"If you were to eat a part of the person you love, which part of them would you eat?
So asked Marie Nobi to Sashinami Shouko that L-Elf had overheard when he was passing through the hallways. It was nothing more than a foolish talk, though imbued with blatant allegory of cannibalism. The question seemed to fluster Sashinami Shouko who tried hard to keep her composure. Her reaction on the other hand, fired up the other girl even more who then teasingly said, "So you do think of someone! Well, the part that everyone wants to eat is special, because it is the part where they feel love."
That was the last thing L-Elf heard before he quietly left. Nothing notable, just an idle banter between two friends. One who seemed to be thoroughly embarrassed and the other, who relished at the reaction. It was supposed to be only that, but nevertheless, the question lodged itself firmly at the back of his mind, nagging him at the most inconvenient of times. Like a tiny pebble that had accidentally gotten into his shoe, and pricked him at random.
He supposed that cannibalism was only to be expected as a last means for survival during a great shortage. History recorded the famines in a time long past when people were in so dire a need for food that they ate their own kin, and told tales of stranded travelers and besieged cities that did the same. A certain once popular genre capitalized on stories of unwitting consumers of the human flesh and the news reported cases of deranged individuals who killed and consumed others in the name of rituals, madness, revenge, money, and love. Most intriguing were the latter cases where people killed, using their affection for others as an excuse.
L-Elf didn't believe in something as abstract and vague a concept as [love]. Destiny, fate, love, and romance were just meaningless drivels used to delude people. No matter how much they tried to beautify it, in the end, it was the powerful who ruled. The phrase of "survival of the fittest," was terribly clichéd, but rung true. Kindness and affection wouldn't save anyone; it was just excuses made for people to feel good about themselves. Life was full of disillusionment and when idealism met reality, it was rarely reality that backed down. The world operated on the basis of give and take, and L-Elf would try to make best of the rule of the game that lied before him. He had to be strong, and if such sentiments were to become a weakness, then he would just cast it away.
What he had with Licht was something that could be best described as [gratitude] and [desire to protect]. Something more pure and complex, compared to the flimsy notions of [love]. Liking someone so much that you could eat them up. Desiring for attachment and connection to other people, hoping to erase the loneliness. Eating them so they would always be a part of you and never separate. I want to treasure you, eat you, spoil you, and mess you up…isn't it just a one big contradiction?
If he were to eat Tokishima Haruto, should he still be alive, then a part of him would be lost, irrespective to his exceptional healing ability. On the other hand, if he was already dead, it would prove to be quite a blow to the New-JIOR military force. It would be laughable to describe the relationship between them as [love], anyway. Tokishima Haruto was a mere pawn on his elaborate chess game against the Dorssian Empire, against Cain.
He had promised himself to do just one right thing for Licht. L-Elf never regretted the choices that he had made in the past, nor did he seek redemption. Heroes didn't exist and even if they did, he wouldn't be one of them. He had lived his life in a metaphorical gutter, full of blood and corruption, but Licht was like a star. Transient and faint, but would always try to illuminate. He was already dirty from the beginning, adding more shouldn't be a problem. The crimson color had slowly turned black as his sins piled up, but L-Elf didn't care. To protect Licht, her purity and life, would be his only good deed in life, if even they were any. For that, he would have to keep on playing the game, hiding behind the cover of the New-JIOR government and waging a private little war with Dorssia. Change could only be achieved through destruction, and he was never a very patient man to begin with. It was his biggest gamble, one that he had no intention to lose.
To do that, the Valvraves and their corresponding pilots were necessary. He could care less for all of the partnership nonsense that Tokishima Haruto had attributed to their relations. He was just a necessary but expendable pawn piece to achieve his goal…or is it?
To feel love so great that you simply couldn't help yourself, how would it feel? Why should there be something as clumsy as [love] in the first place, anyway? Humans could live without [love], yet they still yearned for it, running around and attributing every little thing in its name. To love and to be hurt, it was an endless bothersome cycle that he could do without. If love made him weak and would betray him in the end, then it would be better to never experience it at all. To distance himself from others, so that his heart would harden and be unbreakable…he was prepared to spend his life in solitude. He didn't ask for a companion, nor did he desired one. If being alone protected him and made him strong, then that was what he would do. As long as a human lived, the things that they considered precious would only increase, but L-Elf couldn't afford such luxury.
Love weaken and betrayed, therefore he needed none.
But if such thing as [love] did exist.
And L-Elf was to experience it against his better judgment.
With him of all people.
Then, his eyes, nose, lips, chest, arms, legs, and viscera…the ends of his hair to the tips of his fingers, using the best dining service, along with plenty of fresh cream and strawberries that suited his sweet naiveté, he would prepare himself for heartburn and eat it all.
It was such a foolish thought.