Loki, a very dear friend and adamant Halloweenies fan, received this Mini- Halloweenie when I at last was able to get her e-mail address correct. Stupid computer.

The Mini-Halloweenies

One

Semdai - Huzzah! (throws hands up in glee) It worked at last!

Entreri - (grumbles) Freak.

Semdai - Drone.

Entreri - Poncy Elf wannabe.

Semdai - (gasps in hurt shock) You went too far that time. (sniffles)

Jarlaxle - Egads! Precious is upset! Must cheer her up. (sweeps Semdai off her feet and twirls her around)

Zaknafein - (whacks Entreri with a magazine) You asshole! You made Semdai cry!

Entreri - Oh not you too!

Drizzt - It's not enough you have to be rude and heartless!

Dantrag - You have to make girls cry as well!

Entreri - Why are you all ganging up on me?!

Jarlaxle - You made Precious cry.

Entreri - (looks at Jarlaxle funny) I don't know you anymore.

Kellindil - What is wrong with you?! You're rude and mean to the only people who ever gave a damn about you!

Entreri - What the hell have you been smoking! They don't care about me!

Dinin - You could have let her down a little less harsh, you know.

Entreri - When did YOU become a brown-noser?

Dinin - I grew up in a society where I didn't have a choice. I have to kiss other people's asses or my ass is history!

Entreri - (shocked) You need some self-respect.

Semdai - (dramatically) To respect you need a heart. I think you have no heart Artemis Entreri. And I had a mind once to give you mine!

Entreri - (disturbed) You need to lay off the drugs, Semdai.

Dantrag - (disbelief) You actually had eyes for HIM?

Semdai - (pathetic soap-drama) Yes, Artemis, my heart was smitten with you once. Your charcoal eyes, your warrior build, your attractive goatee-like- stubble. But you are too cruel and rejected me. And so my heart found someone who would return my obsessive affections.

Jarlaxle - Me!

Semdai - (passionately) Yes, Jarlaxle! You! Now there is one question that I must ask of you!

Jarlaxle - (equally passionate) Anything!

Semdai - I know drow have white hair, but (seductively) is it true that all drow hair is white?

(They exit dramatically via stage left)

Drizzt - She can really think up some crazy questions.

Kellindil - Some of her stuff makes me wonder.

Dantrag - (scared) What are you saying?

Kellindil - (throws a book at Dantrag) Sick, drow bastard.

Dinin - If I had even half of Semdai's audacity, do you guys think I could get laid?

Nalfein - I don't know, you saw how fast she seduced Jarlaxle.

Entreri - (exclaims) That can't possible count! Jarlaxle a sex-crazed maniac who'd screw a chicken if it would get him off!

Nalfein - Is it possible to screw a chicken?

Dinin - They did it on South Park. It must be possible.

Entreri - Is it also possible for Satan and Sadaam Hussein to be gay?

Dinin - Of course. Anything done on South Park is possible.

Entreri - Except for that part about lighting farts on fire. That's bullshit. You can't do that.

Dinin - Yes, you can.

Entreri - No, you can't.

Dinin - Yes, you can!

Entreri - All right, Dinin, I bet you a pair of Semdai's panties that you can NOT light a fart on fire.

Kellindil - (shocked) You have a pair of Semdai's panties?!

Dantrag - (jealous) Where'd you get 'em?!

Entreri - I pilfered them for blackmailing purposes. (brandishes a pair of dark purple panties)

Dinin - (drooling) Semdai's underwear... It's a deal! (lights a match and farts on it, creating a small puff of flame)

Entreri - (shocked) My god!

Dinin - (grabs the underwear and puts it on his head) Ha HA! (begins to prance about and suddenly explodes in a burst of flame)

(Stunned pause. Then everybody dives in trying to get the underwear.)

The End...