Beautiful

by Nirain

Small one-off

Stay with us my darling
Tomorrow is a brighter day
Stay with us my darling
There are so many things to love

It's first day of spring. Warm winter nicely tickling our bodies, encourage us to take off coasts, thick jackets and scarves which still waving around our necks. The sky is almost the same blue like your eyes, devoid of any clouds, giving sun a chance to warm up our bodies and wake up us from the winter sleep. All nature slowly coming back to life, welcoming us with wonderful scent of flowers growing on the all square and adorable singing of birds. It's surely the most beautiful day in this year and I want so badly to show you it. To take your hand in mine and take you for a walk to the park, to show you how beautiful world can look. To show you how much I love you and how many things is still waiting for you to see. And even if I want it with my all heart, I can't. You're sleeping so peacefully my angel, that I couldn't wake you up. I just sit down on the chair next to you and take your hand in mine, observing silently your face.

You're so beautiful, my angel. Your skin is still smooth and soft, even if I can feel your bones every time I touch you. Even if you have closed eyes surrounded by bruises, I still see your crystal blue eyes, shining like small stars every time when I approached you, taking my breath away. Your soft hair shining with golden highlights as sun come to us through the open window and lighten up all room, bringing with itself warm and the first taste of Spring. I wish you could see and feel that. I wish you could wake up and say to me that everything will be fine. To give me a strength to fight for us, cause sometimes I feel so weak and worthless. Doctors said I only can waiting for you now, nothing more. And you don't have any idea, how much I hate this word, now. Cause waiting won't bring you your life back, no wake up you from long, sweet dream. You're smiling so beautiful my angel, even if we can't still see each other.

You're looking so full of life, so how can you dying now, sweetheart? You're still the same John Paul who I knew, even if you look more pale and skinner than always, and you sleeping deep, immersed in your imaginary world. You don't know how much I would give to be there with you now. How much I would give to see how you wake up to the life like all nature. I love you, John Paul. And I always do, even if we won't sharing the same space anymore. I love you my angel.

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to everyone
There are so many things to see
You are so beautiful to me

You always saying I shouldn't be jealous of you, but how can I sitting peacefully on the chair and smiling like idiot, when some guys can't take eyes off you? Against what are you saying I'm very patient person, really. But it's not my fault that blood boiling in my veins when I seeing someone's hands on your waist or hear how they wanting to buy you a drink.

'Oh, come on Craig.' You saying amused and sitting down on my laps, wrapping your arms around my neck and kissing me softly in lips. 'They don't have any chance with you. You're the most beautiful and charming man in the whole world, and you think I could choose someone's else?' You smiling gently and again kissing me, but this time I response for it. Our kiss is full of passion and love, I can feel a taste of alcohol and mint candies from which you became addicted to, hiding them in all pockets and bags you have.

'You're the only man I love, Craig, and it'll never change.' You say to me as we broke the kiss and smile with the most adorable way you can. And your smile is only for me. I can't believe how lucky I am. I have the most gorgeous, smart and sensitive man on the world, and this man wants me! Sometimes I'm scary that it's only dream and when I open my eyes, you'll disappear.

'You won't have a chance to change it, John Paul.' I say with cheeky grin and pull you closer to myself when you spank me playfully on the arm.

'Sometimes you're very possessive, you know?'

'Everyone it'll, if they have so amazing boyfriend as I have.' Your eyes shining so bright when I said that, making you look so angelic in coloured flashes of light. 'You wanna dance?' I ask you and nod my head toward parquet.

'I wanna go for a walk, along the snowy streets. Is so wonderful night, Craig.'

'Since when you're so romantic?' I chuckle.

'Since I starting date you, I guess. I have to, seeing how my boyfriend has so romantic soul.' I roll my eyes at this. 'Oh, come on Craig! You know it's true!' You say, laughing quietly when you noticed my red cheeks.

'It's cold outside, John Paul.' I whine, trying to change your mind.

'We have jackets, Craig. Don't be so childish. I want go for a walk! We can even make a snowman.' You encourage me, playing with buttons from my shirt.

'And who is childish now, huh?' I ask you and you stick out your tongue, looking now like small boy.

'I'm not childish!' You exclaim amused.

'Oh, really? It's you who is sitting on my laps and sticking out his tongue toward me.' You only snort in response and suddenly stand up. 'Where are you going?'

'Take the jacket and come with me for a walk.' You never give up. I growl, but do what you said. Like always.

'Wait for me!' I yell as you start running toward exit. You laugh and stop for a moment, turning toward me.

'We'll see who is faster. You or me?' Again your small games in which you like playing when I'm not in the mood for this. 'See you outside!'

'Oh come on, John Paul! I don't want running after all pub like a mad.' I whine, but you don't listen me. You just smile gently to me and send a kiss, enjoying this small game. And I...well, I don't have a heart to ruin it. I accept your rules, making you smile wider, in your eyes I notice sparks.

You're almost outside, when I still trying to pass dancing couples on the parquet. Few minutes later I almost can touch you, you're so close, but you again running from me with a laugh and putting your hand on the doorknob. I'm pretty sure for moment you'll be outside, enjoying your victory, but before you run away again, you turn toward me.

'I love you Craig Dean and I always do.' You say softly and before I could say you the same, you disappear outside. I smile widely, couldn't believe how lucky I am. I ran after you with think that when I catch you I say you how much I love you and take you wherever you want. Even at the end of the world...But, if I only could now what will happen next. If I could be for once faster than you, it'll never happen.

Heaven is a place I cannot see
When I'm beside you it's so close to me
These are the reasons you should stay
There is so much that you can give

Your mum and sisters are they every day, brining you a food, your discs and clothes, like they believe that for moment you wake up, even if doctors don't give you too much chance for it. But we still believing you'll come back to us.

'Chaela, put it down. It's for John Paul!' Myra yells at your sister, when she notice that the youngest from the nest, eating your apple and swinging on the chair, when her feet safely laying on your bed.

'I don't think he needs it, now.' She says, still eating a fruit.

'Chaela!' Myra again yells, losing the remains of patience. 'And take you legs off from John Paul's bed!'

'Mum, he's in coma! He won't eat this. And I don't think he has something against to keep my feet on the bed.' Michaela replied bluntly.

'That your brother is in coma, doesn't mean you can put your dirty shoes on his quilt! At once can you respect one thing? It's your brother for God's Sake!' I hide my face in hands as I hear Myra sobs and she sit next to me.

'I didn't want to say nothing wrong, mum.' I hear her tearful voice. 'I miss him too!'

'So next time before you'll say something more, think about it twice stupid cow!' I roll my eyes and look briefly for Mercedes who appear on the room with mobile phone in hand.

'Don't call me stupid cow! Mum!' I love your family John Paul, I really am. But sometimes I have them enough, especially in moments like this. It's not time for fighting with each others.

'Can you stop it?' I ask them, catching their surprise looks. 'John Paul is in coma, but he still can hear us. I guess you don't want to hear him how you jumping to each other throats, right?' They're silent, now. Three women look at each other and then at you, sleeping peacefully under white quilt, connected to multiple devices, which showing that you're still alive.

'He really hear us?' Michaela asks me quietly, stopping swinging on the chair.

'Yes.' I nod. 'He can't answer you, but you always can speak to him, if you want.' She bits her lip as she observed you, probably thinking what to say to you.

'With who you talked 'Cedes?' Myra asks quietly, her hand gently strokes your pale cheek.

'Jackie. She'll come later, to see John Paul.' Oh, dear. You can laugh of me, but this woman still scary me as hell. Even if she starts to trust me, she still observing my each step...I feel so naked with her.

'That's good, John Paul will be happy.' Myra says and smiles softly to you, before she stand up. 'I'll go and buy something to eat for us, love.' She says to me gently. 'Chaela, come with me.'

'Can't you go with 'Cedes?' She asks, looking at me with pleading. I smile, knowing that she decide to talk with you.

'No. She'll phone to Carmel, to tell her that we need a scissors, cause John Paul need a haircut.' Myra replies, don't understand what Michaela try to say. 'Come on, 'Chaela.'

'I'll go with you Myra.' I offer quickly and stand up. 'I need a walk, everything is hurting me because of this chairs.'

'I'll tell Malachy to bring you an armchair from the home. You spending here many hours, you need something more comfortable.'

'There's no need, Myra. Really.' I argue, but she's like you, never give up.

'Course it is! 'Cedes tell Malachy to take armchair for Craig!' She yells, deafening me for moment. She has really strong voice.

'What armchair?' Mercedes yells back from the corridor, catching attentions everybody who was there. But I guess, it's nothing new for you.

'From living room! Tell him, he'll know which one!' She grabs my arm and pulls toward exit. 'Stay with your brother, 'Chaela.'

'I'll stay.' She replies, and when Myra turn around, she mouths to me: Thank you, and sit down on my chair, grabbing your hand in her. I leave you two alone, knowing that some things should stay only between siblings.

'Maybe you go to home, Craig. You're sitting here all the time, you need sleep and eat decent meal, love.' Myra says with concern, putting hand on my shoulder.

'No, Myra. I want to stay with John Paul.'

'John Paul won't be alone. We'll stay with him how much you want.' Myra offers and I feel tears in my eyes. She's caring about me like I've been her child. She's wonderful mother John, but I don't have to tell you that. I know you already know that. I pull her into hug, needing a comfort like never before. 'Remember, you're not alone, love. We always will be your family, even if John Paul won't be anymore with us. You're one of the McQueen's, Craig. You're like my son, love.' I sobs in her arms, couldn't express how her words touch me. It's one of the most beautiful moments in my whole life. 'Don't cry Craig.' She whispers to me tearfully, but I couldn't. Tears falling from my eyes spontaneously, blurring my vision. Last time I cry so much after the accident, when they took you to the operation room and I didn't know if you survive.

I feel someone's arm around my back and hand gently stroking my hand. I lift my head above Myra arm and look with surprise at the person, who I didn't expect to see here.

'Hello, love. How are you feeling?' She asks me gently with voice full of emotions, tears shining on her cheeks.

'Mum?' I whisper, couldn't believe she came here. I feel her hand on my cheek and I sob again. 'What are you doing here?'

'I just wanted to see how's John Paul.' She replies and smiles softly to me. 'Steph and Jake will come tomorrow.'

'Jake will come here? I ask shocked, couldn't believe he wants to see you. He always will against us, and know...I don't know what to think.

'Regardless of what happened, he's your brother Craig, and he can't just leave you alone when you needing him.'

'I don't know if I today stop crying.' I laugh quietly with my mums.

'I don't know if anybody stop crying today.' Myra says gently and nervously looks at me and mum. 'I'll better go and bring some food, and you talk.'

'Myra...' My mum calls her and looks unsurely at her when she stops on the track. She sends mum questioningly look, which quickly turns into surprise as my mum suddenly approaches her and pulls into tight embrace. Myra sobs hardly in her arms and reciprocate the hug. I laugh trough the tears. My God, we trying reconciled them from ages, John Paul, and when they finally bury the hatchet, you can't see it. I can imagine your wide smile and surprise look when you'll see them hugging in the middle of corridor, like old friends. We waiting for this day so long, and finally our dreams turn into reality, John...How can you leave us now, when so many people carrying about you? When so many people believe, you'll come back to us. We finally have one big family John Paul, like we always wanted.

'Oy, what's wrong with them?' I turn toward Mercedes who approaches me with mobile phone still holding to the ear. I laugh as I notice her puzzle look.

'They just made up, I guess.' I reply her and Mercedes gently smiles.

'Our John Paul still with us, huh?' She says softly. 'Malachy asks if you want him to bring a couch here.'

'Couch?' I say shocked, thinking that it have to be some kind of joke. But when I see her serious look, I understand it's not a joke. 'I don't think they let you bring here a couch. It's hospital, not hotel.

'Malachy said there won't be any problems with that. You only saying yes and we take care about the rest...Don't look at me like that. It's Malachy and Calvin idea, not mine!' She snarls.

'I prefer armchair.'

'John Paul has really big room, now Craig. We can pick here even all living room if we want it and there will be a place even for a bathroom. Besides you still sleeping here, so couch will be the best option.' She says in knowing tone.

'Look, Mercedes. I really appreciate your help, but really...'I argue stupidly, forgetting that your all family don't know a word: no.

'Blue or brown?' Okay. At least I can choose the colour.

'That's no matter for me.' I sigh.

'Good, Malachy and Calvin will bring couch tomorrow...Tell them to stop hugging, cause they look like a couple, no like two mothers crying about their son. ' She rolls her eyes and walk away, to tell her husband to bring a couch for me...Tell me one thing my angel, how can I now not love your family, huh?

You're a diamond I can't buy
You're a scene I can't forget
And when you sink into the dark
Know that I am there with you

I walking after all corridor, trying to assimilate a thought that we probably lose this fight. Your condition rapidly deteriorated and doctors can't do nothing more, like only waiting...Waiting for you wonderful convalescence...or quick death. I don't know what say to you, cause if I want to tell you everything what I want, it'll take forever and you don't have so much time. From the morning I observing our families and friends saying goodbyes to you, telling you how much they'll miss you and how much they love you. They holding your hand on theirs and telling you about some irrelevant matters about which we talking like we were very young. Like the time stopped years ago, and we still have been a teenager with our trivial problems.

I turn around as I hear someone's steps behind my back. I smile as I notice Sarah and Zoe, walking out from your room. I approach them and bit my lip not sure what to say. The situation between me and Sarah is still very awkward, but you exactly know about it. I've never thought that one day she'll come to us, after what I did to her, but she came. And not alone, but with her girlfriend...You should to see my mine, Jake said I was looking like a fish dragging up from the water. I'm pretty sure you'll laugh of me...But I guess you won't be look better after Sarah's revelation.

'Sorry Craig, but it's very late now, and we can't stay here longer.' Sarah says apologetically.

'I understand it. You need to rest too, you were here all afternoon.' I say and smile gently.

'Spike doesn't go with us, cause Jake asleep and we won't him go to home alone.' Zoe adds and I rolls my eyes. 'It'll be okay if he stay here?'

'Course, girls. We made up two days ago, so I think I can handle his sarcasm a little longer.' I joke. You'll be surprise, but yes, Spike is here from the week, every day keeping me a company. Of course I wasn't too happy about his visits, you exactly know how our relations looking. But I know you were right. I gave him another chance and tried to know him better...and I was surprised to find out that he's really a decent guy and good friend. Conversations with him helping me to endure our situation, giving me a strength to still believe that you'll come back, even if everybody starting losing their faith that it'll come. He's strong, stubborn and arrogant, but he also can be caring and sensitive. And now I finally understand what you saw in him.

'We come tomorrow, Craig.' Sarah says and after short hesitation, she pulls me into hug. 'Take care of himself, Craig. You need to be strong, nothing is settled, yet. I believe he'll come back to you. After what we through together, it can't end like that.' I bit my lip, trying to not burst of tears.

'Thank you Sarah. I really appreciate you came here.' I say when she pulls back from me.

'You're my friends, I couldn't not come here.' I kiss her on the cheek. 'See you tomorrow.'

'Night.' I say to them and when they disappeared, I walk to your room immersed in the dark. I smile to Spike who is occupying Myra's brown couch and listening music on the headphones. He smiles back and nods his head toward you. I look there and again feel tears in eyes as I see what Spike trying to show me. Jake is sleeping peacefully on the chair next to your bed, holding your hand in his. It looks so beautiful, John Paul. Two the most important men in my life are sleeping side by side, like old friends.

'Jake become very sensitive.' I hear Spike amused voice and I laugh quietly. 'He's holding John Paul hand from the hour.'

'Should I be jealous?' I ask him with a smile.

'I see nothing.' Spike lift his hands and send me a cheeky smile. 'Better wake him up, I guess you want to stay with John Paul alone.' I know you'll angry at me for this, but I must to say it. I really love this guy! Is he some kind of mind-reader?

'That will be great.' I whisper and approach Jake when Spike starting packing his things to the bag. I put my hand on Jake's shoulder and gently shake him, to wake him up. 'Jake. Wake up, Jake.' He open his eyes reluctantly and growl with frustration that somebody have the audacity to wake him up.

'Why is so dark here?' He asks my with hoarse voice.

'You're in John Paul's room, Jake. Come on, stand up. Spike take you to home.'

'Who?' I roll my eyes. That exactly looks and thinks my brother, when you wake up him and don't give a time to recover.

'Me.' I almost get a heart attack as Spike arrived behind my back. 'Do you remember a hotel address?'

'No. Shit I totally forget...Can't we stay here?'

'No.' I say firmly and pull him toward the door. 'Spike take care of him, will you?'

'Okay, but I'll take him to mine flat, otherwise we have to sleep on the street.' Spike mumbles and grabs Jake's arm, as he lead him toward door. 'See you tomorrow, mate.' I sit down on the chair and take your hand on mine, when the door close, cutting off us from the world. I observing your face and again think what say to you. Everything become so small and no important, when I'm here with you.

'I miss you.' I whisper and tears falling from my eyes when you couldn't respond. I gently stroke your cheek and lips in which playing small smile.

You're so beautiful.

I kiss you softly on the lips, and every memories about you come back to me. Your shining blue eyes, your soft voice, laugh, how your skin was smooth and warm. I still can feel mint candies on your lips like that night when we kissed for the last time. And then I know what say to you.

'I love you John Paul McQueen and I always do.' I whisper, finally saying you what I wanted for a long time. 'And wherever you'll be, I always will be there with you. Even if I have to go at the end of the world to find you, I always will be.'