In a dark alley in Liverpool, a boy of seven was walking back home. He was not armed, and he was not prepared for what was going to happen to him. Out of the alley, stepped a man with a gun. He held it to the boy's head and said in a dark, rough voice:
"You scream and you're dead. Now, we'll see if we can't get some good ransom money out of yer' parents, Eh, Dave Lister?"
Dave could tell that he wasn't bluffing.
"Oh smeg." He said. Behind the man, a bin fell over and a cat yelled. He put one arm around the boy's neck and turned around. "Who's there?" He shouted. "I'll shoot him!" He loaded the pistol. From behind him, footsteps sounded. The man turned around and faced the other man who was standing in front of him.
"You'd better let go of that kid now, or you'll get what's coming to you." He said. The other man loaded a gun with a "Pssst, click!" Noise. "Who the hell are you!" Shouted the man. He gestured the gun at the boy's head. "I'm David Lister." He said. The man stared. "Exactly. So, you let go of me now, or you're gonna find yourself with half a pound of bazookoid ammo in yer skull and a Napalm enigma." The man turned around, still pointing the gun against the boy's head and made a run for it down the other side of the alley. Another man stepped out in front of him. He was wearing a green suit and he had an "H" on his forehead.
"And were are you going, m'laddo?" He asked, trying to give the man a swift knee in the happy sacks. The man then made a run down the side alley, but two other men stopped him.
"Let the kid alone or you're gonna be dog meat, Smeghead!" One man shouted. The other man known as Kryten punched the kidnapper in the mouth.
"Now, Mr. Lister!" Kryten shouted the young Lister wrenched himself from the man's grasp and ran over to the man in the green suit known as Rimmer. The kidnapper fired, the bullet hit the floor and scorched the cobbles. The four men surrounded the kidnapper. The older David Lister held the Bazookoid up to the kidnapper's head. "Now, Mad Mick the Scouser." He said. "You're going to leave young Dave here and his family alone, and anyone else for that matter." The third man known as Cat stepped out. "Or you'll have us to answer to." He said. "Who the hell are you!" He shouted. "We're from the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf." Said Rimmer. There was a flash of blue light as older Lister pulled the trigger of the Bazookoid. There were no remains of the famous kidnapper. He was dead. Vaporised in the blink of an eye. Older Lister walked over to the kid and said, "Now, when you're old enough you have to do that. Just remember that you saved your own life. Join the space corps when you're old enough as a third technician and we'll meet again someday." The kid smiled at Lister and shook his hand in thanks. "See ya round." He said. He ran off down the street. Lister stood up and joined Cat, Kryten and Rimmer. "Well, did you give him the reminder?" Asked Kryten. "Yeah." Said Lister. Rimmer patted him on the back. "You did good, Listy. You did good." He said. And with that, they vanished into thin air.
When young Dave got home, he looked in his pocket and saw a small gold badge. It read: "Third Technician D. Lister. Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf." Lister hid it in a wooden box on his desk. He looked out of the window and saw a small bug like spaceship vanish in the light of the moon. He smiled. "Thanks." He said.