Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by George Lucas. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This is just a short little oneshot I wrote in about ten minutes. I was practicing first person, since I never really get the chance to work on that perspective in my usual fanfics. You'll have to let me know what you think! Thanks ahead of time for reading, and any reviews are, as always, appreciated.
I TURNED TO YOU
"Don't try it."
Those three words have no impact on me. I don't care what you think. I never have. And still you stand before me, pleading with me, begging me to surrender. I don't listen. I never have, and you know that. Why, then, have you not yet given up hope? Why have you not stopped caring for me? Do you truly believe that I will give up so easily and turn away from this path? Do you really think I would love you again, after everything that has happened?
Your eyes, once bright blue-greens sparkling with intellect, are now dull, worn and tired after all that has happened between us. You have seen too much, my friend. You have felt pain that one such as you should never feel. And it's my fault. I drove you to that ledge, and when you finally fall, I won't be there to catch you. That friendship we once had is gone.
Something inside of me growls, a rumbling noise deep within my throat, and I leap from the platform, only to be met by your blade. I scream. Your lightsaber connects with bone and flesh; I no longer feel my legs, nor my arm. I am helpless and mutilated - because of you. A part of me asks, "Why didn't you let me win, my friend?"
"Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"You're a Jedi, too? Pleased to meet you!"
If Qui-Gon had known what would become of us, would he have done things differently?
It didn't matter. Qui-Gon was killed. I always wondered why you never cried. He was like a father to you.
You stare down at me with those dull gray eyes, and I stare back. Only now do you finally take the time to search my soul. You never bothered before. If you had looked me in the eyes long ago, would things have changed? Would you have been able to save me? No, I tell myself. No.
"I miss her."
"I know."
You never tried to help me.
"Do you think I'll ever see her again?"
"Do you think so?"
"I don't know."
You only ever succeeded in making things worse. Only now do I realize that you were trying to help me. You were trying.
I groan, trying to lift myself off of the ground. It is impossible with only one arm, I realize. I am helpless. My eyes glaze over. I can hardly see you now. Your auburn-colored hair is tousled, your face covered with sweat, your eyes brimming with tears, but that is all I see. Only the raw details. My vision is fading... and I blame you. This is your fault. Everything is your fault. I may have driven you to your breaking point, but you never bothered to fight back - until now. You always waited until the last minute.
"Have you ever been in love, Master?"
"Love is forbidden for a Jedi. You know that."
"Why?"
"I've told you before, Anakin."
You never bothered to teach me. I annoyed you.
"I thought Jedi were encouraged to love."
"From a certain point of view..."
You always contradicted yourself. I never realized that you were only trying to protect me.
"Are Jedi allowed to hate?"
"Hate? Of course not."
You never understood me.
You turn your back on me, stopping only to retrieve my fallen lightsaber. I want to cry out to you. I want to beg you not to leave me, but no words will come. Even if I apologized, would you listen? Would you be willing to forgive me? No, I tell myself. No. You were never one to openly forgive. My emotions boil inside of me; I can't contain them. I am angry, so angry at you for mutilating me, for leaving me.
"I hate you!" I scream. Anger is the only emotion my body will allow me to convey.
You turn back to look at me. My vision is fading, but I can see your face, twisted in pain... and sadness. I want to ask, "What are you thinking, my friend?" but no words will come. My body is working against me. I want to apologize. I want you to apologize. But I know you won't.
"... but why not?"
"You aren't ready, Padawan. That is the end of it."
I always felt like you were holding me back, but it was for the best. You were a good father. I never realized that.
"But I am ready. I am! If you really trusted me, you would let me go!"
Oh, how wrong I was. How terribly wrong.
"Anakin, I do trust you. I trust you with my life."
You were right, but I didn't believe you. I had trained myself not to believe you.
"You trust me, but you don't love me."
"Of course I love you."
I thought love was forbidden for a Jedi. You had broken the code... for me. And I never noticed.
"You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!"
You loved me. Those words sting. I try to pull myself up the lava bank with my good arm, but I can't stop myself from sinking down. Fire touches what remains of my clothes, and I burn. Skin peels away from the bone, and the scent of burning flesh fills the air. You watch me die. It is the first time I've ever seen you cry. You were always so strong before. You've lost a part of yourself along with me.
My mouth opens in an eternal scream as the flames race up my body, tearing away what remains of my once-handsome face. You find it hard to look at me anymore. You turn away, staring at nothing. The fire destroys me, and you stand there, unwilling to save me. Why do you always give up so easily?
"I had a nightmare, Master."
"Another nightmare?"
My night-time visits always amused you.
"Can I sleep here? Just for the night?"
You never turned me down. You loved me too much.
"Alright. But just for the night."
I turned to you when I was afraid, when no one else would listen.
I reach out a hand to you. "Save me!" something inside of me shouts, but my mouth doesn't open. "Save me, my friend!" I cannot speak. You see my hand and ignore it. The friendship we once had is gone. You no longer care enough to help me. That love burned along with my body. "Save me, Obi-Wan!"
You turn your back on me and walk away.