September 22, 2007

Tears ran down my cheeks as Aunt Jen pulled into the parking lot of the hospital by the EMERGENCY sign. She looked in the back seat at my little brother and I as she stopped her black Escalade. Cameron's grip on my finger was so tight that it was cutting off my circulation. I could feel his tears on my wet shoulder, where his head rested. "I'm going to go check on your mom. Please Ellie, just, stay in the car until someone comes to let you in. Whatever you do, don't leave Cameron here alone, and don't, get out of this car." Aunt Jen's frown was hidden behind her straight face that was covered with tears. I nodded back to her as she leaned back, kissed my forehead, and rushed inside through the sliding glass doors.

It was 11:43 pm, and the day before my 14th birthday. I thought about what would happen if my mom died on my birthday or even the day before because some idiot drunk driver crashed into her Mercedes and set glass into her damn flesh. I thought about whom I would live with and who would take Cameron, since my dad died right after my mom got pregnant with Cameron. I can't imagine having your father not know you, and your mom die when you're three. At least I got to see our dad and our mom for about one fifth of my life.

Cameron finally stopped sobbing, even though he doesn't understand. Sweat started dripping down my face from worry and being in the humid L.A. heat. Cameron's hand was sticky in mine, but I didn't care. I don't ever want him to let go.

Finally, a nurse came out of the glass doors, and tapped on my window and I quickly rolled the window down. "Sweetie, your mother wants to see both of you. Your aunt says its okay." Her southern accent matched her dark skin and her curly hair. I nodded as I unbuckled Cameron and I then we quickly approached the doors. I checked my phone for the time: 11:48 pm. I prayed she'd make it another day. But deep down, knowing some of her conditions, I know that wasn't going to happen. I just didn't want to believe it.

Cameron was still gripping my hand as his little three year old body waddled into the hospital. We followed the nurse. I didn't even glance around me. My focus was on the nurse's.

We turned three corners, went up a flight of stairs, and stopped at a door that said 219 in big bold numbers. The nurse turned the handle, opened the door, and led us inside. The first and only thing I saw in the room was my mother.

She was lying on the hospital bed, covered in a sheet and purple blanket. Only her face and arms were showing. Her pale skin was red from all the blood that didn't get clean off, and part of her skin was burned. Her nose was awkwardly positioned and her lip was cut. Her eyes were closed and her beautiful blond hair was ratted in knots and tangles. Blood seeped through her scalp, showing glass went through her head. Her arm was raised and bandaged, while the other was as limp as a cooked noodle. Her arms were brutally burned.

Without thinking, I silently walked across the room; unnoticing Cameron's still attached to me, and stroked my mother's face with my pointer fighter so lightly I wouldn't have disturbed a fly. Tears weld up as I kept stroking her face and my finger ran over her burns. I felt the roughness of her skin and the pain she felt. It was an odd but amazing connection.

At that second, when my skin came in contact with hers, and I immediately felt her pain as mumble fell from her lips. "I," her lips barley moved, "looov," she didn't have the energy to continue. I removed my hand from her face as my silent cries became heard on the outside. I put my hand in her open hand and Cameron immediately followed my action. "I love you too mom," I whispered. The nurse just stood there, tears falling from her eyes.

I glanced to my left, and slowly saw the jagged lines on the heart monitor get smaller, and smaller, until the line was almost straight. I looked at my mom's closed eyelids. I swear I saw a tear sneak out. I quickly thought about how Cameron shouldn't be here... watching his mom die. But I quickly shrugged it off. As soon as the thought vanished, mom whispered, "you."

I have no idea how she did it because as she mumbled her last word, the deep ring of the grandfather clock quietly erupted, the two hands on the clock lined up with the 12, and the line finally went straight.

My body suddenly became limp as I fell onto my mom, screaming. "Mom! No please! Come back Mom! Please come back! I need you! Mom please!" I kept screaming as the nurse cuddled Cameron so his screams would be quieter. Aunt Jen stormed into the room as I kept screaming and my cries were so loud, it seemed like my tears were screaming 'help!'

"Ellie! Ellie! Calm down!" Aunt Jen hushed to me in a soothing, but strong voice. Aunt Jen didn't have kids of her own, but she'd be a good mom. She ran straight to me, sat on the bed, turned me around, and squeezed me so hard I had to squeeze back to decrease the pain.

I buried my face in-between her collar bone and shoulder. Mascara ran down my face and my hair was a disaster. My natural blonde ringlets were knots and my bangs were sticking straight up. I held onto Aunt Jen for the longest time, and eventually shoved Cameron in between us. I lost track of time as my tears slowed and I drifted asleep on my dead mom and in my families' arms.

Juliet Marie Conn July 11, 1971 - September 23, 2007

I pinned in my black lace flower that matched my black silk dress with a lacey outer layer. I wore black flats, and silver hoops. The only make up I wore was pink lip gloss. That's the least make up I've worn in public since I was eleven. This moment I didn't really care. I was going to my mom's funeral. All because some stupid drunk driver ran into her and killed her. A week from today. A week from my birthday. My mom died on my birthday. At midnight that morning. Thank God I didn't wear make up because I knew I would cry. My eyes became wet as I stood in front of my full body mirror and studied over myself. Good enough. Aunt Jen and Grandma will have to deal with no stupid make up. I'm so over make up.

"Ellie lets go!'' Aunt Jen yelled from downstairs up to my room. Since I don't have parents anymore, she's Cameron and my guardian. We'd live with Grandma, but she lives in a condo for older people only, 30 minutes from school, which I skipped all this week to move into Aunt Jen's and go to therapy for my mild depression.

I quickly grabbed my black clutch, and dragged my lifeless body downstairs. Once I reached the wooden floors in the foyer, I went extremely slow. I thought I might slip and fall. Or trip on the cream rug that matched the walls. Or not pay attention and run into the friggin' wall. I crossed the tile kitchen to the garage door. I didn't pay attention to the sweet smell of cinnamon cookies Aunt Jen just baked for some family members. I sat my bag on the granite island while I grabbed an apple to eat on the way. We all hopped in Aunt Jen's SUV and drove to the funeral home.

Cameron was wearing a little black suit and his tie was pink, mom's favorite color. He was sitting in his car seat in the back alone, sobbing. I leaned back, kissed his head, and we pulled into the funeral home after the no – music car ride.

There were twinkly lights on the building because the funeral is in the evening because that was mom's favorite time of the day since her and dad got married under the stars in L.A. Once you entered the one room funeral home, it was decorated with pink and twinkly lights. The ceiling had ribbons of twinkly lights dangling down and there were pots of pink flowers everywhere. We decided to have the viewing and ceremony in one so mom was surrounded by pink petals and her coffin was currently closed. The chairs were a soft brown metal and the cushions were a velvety brown. There was a board of pictures of her, and all the recent ones had me or Cameron in them. There were some of my father from the past and just by glancing at the pictures, my cheeks had tears running down them.

The floor was a cream tile where all the pictures were and the rest was a brown carpet, by the coffin and seating areas. The walls were a plain brown with lamps nailed in the sides that had candles in them. There was a chandelier in the center of the ceiling that was gold and had many sparkly lights on it. Just one touch I felt like would make it fall.

I looked down at Cameron who recently grabbed my hand. He's been doing that a lot lately. I wonder if he feels I'm the only family he has left. I decided to pick him up and he buried his face in my collar bone and wrapped his hands around my neck.

Over the next 2 hours, guest kept arriving and giving me, Cameron, and Aunt Jen our blessings. I would always say ''thank you,'' as he friends and co-workers told us about their memories with her. Almost every story, I cried. Cameron never got off me so for all the stories, Cameron was still hanging on me, crying by my side because I was crying. Finally, the ceremony was about to start. But before everyone went to find a seat, we got one last greeting from someone who has a special guest with them who change my life…forever.