Title: Olivias

Author: Femvamp

Fandom: Fringe

Disclaimer: Show is not mine. Wish it were. I like this show; but its not.

Distribution - P&P can have it everyone else ask.

Spoilers: Season 3, Episode 17: Stowaway

Note: I'm not sure this makes any sense but this episode just begged for a story; so I write.

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Astrid often wondered if they were all damned...doomed...damaged in some way. They all had their own little forms of hell that they had to constantly be reminded of, Astrid's was being in love with a woman who could never really love her back. Yes, they shared moments together, her and Olivia, and occasionally even a bed, but Olivia would always belong to Peter.

She wondered sometimes if she could go back to a normal life, a normal job in the FBI. She knew if she asked Broyles, he would transfer her anywhere she want to go and she could live a normal life with a normal girl, but she also knew it would probably bore her to tears. That's what working for the Fringe Division had done to her. It had made the normal boring. It had made the unusual, scary, fantastical, impossible, unique, world ending, universe colliding insanity a part of who she was and Olivia Dunham no matter who was in her skin was part of that.

Damn her.

And damn this world and the other side.

Whatever side won in the end made little difference to Astrid, she had lost either way. She would never really have Olivia. Peter had won that battle. He had always won that battle. The only Olivia that seemed to find her interesting was the latest Olivia incarnation. The one that had William Bell's concousness trapped inside of it, taking over; and that was just creepy.

She knew that He...she...them...oh hell Bellivia, yeah lets go with that, didn't know about her sometimes relationship with Olivia or if...oh damn...lets just say they were discreet...Bellivia was just a dirty old man in a beautiful young woman's body and it really freaked Astrid out.

She almost wished for Bad Olivia back...and that was a whole other box of worms. Bad Olivia or as the group called her Bolivia shown up at her door one night and Astrid had assumed she had wanted one of their special times together. Looking back now she should have realized like Peter that Olivia wasn't Olivia but she had been so happy to see Olivia at her door that she had turned a blind eye to all the little things that didn't fit. The little moments that made her happy made her blind to the truth...the next morning Olivia was back with Peter and pretending like nothing had happened; just like the real Olivia had always done, so Astrid had put the little moments that didn't quite match up out of her head.

The little moments had always made her blind to the truth.

Olivia in all her shapes and personality traits would always...almost always belong to Peter; she got the scraps. The Olivia who was hurt and in need of mending. The Olivia who needed someone who didn't have an agenda; who didn't have a horse it whatever particular race she was running. She needed Astrid and Astrid knew she could never leave the Fringe Division or Olivia behind.

Life was't fair; that was the one thing working for her strange little family had taught her and taught her good. Sometimes bad things happened to good people and sometimes you don't get what you deserved; whether that was a blessing or a curse Astrid didn't know, because every time she saw Olivia she wanted to touch her; to feel her. She wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright.

But that like everything else in their lives was a lie.

Everything wasn't going to be ok. Not for sure.

And Astrid would never really be able to hold Olivia the way she wanted,. the way she need to, the way Peter did. And she would never see Olivia look at her the way she looked at Peter.

Life wasn't fair.

Especially in the Fringe Division.

And yet some days Olivia would show up at her door with that smile and Astrid would almost believe that maybe one day Olivia would stay. She knew she was lying to herself but that was another thing the Fringe Division was good at.

"May i come in Astrid.?" Olivia smiled at her with that look that always turned her legs to jelly.

Astrid just nodded and let in her sometimes lover and hoped to God that this was her Olivia or at least not the dirty old man Olivia because, really that was just way to creepy to think about.

"He's gone. Astrid."

"Oh thank God."

"Was he really that bad?"

"He hit on me."

Olivia laughed and then took Astrid's head in her hands, "I'll make it better then."

And she did. Oh God how she did. Astrid made things better for Olivia but Olivia had always made things better for Astrid as well. In the end Olivia was why she stayed in the Fringe Division.

Olivia is why she stayed.

Olivia is why she would never leave.

"So did he kiss you?"

Astrid laughed, "Oh God no. He did look down my shirt."

"Smart man. I always liked the view."

Astrid just laughed and pulled Olivia into her bedroom.