I'm really new at translating my fan fictions here. This was originally written in italian, hope it does have sense in english and hope you'll have fun reading it.
It may refer to some events already happened in the first two seasons, like this first chapter.
Hope you give me feedback and tell me if I should continue or not! Enjoy. XoXo
Thank you to my beta Blair that corrected me this chapter. Love you 3
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
"Are you sure?"
Two of the easiest words to pronounce in the whole world.
They echoed in the inside of his limo that damned night of few weeks earlier.
She didn't answer, instead she approached him and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. She kissed him hardly and lost her virginity to him, didn't know why she did that.
Chuck Bass, the fellow womanizer of the Upper East Side, her boyfriend's best friend, the guy that she loathed the most for his not so reasonable behavior and his way to deal with women.
That was her damned misfortune, the thing that would have ruined her dreamy fairytale with her prince charming Nate Archibald. Her misfortune was to be so drunk that night at his club, so drunk she even got to think that he actually tricked her to have sex.
Now she was avoiding him. After the last time they had sex, hours before the débutante ball earlier that December, and after she found out he pushed Nate to punch Carter Baizen in the face to be kicked out of the party, she decided she won't never ever have sex with him again.
But the reason why she was angrier at him was another.
She was really in bad trouble he could hardly imagine.
Locked in her cold bathroom, one winter morning, she was afraid to count how many days her period was late. December 18… to December 26. Eight days, she muttered under her breath.
Eight days, she repeated. Her edginess grew every time she went to the bathroom to check if something has changed, as every symptom she had could be an alarm of her period coming, but they never were what she wanted them to be.
After the Christmas holidays were over and she had to return to school, all the things remained the same. She was even touchier every time she heard about blood.
She tried to think that it was just a normal late period like could happen to every woman she knew, and thought that her remedy could be getting back again with her boyfriend Nate, with whom she had broken up the very night she was possessed by Chuck Bass.
The less I see Chuck, the less I want him; she thought one morning before going to school.
There could even be a little bitch or a little bastard inside of my belly; I don't have to think about him. Even if I enjoyed sex with him. She let the thought invade her mind as she entered the school smiling at everyone she saw in the courtyard.
When she saw a couple kissing near the steps Chuck popped in her mind again.
Oh, please! Stop thinking about that loser! That is you past. You're not pregnant!
She thought she was paranoid. She thought about Chuck Bass more than when he gave her advice on how to let Serena down or when he offered his suite when she tried to have sex with Nate.
Her boyfriend tried to have sex with her but he failed. She wanted to do it after she found out the thing at Débutante's Ball, but was evidence that Nate was not that experienced like she thought. In addition, he fell asleep after awhile. Sex didn't suit him.
But at least if she had sex with Nate and she was really pregnant she could have faked that the son or daughter was his. But she knew this wasn't possible at this time.
If she was really preggers, she would have hated Chuck Bass more for ruining her life.
I hate Chuck Bass already. I order myself not to be pregnant! She thought again. Also, she thought that her period was late because of the SATs. Everyone was stressed.
Their teachers were pushing them to death to make them get good grades when taking those exams, and Blair Waldorf was for sure one of the most stressed of all. She felt the pressure everyday as she struggled to do her best to get the highest results and as a consequence, get into Yale like she had always dreamt since kindergarten.
Yes, for sure she's late because of the SATs training, she repeated in her mind as she found Nate in the little courtyard inside the school. "Nate!" she shouted.
She kissed him on the lips vehemently. She thought Nate was really the guy that was made for her, not like that Chuck Bass. She cursed herself again.
Stop. Thinking. About. Him. You love Nate, dammit. Always have, always will.
"Blair, you look gorgeous this morning" he greeted her.
"I know." She smiled at him while playing with the hair on his nape.
Maybe I'm pregnant, Nate. That's what she had to say to him. And the baby is not yours. Not at all. We never had an occasion to do it, and you think I'm a virgin... But she knew she couldn't say those words. She had to pretend and keep silent. She wasn't pregnant.
He would have left her and this was not what she planned.
She had to marry Nathaniel Archibald, baby or not. They had to have babies with blue eyes and curly brown hair. A mix of both of them.
She had her hands on his shoulders and she was looking at him with amused eyes.
"That's true" he chuckled "But I see something more in you today. Maybe new hair?"
He always failed at seeing news. "It's just your imagination, Nate!" She faked a smile.
"Maybe it is." He laughed again with enjoyment.
She kissed him again. While she met his lips she thought that Nate wasn't that smart after all. They always talk about the day, her hair, the movies they wanted to watch or food... But never about things they did at school or at least a small bright thought of another subject. Never.
Maybe that was because he was the prince charming? Princes do not have to be necessarily smart; they have to be daring... That wasn't comforting at all.
She stepped from him and she barely turned her head to the left.
He was staring at them from behind a wall. He looked sad. Really sad.
She could not bear holding gazes with him. She didn't want to think that Chuck Bass - the cold stone guy that only thought about pleasure, was really looking unhappy like he suffered every time he saw her with her beloved boyfriend. No, that wasn't the truth.
He was sad because she told him she would never ever sleep with him. He was only a terrible mistake of her past and nothing else, even if his way to kiss her was special and his way to touch her when they had sex was the way every woman desired to be touched.
With love and lust, despite that she thought Chuck Bass followed only the way of lust.
She decided to shut the voices inside her head by kissing her boyfriend.
She loved the way he kissed her. Their kisses were sweet and slow, like he didn't want to consume her. Nate was careful not to touch her much because he knew she didn't want to go fast. Of course Nathaniel Archibald didn't know better.
The bell rang just in time to stop her. She looked at her boyfriend with satisfaction and then as if it was a reflex she turned to the wall where Chuck Bass stood minutes before.
He wasn't there anymore, so she relaxed and sighed in relief.
"I'll see you later, sweetie" she greeted Nate before going into the building.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
She rushed from her class with the excuse of a severe pain in her stomach.
She smiled widely at the thought; her period was finally there, she was sure.
She went to the ladies room to check.
She put down her Victoria's Secrets panties and looked down. An angry look appeared on her face. The panties were clean, not a little hint that her period was coming.
She was about to cry because of the fury she felt that moment, but her make-up would have been ruined and she had to be perfect in the eyes of the other kids at school.
Nobody had to think that there was something bothering her.
Nothing happened to Blair Waldorf that she couldn't handle.
With the brightest look, she headed to the little courtyard.
She didn't want to get into the Spanish class again, she was bored and thoughtful so she had a seat on one of the benches and checked her phone. Gossip Girl didn't update for about thirty-five minutes. What a boring day, she thought. She crossed her legs and took her Math book from her new Marc Jacobs bag. She had a test that day, she could repeat something even if she already knew everything she had to.
"Sixty-nine... This is the result."
She raised her head slowly to face him. He was grinning while holding some books himself.
She scowled. He was the last person in this world she wanted to see now. His answer to the Math exercise was right, though.
She tilted her head to one side but kept her eyes on him. "You knew it because that's the only number in your empty head, Bass."
"Today you are sorer than ever." He commented raising an eyebrow. "I thought my presence pleased you... At least before Christmas" He said as he stepped forward near her like he wanted to whisper the words in her ear to have some kind of contact. "In your bed, in mine, on your mother's office couch..." he trailed off when he heard her sigh.
She glowered at him and stood up. That was enough talking with him for that day. Of course she was mad at him for what was happening, but she could not admit that the way he leaned forward to whisper that words to her made her quite shiver under her shirt.
"Nothing really happened, and you know that."
"Mmmh" he murmured "Then if I go to Nate and tell him our dirty little secret you wouldn't mind, don't you?" He raised both eyebrows this time. "You only have to ask."
Blair winced at the sudden thought of it. She didn't want to break up with Nate.
She put a hand on her hip and pursued her lips. She knew he wouldn't do it. "Spare me, Bass. You wouldn't do it. You don't want to lose your only friend."
He sighed and held his books firmly under his arm. "Maybe not today" He took a few steps and he got really near her so she stepped back in response. She knew that when he was this close she wasn't that able to stay still and make him think she wasn't affected by his presence.
"I know it won't be tomorrow either." She added with sarcasm.
He looked down for a bit and nodded. "Who knows? Of course not today. Maybe when you'll be less nervous." He giggled, looking at her with his famous smirk. "Maybe when you are not on your period so you can enjoy it."
She rolled her eyes and sighed with anger at the words. Of all people, he was the one that had no right to tell her about that damned period that didn't want to come.
"You are disgusting."
He stared at her with a closed mouthed smile and took a strand of her hair and twirled around his finger until she violently removed his hand. That was enough.
"Don't you dare touching me again." She said with a low voice. It was firm and tough.
This was the thought she was struggling with. She wanted to erase it for good.
He moved back and shrugged lightly giving her a fast glance before heading right for the exit.
She looked him while he went away and she sighed in relief, for the second time that day. She was grateful he was gone, at least she could have been safe for the rest of the day, or at least she hoped she will.
She had to sit and calm down. She felt her heart spinning under her tiny hand pressed on her chest and she blamed herself for that. Was Chuck Bass that sensitive?
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
The next day she woke up a littlewet. She covered her face with the silk sheets when her maid Dorota came to wake her. She woke up while she was in the middle of dreaming of Nate. They were having sex on a red bed when suddenly Chuck showed up and had sex with her too, while her boyfriend watched them, chuckling. She was disgusted at the thought, so she decided to listen to Dorota and have a shower.
She carefully went there, and with her heart hammering in her chest she checked if it decided to come or not. She felt the wet clearly, but when she looked down at her white panties, they were still white. No hint of red or other stains.
The smile on her face disappeared as she counted in her mind again.
She was twenty-five days late. But it was still early in the morning, she thought. There was a whole afternoon and evening left to expect it. She thought it was because of the dream she had.
Minutes later her friend Serena came to her house to leave for school.
Blair felt strange and fearful as she tried to find the best words to tell her dearest friend what was happening. It was a huge thing to hide for more days.
"Serena, I need to tell you something." She said when she saw her friend seated on khaki couch in the living room. She didn't even let her say 'Hi'.
Serena instantly stood up and reached for her. "What's wrong, B? Are you sick?" She put a hand on Blair's shoulder and led her to the elevator. They were in a hurry.
Blair looked down, quite ashamed of what she was going to tell her. "I'm... I'm twenty-five days late." She said in a sigh without looking her friend in the eyes while the elevator was going down. She was trembling. She bit her lip and slowly raised her head to see the severe look on Serena's face.
"You have to do some tests, Blair. Or at least... I think you have to try a pregnancy test."
She said it. The words that Blair didn't want to hear at all. She clenched her fists and pushed her lips. She wasn't pregnant. Serena was wrong. "I'm not preg-... Serena. I'm not. It's just a stupid hormonal dysfunction... That's all."
Serena looked disappointed. Blair knew she was thinking about something in her blonde head, like who could be the one she had sex with. She knew Blair was always sure about her period, she never complained about it because she was a virgin. But after Blair told her what happened with Chuck at Thanksgiving, she was afraid that sometime, maybe in the future, something like this could happen. She didn't trust Chuck.
"At least I hope you know who's the father she said with a tone that sounded judgmental to Blair. She was her best friend, but she didn't like when she judged her. She was perfect.
Blair curled her lips like she was disgusted by the thought. "There's no baby, Serena." She answered with a frustrated tone. Unfortunately, she knew who the father was and she didn't like the idea. Her friend was making the whole situation worse than it was.
She thought about the possible baby for another second when they got out of the building. Having a baby with Nate was a lovely and peaceful dream. Their children would have been pretty with wide blue eyes and brown curls. Thinking of having a baby with Chuck wasn't exactly the same. Their babies would have caramel eyes and squared faces. Maybe even that sad look that characterized him. Her stomach twisted and she wanted to throw up.
She thought she had been stupid to lose her virginity to him.
Serena looked at her with worry. She didn't ask anything about the father, she only said "Try a test. It will help you feel less nervous" then smiled at her and rubbed her shoulder.
"Everything will be fine." She added, but she wasn't sure.
Blair didn't say a thing, she wanted to keep her mind free of anxious thoughts as the duo kept walking towards the school. Serena tried to cheer up her friend by telling a cute story about her brother Eric. Their laundress was sick and sent a new girl to do the laundry for her.
This girl was a novice and really distraught. She washed Eric's underwear together with Serena's things and they became pink.
Blair instantly said they had to tell the woman she had to fire this girl to avoid other mistakes in the future, but at least Serena made her laugh for a bit.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
That day was pretty normal for Blair. No sightseeing of Chuck, so no bother. She felt calm for the first time since the school had begun, and she wouldn't admit it, but almost happy.
There was no trace of period but at least she didn't have to see Chuck at school so her rage toward him and herself was erased.
It was late afternoon when she was with her friends on the MET steps.
There were Katy, Isabel, Penelope, Hazel and that inexperienced Jenny Humprey. They were gossiping about what the girls wore that day at school. If they were chic or not.
Blair didn't care about them at all, she barely heard what they where saying (if you add "just to make them think she was actually listening" doesn't make any sense and I don't know what you are trying to say, I can't rephrase the sentence). Penelope was the most annoying of them.
Finally she saw Serena coming towards them. She said she had some errands to do, that was why she was late. In fact she had a tiny white envelope in her hands.
"I think we should go, Blair." She said trying to fake a smile. Blair knew what she meant. She quickly understood why she had told her that. She straightened and turned to her minions.
"I must leave. See you tomorrow at school? We have to go to Bendel's to have that famous shopping trip. Do you remember?"
"Sure, B. My dad just gave me his card!" That was Isabel that answered.
"Alright. See you tomorrow, then." Blair greeted them and the two girls walk away.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
During the walk to Blair's house she was too concerned about what was going to happen next. She didn't want to cause a scene in front of her minions on the steps, so she kept herself silent until they got out the elevator of her penthouse.
"I thought I said there wasn't anything wrong." Blair said with anger. She was that angry because of what her friend did. It was so thoughtful of her, but she was angry because she was afraid of finding out the real truth about the situation. She could not control it if it was...
She couldn't bear it if she was pregnant.
"This means you had your period?" She questioned.
Blair wanted to lie to her so that she would have gone away and she could have taken that damned test alone in her bathroom, but she could not lie at that moment, because tears were already filling her eyes. "Let's do this before I change my mind."
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
Serena bought twelve tests. Blair was really freaking out at the thought. One was really enough, even two. But twelve? Serena had really lost her mind.
Her bathroom looked colder than ever when she was waiting for the result of the first test.
Something rang and made her jolt. She thought it was the alarm clock that sentenced the verdict she was waiting for, but instead it was her blackberry, and the text she read was not so good. Gossip Girl said that there was probably a new mom in the Upper East Side.
Apparently, some girl caught Serena while she was buying the pregnancy tests in the drugstore. Gossip Girl commented that she didn't think that boys from Brooklyn were so precocious with babies, but at least with a rich mom the kid would have been fine.
Blair smiled after reading the post, but she felt sorry for her friend. Serena was only trying to help her after all. She would have apologized to her when all this would have been over -- because she knew it would have ended soon. There was no baby. Nothing was growing in her belly and had the Bass-tard gene. Nothing or nobody would have ruined her future in this way.
She gained respect in those months, after Serena went away to boarding school, it was hard but she did it and she could not lose it again. Plus, there was her most important dream. She had to go to Yale and marry Nate. And yet...
She held the test in her hand with fury. She wanted to cry while she was waiting for the response, but seemed like there were no tears in that moment. Maybe it was the anger.
When the alarm clock rang her hand was shaking. She looked at the white thing with a sense of desolation she never felt in her entire life. Tears finally came after.
*o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o * o *
She did ten tests. Nine were blue and one was pink. Blue was not a color she was fond of, because that meant her worst nightmares were becoming real.
There were two tests left. She knew that even if they were both pink, blue won already.
She called Serena into the room without telling her the other results. The blonde understood even without knowing that they were not comfortable at all. She held Blair's hand during all the minutes that passed before the last responses. It seemed like an eternity for them.
When test number eleven was pink, Blair kind of relaxed. She felt calm again. Every grasp of safety was good for her. At least there wasn't only one negative test. Maybe the others were wrong. "Pink..." She whispered with a little sign of relief. Two could make a difference.
"Let's do the last" Serena murmured with a harsher stare. She was more realistic than Blair. This maybe helped her get another perspective of the reality. Blair was more of a person who tried to avoid the difficulty of life and always tried to see what was better and happy to her.
They waited with anxiety as the last test, the strictest of all, the one that "told" you how far along you are. Blair looked around in her bathroom as she was searching for something, but it was only a way to try to distract herself while waiting for the result.
When finally the alarm clock rang for the twelfth time in that afternoon, Blair's heart almost skipped a beat. She knew it would have declared her final sentence. She looked at the ceiling before taking the white stick in her hands. Serena was watching her every move, ready to comfort her best friend if the result was what they expected.
She didn't want to face the truth. She knew it would have been painful, horrifying. It was all that she tried to avoid. She believed there was a happy ending for everyone in the world, then why did her life turned its back on her?
There were few things that came up in her mind when she looked down. Her hands trembling again, her mouth already open in sighs. Also, her eyes were already filled with tears.
Her life was over. Everything she wanted to do in the future was far away now; almost unreachable like the blur she now saw when she tried to look around her. The tears didn't let her see clearly.
She let the test slip from her hands and hit the floor with a full rich sound.
Serena took it and read the response her self.
"Three weeks so far" she declared with a low voice, almost breathless.
She patted Blair's shoulder and let her head rub on her chest. She would have liked to say something --- 'everything will be fine, you will be fine' but she knew the words wouldn't work at that moment. The damage was done, and no one could fix it.