I'd heard it all from the older girls at school before. Marie Jones was the first to say so, the first to brag as we all sat in our six girl dorm. We'd all sat giggling and red-cheeked as we listened to the story of what her and her beau James McArther had done. I'd been the one sitting there thinking how silly she was, how she should have thought about becoming a mother. It was easily done and not easily erased, my mum had warned me of that when I was twelve- though I hadn't a clue what it had meant. She, like most Mothers, had only explained the meaning of the blood I'd discovered- only saying it was how I would be able to make babies when I was older AND married. We girls had worked it out for ourselves mostly till the biology lesson on human reproduction when many got a real shock. I was lucky, having two brothers I knew they were different down there- I'd had to share a bath with Peter till I was eight- but for many of us it was a shock.
On the night when Marie explained what making love with someone really meant we had guessed who would be next- they'd labeled me last, if ever. They said my beauty was wasted on me, I had too many brains to use it effectively. I couldn't argue, we shared a room so they knew my body as well as I did but I still thought there comments unlikely.
I had, however, never imagined I would be next. I had never thought when standing on the platform heading off to school again that in a few months time I would be marrying a king.
It was everything that Marie had said it would be, to spend the night with my new husband. I wouldn't say it was perfect, neither of us had done it before and it hurt a bit at first. Caspian had never seen a fully naked girl before- not ever- I hadn't since Peter was nine and things changed a little to say the least.
It had been a bit of a kerfuffle really, I had a dress with more ties than a training shoe factory and, giving they were all on the back of my wedding gown I had no idea how to untie them. Eventually, which will always be a talking point, he gave up and took his dagger to the ties.
He had placed his hand firmly on my hip, whispering not to move while sparks of nerves, anticipation and something I'd began to label desire flowed slowly and magically through me. My skin beginning to flush.
He'd touched me like that before, often when dancing and such but I knew what that night was, I knew what it meant and for the past week I'd doubted everything because of it. My new lady-in-waiting Susca had said it was just wedding jitters, I knew she was right, I knew I loved him I was just terrified of my life changing forever.
I was too scared to let the dress pool around my ankles, even though I wore a petticoat and stays and under skirt.
I'd felt uneasy untucking Caspian shirt, he'd felt uneasy removing my underskirt. It had been slow, both of us too embarrassed, neither wanting to take charge.
Stripping the last of my clothes I felt so naked, beyond what I physically was. It was petty but I wondered how he would see me, did I really look beautiful in his eyes or was that just a ploy males used along with the inventive words for eye colours.
He'd stared and I'd stared, never having seen anything like it before. Eventually I moved, taking his hand and placing it against my waist, watching him, waiting for some kind of reaction, any kind other than the blank look of disbelief- the look that Lucy had worn when she found one of Peter's unsavoury magazines under his bed.
It was like he snapped, like I'd clicked a button and he knew what to do, I let him lead me, he moved my hands onto him and lifted me up, my feet only just on the floor and kissed me, kissed me more than he ever had and I wanted him back, my heart racing.
I remembered see what they called a French kiss and thinking it looked terribly uncomfortable and wondered how on earth having someone else's tongue in your mouth could be comfortable but I was pleasantly surprised, very pleasantly. As pleasantly as being wrapped tightly in strong arms which traced up and down my back, rubbing from my shoulders to my bottom before they wandered round to the front of my body. Eliciting a gasp I couldn't contain, something else I'd imagined was only part of the stories but the feelings, sensations got better than I'd ever imagined they could feel.
Lying, trying hard to breath normally again in a bed stuffed with swan feathers afterwards I was sure there was nothing I'd experienced yet to compare.
Breathe, I had to remind myself, my skin on fire with warmth, my mouth was totally dry. I had only just began to notice the sheen of sweat that covered my whole body. My hair had become a total mess from both Caspian's hands and my inability to stop rocking my head back and forward under the pressure. Every nerve in me was live and buzzing, desperate for more but just as desperate for peace.
I wasn't tiered as I'd expected I would be, or as Marie had said she was, I was full of energy but still needed to sit and allow the world to slowly come back to me.
My breathing remained in time with the man beside me, where he'd collapsed from his own exertions. He didn't seem to care that he lay totally naked like an old pot plant that had just been turfed into the garden, limp and craving every piece of oxygen he could get.
"Oi, your stealing my air," I laughed after a minute of lying that way.
"Would you like to reclaim it?" He joked. Suddenly lifting me by the waist and pulling me on top of him and plunging his mouth up to mine. I coughed, pulling away from him, but staying where I was, feeling the sting of my breasts being slapped against the harder surface of his chest- like hitting a table.
"Ow," I mumbled, keeping my pain hidden under my breath. Of course he heard,
" I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Before I got a chance to utter a single word he placed his hands on my bum, pushing me up his body a bit to kiss it better, the tickliest thing I've ever felt. I couldn't stop laughing as his rough lips scattered kisses not only to my breasts but to the rest of my chest and shoulders two.
"Stop it!" He laughed along with me his deep eyes loving the sound. He did however let me go and I rolled sloppily off of him laying my head on his chest.
It had been a real surprise for me to see the rest of his body- from chest to knees was pale, the tan he had wasn't so ingrained as we thought.
"I guess boys don't walk around topless here," it was just an observation but my new husband was astounded,
"You mean in England they do?"
"Not all the time, only when the weathers nice."
"What else do they do there, I have heard it is a very different place,"
"Oh is it ever, well we don't wear dresses to our feet, or corsets." It didn't take much to see him fantasising when I said those words.
"Oi, King Caspian, one should not be thinking about the bodies of other women when ones Wife is lying- naked none the less- next to one!"
He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at me- having learnt the childish gesture from Lucy.
"We wear something else in the place of a corset and its a heck of a lot more comfortable."
He was listening again now, his hand wandering up and down my spine.
"Well, I couldn't even master a corset let alone any new garments,"
"Oh don't worry I'm sure you'll get better."
Silence fell for a moment or two before my head was nudged from his body and he stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"It's too hot, I'm going to the balcony,"
"Not dressed like that your not," I jumped up pulling my petticoat on and throwing him the red velvet leggings he'd been wearing the day before.
"Why, you find me impressive," he teased.
"I wouldn't have a clue," I answered honestly, walking up to him and clasping his hand in both of mine.
"Really, I presumed you would,"
"Why, what do you take me for?" I went to far, pulling away and adding I've to my tone.
"Oh I didn't mean to offen-,"
"That's what everyone expects," I said softer but still making my anger clearer than I wanted,
"They look at our family and Peter's the doctor-to-be, Lucy's the sweet forgiving child and Edmunds the perfect boy for their cousins daughter. Oh yeah Susan's pretty. Pretty meaning they expected me to go off and bed-jump, they expect me to be the wife, stay at home and sew, have babies. I wish they could see what I could really do." He didn't say anything but his eyes understood every word.
"You feel that you have no choice but to follow what is expected of you even though you don't want it. You know there is no other life for you to take." I realised he was talking about his own childhood, we were not too dissimilar at all really.
"I'm sorry, I don't have any need to be upset- your childhood was so much worse than what I had,"
"I didn't have those bombs landing on houses, or those boxes you brought back,"
"Gas masks, yes, we had to carry them but there's never been a gas attack. I didn't live with an Uncle who wanted to kill me,"
"He didn't, he wanted me to be the best I could be. He wanted a soldier, I was treated well until Prunaprisnia had the boy, I was oblivious. I knew how to be a soldier but I knew nothing about being a leader."
I nodded, snuggling closer to him again, my face on his warm, slightly sweaty stomach.
"You were used, never loved."
"Till now,"
"Yes, till now." He stepped away from me, opening the long curtains and the wooden doors which led onto the balcony. We were in the room previously occupied by his Uncle, the room which belonged to the king by rights. I'd found the idea quite eery but as Caspian had said we couldn't let Miraz deny us what was our right.
And it was the only room with a balcony.
The moonlight flooded down, the black night sky lit in a midnight blue by thousand of spotlight stars. It was beautifully.
"Thank you," I whispered up to them, knowing this was deliberately done for us. Caspian came back to stand behind me, sliding his arms round under my arms and laid them on my stomach. He kissed the top of my head, standing silently for a second or two.
Then suddenly I was lifted into his arms easily as if I weighed no more than one of the feathers in our mattress, I squealed in shock but a pair of lips caught me before I could make to much noise. Instead I wrapped my arms round his neck,
"You don't trust me?" He teased, letting me drop a centimetre before catching me firmly,
"Hey, I could probably still have Peter rip your guts out!"
Caspian laughed, knowing my elder brother never really took to him in the beginning.
"He wouldn't do that to you," he smiled sincerely and I knew he was telling the truth. Peter wouldn't hurt me that way.
I got lowered to the stone base of the balcony and swept up into another searing, languid kiss, my body fluttering with the brief connection, my hands wandering up his jaw and into his hair while his skimmed my waist.
His hand crossed my stomach and my mothers words pinged back into my mind, 'babies are easily made but not easily erased.' On principal I could be expecting now, I hadn't even thought.
Caspian noted the worried look on my face, his eyes asking the problem.
"Caspian, do you want children?"
"I don't follow,"
" I was just thinking, for all we know I could be pregnant now,"
It took me a minute to relies he didn't know what I'd just said, our world were so different, they were so far behind.
"That's the proper word, the medical word meaning I would be going to have a baby."
He nodded softly,
" I realised. I just, I suppose I never thought-" his voice trailed off and he looked away from me. I understood, and I couldn't believe it.
"You didn't know!" I laughed, "you didn't know that was how babies were made did you?"
He looked very sheepishly, trying to regain some of the pride he had just misplaced.
"I, uh, no my Uncle, my professor- no one taught me," he looked young, vulnerable when he admitted his wrong doings and misunderstandings- he knew there was no point fighting for pride.
"Well, you did pretty fantastic if all of that was instincts in there,"
He laughed this time, pulling me closer till his nose brushed mine, my eyelids fluttering like crazy wanting to stay open but wanting to shut because of the closeness.
"I had a pretty good teacher," he whispered, tilting his head to kiss me lightly.
"You never answered my question," I whispered back but he knew he had me, knew my mind couldn't care in the least about his answer.
"I know," he whispered, kissing my throat instead. He sucked on the skin hard for a second before removing his lips and answered, placing his hands over my stomach,
"Whatever comes I will always be happy, always want it. I had no one to teach me how to be a Father- the memories of my own are now so distant but I will always do the best I can, anything for you my Queen, anything."