i plan on drawing a lot of direct references to chapter titles and some quotes from the kuzu no honkai manga, so if you've read it, and it sounds familiar, that's why, though i don't want to have the same, exact plotline as knh. also, i don't plan on having ayano be full yandere, rather than extremely apathetic and only vaguely self-loathing compared to mugi, lmao.
this is going to be very, very self-indulgent. i've never written for yansim or knh, and would like to do so more often in the future. i've been thinking about fitting the yansim characters into knh's mold for a couple days (correction, a few months, no, a year) now, and i can't get it out of my head with the anime having aired. not beta'd, enjoy.
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scum's wish
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chapter one
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(grant) my wish
a one-sided love
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Seeing each other whenever, hand holding, hugging, and kissing. Coupling up was a normal thing in high school, wasn't it?
He was barely eighteen, dating a pretty girl, doing well in school, in club activities, and even being featured in teen magazines' for being a pretty couple on the street, that's every high-schooler's dream, right?
Masuta Budo was dating a gorgeous girl, from one year under him. Aishi Ayano, in the same club, class 2-A, and very popular among the boys and even some of the girls.
It feels like it should all be a dream.
"Budo-senpai, are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, just give me a sec, club's gotta do our cool down," he smiled. It was all so nice, right? The pair looked like a caring, diligent girlfriend and a hardworking, dedicated boyfriend.
Shame though, since they weren't really dating.
He was her substitute, and she was his.
After goodbyes to his fellow martial artists, he always walks stride in stride with Ayano. Her hands seem so small in his grip. It was a complicated feeling, since they don't normally hold hands, but he's sure it's because they were about to pass Yamada-sensei's classroom.
She gently pushes up against his arm when they pass the door, but Sensei is looking out the window, Budo notices. Ayano definitely noticed. Sometimes, he wonders why she's so obsessed with him, even when he's not facing their direction. Still, the warmth of her body is definitely pleasant, especially when he imagines she's Amai-san.
Large eyes, full breasts, a sweet demeanor. Somehow, the pure, wholesome woman was his type. Budo did think of himself as a hero-in-training, but what kind of hero couldn't even confess his love to his Home Ec teacher?
"Are you okay?" Ayano's smooth voice rung in his ear, pulling him from thoughts of Sensei, "You seem spacey today."
"M'fine," Budo looked past the small, pale girl.
"Thinking about Odayaka-sensei?"
Took him a second to reply but, "Yeah, I am." Budo cleared his throat.
"Me too," he was glad Ayano was so honest. "Tarou-sensei seemed contemplative today."
Budo imagined a dozen scenarios that could have gone on, on this specific day, to bother Ayano. "Something happen to you?"
He wouldn't have been surprised. Yamada Tarou was only twenty-one and this year's new student teacher. He was a plain man, but kind-hearted. Budo doesn't question why someone as beautiful as Ayano could be in love with him, though. People have their reasons, and feel strongly when affected by the right charm. He remembers Ayano saying they briefly attended the same cram school when Tarou was still a high schooler, and that's where she fell for him.
"Some old hag of a teacher invited him to lunch. That other one, Mida Rana-sensei. What a succubus." Ayano pouted, looking down.
"Proud of you, you said 'succubus' instead of 'dirty bitch' today."
"I didn't get to see Odayaka-sensei today, so."
"Haha, very funny. She's the least bitchy out of all of them, Ayano."
"At least the one you love doesn't have five hundred people after him." She over-exaggerated, letting go of Budo's arm.
"Don't make it sound like Amai-san isn't popular. It's almost as unfortunate as your issue how popular she can get, especially at the beginning of a school year."
They both sighed in unison.
"This sucks."
"Mhmm," Ayano said.
The sky's perfectly clear this evening, beautiful. He halfheartedly wishes he were with a different girl. It's not that Ayano isn't good company; it's just different when it's not the sole person you wanted to be with.
Budo daydreams for a second, relaxing as they walk to Ayano's house. Before he notices, they've arrived.
"I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?"
She doesn't say anything, looking at her feet. He can't read her face.
"Ayano?" Silent, still.
She takes a hold of his wrist, pulling him in. They're kissing suddenly, and she sighs.
"Senpai, come inside."
Budo swallows thickly, she already has the key in the door.
"I need you tonight," she turns the doorknob to her empty house. Her parents are out of the country for business. "Please."
He looks at her again, and decides against his conscience. "Okay."
Taking off his shoes quickly, he follows her into her room. She's already looking at him with a lustful gaze, her eyes are dark and she's backlit by the window.
Ayano isn't looking at him though; she's looking at "Yamada Tarou."
"Amai-san—" Budo starts, but before he can finish, her lips were already on him. Soft, full lips and small hands on his shoulders, pushing him to the bed. She's always so dominate when they're kissing.
Substitute lovers.
A pair who don't truly care about each other.
It's fine, Budo believes. It doesn't satisfy the emotional need, but a different need.
A line of saliva connects them when they separate, and the flush on Ayano's cheeks flush a fire in Budo's stomach. He wants this look on Odayaka Amai. He wants to make Odayaka Amai breathe heavy like this.
"Se-senpai…" Ayano's glassy, dark eyes burn into him and for a moment he loses his momentum. It breaks his suspension of disbelief and he untangles himself from her.
"I think I need to go home for now," Budo gulps. "I don't think we should go too far."
"We're dating, aren't we?"
"Yes, and no? I mean, you don't really care about me at all."
"I suppose it's the same both ways in that aspect, but," she straightens her collar and brushes off her shirt, "…I'll see you tomorrow, then."
Budo nearly feels bad when he leaves, but not really. They don't quite love the same way, and it's apparent.
He can't help but think it's frustrating how pointless love is when it's unfulfilled.
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let me know if you guys enjoyed this! it's been sitting around 80% done since january 2017, so i figured i'd let it be read.