My secret inside
A silhouette stands at my door. The stench of cheap aftershave lingers into my room, scurrying around the floor like a rat full of disease. I sink lower into my bed and close my eyes trying to ignore him. He moves... **thud** I open my eyes quickly looking side to side **thud** I start to breath rapidly **thud** gulp I wish he would just disappear...it is getting louder **THUD** he is there, standing over me. Suddenly I feel his hand hit my leg like a crain dropping its load from 50ft. My chest starts to sink deeper, tears are rolling down my face on to the bed. I lay as flat as I can hoping I will sink into the mattress and dissolve.
The only protection I had has gone. My blanket melted like a tablet in water. I cover my eyes so I can't see what vile creature sits above me.
Now complete pray to this vulture, this pollution of filth hovers above my face. He plants an acidic kiss on my lips, instantly I feel sick, my whole body goes numb. My lips start to quiver and my tears get heavier just like his breathing. I try to squirm to the bottom of my bed so I can sprint away and hide from this vermin.
I hear the front door *SLAM* "Hunny I'm home, where are you?" it is my mom, she is home from her 12 hour work shift. I peer from under my hands and see his face drop. Sheer panic suddenly appears on his face, and expression I'm not used to seeing. "Lay down NOW!" I do as I am told and lay there flat he covers me with my blanket and sits next my head and starts to caress my hair. "Andy are you up here?" He quickly leans over and turns on my bedside light. "In here dear"…. "Don't say a word or ill hurt her!" he sneers in my right ear. Around my door appears an angelic face. "What are you doing up here?" her voice is soothing, comforting and gentle. "Lucy was having a nightmare, I heard her crying from downstairs…isn't that right darling" glaring down at me with a predator look in his eyes. "Hmm yeah, I'm okay now" the truth is my nightmare was sitting inches away from me, acting like a saint but the reality is he was more like satin himself.
My mom starts to slowly approach us, she perches on my bed, like a bird flying to its nest. She has a quizzical look about her "Lucy are you okay, you look really pale? Are you feeling sick?" wow what to reply to that question…. of course I feel sick, but the only person in this room who is sick is him, the demon that sits inches away from my head, the demon that kisses my mom good night with that acidic secret, the demon that has been in my life for the last 5 years… "I'm fine mom….honestly" we both know that's a lie, there is nothing honest about this whole situation. After I replied to her question I looked at him, he is sitting there caressing my hair and glaring deeply at me. Suddenly he changes direction and looks at my mom with an intent look "You just worry too much dear, Lucy is a big girl almost 16!, she doesn't need to mollycoddled."
The truth is, I do want to be cuddled and protected by my mom but all the time he is there I know that isn't going to happen. **yawn** "dear you look really tired, common you have just finished a 12 hour shift, bedtime" he tells my mom. "Goodnight Lucy, sleep tight sweetie" my mom bends over him and kisses me on my forehead for a moment I feel completely safe and protected from this sickening mortal. I feel calm knowing she is closer than he is; she stands up and walks out the room blowing me a kiss goodnight. Her kiss lands delicately on my check like a flower petal drifting gently to the floor.
As soon as my mom has walked out the door, the atmosphere plummeted lower than sea level, I know what I'm about to receive… he stretches over and turns of the light, I get another whiff of that potent stench of cheap aftershave and body sweat. We are surrounded by darkness. Words that often are associated with dark are dirty and that is exactly how I feel. I just want to go jump in a bath full of bleach and let the filth float down the plughole.