The Things I Do
Havelock Vetinari / OFC pairing
Author's Notes: Let's understand this from the beginning. I may be one of the more sarcastic beings on this planet, but I cannot write like Terry Pratchett. Maybe a little bit. Remotely. English is my first and favorite language (Spanish is my second and my most hated and Italian is my third, even though my Italian's a bit screwy – haven't practiced in a lo-o-o-ong time) and I have a sturdy and stable grasp of it. I am completely confident in my writing and communication abilities, as well as my sarcasm. But for some reason, I just can't seem to get my sarcasm onto paper. It sucks. Live with it.
Right, so, off we go. :Yay: And people? Try to review.
On constructive criticism and praise: ALWAYS APPRECIATED! Always. I love 'em both.
On flames: Ever heard the phrase "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all?" This is my motto when I'm writing a story and getting reviews. And if it weren't for that new rule, I would ridicule you. I would. I said that I have a sturdy grasp of the English (and, to my chagrin, Spanish as well) and I wouldn't hesitate to use it. Flames piss me off. That's all they do.
On erotica: frowns upon this. No more needs to be said, so don't ask.
Talking about that new rule, let me just say one thing. I ALWAYS APPRECIATE MY REVIEWERS (unless they're flamers, then may you rot in a dank prison cell that was not designed by Vetinari). Always. You guys give me motivation, ideas, life. I feed on you. You feed on me. The author/reviewer relationship is something like the author/beta, if a bit downsized. It's rather like… the host and the parasite, where we act as both. I feed on your reviews, you feed on my story.
Deal?
Deal.
Sincerely, Shona
P.S. In fact, if you leave me your e-mail, I promise I'll get back to you! I don't normally do it this way, as I respect my e-mail account, but I want my reviewers to know that they are appreciated. So, therefore, leave me your e-mail along with your review if you want, and as soon as I get my bloody e-mail account to open, I'll reply.
My e-mail's been kinda screwy lately.
Prologue:
They say everything has a beginning. Therefore, if everything has a beginning, it must have an end unless it's immortal and eternal... correct? Is that your final answer? Well, sorry, mate, but you just lost the million-dollar question. Everything has an end. If it's not now, then sometime in the future. Even gods have an end. Gods need you to live, they need believers so that they don't deteriorate and become smaller, and smaller, and smaller...
Somehow, you just have to feel sorry for the Small Gods.
But I'm not one of them.
I'm not an atheist because, frankly, I damn well now the things are there. Let's just say... I'm an agnostic, yeah? That seems to work. Though, knowing the gods and their rather sadistic sense of humor, I'm going to be made the fool in the most painful way possible. They're going to bring my worst nightmares to life – even though I've faced down some pretty amazing things.
The joke's already started.
The dice has been rolled. The laughter has begun. The pieces have moved.
I've been transferred to Ankh-Morpork to serve Patrician Havelock Vetinari.
Oh, how the gods are laughing.
…
Sorry the prologue's so short, but I wanted you to tell me what you think about my brief show of "philosophy" and sarcasm. It's probably not enough, but it's rather like an inside look.
Or whatever.