebody would whistle back to him. We seemed to never be able to sleep in unless we covered him up at night so that he couldn't see the sun shining. Most of the time that didn't work either because he must have sensed the daylight of something.

Uncovering his cage in the morning, he would whistle "Hi Suzi," which made me smile. What a weird bird he was. He even became a watch bird. Every time somebody would walk by our window or outside, he would instinctively let us know just like a dog would by squawking very loud.

It was because of Beaker that Kathleen felt like she had to have her own pet too. She wanted a kitten. There was two things wrong with her having a kitten. One, I was allergic to cats and two, cats like to eat birds?

Feeling it unfair that I brought a pet, I agreed to letting her have a cat, if she kept it in her room. She would pay the extra rent monies to have it since it wasn't a caged animal. Personally, I can't stand cats probably because I can't breathe around them.

Lucky, the cat, became the 4th in our little apartment family. Soon after Lucky arrived, he had to be de-clawed for scratching up my new sofa and loveseat. I was not very happy about that. Finally she started to keep that stupid cat in her room only because I was about ready to drop kick it.

This started some of the beginning tensions between us. She didn't ask for me to put Beaker in my room since he was such a great and useful watch-bird but I think she wanted me to. Daily, there had to be a vacuuming around his cage where sunflower seed shells were flung from his mouth when he ate. If I didn't do this daily and sometimes twice a day, she would complain. Oh how I hated her to complain.

c-4

What Did I Get Myself Into With My Room-mate?

Kathleen was not an ugly girl but she always ended up with the worst men. She had the kind of girl next door look. Her hair was a light mousy brown and she had very pretty green eyes. Her conservative manner and dress was probably because of her upbringing as the eldest child in a very Catholic family. She never missed a Sunday mass.

A lot of the guys that were interested in her were married but she dated them anyway. It was better to have one date with a married man than no dates at all? For some reason should this have conflicted with her religious beliefs? Married men never spent the night at our place but at least her bedroom was active a little. They also never really took her on date for fear of being seen by somebody that could break up their marriage. So her dates with these men were pretty short and sweet to her. Somehow I think she even tried to fall in love with them to only get heartbroken.

I tried to fix her up many times with dates. One time I made arrangements with a Dentist, whom I was sort of dating, to have a double date/friend for Kathleen. Tim, the dentist, agreed to fix her up with his friend Dave for our double date. My feelings for Tim were not more than a casual friendship on my part. His friend may have been the solution to getting my room-mate involved with somebody, not married, to grow into a relationship. I was truly hoping she could really find somebody else to occupy her time with since she had became sort of a nagging spouse towards me. I was nearly reporting in to her much like the same way that I had to report in my parents.

Dave was a prominent veterinarian. We were two young women going out with two young professional men. It should have been an interesting evening of intelligent conversation and a future companion for her. I could only hope.

We all went out to dinner that night to Houlahan's. A Columbus hot spot for casual dining where the dancing and night life began at 10pm. What was strange about that night is that Dave and I clicked better than Tim and I did in every conversation. Tim and Kathleen didn't click at all because I think Tim really liked me. It seemed like Dave and I were talking about so much commonalities that it made our other friends a bit upset. Even on the dance floor, there was some type of attraction between us. Dave was handsome and interesting where Tim was okay looking but sort of geeky.

After a short evening of dancing, we all went back to the apartment. Tim and I on the couch and Kathleen and Dave on the loveseat. Although Tim wanted to kiss me, and Kathleen wanted to kiss Dave, it didn't really happen. The evening ended pretty quickly after. Thank goodness Dave broke the monotony by saying he had to leave soon because of a cow or something that he had to deliver early the next day. Woohoo Dave!

Dave had given me his phone number to call him in a small note that he passed to me in a farewell handshake. We both decided, after talking the next day, that we couldn't hurt our friends. I didn't go out with Tim anymore and Kathleen did not get the phone call she wanted from Dave. I thought that maybe I would call Dave in the future to meet for a date but it just wasn't the right time now.

It really didn't bother Kathleen that Dave didn't call because she was basically a homebody. She went to work each day and went home. On the weekends, she stayed mainly at home where I went out with either friends or had a date. Sometimes I would take her with me when I went out but we normally drove separate cars. She normally went home early because she was a bit shy about meeting guys.

Sometimes I took her out on the dance floor and we danced together. It wasn't weird for women to fast dance together and others did not think you were gay. She had a good time dancing with me because I showed her some of my dance moves. Other guys would also join in to make it a foursome. Unfortunately, the guys that did join in were normally weird.

I, however, was on the dance floor most of the night because I loved to dance and I was good at it. It wasn't like I wanted to ignore her but she always felt like I did. My personality was way more boisterous and the dance floor was sort of my stage. She, on the other hand, liked being a part of the audience.

She was always the serious and sensible person in regards to money. Every one of her bills were paid on time and her time she was basically under strict time-management rules. Her checkbook record was to the penny where I didn't even know nor cared what my checkbook balance was when I was having fun. I paid my bills when I could and always was short. I relied on my overdraft charges that really put me in a bind sometimes. Being too spontaneous with my spending and my life made us complete opposites.

Her daily rituals became my nightmares when she began nagging at me to complete chores she expected to be done on the week-ends. It must have been some family thing that she grew up with or something but I was then assigned certain duties to do on the week-ends. She really had taken on the Head of Household role because my freedom apartment became so very close to living with my parents.

C-5

Getting along as room-mates

One thing great I can say about my room-mate, is that we tried to get along and tried not to piss each other off. It must have been our two different personality types that would finally destruct us later. We were basically very friendly to each other. Our original intention was to enjoy the fact that we had a great apartment and had our own lives too.

Our true bonding time came once a month when we composed an original outgoing answering machine message together. It took several hours to do this and we both had tons of fun laughing at all the goof up we did. Mainly our messages related to seasons and holidays but sometimes we just picked popular songs to do some type of voice over.

We told friends, family, and co-workers to listen to our answering machine after it was done. What we had created, was what we considered, a masterpiece of fun. Normally more than 50 calls showed up on our answering machine each day after we returned home from work. Some would comment on good they thought it was but most were hang-up calls. We became somewhat notorious to our friends who also requested us to do some of their recordings too.

The greatest one we ever created was using "The Chipmunks Song." It started out as "okay you chipmunks, ready to sing your song?" I voiced over "okay you room-mates, ready to sing your song?" If you know the song than you can follow along with the next. "Okay Kathleen? Okay.! Okay Lucky and Beaker? Okay!" She voiced over "Okay Suzi?" Kathleen would then ask "Suzi?…Suzi?" and finally I would reply "Okay," with a voice over of the original song but still in beat and tune to the song.

Then part of the song would play "Christmas, Christmas time is here. Time for toys and time for cheer," BEEP followed this from our answering machine to leave a message.

It was a recording that made others laugh at the time but it was not a recording that really showed any technical innovations. This all didn't matter because in the 1980's, nobody really cared if it was a perfect recording.

Both Kathleen and I were proud to produce yet another successful answering machine message that others would call us about. We were, in a small version of, being in the Spotlight.

C-6

Find A Man for Room-mate Quick

It was Saturday night, when I usually went out on a date but the decision to take her out one night to find a man seemed to be the best solution for her to not keep waiting up for me at night and wondering why I didn't call when I wasn't coming home. It was clear to me that she needed a man to distract her and to possibly fill up her obsessive time with life.

We were determined to find her a man together at my favorite dance club named Rio's, where I had met many successful dates. Never was there a prince charming in my dating search but some were very interesting in dating prospects. Dating to me, at that time, was based a lot on looks but sometimes I would sway towards the mediocre guy that had brains too. Hell, I would dance with anybody just to get on the dance floor.

I really tried hard to dress her in hot clothes but she still insisted on wearing something more conservative. My wild outfits were just in her Catholic tendencies. Funny thing is, I was baptized Catholic too. She was just a lot more disciplined in the religion than I was.

We both could fit into each other's medium to small shirts but our bodies were different from the waist down. With her being 2 inches taller than I, she could not fit into my petite jeans nor could I fit into her regular jeans. The various skirts we had were interchangeable for the most part.

Her clothes were just okay, to me, but they were definitely not clothes that say "come and get me," which was what my week-end wear was all about. Since she decided not to dress wild I decided to dress myself in her conservative fashion so to not draw any attention to myself. After all, it was her night.

She did let me do her hair and make-up, a little. Her eyes were her best attraction which I attempted to highlight to bring them out even more. Doing her hair in the 80's style I knew, did not make her very happy. It seemed to be way too much for her and she ended up taking off most of the eye make-up off . She then began putting her hair back in that regular hair band look of Gidget from the 1950's? This perplexed me on the efforts that I had spent. Still, the curling and make-up job, that she didn't erase, still made her look more appealing than her regular plain look.

Kathleen was gung-ho and ready to go once she was dressed into a somewhat new look, but it was way to early according to my time clock. I explained to her that if you go out to a dance club before 9pm, you are a loser. This is nothing that she would know about since she did not frequent the bar scenes unless I took her.

It was around 9pm when we both had done our fluffing(a term I use about final primping, smelling good, and strutting our stuff) to go out. Another sacred rule that I always followed is to have a couple of drinks before going out to loosen you up a bit. You won't spend all your money on high priced drinks at the bar to do this. If you've had a few drinks beforehand it also takes away some of your inhibitions. With a few drinks of liquid courage, you can normally meet and speak to people a lot more easily than you can when you are sober.

The best time to enter a singles bar/club is around 10:30pm, where the losers have had too much to drink and there is still a table to sit down at. Around 11pm, it's standing room only. 11pm is also another loser time to enter a bar for being too stupid to think that you could find a table for socialization. Timing is everything in a singles bar to positioning yourself to attract others. It was a crash course lesson time to tell her what I knew about the spider web we would create at the club to draw in our prey.

Getting her to loosen up with alcohol was a challenge that was unsuccessful. I drank 3 beers to her one as we chatted and planned our evening out. Trying to encourage her to have another drink did no good to her straight-laced personality.

Like the motherly type she was, she decided that she would drive when the clock said 10pm. I would normally leave at around 10:15pm because we weren't that far from our destination. That was okay with me as long as we took my nice car and not her wreck, so I gave her my keys. We enjoyed my great stereo sounds of dance music on the cassette player which I thought may pump her up a bit more. Singing, dancing, and drinking in the car on the way there really got me pumped up.

Tonight, we were not going in separate cars to avoid her from slipping out early. Another deal that we made is that we would leave together at the end of the night, no matter what. Neither her nor I would go off with any man alone. We came together and we would leave together was our pact.

When we got to the club, around 10:20pm, we found a table right in the middle of where a lot of the action/meetings normally take place. The dance floor was only two rows of tables in front of us, as we were in the third tier of tables. We were also at a table for 4 where others could join us. "Never," I had to explain to her, let anybody take the two extra chairs from our table and let others add to their table. She didn't listen to me on that bit of advice because after my 1st trip to the bathroom, the two extra chairs were gone. I held back my annoyance since she seemed to be too mealy to speak up for herself. Having those two extra seats could mean that guys could get comfortable in sitting with us and enjoying time together. Now we were at a disadvantage because guys would be looking for other places to sit down at.

A waitress I knew from my previous times there, took our drink orders gladly because I also tipped quite well. At the establishment that I had chosen, you never order a beer if you are a woman. If a woman orders a beer, it looks as if she is poor. This upscale place was a bit snobbish toward underclass patrons. It was required that you had to play the part of being wealthy to meet the many wealthy men there. Men are the only ones that can order beer here but the richer ones normally ordered a cocktail of some type. If the men ordered a beer, it was normally expensive brand opposed to domestic beer.

I ordered a screwdriver and I think Kathleen ordered a rum and diet coke. Diet coke and rum is just a weird drink but she was always on a diet. She sipped hers and I guzzled mine. Now I was getting ready to get down to business for the man hunt. Since the waitress didn't come back after my drink was gone, I went to the bar to buy my next one.

Itching to get on the dance floor, I asked Kathleen if she wanted to dance. She wasn't quite ready to dance yet because she felt uncomfortable. Teaching her to be outgoing is not an easy lesson to teach. I believe it nearly comes naturally if you are brought up with extra confidence or something. Kathleen then pointed out that if we left the table, it would probably be taken over by someone else. A good point, so we waited.

It was getting close to about 11:30pm, and we were still sitting at the table. Neither one of us had danced yet and she and I had been asked a couple of times before this time. She was still on her 1st watered down drink and I was getting restless because I wasn't able to dance off the alcohol consumption that I was in-taking. It was probably my lack of inhibitions and knowing that she was going to drive home that I began to start the journey of finding her a man ASAP. Several men had asked me to dance and I said "no thank you, would you like to dance with my room-mate?" Most of the time that didn't work so I just tried to continue some sort of chair dancing to the great music that was playing.

She did get some dances after I blatantly told some men to dance with my friend. It was one song dance for her but then she retired to our table and not continue to try finding out more about the person she had just danced with. I pointed out to her that she needed to be more forthcoming and talk to some of these men. She blew me off saying that she just wasn't attracted to them, for some miniscule reason.

It seemed that I couldn't satisfy her with some really good looking guys that I tried to introduce her to. There was one guy that seemed to be very witty, charming, and intelligent but she shot him down. I don't know about you but a sometimes brains are more appealing than fantastic looks. Hell, heartthrob John Travolta could have walked into that place and she would have turned him down.

To me, this became a pure waste of time. I thought by now that I would have found her a partner so that I could find somebody interesting to talk to also.

Amazingly, a good looking guy did come by our table with a couple of his friends around him. They looked as if they had just came in fresh for a couple of drinks.

Being the outspoken person I was, I spoke out to one " Hey, what is your name?"

He said "Pat," and he smiled as he approached our table.

I said "That's my mom's name," with a smile and a laugh. Then I said "I want to introduce you to my room-mate Kathleen."

"Hey, Kathleen this is Pat." I concluded.

Kathleen smiled as he took her hand for the somewhat traditional handshake of meeting a business client, They both began to talk a bit and I was watching the crowd to find someone that I wanted to dance with soon because I was nearly in withdrawal symptoms of not been on the dance floor all night. If their conversation continued, I would have a great reason to escape. Unfortunately, their conversation dwindled to not be going anywhere. Why were not on the dance floor?

I decided it was time to get this ball rolling and ask him more appropriate questions for her to get to know him better.

"Hey, Pat, what is your last name?" I questioned.

"Hammond," was his response.

"That's my mom's whole name," I said again thinking that maybe this was some kind of joke. My last name was Hammond. Was my room-mate and him doing something to tease me?

"Let me see your Driver's license," I said adamantly thinking that in no way his name was Pat Hammond. This was one of the many shocks to come in meeting this man.

He produced his driver's license from his wallet, flicked his lighter for me to see it in a gentlemanly sort of manner for our dimly lit area. The ID that was printed did show that he was indeed Patrick Hammond. My feelings to that was of awe. It was then that I began to wonder if he was somehow related to me. His name was Patrick Hammond and my name was Susan Hammond. Could we be long lost cousins or something? Hammond was not a very common name in our city. There were only about 10 names in the phone book that had this last name and most of those were related to me.

It was at that point that Kathleen was no longer in the picture of finding more out about this young man. Now it was my desire to learn about him. She had snuffed so many guys before and now, for the first time, somebody interested me more than any other guy I had ever met here before.

He then asked me, with a crazy smirk of his face "what is your name?"

I replied "Susie Hammond," with a laugh of assurance that this would baffle him too.

"That is my sister's name," he said laughing in disbelief. He then demanded for me to show him my driver's license. He became intrigued too.

Coincidental that we shared the same last name and first names of our immediate family. We were very intrigued about the implications that this might mean. We went through just a bit of family history but we could not connect any family relationship. So he asked me to dance in a questionable smile. I accepted immediately from his obvious charm.

VI

The Red Shoes

Before we went to dance, I had to comment on Pat's Red jazz type of shoes. He shyly smiled and said "these are my dancing shoes." This fascinated me even more about this very cute young man that shared my same name.

It was like we were dazed in each other's company when we headed to the dance floor. When the music began, we did the basic two step motions, the "step touch" type of rhythm. When the music start to progress into more of a complicated beat, he surprisingly kept up with me in different movements, steps, and even turns. I was amazed that he actually kept up with me in a non-trained dancer way. He was a natural good dancer with rhythm.

People were actually watching us on the dance floor. It wasn't that we were great dancers but because we had this chemistry between us that people admired. We were having so much fun together and people could see it and admire it. When the songs went to slow music, we danced very close while slipping in some really good kissing. Slow music always bored me so I added some ballroom partner turns in it to make it more interesting to intrigue him more. Yes, I was showboating a bit to show him how enjoyed it.

Our connection on the dance floor made us turn into a different existence where nobody else seemed to be around. No longer were we two strangers in meeting. We became two people consumed with total infatuation of each other, at least that is what I thought at that magical time. Attraction to each other seemed to be quite mutual but he might just have just been playing along to get laid or something. It didn't feel that way.

To say the least, Kathleen was not pleased that I had once again found another man and she was left there alone. Ignoring her was not my intention but I was too involved with Pat now that it slipped my mind that we were there to find her a man. She, however, made no attempt to dance with any others nor talk to the friend's Pat with whom also tried to speak with her.

Time really escaped Pat and I when the lights began to come on from all over the club after they had said "Last call for alcohol." Both Pat I looked at each other and did not want the night to end. The night wasn't really over for Pat and I as I invited him to come over to my apartment.

Since Pat didn't drive, his friends just left him with me. Convincing Kathleen to take us both home was inevitable since she was driving my car. For some strange reason she did not object. She did not say one word to me or him while driving us home.

Thank goodness for the tape in my cassette drive to break up the silence with dance music. I sat on Pat's lap, in my two-seater car, with his arms holding me closely. Kathleen would not let me play it as loud as when we first went out to get pumped up for a night of fun but that was okay. Quieter dance music now played on my stereo while I observed the angry blood veins trying to pop out of her skull all the way home.

Again she was alone, and it was all my fault. I did not feel the least bit of guilt because she didn't even try to find a companion. Trying to fix her up in her pickiness was to no avail. Maybe she preferred going out with married men to not have any attachment? I had no clue what she needed.

She showed vividly her disdain on the arrival home by going to her room and slamming the door HARD. It was a gesture that we cared less about which made Pat and I laugh really hard. "What was her problem?" was in our minds.

It was an unexplainable magic between Pat and I that discarded her harshness to move onto what we wanted to be important. We laughed non-stop from the slamming of the door which would probably would come back to haunt me later. I didn't care. More important things were right there in front of me.

Vii

After The Bar Scene

After my room-mate went to her room, Pat and I had some quiet time together. We were definitely not quiet in really wanting to know more about each other . We began to talk incessantly.

Intriguing was the fact that we both had the same last name but caution entered out minds to not be in any type of incest relationship, for that would be against our Catholic religion. Amazing was the fact that we were both Catholic. Was there some connection?

Once we went through Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, etc., we could not find in any way that we were related. It was uncanny that we met in this manner.

We drank a few more beers that I had in the refrigerator and then moved the conversation upstairs to my bedroom.

After smoking so much through the night, I brushed my teeth and got into a comfortable T-shirt. I offered Pat a comfortable T-shirt to get out of his collared shirt. He accepted.

Both of us were now in a T-Shirt and underwear. It didn't take long for us to get into the making out part of the evening. That eventually led us toward awkward sex. I'm not really sure if he had an orgasm but I do know that I did not. It seemed like we began the act pretty quickly and it was over very soon after. I wasn't sure if I was just extra wet inside or if he had had a sexual explosion. The wetness between my legs could have meant either. He may have had an orgasm but didn't indicate it in the act nor after stopping. His attitude was more like exhaustion. It was like he was too tired to have sex?

We fell fast asleep soon after this attempt of a sexual encounter. Almost like two Teddy Bear's, we did not let go of each other though. Dreams of wonderment filled my head as I laid in his warm arms.. His demeanor seemed to equal mine.

VIII

The Next Day

Pat awoke me, nearly frantic, at 6am to tell me that he had to get home before his family woke up. Although Pat was 23 years old, he still lived with his parents and 4 other siblings.

I think we still were drunk from the night before but I tried to rush, upon his anxiousness, to get ready and take him home. We really needed extreme caffeine to get us going but all I had was diet cokes in the refrigerator. Of course we grabbed two while frantically leaving my apartment.

His house was on the Eastside of town and mine was on the North. I went to the freeway intersection that put us on an outer belt to drive him east but he was confused on which way to go, it may have been the alcohol? He pointed me into one direction, which was wrong, and I had to loop back to where we had came from. This was a loop that really made our heads spin again and we laughed about it.

Then he pointed me to take another exit but I screwed up and took the exact same spinning loop that we had done before. Now we were really laughing.

On the third attempt we did get it right to head towards his house. Neither one of us could really talk to one an another because we had not had the sleep we needed to wear off any of the alcohol we drank the night before. We both were afraid of each other's recollection of the night before? Did we feel the same way?

My venture to his house ended up to be a picture perfect view of the house that everybody would want to live in. His parents' house was this big white farmhouse with a wrap around porch right in the middle of a city that had mature trees to shade any hot day. It was a dream house/mansion compared to what I grew up in as a kid.

This house was really not part of a city but part of Ohio Dominican College. Both of his parents worked at this college and had leased it for a very long time from the college a dedicated workers.

Although I was impressed, Pat didn't seem to feel the same way. He was more worried about getting into the house before others saw him with me.

We half played quickly in his thick leafed yard and he promised that he would call me soon. I felt a bit empty leaving there because I didn't want this to be a 'one night stand." His promise to call was a hope I felt deep inside like a child wanting to be Cinderella. Could it ever come true?

I drove back home with wishes and dreams that I would hear from him later that day. My hopes were high because I couldn't imagine him not feeling the same way that I did.

Magic is the term I used, however, it was more like electricity which ignited a flame in our souls and put us together.

In driving home, I just tried to figure out if he felt the same way. Then I had to figure out what was in store for me from Kathleen.

IX

Wrath of the Room-mate

1pm is when I finally woke up after driving Pat home that morning. I decided to creep downstairs for some toast and a diet coke. My room-mate's door was shut, which is not unusual because she had to keep her cat in there.

I went outside to see if her car was in it's parking spot and it was not. Woohoo! She was not at home.

Since she was not home, I decided to try to eat, shower, and dress quickly. Desperately I wanted to get out of there before she came home angry. Kathleen pulled in just as I was blow drying my hair. As I was putting my make-up on, she came into my room. Damn, I was almost out the door.

She actually asked me in a nice tone of voice "what happened between you and Pat?"

I told her that "I don't know because today was really weird on taking him home. He said he would call me."

Surprisingly, we both began to talk and she even revealed that she had met a man that night to interest her. I was very happy that I really didn't leave her hanging. She met an eligible man for once?

When she told me how things unfolded between her and this man, I knew instantly that she was in the "last call," scenario of a "get laid" situation. The bar had already called last call for drinks and she was sitting alone. Then a man asks her to go to a party because he couldn't find a girl. If she had gone to the party he invited her to she may have had a chance but it also may have been dangerous. Instead, Kathleen gave him her phone number to call for a future date. If that guy ever even tried to call her I would make sure that he would not know where we lived. Of course I didn't think he would. From experience, the man that wanted her was only wanting her for that night. He had probably propositioned other women to join his party too. I didn't tell her this. How could I?

Instead of going to my parents' house, my usual Sunday ritual, I decided to stay home with her and find out if calls came in for future dates. We went to the grocery store together and bought some food for our empty refrigerator.

Later, I made a Sunday dinner just like my mom normally cooked. We ate together in our dining room for the first time ever. She even made it a candlelit dinner because she was in charge of table setting.

It wasn't like being at mom's house for great cooking but Kathleen liked everything I prepared. I thought the mashed potato's were too lumpy and the pork chops were not seasoned very well. I did great on the canned corn but how can you mess that up?

We dined at our table under candlelight for the very 1st time since we moved in. The glow of our friendship began to bond a bit more. She wasn't the horrible ogre of checking up on me all of the time. It was then that we became good friends.

The phone did not ring one time that day. Our apartment was quiet for the most part. Not even that evening, where we both went our separate ways to our bedrooms, did that phone ring.

Instead of worrying about it, I put my headphones on and began to choreograph dance steps for my students. In my mind, I really thought that there would be a call on our answering machine messages awaiting me when I was done. There wasn't. I felt in my heart that Pat would have called.

X

The Next Weekend

Pat did not call me the entire week after our meeting. I felt stupid in originally thinking that it was a magical meeting before and that he felt the exact same way. My little fantasy world was gone on what I chalked it up to a "One night Stand." I was the fool. He really was a super actor that just got what he wanted. I was angry, humiliated, and vengeful.

I did receive phone calls from some of the guys I was dating, during the week, to ask me out for the next weekend, but I declined their invitations for some reason.. These guys that called me were just dates. We went to dinner, dancing, movie, or whatever but they were just dates. Never did we do the wild thing because again, they were just dates. A smart girl knows how to keep some guys at bay and that guy really doesn't know that he is basically out to sea. That is my definition of just a date.

Truly, in my heart, I was looking for one special guy. I thought I found that in Pat in just one night. Maybe he just thought "I was just a date?" I knew what a one night stand felt like and I had had those before. He just really didn't feel like a one night stand to me. Did he not have the same connection with me that I had felt for him? I felt duped but it would serve me right anyway for the many that I had duped before. "What goes around, comes around," yeah, yeah, I got it now.

Somehow my ego was deflated a little and yet it was inflated with determination and anger to show my one night stand, if he came to the club that night, that I could get any man I wanted. That was my goal when I went to the same dance club the next weekend. If he wasn't there, who cared. If he was, watch out because I was not going to give him the time of day. I guess you could call this head games in the dating industry.

Primped and ready to go, Kathleen and I felt it would be better if we were driving separate cars that evening. I wasn't sure where I was going to end up. I didn't want to feel responsible for her tonight because I was going to find a new guy to rock my world. I knew how to go home with a guy and not sleep with him. It's normally better if you don't sleep with them the first night because they will ask you out later. Why didn't I follow that rule in meeting Pat?

Kathleen and I walked into the club together. I had to wait 10 minutes more for her to arrive since she drove like a turtle but waited all the same to walk in with her. On this night, there was a line at the door to which we had to wait for others to exit in order for us to enter. They said the capacity was full. It was really too early for that, in my opinion.

With my scooping black shirt (push-up bra underneath, not quite sure was it was actually pushing up), mini black leather mini-skirt, with a red jacket and red accessories caught the eyes of many men when we entered the club. Kathleen, again, dressed very conservative but she did look good too. She even wore a bit more make-up than I had put on her the week-end before. It was a work in progress that was just beginning.

The club was more crowded more than it ever was before at 10pm. We did not get a seat anywhere near the dance floor but did find a table by the second bar, that was too well lit, but close to the restrooms. These seats were mainly for people on dates since they only had two chairs. I knew Kathleen would have to have a seat to stay there so we settled in at a table that two drunken early birds that were leaving in almost obscene clutches. There was no doubt in anybody's mind that this couple was headed to a bedroom, car, or maybe they wouldn't last past the parking lot.

After we sat down, I ordered a drink for my room-mate and I. She even had 2 beers before we left the house to loosen her up a bit, amazing that she had drank 2 full beers before driving. Now, she and I had a Long Island iced tea in front of us, thanks to me. Maybe she could get a little crazy tonight? Doubtful, but I could only hope. If she got too loopy, I would make sure she got home. She was not able to handle as many drinks as I could but I knew she would be okay.

I went to find a dancing partner immediately after settling her down. It wasn't difficult to find somebody to dance with because of the great music playing all night in this club that made anybody want to dance. Being the bold person I was, I asked other guys to dance with me. Normally they would accept and I had dance partners for many songs afterwards.

After a couple of songs, I began to sweat. Since I did not want my lioness mane of perfected hair-sprayed hair to sag yet, I dismissed myself to the ladies room to freshen up. More Hairspray, perfume, powder, and a touch up of my make-up and I was out to dance again.

In my traveling through the club, an arm wrapped around me and pulled me into his arms. I had no idea who had pulled me in but was very surprised to see that it was Pat just inches away from face. I was angry at him but he held me very tight.

He said "Where are you gong?"

I said "I'm going to go dance."

Pat "Do you want to dance with me?"

"Yes, Yes, Yes," my mind said nodding as I melted and took his hand to the dance floor. So much for me trying to ignore this man that had me in some type of spell in seeing him again. We danced every fast song, every slow song, and we kissed a lot.

I stood back at one time because I remembered how angry I was that he didn't call. He gave me the lame excuse that he lost my number. I bought that lame excuse. It really didn't matter to me since I saw our evening together was even more glorious than before. Somehow, he seemed even more interested in me than ever before. Neither one of us had as much alcohol that we did the night we met.

He was there with a friend that drove and Kathleen drove too so Pat and I thought we would try to hook them up together. We all drove back to the apartment hoping that we could fix up our good friends together too. From previous experience, I knew that this would not be a good match

There was no sex that night due to him having to go home with his friend. Again, he said he would call me. My mind was thinking "He Better."

Before they left, Pat asked me if I would want to meet him at the "Elephant Bar" that next evening with his friends. I said I would and he also added that he would be driving his own car. Not quite sure what that meant but I was so very excited to meet him the next evening. Did he kind of ask me out on a date?

When both guys left, I was sort of mad at Kathleen for not liking Pat's friend but realized that I wouldn't like him at all either. I thought that maybe with more time they may find something in common.

XI

The Elephant Bar

I did ask my room-mate Kathleen if she wanted to go and she said "Yes." She seemed to be somewhat pumped from the night before and even dressed accordingly. Just a little more on the wild side for her since she borrowed one of my jean mini-skirts. Maybe she did like Pat's friend after all. We even went in her car because I wasn't sure if I had a date or not. If it wasn't, my friend and I would head off to higher ground, so to speak.

Kathleen and I sat at a nice table very close to the entrance. We had a couple of drinks but this bar was not like the places that had we normally hung out at. Also, we were a bit early thinking since it was a restaurant too, we may have dinner. Dinner service was over at 10pm but we were not given a specific time to be there. Somehow we thought that we needed to get there early to have dinner?

We were just getting ready to leave the establishment at 10pm or so when Pat swooped me up playfully in his arms. wearing those famous Red shoes. His great dancing shoes. He hugged me so tightly. Oh how special I felt when I was just to the point of giving up on him.

It was just like all my worries were just washed away with his simple touch. Euphoria is not a big enough word for me to describe my feeling. For such a small built man, he was strong. He probably weighed only 20 pounds more that I but it felt like a ton more with his strength. This was probably because I was floating on a cloud when he was around? It is a hard feeling for me to describe but to me it felt like my stomach couldn't eat a thing, my lungs were filled with blissful air, and my eyes were more wider open for this than for any Christmas surprise I had received in my entire existence.

Pat's friend really wanted to get to know my room-mate too. We all sat down at the table we previously had close to the dance floor. They didn't like that table and we moved to a more quiet place. Dance music wouldn't start until 11pm.

Things were a blur to me of what my room-mate and Pat's friend were talking about. Every now and then they would ask us a question that we had half listened to. I think we commented okay but we were more involved into our own conversation. I think they finally stopped involving us in their conversation after that.

Who knew what happened next because Pat and I were too consumed with each other. When the music started, we danced most all of the night. To me, there was nobody else in the room. Our friends became oblivious to both of us.

When we danced, we were like two people on stage. So many people just commented to us that we were such a "Cute Couple." We were not a quite a couple yet. They must have seen something between us very much like I felt.

He took me home soon after midnight and we let our friend's fend for themselves. I think we somehow said goodbye to them but I cannot not remember doing so or how.

XII

Our Third Encounter

This night was more revealing in feelings than our other two encounters. It was this night that he told me that I had taken away his virginity. This really made me feel like a slut since I had experienced several other bed partners.

It made sense to me now of how awkward our first time together was. Now I nearly felt like a prostitute. Maybe he thinks that I am just a sex toy to learn the art of love making? I didn't want to teach an inexperienced young man how to satisfy a woman. Is that what he wanted from me? I wanted to find real love and not just sex but my past was haunting me.

He cried with me in my honest confession of this to him and said that he wanted more than just sex. I had heard all of this before the actual sex act happens but for some reason this was different. Pat seemed sincere, unless his male hormones was telling him what to say to get laid again?

Whatever it was, we made love more than three times that night. I actually didn't have to tell him what to do to satisfy me because it became so very natural for him. He even was more sensitive to my pleasure than he was for his own.

This was the first time ever that I didn't have to fake it in order for some guy to get his body off of my body. This was also the first time that a man on top could satisfy me rather than me on top. No way in my mind did this guy just learn to have sex. He was very good at it.

Maybe it was because we were meant to be together? That was the feeling that I wanted to think.

That night, I fell in love with Pat. For some reason, I think he fell in love with me too because we could not even seem to hold each other any tighter. Both of us, on different occasions, said the exact same thing "you are squeezing me too much."

We finally fell asleep together in a hug. I didn't wake up until much later in the morning but he was not there.

XII

Sunday

Since Pat wasn't there that morning, I went downstairs to fix some toast. Normally my meals at my apartment consisted of toast and Diet Coke. For some reason I wanted a big breakfast that morning and went to the store.

I fixed scrambled eggs, toast, OJ, Coffee, and hashed browns to surprise my room-mate. She was sleeping in way later than she normally does but I thought I would take her breakfast in bed.

Now my roomie is not the most pleasant person to wake up but I had made a very nice tray for her to enjoy her breakfast so she wouldn't be that grouchy. She was quite surprised and decided to join me in the dining room to have breakfast together.

It was a great breakfast of conversation and friendship. She didn't bite my head off for leaving with Pat because she already knew I that would.

Her story with Pat's friend Mike was what I expected. They both danced and talked but he was just not her type. I told her about my worries that Pat may not call me again but she assured me that he would. I guess Mike told her that I was all that Pat talked about all of the time. This made me hopeful.

What was great about this is the fact that Pat called me right after we had finished cleaning the breakfast dishes. He sounded tired and was getting ready for work, he worked second shift, and asked if he could come over after work around 11pm? I said yes, and in the background I heard one of his older brother's making fun of him calling me. He then said he'd let me go and see me later. It wasn't the best conversation but at least I had something to look forward to with him.

XIII

Our romance together.

When Pat got off work at 11pm, he came over to see me, nearly every night . We normally had sex but we didn't talk very much afterward because we were on different daily schedules.

I had to be to work at 8am so we showered together the next day too. Our very first shower together was very strange to me. He seemed to be quite embarrassed to be seen in the light nude because he would not come face to face with me.

I said "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," was his response.

He then said honestly "I don't want you to see my penis because I am not circumcised." He actually said this to me after we had made love over 10 times before. I couldn't believe it.

I had never before seen a penis that had not been circumcised but why would I condemn my lover in having something different?

Thinking he was joking I said "Let me see. Why would you be embarrassed about that? We have touched each other all over and you are afraid that I would not like you?"

He then did turn around to let me explore the difference. I didn't understand why he thought it was so bad and I told him so. It was then that he first said "I love you," and we made love in the shower.

On the weekends, we tried to have a great date of dancing together, etc. We were together almost every night after we were done with work.

IVX

Meeting the Family

I wanted him to meet my family and he really wanted to meet his. He was introduced to my real "Pat Hammond," my mother, on one occasion on a early Sunday morning. Pat had his red shoes on and Mom really liked him. He didn't meet my Dad or any other members of my family because Dad was still in bed and my 2 older brothers lived away from home. My youngest brother did wake up as we were leaving the house to mutter "Hey," but he looked very hung-over. There was never really a good time to meet my family because we didn't have family time together anymore.

Pat's family all still lived together and had Sunday dinner together every weekend. They also went to church once a week and Pat's mom was really upset if Pat didn't attend mass. I think he lied to her a couple of times and said he went to my Catholic church but I never really went to church. Pat and I did attend his church once together and it was a very nice mass. His church was nearly across the street from where he lived. Pat then took me to meet his family after.

I had Sunday afternoon lunch with them with hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill. Mostly I tried to stick close to Pat because I felt out of place. His family was really quite loving and wonderful but they were also having a few drinks. We didn't stay very long for this day because we wanted to get back to our one on one time.

Before we left that day, his older brothers and 1 sister was sitting at the breakfast nook of their kitchen table. They had had enough beers for the day. I think they thought it was humorous that Pat had finally found a girlfriend. I was quite proud of being Pat's girlfriend but they still wanted to tease him as all siblings do.

They had been very nice to me before and asked me to come to the table. I did go to the table with smiles thinking that maybe we were going to play a game.

Tom, his oldest brother said "Turn around." I wasn't quite sure what he was talking about so I turned around in a dancer spin. Everybody at the table laughed and so did Pat with gleaming eyes.

Tom then said "No, turn around and face the stove," which meant to turn around to show them my backside.

"I would hit on that too," was his comment which created roars of laughter among his family and friends sitting there. I was completely humiliated and appalled.

At that moment, I was ready to leave and told Pat so. We said our good-bye's to his family and Pat's mother asked me to join them for Thanksgiving dinner. I accepted.

I cried the entire way home because his brother's had humiliated me so much. Pat didn't understand why I was mad at him but I told him that he should have stood up for me. How could people treat you so awful when all I was trying to do is make a good impression on them? It hurt me very deeply but Pat swore to me that he would make it up to me. He would have his brother's apologize and take me on the best date of my life.

It was that night when he asked me what a perfect date, for me was? He was off next Friday night and he wanted to give me a perfect date.

VX

The Perfect Date

I dressed very nice to dine out that evening with my perfect date. My room-mate knew that I was so excited for this date that I had been ready nearly 45 minutes beforehand. I told her that I could not answer the door because my perfect date should be awaiting me as I come down the stairs. She enjoyed this charade to make this very special for me.

When the knock came to the door, I scrambled upstairs for her to answer the door. Kathleen called my name to come downstairs, like a pro.

A few minutes later, I walked down the staircase in my beautiful white silk dress suit that would turn many heads. It was an expensive outfit that I put on an almost over-limit credit card but I looked very good in it.

My date was awaiting in the living room with a bouquet of Peach Roses, my favorite. He was dashing in his suit and tie. We kissed nearly immediately once I took his hand.

He drove my car, because mine was much nicer than his, to my favorite restaurant, Japanese Steakhouse. It was raining that night and we could not find a parking space close to the restaurant. He did drop me off in front so that I wouldn't mess up my hair or outfit. Pat was so sweet to try and make this so perfect.

I waited for nearly a half an hour in front of the restaurant before he came to me very soaked from the rain. He still looked very good but shivering a bit from the cold November wind and rain.

It didn't matter to me that this was not perfect because who could actually stop mother nature?

We entered the restaurant laughing and ready to have a better evening. For some reason, our reservation was cancelled because we showed up too late from trying to find a parking place. So we had to sit at the bar. At least we could get a great drink before we settled down for dinner and we both were still smiling because we just knew it was going to get better than this.

After 2 drinks at the bar, we were finally showed to a table. The table that we were shown to was not like the fun atmosphere where they cook in front of you. We were in a smaller room with a Birthday party family that kind of wondered why we were seated with them too. A chef did enter the room to take our order but did not do the regular show to entertain us and make us feel special. This Birthday family was very disappointed and so were we. Food was served much like you would get at Applebee's. We all ate quickly. All of us wanted to get out of there soon because we couldn't get these Japanese people to understand that we thought we had paid for more. I think we were put at a private room table because they were over-booked. Even the table we ate at was truly Japanese because we sat on pillows with our plates by our knees.

This didn't really matter to Pat and I because we were heading for stage 2 of our date. We were so much looking forward to going to the "Sun Bubble," and getting closer in a hot tub. In the advertisements they offered private hot tub rooms to spark romance. It all sounded so very exotic and fun!

When we arrived at the Sun Bubble, it was like going into a Dr.'s office. Again we had to wait but this time we were not late for our reservation. We were right on time.

The Fat receptionist showed us to our "Hot Tub Room" about 20 minutes later. Her boredom of this job was evident as she half explained the rules of the establishment. Pat had our bottle of champagne. We were just anxious to get into warm water to have some fun for the 1 hour time paid for.

From an evening starting out so good, it even turned worse after dinner. This Sun Bubble place looked like a place where prostitutes would take their men. It looked quite unsanitary and the hot tub was cold. There was some type of gymnastic mat beside the hot tub which suggested a bed of what? Did anybody ever clean up after the previous user? It didn't look like it. Even dirty towels were still in our private room which we would not dare to touch.

We decided to give up on making this the perfect date and go home to my place to make it a perfect laugh. The perfect date was just being alone together because we reached much higher peaks than any night out we could ever plan.

VIX

Thanksgiving Day

On Thanksgiving, I drove to Pat's house alone. I wanted an escape vehicle in case I felt the urge to leave. Pat told me that he had warned his brother's about not making me feel uncomfortable and that they should apologize for their behavior before that made me cry. His brother's did not apologize but his 3 sisters did make me feel like I was now part of this family.

The dinner was great. I tried to help prepare it but they kept sitting me down in a chair to relax because I was a guest. I sat next to Pat and his Dad at the end of what seemed to be a very long dining room table. Pat's mom was at the other end. A beautiful white laced table cloth was on the table as well as very nice delicate china. My mind kept saying…please, please do not get clumsy and break what seemed to be an heirloom dish set.

All of us bowed our heads and held hands as Pat's Dad said the blessing. Then we all were supposed to go around the table and say what we were thankful for. UH OH, was in my mind. I was not prepared for this. My family didn't do this ever. Now I have to be in front of their scrutiny again?

I have no idea what I mumbled of what I was thankful for but it passed with nice smiles. It had something to do with being invited to this dinner with a great Hammond family, or something like that. My appetite was not ready for the entourage of food that came next.

All the food tasted very good but my stomach was so upset that I could barely eat a thing. My manners were well in tack and I think I used all the right forks and spoons. I was so very afraid to spill anything on that lace table cloth. Pat squeezed my hand a couple of times during the meal to show me that he was with me.

When dinner was over, I helped carry the dishes to the kitchen. Everybody kept telling me to not worry about it but I was always told it was rude if you didn't offer to help. I helped get things cleaned up and it helped me to get closer to the women of this family. We even took a walk after dinner around the house where they shared various things about their family history.

As I was getting ready to leave, Pat escorted me to my car. I thanked everybody for a great day and a great meal. I think they liked me a bit. Hand in hand, I went to my car with Pat in a dream that maybe I had finally found a second home in him and his family. His brother's didn't apologize from before but they were really very nice to me that day. They even hugged me like a sister when I was leaving. That felt pretty good.

Pat had to be with his family that night because that was their tradition. I didn't mind. Maybe I could now get a full night's rest for a change because I would have the all apartment to myself. Kathleen was in Cleveland to see her family and her cat went with her.

It was just me and Beaker, who sleeps when he could see no sun. I covered beaker up so that maybe I could finally sleep in the next day?

VIIX

The Day after Thanksgiving

I did sleep into about 10am that morning. There was not even one peep from beaker, who even with a table cloth on his cage seemed to know when the sun came out. He normally went thru his little bird routine of the answering machine tones, whistles my dad taught him, and incessant whistles of "Hi Suzi."

It didn't bother me that the bird was not squawking when I went downstairs to enjoy the entire apartment to myself, I decided that I was going to make myself a special breakfast to celebrate this first time occasion. It was a day off work so I figured that this should be my very first pajama day! No make-up, no shower, no cleaning, and just hang out alone and watch TV all day long! It was a freedom that I had never experienced before in my 24 years of life.

I did have to take a small trip to the local convenience store, also in my PJ's, to purchase breakfast food. This was probably a mistake since it cost me nearly $20 to purchase bacon, eggs, bread, cheese, milk, diet coke, and butter. Across the street from this convenient store was a McDonald's where I could have got my entire breakfast cooked for less than $5. "Oh Well," I said to myself, because it still wasn't the same as having a home cooked meal plus the fact that I would have probably 3 or 4 breakfasts after that too.

My thinking was, it was too bad that Pat wasn't here to enjoy a quiet morning with me. I wondered if he would call me soon or if he was just having a great breakfast with his nice family after the holiday.

Then it finally dawned on me. I had not heard Beaker all morning long because I did not take off his blanket over his cage from last evening. Instead of putting a dark airy table cloth over his cage the night before, I put on a heavier and darker blanket to keep him silent longer.

I rushed to the cage and pulled off that heavy blanket. Beaker was lying on the bottom of his cage, lifeless. He must have suffocated from no air? Then I began to cry because I felt so selfish for wanting to sleep in that I didn't consider my own pet's needs. That poor bird must have suffered in not being able to breathe? Why did I not think about that?

My breakfast was nearly cooked but I no longer had an appetite. I turned off the stove and went to the couch to have a long hard cry. Since I normally do not cry very often, it felt like monsoons of tears came from eyes from everything sad that I had ever felt before. My wonderful day turned into shit.

Crying for nearly 20 minutes, I heard a wonderful whistling sound. "Hi Suzi," was the sound in the dining room. Immediately I went to see Beaker standing on a perch in his cage and ready to start his morning communication. For some reason he kept shaking his head, wobbling a bit, and had a very big red spot just above his beak. At least he was alive! Maybe I didn't suffocate him at all but I think he needed to see the veterinarian. The red splotch above his beak may have knocked him out? I knew that I didn't want to lose him because this crazy bird had a very special place in my heart. His life expectancy term was 40 years. I only had him 3 years and he was supposed to have been very young. You never know in a pet store though but I had papers of his age.

Frantically, I started calling veterinarian offices all over the city. With it being the day after Thanksgiving, nobody answered the phone. I did leave a message on 2 animal hospitals' answering machines about how I was worried about my bird and left my number.

It wasn't long after I had hung up the phone with the last animal clinic that Pat rang in. He laughed when I explained how I thought my bird was dead and then began whistling like normal. He thought that was funny. I clearly did not think that was funny since the bird just wasn't back to normal yet. Beaker almost seemed to be slurring in his whistles which concerned me.

Pat joked in asking me if Beaker had partied too much last night? I did have to laugh as he calmed me down a bit. We didn't talk much on the phone because he was getting ready for work. He told me that he would be over after work again that night and I told him that he knew where my bedroom was (the door was always unlocked when I was expecting him).

I did spend the day in my PJ's and closely watched my bird. He seemed to be getting better all in time. Around 7pm that evening I did finally get a call from one animal emergency hospital that I had left a message at hours before. The man on the phone was quite good about giving me information about my birds blood clot above his beak. He then told me that if the swelling did not go down the next day that I should bring Beaker into his office to see if he could help. This Vet had a great bedside manner because he was so very gentle in letting me know that he would see my bird and give him the best care.

That was all well and good but I could not believe that there was really such a thing as a bird doctor. Actually, I would have taken beaker there in a heartbeat if I didn't think he was going to get any better or was suffering. How does anyone get a attached to a bird?

VIIIX

Our Week-end Together

Beaker was fine the next morning and seemed to make up for his silence the day before when Pat and I woke up together. We decided just to hang out in the apartment alone. He didn't go home in the morning, like he usually did, so I thought I would cook him the breakfast that I couldn't cook for myself the morning before.

We ate breakfast side by side on the floor in my living room. He even helped me make breakfast! The TV was on while we were eating but neither one of us cared what was playing.

It was a day of playing around with each other that made it so special. Nobody could tell us what to do for the first time in his life and finally in my life since my room-mate was out of town. We had the total apartment to ourselves until my room-mate came home the next day. Every minute of our Saturday was filled with laughs, love, and togetherness. He did call his house to tell his parent's that he would be home on Sunday sometime. He was all mine that entire day and night.

We laughed a lot about our previous perfect date, the week-end before, and it was then that I realized that it didn't take a perfect date to make it perfect fun.

The time that we spent together consisted of cooking, going to the grocery store, taking showers, watching TV, listening to music, looking at pictures, and really nothing important. Our fun was with each other in getting to know each other because we didn't have sex until bedtime. It was probably the best sex that we ever had before because we now knew each other so much more.

Our wonderful weekend came to an end when he had to leave Sunday morning to go for clean clothes. He had to work that evening and said that he would not be over after work because we both needed sleep. I agreed that we did but he promised that he would come over Monday after work. I went to my mom's house that day to visit for awhile but didn't stay long because I didn't want to miss Pat's phone call on his break at work. Mom did send me home with a care package of food that would be nearly a feast for me and my room-mate for weeks.

19

A Normal Week

Monday came with the usual work responsibilities. I went to my day-time job with AT&T and then drove 30 miles to my evening job as dance instructor. My demeanor was happier than before and many people commented on that throughout the day. I'd just comment "I'm in love," and they could see it.

I showered, powdered, and perfumed myself after arriving home at 10pm. Kathleen came into talk to me while I was getting ready for Pat's visit. She told me how she was very happy for me in finding a new guy but that she didn't think it was fair to her that he was over nearly every night.

What I tried to point out to Kathleen was the fact that she was normally in bed when he arrived and only saw him for about 2 minutes in the morning before we left for work. No way could he and I be disturbing her in anyway at night because our bedrooms were separated by our bathrooms and laundry hallway. The only thing that may have bothered her was our giggling in the shower before work since our bathrooms shared the same wall. Even then, she was normally downstairs drinking coffee and eating when Pat and I were in the shower. I went to work an hour before she did because she chose a later schedule.

She pointed out that he was not a third room-mate and if he was going to be, he should start paying some of the rent. This was very crazy to me since I didn't even occupy the apartment as much as she did. I pointed out to her that I do not use even half of the gas or electricity since I was gone most of the time. She was the one that cranked up the heat up all evening for which I turned down each night when I got home. It was too sweltering in our house to even sleep at night.

Pat was nowhere near being a 3rd room-mate since he only slept there 6 hours a night and not every night. What utilities was he using during this time that would require him to pay rent? She didn't have an answer to this question. We didn't have a water bill to pay for my extra long morning showers either.

It was probably some sort of jealousy factor, in my mind, that she wanted to cease my romance and I told her that. She left my room to go to her pitiful dwelling of her own room and we didn't talk for rest of the week.

Continued was my regular nightly visit and happiness was imbedded in my soul. On Thursday night I told Pat that I had to go out with my friends from High School on Friday night to celebrate Connie's marriage. He said he didn't mind and that him and his friends probably needed to have their own male binding time too. We would definitely see each other on his day off on Saturday and do something fun.

20

We Only Separated One Night

Friday night, Pat and I did separate to be with our friends. It was because of a girl celebration with my friends to have a sort of an after marriage bachelorette party for her. Our friend Connie eloped in Hawaii with a great guy named Rob. All her close friend cheerleaders from high school was there to have a good time.

We all met at a dance club called "Mother's," which was also a pizza restaurant before 10pm. Our pizza's were at a section close to the dance floor and so were our pitchers of beer. 5 of us were supposed to split the tab at the end of the evening.

All of us had a great time dancing together and even doing some crazy cheers we tried to remember from High School. Men sent us shots to celebrate the occasion but also because they were hoping to get laid from single girls in our crowd. What was funny is that they were hoping that Connie was the single girl because she was really pretty.

Graciously, we accepted the shots to add more fun to the party. It was really a good thing that her husband and a couple of friend's came in around 1am to check on us because we were all very drunk.

Rob took his new wife Connie and Debbie back to the apartment that they shared. Other guys took their girlfriend's home too. Jimmy Lee took me back to the apartment that him and Rob were sharing because he couldn't let me drive home.

The guys came to the rescue of not letting us drive home which was a good thing because we all were blasted from the numerous shots sent our way. Rob had even paid our bar tab which we tried to comprehend in our inebriated states of mind. That didn't matter to us because Rob was loaded anyway.

I slept in Jimmy Lee's waterbed because we weren't sure if Rob was coming home that night with Connie. It wasn't like we slept together in the romantic sense but I didn't want to sleep on the couch if the new husband wife team came home either. We just slept with no kissing or anything.

About 2:36am, I was awakened by a horrible nightmare. It felt like Pat was peering into the window catching me with another guy and he left furious. I wasn't with this guy and would never be because he was just not my type.

Not being able to shake this feeling, I stayed awake most of the rest of darkness of night. When the sun came out, I tried to get Jimmy Lee up to take me to my car back at Mother's. He kept telling me to go back to sleep. I really tried to sleep but at 8am I needed to get out of there now and told him so.

He finally told me that my car was in the parking lot of his apartment complex and asked me "do you not remember me driving you home?" I couldn't remember but replied "Oh yeah, we did bring my car here didn't we? Where are my keys then?" He pulled my keys our of his night stand and I was out of there like a flash.

Now where did we park? I found my car after wondering in some sort of oblivion for awhile. It was in the next apartment buildings parking lot. Why did I not remember that?

I tried to remember what I had last remembered. I remembered the fun, drinking shots, dancing, and even that Rob had paid our bar tab but I could not remember Jimmy Lee driving my car to his apartment. Why was it again that I slept in his bed?

We did not have sex that night but I think I may have kissed him. Had I betrayed Pat? No, I couldn't have because I loved Pat.

While driving home I just tried to figure out the entire last evening of events. I was good up until 1:30am and then everything was a blur. When the shots finally kicked in, my brain kicked out.

I was reasoning with myself if I should tell Pat that I kind of cheated on him but not really. My whole body just wanted to be with Pat forever. Never would I ever put myself in that position again.

It was a 45 minute drive bat to my apartment that morning of

December 6th 1986.

21

In driving home the next morning, my insides just felt weird. Something was missing in my body that made me warm. I felt very cold inside and the heater in my car could not seem to warm me up. I knew my room-mate was house-sitting that weekend and I was very glad about not having to see her but I still felt very cold.

Finally I pulled into my garage of my apartment of what seemed like a longer drive than normal, A note was taped to the backdoor to enter my apartment from the garage. My original thought was that Pat had tried to come visit me but left a note instead. The note was not from Pat. It had to be from Pat because he was the only one that knew our garage was never locked so that I could park my car in it without fumbling with a key in the darkness. I took the note inside without closing the garage door because I was excited to read it.

It was one of those post-it notes that read: "Please call the police department ASAP at(don't recall the number) in regards to Patrick Hammond." It was signed by sergeant Maynard. This was really weird and I was wondering if Pat got arrested and needed me to bail him out of jail. This wasn't good since I really didn't have much money to do that. I was hoping that between all of my credit cards and cash that I could possible come up with the money. He would surely pay me later but I understood if he didn't want his parent's to know.

I grabbed the phone on the kitchen wall, right beside the door to the garage, and began punching the numbers in to call the policeman that left me a note. When the line began to ring there was a knock on the door beside me.

In opening that door I was surprise to see Pat's brother Joe and his sister Sandy to which I gave a 1 minute finger symbol to them since the I heard a voice saying "Westerville police department, how can I direct your call?" I then said "I am calling in reference to Patrick Hammond," Joe took the phone from me and began to talk to her as Sandy lead me away into the living room. Sandy's whisper of voice said "please come in here with me because we have got to tell you something." I could not hear what Joe was saying in my phone call to the police but I did hear him say "Thank you," and hung up the phone.

My mind was thinking that Pat was in trouble deep and that he must have called his brother to help him get out of it. On the other hand I was thinking that this thing was a joke because how did any of these people know where I lived to put notes on my garage door and enter in that way. Why didn't they come to my front door? Pat was involved with scheme from get go. This was some kind of joke on his part.

After hanging up, Joe cam into the living room and asked me to sit down. There was a smile on my face that I don't think they understood but I sat down anyway.

My mind was now racing. Was Pat in the car and taking me off to our day together in a wonderful surprise? How did he plan this unusual event? He planned our unsuccessful perfect date and it would have been beautiful surprise if things would have worked his way.

With stars of wonder in my eyes, Joe said "Pat died last night." Sandy was full of tears and gave me hug thinking that I was going to cry too. I didn't cry but hugged her a bit too while I watched Joe's emotional reaction to this news. He was stoic. His eyes did not show any type of hurt at all. This had to be some type of play act that Pat composed.

"What happened," was all I could question but they insisted that I should come over to their house for an explanation. They did explain that he was in a car wreck but really didn't know the details.

I told them that I would have to change my clothes since I had just come home from a friend's house and they agreed to wait for me.

When I went up to my room I showered, brushed my teethr, put make-up on, and wore a comfortable outfit to go to their house. I did this all as quick as possible because I really wasn't sure what was in store for me next. No way could I believe that Pat was dead but why were they sad? Sandy seemed sadder than Joe but maybe she was just a better actress than him?

They were thankful to see me 20 minutes later ready to go. I told them that I would just take my own car but they insisted that I should go with them since I might be too upset. I wasn't upset at all still thinking that this was a plot, by Pat, to give me another surprise.

Joe did apologize for taking the phone out of my hands when he arrived because he said that he didn't want me to hear the news from a stranger. If you really want to talk about who was a stranger, it was Joe and Sandy too. I hardly knew them. This had to be some type of a game going on.

They both tried to explain to me that Pat was in an accident and that the police and hospital tried to reach me because he told them to do so. That is why there was a note on my door from the police because they assumed, from the listing in the phone book, that we were married? Now that was just absurd. Why didn't they look at his driver's license to find out where he lived?

When we arrived to the Hammond home, I was welcomed by lots of hugs and tears from the family. Some people just hugged me because somebody told them that I was Pat's girlfriend. The entire house was filled with people I didn't know and priest's from the church across the street. Was it real, was it true, that my Pat was really dead?

I was somehow offhandedly put in a chair to observe the people traffic from the kitchen to the living room. Joe and Sandy disappeared in the crowd probably thinking I was weird because I did not show any grief in our time together. My head was telling me that people were crying so it must be true but my heart was saying that it wasn't rue because Pat was always full of spectacular surprises. This was just another one of his antics?

Somehow, I loomed from my designated chair into the kitchen to eat a little because I was starved. Pat's mother smiled at me for getting something to eat on my own and I asked her if she needed me to help her with anything. Her tearful grasp tried to make me feel that it was real but I wouldn't feel this hurt around a somewhat stranger. Our only connection was Pat's love which I didn't know how much stronger that was since I had never had any children. I thought my relationship with Pat was much stronger than anybody in his large family could imagine.

I tried to comfort his mother in lame words like "he's in a better place." I even went as far as trying to pretend to cry even though it did not hit my heart yet. I took my plate of food back to that lonely chair to observe the mourning once again.

Truly, I had no idea how long I was there but it wasn't yet dark outside. I asked Carlie, another one of Pat's sisters, when she passed by if somebody could take me home. She said that she would see what she could do in an almost disgustful tone to mean that I wasn't welcomed there anyway. No, I wasn't welcomed there and I probably wasn't doing the right thing for a grieving girlfriend. No tears were coming from my eyes and I also saw people talking about my lack of emotion. Did they think that I didn't hear these whispers and see the pointing to me? I knew that I looked quite bored as an observer to the room's grief.

It wasn't long before a friend of Carlie's took me, Sandy, and two other friends in a car to drive me home. Again, I was not part of the conversation as they reminisced a Pat I didn't know. They were talking about all the High school fun they had. The radio way playing but they were not listening to it. We stopped for gas and all of us got out to buy chapstick for some reason. Originally I got out to get a drink but Sandy suggested that I buy chapstick too and I did.

When we got back into the car, a song was playing on the radio that I could hear loud and clear because their talking had stopped. The words of the song said "I would subtract 20 years of my life if I could just hold you again." It was then that I broke down into uncontrollable tears around these people. Through my blubbering of a choked up voice with sobs I told them that I thought that they were lying to me about Pat being dead but that song told me the truth from him. He couldn't be dead because he was still so alive in my heart.

I became a complete mess of not being able to talk and I so desperately wanted to just curl up and die alone by myself. Arms, hugs, and tears surrounded me as the driver turned up the radio in the car even louder for me to feel even more pain. This seemed a bit sadistic to me but then everyone was blubbering uncontrollable tears too. When the song stopped, non of us stopped crying.

I tried to ask how he died but nobody was able to give me an answer. All they knew was that he was dead before he reached Mercy hospital in a police car. His time of death was somewhere close to 2:30am. My mind flashed back to the horrible dream that woke me up at 2:36am, per the digital alarm clock beside me in Jimmy Lee's bed. He did think that I was cheating on him and he was angry in his soul that went to heaven. Tears would not stop pouring from my eyes and it felt like a large vegetable was stuck down in my throat too deeply to talk.

Someone also explained that Pat's parents were not even called until about 4am that morning to come to the hospital. They had to identify the cold lifeless body of their son. It must have been horrible for them to see. He had been alone in his dying and I was alone in his death. Neither I nor his family could understand the reason for this

---

They told me go into the living room and sit down because they had something to tell me. I didn't want to sit down because I was so very confused from the officer's note and I had just gotten home 10 minutes ago.

Sandy and Joe took the note that that I had from the officer and read it with some knowledge they had between them, They insisted that I sit down to hear their news.

I'm not quite sure who spoke first and told me that "Pat had died." My ears nor soul was really ready to hear this and I believe I tried to ask some questions about this but I do not remember to this day what was said.

I think I told them that I had spent the night with a friend on the Westside and that I had not had a shower yet.

Sandy and Joe were crying and hugged me but I did not feel like my Pat was dead. They had to be joking. This was some kind of practical joke that Pat dreamed up. Pat was so creative and it would be just like him to scare me a bit and maybe involve his family in something crazy. He had always been a man of surprises for me.

Not really knowing what happened next but I think I showered and put on some clean clothes. I might have just put on clean clothes….I'm not sure.

Joe and Sandy drove me to that wonderful house where a lot of people I didn't know were there. I think that they thought I was in shock because I didn't really know how to react with hugs and crying. I could not shed a tear.

They put me in a chair in the living room and I watched and listened to people coming in and out. Some were crying a bit but I was just waiting. I was just waiting for Pat to come out of nowhere and say "surprise." So dearly I just wanted the next laugh to begin very soon.

Nobody gave me the details of his death and I didn't really even feel it in my heart that he could have left me. It was just not possible. There was nothing in my head that could tell my heart to stop waiting for him to walk into the room.

I'm really not sure how long I sat in that chair alone. Everybody was seeing family and friends that I had not met yet. Nobody really even knew who I was or why I was there. I didn't even know why I was there. It was not like I was his wife or anything, we had only been together for a bit less than 2 glorious months.

It took a little courage but I told some family member that I needed to go home. Somehow, I was loaded in a car with 2 of his sisters and some other girls that I didn't know. We stopped and a convenient store for drinks and chap stick. Basically I was ignored but listened to a bit of their chatter that made no sense to me if they were truly mourning Pat.

The radio was on and played a song "If I could ever hold you again," which broke me down to sobbing uncontrollably. It was then that I finally realized that Pat was not alive anymore and I would never see him smile at me again. That song meant more to me on that day because I would have given my life just to see him again (words from the song).

In my sorrow, I was sort of just left off at my apartment because I said I was okay and because they also had to get back to the house for other family members. They asked me if I wanted to go back to the house but that was not an option in my grieving. I really knew nobody yet in Pat's life who could share our private moments of love, intimacy, jokes, and talks with. We had not yet created that bond, in our new love, and nobody could understand that. Pat and I professed our love for each other in nobody's eyes but our own.

His death was declared Dec 6th, 1986, and that was a day a part of me a of me died. It was in the early morning hours that he died but no family member was even near him. He died alone and yet he didn't die alone in our hearts.

After Death Puzzles

That day, with Pat's family, had been a day of deep emotion for them but I still really hadn't figured out why a sheriff left a note on my door that morning. I really wanted to call that sheriff but was afraid of what I would hear. Pat's brother Joe had taken that note so that he could possibly find out more information for his grieving parents.

Instead, I went to the answering machine that was still blinking 10 messages. My room-mate did not come home the night before and she wasn't at home 6pm when I came back, but I didn't worry about her. She probably stayed all night with her Cleveland friend down the road.

The answering machine messages is what I wanted to hear right now

Sometimes we have a lot of messages because I had recorded funny messages on it that people just call and listen to. The outgoing message, at that time, was the chipmunks. I recorded over the voices of "The Chipmunks song."

It went something like:

Me: "okay you room-mates ready to sing your song?"

Voice from song: "I'll say we are."

Me: "Okay Kathtleen?"

Kathleen: "Okay"

Me: "Okay Beaker?"

Voice from song: "Okay."

Me: "Okay Lucky..Lucky…. Lucky?"

Voice from song: "Okay."

The song then began to play " Christmas, Christmas time is here. Time for joy and time for cheer." BEEP (for the incoming message).

When I listened to the incoming messages, I thought I had finally understood why I had that note on my door from the Sheriff. Pat was the 1st call and left a message, he sounded really drunk, and said "Merry Christmas Suzi." I think the next 2 hang up calls was from the Sheriff's office? A couple of hang-ups later I got a call from the hospital that he was taken to. The nurse on the phone of this message said "Please call Mercy hospital as soon as possible in regards to Patrick Hammond." That was the end of my messages.

I began to cry so much more since at this point since I knew he had died and I wasn't there to be with him. My answering machine did not have a time that messages came in and I could only guess about the time of his death.

Actually, I think I had felt the time of his death in my heart when I awoke so suddenly between 3am and 4am when I laid in a bed next to another man, not that I wanted him but it was a place to be safe not to drive home, and I felt ashamed. The man that slept next to me did not touch me because he knew I had a boyfriend but I did want him to hug me all night and make me feel safe in my too many drinks to drive scenario. Okay, to be entirely honest, I wanted to make out with the guy I was sleeping with but he knew that I had gotten too drunk the night before to take advantage of me. That is why I was in his bed half naked the next morning because he had saved me from driving 30 miles home. I really didn't want to have sex with the man I was with but I did want somebody to hold me through the night, which he did.

This all came rushing to me in thinking that Pat would be thinking that I was unfaithful to him in his dying moments.

I think I felt more guilt of him dying and seeing me in bed with another man than me actually being home and waiting for him. Both of us went out with friends, both of us got drunk, and only 1 of us survived.

Guilt was all that I felt. I knew that I have to do something so very special to honor Pat. The only thing that I could think of was to send him Peach Roses to the funeral home. At first I thought about sending him a big bouquet of them, no matter what cost, but then it became clear to me that I would only have to send him ONE.

He was the only love in my life and I believe that I was the only one in his. ONE peach rose was all he needed to say "I Love You," from me.

Pat was basically DOA when he reached the hospital but I believe that he told the officers to contact me. They may have even thought we were married because of our last names being the same, but I don't know. That will always be a mystery to me and his family. His family wasn't called until several hours after his death.

Telling My Room-mate

My room-mate arrived home about 9pm on Dec 6th. She was mad at again because I did not take her out with me the night before. I didn't care about her anger because all I felt was tears streaming down my face uncontrollably as I sat in the dark.

She turned the light on in our Kitchen/Dining Room which gave a glimmer of light on me in the Living Room. It was a Saturday night and she didn't even wonder why I was not out?

Coldly she came into the Living Room to discuss her frustrations with me. Coldly I retorted "Pat died."

Neither one of us knew what to do or say in the next moments but she then asked "How?" All I could do at that moment was play the answering machine, which I had listened to over and over that evening, and then explain just a bit of a horrible day that I spent with his family that I had only met just once.

She tried to act sympathetic but it was not genuine. Even though she was the candidate of being a great religious Catholic girl, she would also probably admit that it was a relief that Pat would no longer be coming over to our apartment 5 to 7 days a week. He took up too much of my time and I really did not have a lot of time to give to anybody else with 2 jobs.

I just cried on her shoulder a bit before retiring to bed. Before I went to bed, I told her not to erase any messages on the answering machine. She said that she wouldn't.

VIII

Funeral arrangements was naturally done by his parents. I read in the newspaper when and where the showings for his body was going to take place. I did not go over to his parents' house because I didn't know them.

I went to the showings at least 1 hour beforehand to say my goodbye's to Pat alone. At least I had a bit of time, just to see for myself, that his body was really lifeless. Praying to God while I felt his stiff and lifeless body seemed to only make me cry more.

Oh how I prayed to God to bring him back to life and bring me back the happiness that we shared but it was way way too late.

Pat's family did arrive early for the showing too and saw me grieving on my own by his open casket. Maybe it was then that they realized that I really did love Pat too? They never interrupted my time but tried to share my grief which I would not allow.

It wasn't because they were not comforting. They felt more hurt than I did. I just didn't know how to relate my emotional loss compared to their lifetime of hurt. None of us really knew each other's needs. I was alone without my heart partner and they were together in trying to do the best for a person that they had loved for over 20 years. The Hammond's truly tried to bring me into that world but I could not comprehend why. It was because it what Pat wanted?

When the showing of the open casket began, floods of people came to the funeral home. I knew nobody from his past. Relatives, school-mates, friends, teachers, priests, and whatever came into the funeral home to touch his dead body at his casket and pray. I knew nobody touching my love and was appalled by it. In my heart it felt like private property. Nobody really knew his inner most feelings but I thought I did.

His family could have been an exception to this rule because they knew him for 25 years and I had only known him for a month and a half. Of course his family would never understand what Pat and I shared romantically, but they tried to consider it allowing me to take part of grieving lives.

In a corner of the funeral home I sort of hid. This is where I heard comments from other people that really began to hurt me more. Girls from his High School would say how cute that he was, I beamed that they wanted him but I had him, but then would say things like they heard his girlfriend didn't want to go out with him that night and maybe that was the reason he got into trouble.

Oh, believe me when I say, I was LIVID and ready to defend myself against awful rumors. I asked those girls if they knew where Pat's girlfriend was and none of them knew. It was then that I announced to them that I was his girlfriend. They were still so very cold but then said that were "sorry for my loss." "yeah, right," was my thought and got out of there immediately.

I cried harder all the way home. It wasn't just like I had lost a love but because I didn't have the chance, in just our short time of being together, to gain the momentum of being a couple. Only his two close friends that were there in our in our original meeting could actually see the magic. Even his family saw the stars in our eyes together and knew internally how much we wanted to be with each other.

There was 1 more showing after this disaster and I again arrived 1 hour earlier than the crowd to have my alone time. His family would arrived sometime soon after that and tried to pray with me at the casket. Again, I was thankful for their gestures but pulled away because they were basically strangers to me.

Pat's family tried to invite me to come to their house but I declined the invitation. My loss was my own and I couldn't share with them my secret of life with him because it was more chemical, sexual, and basically something unexplainable in our connection that nobody could understand in our early relationship. All that Pat and I knew was that we nearly immediately felt love for each other. It's even weird for me to describe.

PAT'S FUNERAL

At the funeral, I was still the outcast. I had never been to a Catholic funeral before and it was my intention again to arrive before anybody got there. When I did get there, I was nearly late. Everybody in the church was already sitting down. My efforts of trying to get there a half an hour earlier failed. I had to settle down into a seat at the back of the church with people I didn't know.

I watched as Pat's casket was rolled down the aisle with the Priest and his family surrounding it. The people I sat next to somehow knew that hurt more than they did. It could have been because my eyes would not stop pouring hurting waterfalls from my eyes. I really tried to keep my feelings inside but pain just seemed to spray from my insides. My insides betrayed me too because I broke down to my unknown pew neighbors in uncontrollable sobs.

Somehow we made it through the first part of the mass without me crying any further. I did all of the kneeling, prayers, and songs required. My unknown neighbors were watchful of me because I did hear, in my sobs, that somebody told them that I was the girlfriend of the deceased. Somehow, that was a Godsend to me.

It

priest offered Holy communion, I went to the front to touch his casket for 1 last time.

His family pulled me into their seats, in the 1st pews, after they saw me starting to walk back to my seat. All of them hugged me and tears were just gushing from all of our faces. It felt good inside for them to understand that I loved him so much too.

They even gave me a seat in their cramped limousine, because of me, and ride with them to the seminary.

Pat's family was so very nice to me in the grieving process. I was truly unable to go continue through the showings when people I didn't even know was touching his lifeless body. In reality, I didn't really know Pat's family nor any of his friends because our love so very new. All I knew is that I loved his soul so much that nobody else existed in our world. It would have taken some time for everybody both my family, his family, our friend, and everything to come into place but we didn't have that kind of time.

I went the funeral home alone to be with Pat's body alone because that was really all I knew. Pat and I were just in the beginning of love. Our love could have failed later possibly but our love could have also blossomed into long time commitment.

The funeral was a nightmare. Although I am a Catholic, I had never been to a Catholic funeral before. I actually had to read it in the newspaper for the times, etc. Nobody called me from Pat's family to invite me to anything else.

The funeral started and I was in the very back of the church. Mass was nearly done and communion started. The back of the , church goes up 1st to communion, as I did, and the Hammond family grabbed me to sit with them when they saw me. I was crying so hard at that time that it was wonderful to have somebody to hug me.

XIV

The only time you could get my gamiHe was never exposed to my family in the least. My mother did like him a lot because he seemed to be such a nice young man. That was the only time that the two Pat Hammond's, that I knew met face to face.

Since Pat and I met at the end of October, Thanksgiving was very close. Pat invited me to join his family for Thanksgiving dinner. I did accept but I really didn't want to go since I had never met his family before.

One thing crazy that I created for Kathleen and I was a fantastic answering machine messages. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I had so many great answering machine messages that we had over 25 calls each day commenting on them.

I incorporated songs and stuff to fit our living situation that many just called to listen to them.

The answering machine message, at the time that I really became part of Pat's life was the song from the chipmunks

Notes……thoughts….etc

Arriving home, Kathleen went directly to her room.

Both, Pat and I had had several drinks throughout the evening but we had danced all of them off. We drank the few beers left in the refrigerator and went up to my room.

Kissing and making out naked was about all we accomplished that night. We did attempt sex but for some reason it was just better holding each other. Nothing happened but laying naked together and lots of kissing as we fell asleep around 3am.

At 6am, the next morning, Pat woke me up to say that he had to go home. With 3 hours of sleep, I was not real clear on the reason why but I told him that I would drive him home. We dressed quickly and headed to my car.

I lived on the north side of town and he was somewhere on the east side of town. Drinking beers only 3 hours before meant that neither one of us was quite sober.

IV

There was not one phone call from Pat during the next week. I was really upset about this. It wasn't like we truly connected but in a way we did connect a family name that I wanted to explore further. Of course my room-mate could care less since she was barely talking to me from this previous episode but she was willing to out with me again, on a Friday night, the night we met Pat, to see if we could hook her up with a guy. This time, however, we both drove our own cars.

On Friday night, I was dressed to the hilt. There would be nobody in that establishment that didn't notice my great body with the great clothes that accentuated it. Hell, I was a dance teacher that had more muscles and slimness than the tiniest of anorexia patients. With flaming blonde hair, a great body with a great outfit, and confidence up the ying-yang, nobody could have even compared to my determination that night. I was there to prove myself to any man that came my way.

What happened? Pat came in. You know, the guy that didn't call me for the past week. I ignored him and danced with every living good looking guy that I could, to show him that I was not one to be messed with. There was an entourage of men waiting to dance with me as I glided around the club but Pat grabbed my arm in a joking manner and pulled me into his booth. It was that last pull and we were never separated again.

Again, we danced the rest of the night and ignored the friends that we came with. It was like no person existed in our magical encounter. Nobody around us existed while we absorbed each dance moves and closeness in slow dancing. Closing of the bar was there before we knew it.

He again was with a friend that drove so I willingly took him back to my place again. I really have no clue what happened to my room-mate.

It was obvious that my room-mate had made it home from the club with her car parked at our apartment. Surely, I would find out the next day from my 2nd nagging mother.

That night we had an incredible sexual experience where we did not sleep the entire night. We took a shower together and he was embarrassed about not being circumcised. With him not being circumcised didn't bother me at all because he was a great lover. He knew how to please me before he took his own pleasure. That was an incredible experience for me.

Taking him home the next morning, very early again, I was worried that he wouldn't call me like the time before. Again, he said he would and I hoped that he would but I still wasn't sure.

He called me from work that night and asked if he could come over. "Yes,' was my answer and he was there around 11pm. Another night of magic and I believe at that time we knew that we were a couple.

Our encounters after that night included so many wonderful things. He would come over after 2nd shift at work and wake up with me the next morning. This did not really happen for very long before he asked me "what would be your idea of a perfect date?" I told him that my perfect date would be a man that 1st sent me peach roses, took me to the Japanese Steakhouse, and then to a place we could share intimate time together.

Pat then did all of these things. He brought me beautiful peach roses, we had dinner at Japanese Steakhouse, and then we went to the Sun Bubble for a hot-tub room for just the two of us. It was quite romantic, except for the Sun Bubble because it looked like a porno lounge where we were uncomfortable with the un-sterile environment. We did make up for that place back at my apartment afterward.

V

Meeting his family was really tough. Pat really wanted me to meet his family, that he was so proud of, to extend our bond further I guess. So I agreed to do so.

It was either late October or early November that I met his ENTIRE family for the first time for a Sunday dinner. The dinner was great and I really liked his sisters and he had very nice parents. My feelings of the evening was nervousness, on my part, but also I felt like they were evaluating me at the same time. Maybe not all of them were evaluating me but a later event proved that I felt uncomfortable for a reason.

Pat's brothers, Tom and Joe, were in their kitchen drinking, I think. Before that time, Pat and I had taken a glorious walk around the outside of his house and talked about how nice his family was.

Tom and Joe were sitting at the kitchen table before Pat was getting ready to drive me home.

Both of them asked me to turn around, which I did, and commented on my backside and the clothes that I wore. To me, it felt like an insult and they laughed. It embarrassed me so much. Pat was also in the room and smiled because this probably, to him, some family joke?

I left the house immediately and Pat followed to drive me home, not knowing that this had hurt my feelings. He soon found out later while I cried the entire way home.

"Never, will I go back to your house,' I cried.

Pat then became very upset at his brothers and told me that he would make it right. He really wanted me to love his family because they were good people that had made a mistake with me. He also thought that his family really liked me but that I didn't understand their humor yet.

With Pat being my knight in defending my honor, I did accept an invitation for Thanksgiving dinner in a couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, it was just always me and Pat together at my apartment after he got off work from Kroger's. We were together at least 4 to 5 nights a week and we did not date anybody else.

It took some convincing from Pat, for me, to accept the invitation of being part of their family's Thanksgiving dinner. My family, at the time, wasn't really into traditional dinners nor had we ever been. All sounded good but I was also a bit scared of his brothers but I did accept.

On Thanksgiving day, both of his brother's were silent from our previous encounter which was both embarrassing and welcomed by me. I then attempted, as my mother has always taught, to try to help in the kitchen to prepare the dinner. I think I was given a small task but nothing in comparison to the dinner spread that had been prepared way before I arrived. I felt a bit useless but I did want to make a good impression/intention to this family.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. This Hammond family was so very warm and comfortable that I wanted to come back. It was like I found a home both in Pat and getting closer to his family. I really wanted that bond. That evening gave me a whole new outlook of destiny and the great things that God gives to you.

VI

Pat and I would never be separated again was in my mind. I was going to marry this man and keep my maiden name. That in itself is very exiting. I had started the bonding of his family which felt so great to be welcomed. To me, he was my destiny. Now maybe that was youngness, but I think you had to be there. Everything was like a flash flood of emotions but in reality Pat and I did really love each other.

My room-mate and I never really did not communicate much after Pat and I got together which I understand. She stayed in her room mostly and I did too when Pat arrived