So, this is just something I happened to write today. A one-shot about Remus and Tonks from beginning to end.
It may not make the most sense and it takes a lot of assumed knowledge about their relationship. Basically, it covers when Remus leaves her, briefly covers their thoughts while they are apart, and then covers when they get back together.
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She clung to him, sobbing, wishing that her strength was enough to make him stay: that she could hold him captive in her arms forever. She wished that she was good enough for him, and that she was enough to make him still want her. She wished many things in that moment, not knowing whether this would be the last time she would ever be able to feel him in her arms.
Her tears soaked his robes as he struggled to make himself pull away from her. "Tonks," he said, the pain in his voice evident and coming across her hard. She'd never heard him sound this way - like he hated himself, or her. "Let me go."
She clung to him tighter, if that was even possible, clutching fistfuls of his robes as he tried to disentangle himself from her. She didn't trust herself to speak, afraid that it would come out as a scream. She didn't care if he thought he was too old for her, or too poor or too dangerous. He was none of those things in her mind. He was making a mistake. She did love him, and she would for the rest of her life.
He finally managed to pull himself away from her, but it was difficult. He had to put distance between them now before his resolve crumbled into nothingness. He couldn't stay and inflict himself upon her. Yes, it was an infliction to be with him: one of the worst kind, or so he thought.
She shook her head at him desperately, her warm touch rendering his resolve useless for a moment as she reached up with one hand to cup his cheek, forcing him to look at her. His eyes locked with hers and in hers he could see the determination of someone who was clinging to a single lifeline, walking the road to hell. It was burning horror and far from resignation - it was staring death in the face and then walking away, turning your back and hoping that your enemy took mercy on you.
Her final words held a promise that he could not allow himself to believe and yet he treasured because when her warmth was gone, he'd need the shaft of light to keep him going,. "I will never let you go, no matter how much distance you force between us," her words were fierce, her voice choking up, "I love you more than you could ever see."
Leaving her standing in the doorway, the colour drained from her face and hair, her face soaked with tears, he didn't reply. She was calling after him, her broken voice sounding out his name again and again, but he didn't look back for fear of turning back around and not being able leave.
He turned his back on her warmth and every step he took led him deeper into the darkness.
No turning back now.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Tonks && Remus -+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Remus wandered through the snow thinking of her: of months without her, oblivious to the painful bite of each snowflake that melted on the skin of his bare arm. He wandered aimlessly trying desperately to forget what his mind clung to as though it was the only thing tying him to the real world. The feel of her skin against his as she moved against him, the warmth of her hands as they caressed his body, the heat of her skin as he held her, the scent of her hair, her skin and her eyes-
He shook his head as the image of her eyes assailed him. It hurt to remember and it hurt to forget. It had been a mistake, but she would have moved on from him by now. She'd have someone younger, fresher; someone who could give her more than he could. Someone who wasn't a werewolf, he thought.
His heart hurt at the thought of her with someone else. Stupid Remus, he thought, You told her to move on. He couldn't help but remember her parting words and how much he wished he could have replied. I love you too, more than you would ever guess. You are my light.
It had been months and every day felt like a battle. He imagined the feel of her in his arms, remembered every moment they ever shared together. He would never let her go, even if she let him go.
+-Tonks && Remus-+
Merlin it was hard to live without him. Nothing was the same, and yet everything stayed the same. Nothing had changed except Tonks herself, nursing a broken heart. They were still fighting the damn war, Voldemort was still out there. She was still working. Everyone else was acting normal so why couldn't she?
Remus had left her and she couldn't just carry on like nothing had happened. She loved him and she knew he loved her. There were times when she doubted it, but she'd seen the pain in his eyes when he left her, even though he tried to hide it. She knew him well enough to know that he hadn't been lying to her the entire time they were loved her just as much as she loved him. Still, part of her wondered whether he could possibly miss her as much as she missed him.
She felt as though part of her had been ripped out and thrown away. She couldn't morph, she couldn't smile, and she couldn't laugh without him. She felt hollow. She'd never realised how much of a hold on her he'd had until he was gone.
Gone…
She stumbled in the snow remembering happier times: times where he would have been next to her to help her up when she stumbled and fell. Tears formed and froze before they could spill as she tripped and fell, laying in the snow, without the will to get back up. Get back up to what? What was the point anymore?
No, she told herself, he was out there somewhere, hopefully alive, and she wouldn't give up. She'd keep looking for him until the day she died. She'd never let him go, even though it seemed he had already let her go.
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+- Tonks && Remus -+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
[Takes place after the hospital scene in hbp, after Dumbledore's death. Tonks stormed out into the grounds and Remus followed]
"Why did you follow me here?" Tonks hissed, her limp, mousy brown hair framing her face and making her dark eyes stand out as the rain poured from the heavens, "Go back to the castle." She looked out across the lake, away from him, her eyes hard and hiding the emotion she felt. She didn't ever want to hear that he was too old, too poor or too dangerous ever again. Merlin knows she'd heard it from him enough to last her more than a lifetime.
"Dora?" His voice sounded rather nervously through the silence and she fought to keep her head from turning towards where he stood beside her.
"I already know what you are going to say Remus, and I don't want to hear it again," There was silence as Remus took in her words, registered the hurt on her face, "Please don't do this to me again Remus. You've left me alone for months now, I can't even morph anymore, as you very well know. I don't want to hear it again because I hear it in my nightmares every night. So just leave now, because I .Don't. Want. To. Hear. It." She kept her gaze forcefully on the surface of the lake, only lifting her eyes to scan the grounds of Hogwarts across the lake.
'Dora?" He said again, his heart breaking at the pain he'd inflicted unknowingly upon her. He'd thought she'd move on; that she'd find someone better, someone that wasn't too old, too… No, he couldn't think like that; she'd taught him that much. The pain of being without her had been to much and now that she was beside him again, and after seeing her the way she now was, he couldn't let her go again. "Listen to me. Look at me."
There was silence for a moment before she forced her gaze to move from the lake to Remus and what she saw astounded her. Her breath hitched in her throat as Remus rather nervously got down onto one knee and produced a box from the folds of his robes.
"I know-" his voice broke a little as her intense eyes met his, "I know that I'm not… good enough-" Her angry hiss was enough to make him change directions, "I mean, I know that- that you know what I was going to say, and I can see that I don't need to say it because you don't care. I'm finally starting to accept it Dora; I am getting used to the fact that you don't care about… my condition, or anything else."
There was a silence while Tonks took in his words, hardly daring to breath in case they didn't mean what she thought they meant. Her eyes had lost their angry look and Remus could see the Tonks he had known before come back to her a little - could see a glimpse of the cheerful young woman who had stolen his heart a long while ago. Finally, she found the way out of her shock-induced, dumbfounded stupor and managed to make her body obey her again: she nodded.
Relief broke over him at the confirmation that she still felt that way. His stiff knees reminded him that he was still kneeling on the ground in front of her, "I never stopped loving you Dora, I just thought I was doing what was best for you," she looked away from him as tears filled her eyes, "I can see now that I was wrong. I am sick of always pushing you away and so I have something I need to ask you."
Her nod was even smaller this time, almost imperceptible in her anticipation. Her brain refused to believe what her heart was telling her was true; that he was giving up trying to keep himself away from her. Part of her was screaming at her not to make herself so vulnerable again because he could change his mind anytime.
Her eyes betrayed her fear and Remus felt his heart break even more as he became ashamed of himself for letting it get this bad in the first place. She shouldn't have to fear that he would leave her every day. Once again he was struck by how stupid he'd been when he had left her.
"Dora, I promise to never ever leave you again, no matter what may happen," he started, speaking slowly and letting his words wash over her with all the sincerity he could muster, "Will you marry me?"
She'd known it was coming but she gasped anyway, her eyes locking into his. She struggled to remember how to breath. This was all she'd wanted for so long and it felt like sunshine after an eternal winter, and she was frozen solid. She stood, mouth agape staring at him with emotion coursing through her eyes.
Remus watched as she froze, not moving at all. For all her stillness he could see the conflict of emotions coursing through her eyes. He waited, trying to be patient because Merlin knows that she'd been patient with him for so long. As he watched her, he noticed that her mousy brown hair was turning pink again and he realised then just how much he had missed the real Tonks; the Tonks with colorful hair, and cheerful eyes, not the Tonks who spent her days just trying to survive without him.
She stood still for so long that Remus started to worry, "Er- Dora?" he asked gently, reaching up with his free hand to touch hers. At his touch she unfroze like it was the warmth she'd been waiting for, flinging herself towards him and into his arms, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tight.
Remus sighed against the side of her neck, happy now for the first time since he had left her. He hadn't realised just how much he missed this, having her in his arms again. Merely remembering the way she felt, the way she smelt was nothing compared to the real thing.
Tonks was crying against his shoulder, letting out emotion for the first time since he had left her. She felt happy; he wanted her still. She'd been in doubt for so long and now things were sure again. In that moment she forgot the war around her. She forgot that Dumbledore was dead, and she forgot to be sad. She was just happy.
"You're sure that you wont leave me?" She mumbled against his shoulder, unable to resist placing a kiss there as well.
Remus pulled back a little so that he could look her in the eyes and with eyes so intense that they burned into hers like flames, he spoke, "Definitely. I will never ever leave you again. I'm so sorry."
Her smile was the forgiveness he had been looking for and it was as though the sun was once again shining for him as he leaned forward to close the distance between them with a kiss that made them both almost burst with joy. She was home in his arms and he had no intentions to ever leave. He was hers and she was his.
Forever.
Hope you enjoyed this.
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