Title: The Great Plan

Disclaimer: You see, if I owned Merlin, Uther would have done this a long time ago. Screw it, if I owned Merlin he and Arthur would be married by now.

A/N: MerthurShipper! Uther has returned. As has his poor scribe, Geoffrey. Poor, poor, Geoffrey. This was inspired partially by me watching Merlin and partially by SummerQuill, who suggested that a sequel would be epic. And for some reason, my brain began to whirr. This is crackier than Love over Lands, you have been warned.

At precisely half past noon, two guards stormed into Arthur Pendragon's chambers. Merlin looked up, an expression of fleeting terror crossing his face at the sight of the soldiers. He hadn't done anything recently, well not anything major, and besides that bit with the baby wyvern wasn't his fault anyway.

"You are to be arrested, by order of the King." Merlin found himself frozen with terror. He couldn't exactly turn them both to dust, that would confirm whatever had set off Uther's suspicions.

"W-why?" To his surprise, the guard on the left merely rolled his eyes and gently grasped his forearm. The guard on the right didn't even bother, busy looking around the chamber.

"Where is Prince Arthur?" Fear was quickly being replaced by confusion. If these guards thought he was a sorcerer, there would have been five, and he'd be being dragged along the halls. In fact, these two just seemed mildly annoyed.

"How should I know? Probably in the tiltyards with Sir Bedivere." The guard nodded and nudged Merlin along. Merlin's brow furrowed as they took a roundabout route to the throne room, passing by the servant's quarters, the seamstresses' rooms, and the scullery.

Well. If they wanted news of Merlin being escorted away by guards to circulate around all of Camelot, it was going to work. Merlin swallowed as they approached the throne room. The doors swung open.

"At last." Uther was lounging on his throne, a goblet of wine in one hand. He looked somewhat drunk. Geoffrey was beside the throne, looking thoroughly harried and rather as if he wanted to be anywhere else.

Merlin deeply sympathized. "Sire?"

"Guards, release him." Uther glared at Merlin. "You have become a bother to me Merlin."

"Sire?" At least Uther wasn't suspecting him of treason. Yet. All the worst decisions Uther made usually happened with that goblet in his hand.

"I can no longer eat my meals. The men are not being properly trained. Arthur's behavior has become frankly intolerable." Merlin was baffled. "Geoffrey, the writ."

The weary librarian came forward. "A notice of execution, to happen at a later date, for Merlin, idiot manservant of Prince Arthur."

Merlin was inexperienced in the matter, but weren't execution notices supposed to be more detailed? This didn't even state the charges he was brought against!

"Your highness! I have done nothing." Uther glared at him. If Merlin hadn't faced down dragons, he would have been trembling.

"I know. That is exactly the problem. Guards, take him to the dungeons." The same two guards grabbed Merlin's arms and gently tugged him towards the doors. Merlin went with them, too bewildered to resist.

Merthur

Rumors were circulating. By an hour after Merlin had been put in a comfortable jail cell and the guards posted to watch him were playing cards, the scullery maids had reported him being dragged away in chains. According to the servants, he would be beheaded by dawn. The seamstresses reported an entire legion of guards, all pointing spears at poor Merlin.

Arthur couldn't have failed to hear them. So it was no surprise when he burst into the throne room, teetering on the edge between fury and panic.

"Father!" Uther smiled grimly. "What is the meaning of this! I assure you Merlin's done nothing wrong, my manservant would never do anything to hurt the crown, and if he is beheaded I will…will…Father?"

Uther was chuckling. Actually chuckling. It made Arthur want to punch him, then demand that Merlin be released. Geoffrey, who was for some reason documenting this, looked mildly pained.

"Arthur, Arthur. What would you do, should I behead Merlin?" Arthur scrambled around for an answer. Life without Merlin wouldn't be worth living.

And since when did Uther know Merlin's name?

"I don't know." He murmured. "Which is why I demand for you to tell me on what charges you imprison him! I can guarantee you he has committed no crime!"

Uther looked smug as a cat. He knew his son would never give in without a fight. And hopefully a reconsideration of his feelings for Merlin.

"No, he has not. Neither have you." Arthur blinked at him. Uther stepped on the throne and put a reassuring hand on Arthur's shoulder. "And, should you do an act you might deem regrettable, that would not be a crime either."

"Are you saying that…" Was his father actually giving him permission to be in love with his manservant? Which he wasn't, really, even if hearing a scullery maid chattering about how Merlin would soon be dead nearly gave him a heart attack. Uther waved a hand dismissively.

"I am not saying anything. The guards are ordered to release Merlin as soon as you order it. Now go, and should you not act, Merlin will be punished in ways far more deadly than a simple decapitation." Arthur stared at him for a moment, then turned and bolted. Uther sincerely hoped he was headed towards the dungeons.

"Librarian, did you get all that?" Geoffrey nodded. Uther smirked. "Write it all down in the royal records. Send one copy to Lady Morgana, I know she will delight in reading it."

Merthur

And so it came, in the Prince's 22nd year, he finally got his head out of his ass and confessed undying love to his manservant Merlin. This happened by the stratagem of King Uther Pendragon, the great military tactician, whose brilliance and expert planning brought Arthur's attention to formerly buried feelings. By his grace their coupling was blessed.

As follows is a record of the grunts, moans, sighs and other unmentionable noises which came from the Prince's bedchambers for almost the entirety of the 48 hours he spent in it after releasing Merlin. Current Head Librarian and Scribe Geoffrey Arneas was ordered by the mighty and dignified King Uther to sit outside and copy down all sounds he heard, so as to make sure that the two were, "relieving their gosdamned tension so I can eat my venison in peace", quoth by King Uther the Magnificent.

Incidentally, this was in the same span of weeks that soundproofing walls were constructed in Prince Arthur's chambers.

A/N:

I have, really, no explanation for this. Review anyways!