Alone in the Darkness

By Ophelia LeNoir

Disclaimer: I do not Own /Fullmetal Alchemist, nor do I own Edward Elric. But if I did, I'd be rich.

I opened my eyes to darkness. Complete and total darkness. I was alone. Where is Al? I sat up, my heart racing. If anything happened to my little brother I-I… I don't know what I'd do. I looked around franticly. He was asleep not far from me. Good. Without Al, I would be alone.

I can't stand that thought. Being alone. As it is, it's just Al and me left. Father left us alone years ago. And then Mom died. I came so close to loosing Al too. Too close. I don't want that to happen again. I won't let that happen again.

I laid back down on my bed and folded my arms behind my head, staring up into the darkness. I heard Al stir in his sleep. It's not hard to miss the sound of metal clanking. Hearing him at night sometimes makes me want to cry. I never do, but I want to. I know we both still have nightmares. Al has awoke me from my nightmares. I've heard Al having his. I, in turn wake him from his. I comfort him with empty words I myself don't believe. "It's ok, Al. We're ok Al. Everything will be fine Al."

But are we fine? Me with my metal arm and leg, Al with his metal body. Are we fine? No. We're not fine. We are anything but fine. I sighed. It's strange how you can be surrounded by people, or at least have one person with you, and still be alone. I'm alone. I always am aren't I? And I always will be. I now know I was harboring delusions when I tried to bring Mom back. That will never happen. Father will never come back for us either. I always knew that though. I knew that before Mom died. I just want to make Al normal again, make myself normal again.

I hope Al doesn't feel what I feel. I know he doesn't live with my guilt. I did this to him. I made him how he is now. It's my fault. Our misery is my fault. It was my idea to become alchemists, my idea to try to bring back Mom; it was me who lost Al's body and my arm and leg. Everything that has happened to us is all My fault, and now I have to fix it. I will fix it, so help me… no one. I am on my own. There is only me and Al. And sometimes Winry. But that's it. We are all we have. I stopped believing in higher powers a long time ago. Alchemy is what I believe in. Fact and science. I believe what I have seen, what has been proven. There is nothing else to believe.

I rolled to my side and looked over at Al. Even confined to that armor, he is peaceful. All the more to make me feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Al," I whispered into the darkness.

He stirred again. For a second a feared he would wake up, But he was just shifting in his sleep. His dreams were, fortunately, not too bad tonight. He may not be having good dreams, but at least they weren't night terrors. Maybe tonight he would sleep peacefully. I could only hope so. Hopefully I would be able to get back to sleep, even if peace wasn't something I could hope for. It had yet to come tonight anyway. It was rare that it did anymore. We should have never dabbled in things that were forbidden. Well, we're paying for it. I wish Al hadn't had to pay with so much.

I sighed. It was late, so very late. My body needed rest, but my mind would not give me peace. Guilt is a bitch. I struggled to keep back tears, and then I struggled to contain my anger. Everything is my fault. That's it. I have accepted that as a fact. Now I have to do something about it. The trouble is, I don't know where to start. That night, I began by trying, once again, to sleep.

-Fin-

A/N: Ok, guys, that's it. This is my first Fullmetal Alchemist fic. I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think! I want constructive criticism!