Down below stately Wayne Manor, in the dark abyss of the famed Batcave, stood our heroes.

Batgirl, Robin, and Nightwing were all crowded around the Batcomputer, loudly arguing.

"What the- WHY AM I DATING MARY SUE?" yelled Nightwing. "I'm supposed to be, you know, bad."

"Oh please!" said Batgirl. "It's bad enough that this one girl thinks I'm dating you."

"Hey, atleast you get a date!" Tim sighed loudly. "I don't get a date. I get a Bat-dog."

"Hey, back off! Bat-dogs are off the heazy fo sheezy-"

"Here we go again", sighed Barbara.

Nightwing, a.k.a. Dick, continued: "They're off the shizzle my-"

"Shut-up, you retard!" yelled Barbara. "I swear you are so gay!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Robin, a.k.a. Tim, shook his head in disbelief. Ah, the stories people wrote about the batsquad. People absolutely had nothing better to do, did they? Well duh. Of course not.

Robin looked at the screen. "Oh my gawd, I have a date!"

Nightwing and Batgirl whirled around real quick-like, half stumbling over each other, almost resulting in a shoving match. "Who is it?"

Robin looked closer. "Nightwing?"

"What?" said Nightwing.

"No, Nightwing is my date."

Silence fell upon them. "That's, uh, a little strange." Said Barbara.

"Yeah, no dip", said Robin.

"Let me look", said Barbara.

"Hey look at this", said Barbara. "This writer makes us turn into villains. We kidnap small children, then perform weird experiments on them."

Robin studied it. "Nightwing a rapist?"

Nightwing's eyes filled with tears. "That's not funny, guys!"

"Yeah it is", said Tim. He began to laugh really hard, so that he was doubled over. Nightwing reared back and kicked Tim in the butt, sending him rolling over a few times.

Robin jumped up and tackled Nightwing. They began to roll around on the cold floor, wrestling and trying to grab at each other's throats. Barbara sighed. Why had she suggested they read online stories? "Damn you fanfiction.net!"

"Meow!"

"What is it, Bat-Cat?" Barbara kneeled down to pet the cat, only to get scratched on the face.

"You stupid faggot-cat!"

Barbara kicked the little beast, but the cat hung on to her foot. She began to shake her foot furiously, but that darn cat wouldn't let go.

Finally, Batgirl, kicked her foot out, sending the cat flying across the cave. No one is really sure, exactly where it landed. Nor does anyone care. Well, maybe except for Batman.

"Attention!" The three kids, stood upright and saluted Batman, all slapping themselves in the forehead during the process.

"Alright, kiddies!" The Batman started. He stared at them all. "While I have spent many hours in my corner, formulating a plan to rid Gotham City of all crime, I realized that it will never happen. We're never given any benefits on the show, because the producers hate us!"

"Ah yes", said Nightwing, "But our fans love us. Besides, we're the sexiest team on the show!"

"True, very true, but that's not the point!"

"Hey wait a sec", said Barbara, "Aren't we the only team on the show?" The others turned to stare at her, then turned back around.

"So anyhow", said Batman, "I say that we get some of our old friends from Arkham, and they'll teach you kids how to be eee-vil. Mwahahahaha!" He put emphasis on the evil part.

The kids stared at him. "Why can't you teach us?" asked Robin. "I've got better things to do, little bird, like find us a new team-mate."

"But", began Robin, "What about Bat-Cat?" Bruce just stared at him. "I prefer one that won't claw you're eyes out while you're asleep. Where is that gay cat anyway?"

The others lowered their heads, but Batman didn't seem to notice. "Ah well", said Batman. "I'll find someone. Let me look at you all."

Batman inwardly groaned at them all.

Nightwing was trying to keep from crying, Batgirl was chewing gum with her mouth open, twirling her hair, and staring up at the ceiling, and Tim was humming show tunes. For Pete's sake, what had happened to them all? Oh right, they lived with him. That explained a lot.

"So what are we gonna do, Brucey?" asked Barbara. "Ifwe don't have a major fight at the end like the author wants us to, this story will have no purpose."

"First of all, red-head", said Batman, "DO NOT CALL ME BRUCEY!" Barbara yelped and jumped into Nightwing's arms. Nightwing looked startled for a moment, then began to smile really big. Barbara looked at him, then jumped back down.

"Like, Oh my gosh", said Barbara, "I can't believe I just did that!" She smiled sheepishly, then took her place beside Robin.

"You three will formulate a plan, to attract a few other heroes to join our side."

"But who?" said Nightwing.

"Superman and Supergirl." Said Batman.

"What?" said the three in unison. "But how?"

Nightwing stepped forward, poking Batman in the chest. "How do you expect us to do that, Batsy? Superman ain't nothing but a boy scout, and his cousin's just like him."

"That's where you three come in! Ciao!"

Batman walked away. He turned around after a few steps and added, "Oh, and Batgirl, it you killed Bat-Cat, your ass is mine." Barbara pouted as he walked away.

"So how are we gonna solve this one?" asked Tim.

The others shook their heads.

"Wait, I got it!" said Dick.

The others turned around. "What's the plan?"

Dick smiled. "I don't have plan, guys."

"Then why the hell did you say that?" asked Barbara.

"Because I hadn't said anything for a while."

"Damnit Dick!"

"Sorry!" said Dick. He thought for a moment. "Well, let's see, that wouldn't work. We'd need 30 crates of Canadian bacon- wait I know! Come closer, you two, I think I might have something after all."

Barbara just stared at him. "I think I'm fine where I'm at."

"What, you don't trust me now, Bat-whore?"

"Ding, ding, ding, and we have a winner!" said Barbara singing, and shifting weights from heel to toe. She stopped suddenly. "Hey wait a second, I'm not a whore!"

Dick just rolled his eyes at her. "Anyhoo, this is my awesome plan, so listen up!"

"What is it?" asked Robin.

"Genius!"

"What?!"

"It's brilliant!"

"Tell us!"

"I can't believe I thought of this!"

"Damnit Dick!"

He laughed. "Okay guys, here's the deal. Let's all learn to cast spells on people. We can cast a spell on Superman and Supergirl, and whoever else we decide to bring into this. Then, poof! One fine day the spell is broken! Superman and Supergirl hand our asses to us in the big fight scene at the end, and then everyone is happy! The Bat team is defeated, and the Super team learns the importance of family relations!"

Barbara and Tim just stared at him, and Tim's mouth was hanging open. Barbara's bubblicious lay on the floor.

"What the hell kind of a plan is that?" yelled Tim.

"Yeah, that's what I wanna know!" said Barbara, adding on.

"Okay, okay, fine!" said Dick. "Let's just go to Metropolis and recruit the Super-dweebs. We can go and befriend them and tell them to follow the evil in their hearts."

Barbara just looked at him. "Ya know Dick, that might actually work."

"Yeah, I know", said Dick. "I'm good."

"Now I'm not going that far", said Barbara.

"You biotch!"

"You hold your tongue before I cut it off, and get rid of your reason for wearing tights."

Dick glared at her. Tim rolled his eyes. Barbara just smiled at Dick.

"Oh yeah, Dick. There's something on the front of your spandex. It looks like someone had an accident."

Dick looked down, then looked up at her. "Oh my god, I was hoping you wouldn't notice that! Shit! Oh my god there's shit everywhere! Ahhhhh!"

He started to run away. He reached the stairs, then turned around, and looked at her. "And it's not spandex! It's a polyester mix, get it straight!"

Dick ran away. Barbara began to laugh. Really laugh. She laughed so hard that tears came out her eyes. She looked over at Tim. He was laughing too, and had his hands on his knees for support.

"Hey Tim, ya wanna know something?"

hehe "What?"

hehe "I never saw anything on his pants."

Tim looked up at her. "Well am I blind then?"

"No, retard, he really did shit himself."

"How do you know that?"

"Well besides him going into that chaotic fit-"

"I thought maybe he was joking, Babs."

heehee "Tim I could smell it! The disgusting pig!"

Tim started to laugh even harder than before. "Oh thank god!" he said loudly. "I thought that was me."

"What?" said Barbara.

Tim looked at her. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't hear anything."

"Yeah I did."

"You can't make me confess! I did put on deodorant! I seriously did!"

"I never said you didn't."

"Ah, yes, but you were thinking it! I hate you, you're ruining my life!"

Tim ran away. He stopped and looked back at her. "Oh yeah, Bat-whore, and in the words of Stewey, heehee I am going to kill you!" Tim ran out.

Barbara just shook her head in disbelief. Then she jerked her head upright. "For the love of cheese, I AM NOT A WHORE!!!"

She sat down in the chair next to the computer. She put her head in her hands. "Bastard."