And if you're not down with that, I got THREE WORDS and TWO NUMBERS FOR YA!...
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 11: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Part 5)
(BY JUPITER KNIGHT)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. However, I would like to say that this MST of his work is no discredit to the author himself; just the fanfic. So please Jupiter Knight, if you're out there, don't take this as an insult. This was all done with fun in mind. I don't want my mailbox's to be assaulted by flames!
Plus, please be flattered that you're the evil brain sending us your fanfic! I couldn't do it without you! :)
SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Falcon Knight walks onto the screen. The rest of the crew is in a mock wrestling ring in the background. Falcon is dressed in a ref's attire.)
FALCON: Hey, guys, this is Falcon Knight, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. You're probably wondering why I'm here instead of that Joel guy. To be honest, I'm wondering too. But it's like this. Jason Halloway took Joel to the escape pod and left, leaving me to fill the void. Well, anyway, you'll have to excuse me while I referee this match...
(Cambot shifts to the rings. Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight are located in one corner, while Tom and Crow are in the opposite corner. Tom and Crow both have ridiculous masks on.)
MAGIC VOICE: This tag-team contest is for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from 32 Century Crystal Tokyo, at a combined weight of 350 and one-half pounds, Tuxedo Alex, and Sailor Silver Knight!
TUXEDO: You're going down, Bots!
S.KNIGHT: Your hentai nonsense is ceasing now!
MAGIC VOICE: And their opponents, hailing from the Satellite of Love, at a combined weight of 37 pounds, the Omnipotent UltraBots!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: ......
CROW: Tom, what kind of nickname is that?
TOM: Well, I thought that a nickname like that could strike fear into the hearts of everybody, you know? It's like saying "Yeah, you can fight us if ya want, but we're omnipotent!"
CROW: Do you even know what omnipotent means?
TOM: Well,....no, but...
CROW: (sigh)
(Falcon Knight steps through the ropes.)
FALCON: Okay, let's start this thing. Ring the bell!
(A bell rings somewhere on the Satellite, starting the match. Immediately, both Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight go to their attack positions.)
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE!
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD!
BOTS: Dammit...
(The roses and stars collide with the Bots as Falcon Knight bails out of the ring. This sends pieces of canvas and turnbuckle all over the place.)
FALCON: Uh.......we'll be right back...
TOM: My spleen!
TUXEDO: You don't have a spleen!
CROW: Much less know what one is.
TOM: You don't either!
S.KNIGHT: Guys!
@@@@@
A FEW MOMENTS LATER ON THE SATTELITE OF LOVE
(Falcon Knight is holding a repair kit while Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight repair the damage they inflicted upon the Bots. Crow's repairs are done, and they are in the process of screwing on Tom's head.)
CROW: Omnipotent Ultrabots...
TOM: Hey, it was a good nickname!
FALCON: Sure it was, Tom. Sure it was.
TUXEDO: (Giving the last few tweaks on the neck.) There, now you're as good as new!
TOM: Next time we have a match, DON'T DO THAT!
S.KNIGHT: All right! We promise!
(The red light starts to flash.)
TUXEDO: Man, it looks like Randy Savage and Gorgeous George are calling.
(He presses the button, and sees Frank on the screen.)
FRANK: Hi, guys! What's shaking?
CROW: Frank?
TOM: What happened to Dr. F.?
FRANK: He's on vacation. So he let me have a baby-sitter! Isn't he the greatest?
TUXEDO: Uh, sure Frank. So does that mean no fanfic today?
FRANK: My babysitter says you have to read it.
BACKGROUND VOICE: Damn right!
(All the SOL occupants shudder at the voice.)
S.KNIGHT: Oh, my God...
FALCON: It can't be...
TUXEDO: Not again! (Hides under the table.)
BOTS: It's...
(A familiar figure appears on the hexfield.)
ALL: JUPITER KNIGHT!
J.KNIGHT: Greetings, worms! I see that the three of you have been "enjoying" your stay on the Satellite?
TUXEDO: (Popping up from the table.) You're not forcing us into the 'fic again! I won't let you!
J.KNIGHT: Oh, don't worry about that. I'm just going to force you to READ the fanfic!
S.KNIGHT: Oh no...
TOM: Not more 'Evil Guy'!
CROW: We had four parts! Isn't that enough?!?
FALCON: I haven't read it yet...
(Electricity surrounds Falcon Knight's head once again, sending him crumpled to the floor.)
S.KNIGHT: Falcon!
J.KNIGHT: Thanks for "filling him in", Frank!
TOM: Frank, how could you?
(Frank comes back onto the screen.)
FRANK: Hey, if I didn't, I'd have to go to bed early!
J.KNIGHT: Anyway, now it's time for Part 5 of your favorite story, and mine, "Evil Guy From Another Dimension!" Enjoy!
(The hexfield cuts off. Falcon Knight slowly rises to his feet.)
FALCON: I REALLY wish they would stop beaming back-stories into my head.
(The klaxons go off.)
CROW: And it looks like you need to recover quick...
TUXEDO: ...'cause we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIGN!
@@@@@
(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
(2)
(1)
THEATER
Been too long since part 4.
TUXEDO: Actually, it hasn't been long enough.
Got a new VCR at the beginning of the month and I've been on an anime high for the past 2 weeks.
CROW: So THAT'S what he's been smoking!
S.KNIGHT (stoned): Pass me the Ranma joint...oh, yeah...that hit the spot...
I still have about 34 1/2 more hours coming later this month (yikes)! Anyway, here we go again with this happy, fun little fanfic.
FALCON: In a sick, twisted sort of way.
If you like this, you know what to do. If you don't like this, you can send a slightly modified message to the same address. What's the address? Oh, it's somewhere around here.
TUXEDO: Well, that's one way not to get hate mail...
Oh yeah, Jackie, here's part 5!!!
TOM: First it was Steve the Angry Dolphin, now it's Jackie. Who else is gonna fall to the whim of this guy?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
FALCON: I call no Street Fighter refferences!
CROW: Take all the fun outta life, why don't ya.
Part 5 - What the hell? The leather Senshi appear!
TOM: Sable, Torrie and Ivory?
S.KNIGHT: Not those whores!
FALCON: (Drools at the thought.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last time on COPS, er, this fanfic:
ALL (singing): Bad fanfic, bad fanfic, what'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when our crew riffs you!
Saddam Hussein, wtf is he doing? Who the hell knows?
TUXEDO: And who the hell CARES about wtf he's doing? And why the hell are we watching wtf he's doing...
S.KNIGHT: Alex, hush!
TUXEDO: Sorry, I got carried away.
He sent the S&M Sisters against the Senshi, and they had a rather extatic defeat.
TOM: Proving that Jupiter Knight's pleasure equals our pain...
And now, the long awaited continuation! You know you were desiring this.
CROW: Who's JK talking to?
TOM: Well, it isn't me...
"And the answer is?" asked Ami.
"Refrigerated dishes deserve revenge!" exclaimed Minako.
FALCON (Family Fued guy): Good answer! Good answer!
"Uh, no," said Ami.
"Minako-chan, that's 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'" said Makoto.
S.KNIGHT: Chilled, you stupid author! Revenge is a dish best served chilled!
TOM: Do we have to be that specific?
S.KNIGHT: Sorry, this fanfic is REALLY irritating...
"You're both wrong," said Ami.
FALCON: Was there a question to begin with?
TUXEDO: With JK's patented "No Plot" formula, we don't need a question!
"The answer is, 'Take me now, loverboy'" said Chibiusa.
Everyone stared at Chibiusa. "Ah, so that's the answer!" exclaimed Usagi.
TUXEDO: Argh! No "Chibi-usa'a 7th Birthday" flashbacks!
"Correct!" exclaimed Ami.
"Wai! Wai!"
ALL (mutted trumpet): Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah.
* * * * *
"So, what should we do today, Haruka?" asked Michiru.
TUXEDO: No, Crow.
CROW: What are you talking about.
TUXEDO: Just putting out the fire before it starts.
"To break this redundant habit, I'll just say. . ." paused Haruka.
"Yes?" wondered Michiru seductively.
CROW: Yes?
TUXEDO: So much for that...
"Hot. . ."
"Yes?! Yes?!"
CROW: Yes?! Yes?!
S.KNIGHT: Crow!
"Passion. . ."
"Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!"
CROW: Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!
TUXEDO: CROW!
FALCON: Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!
S.KNIGHT: (Throws the bunt of an arrow at Falcon Knight's head.) Don't you start!
TOM: (Giggling to himself)
TUXEDO: And that goes for you, too!
TOM: Dammit!
"Fruit," Haruka finished.
Michiru pouted and said, "I thought you were going to say sex."
FALCON & CROW: Us too...
S.KNIGHT: Thank God...
"Maybe later. The curtain's about to rise," said Haruka. Haruka was at the piano and Michiru held her violin.
"Oh yeah. I seem to be a bit absentminded today."
ALL: (groaning)
TOM: Although the sex would provide a much better show.
FALCON: Oh, no question.
TUXEDO: Guys!
* * * * *
CROW: Hey look, there's us!
S.KNIGHT: Funny...it looks like they're suffering too.
MAGIC VOICE: For the remainder of the chapter, the fourth wall alarms will disconnected.
FALCON: ....Who was that?
TOM: Magic Voice.
FALCON: Magic what?
CROW: We'll explain later.
TUXEDO: But why are the alarms disconnected?
Later, after the concert, all of the girls met at Hikawa Jinja, somewhat after 7 pm, but before 7:30 pm. Could have been 7:15 pm, but after taking a look at the clock, it seemed to be 7:14 pm. One minute off, but it was a good guess.
TOM: Damn daylight savings time.
"I feel something odd," said Rei.
CROW (Rei): ...up my skirt. Serena! Get out from under there!
TUXEDO: Crow!
"So do I. My mirror seems to indicate something," said Michiru. "The words. . ."
"Are coming to me," said Rei. "Misty Scene Threat? And something about a number."
"10000/3 is the answer," continued Michiru.
ALL: ...............
FALCON: Aw, smeg!
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight isn't...
TOM: I think he is.
TUXEDO: He's breaking the fourth wall in spades!
CROW: May God help us all...
"Ah, Misty Scene Threat 10000/3?" asked Usagi.
FALCON: No, It's Mystery Science Theater, 33...OUCH!
(Falcon Knight removes a yellow rose from his arm.)
TUXEDO: THEY break the fourth wall, Dirty Bird. WE don't!
"Makes no sense to me," said Rei.
"Me neither," said Michiru.
TOM: I think we all agree on that point.
Hotaru stood up and exclaimed, "Yes, it's true! This new product is the most amazing thing this century! The Misty Scene Threat 10000/3!
VOICE: Oh hell yeah!
TUXEDO: Who was that?
S.KNIGHT: He sounds familiar.
VOICE: It's the author, now keep quiet!
It makes no sense, but you will buy it!"
TOM: Funny, I thought we made sense of the senseless.
"This has been a message from your friendly neighbourhood fanfic author," said Setsuna.
VOICE: That's it, Jupiter Knight! Give us free publicity! Just hand it over!
CROW: Yeah yeah yeah, just keep writing us...
(Crow suddenly disappears.)
TOM: Crow! Oh my Lord!
FALCON: Where'd he go?
S.KNIGHT: I don't think Crow should've insulted the author.
(Crow reappears.)
VOICE: Don't you mess with me!
CROW: I'll make a note of that...ugh...
"What do you know about that, Setsuna-san?" asked Michiru.
"Girls, tell them!" exclaimed Setsuna. A quartet of girls walked in the room and started a bit of a cheerleading type thing.
"Give me an M!" exclaimed VesVes.
"Give me an S!" exclaimed CereCere.
"Give me a T!" exclaimed ParaPara.
TOM: Give me a FU!
OTHERS: FU!
FALCON: Give me a Q!
OTHERS Q!
CROW: What's that say?
S.KNIGHT: Uh, lets not go there.
"What's that spell?!" exclaimed JunJun.
"Emestee?" asked the others.
TUXEDO: Eminem?
CROW (rapping): Hi, my name is...
FALCON: What?
CROW (rapping): My name is...
S.KNIGHT: Who?
CROW (rapping): My name is...
TOM: Slim Shady!
"Close enough," said Setsuna. "Thank you girls."
* * * * *
"What the hell took you so long?!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
FALCON: Sorry, I had a roast in the oven...
"Sorry, some author or something kept rambling on and on," answered the Iraqi dictator.
"Fine, fine. What you do in private is none of my business," Evil Guy sighed.
CROW: I thought that the S&M sisters were dead!
S.KNIGHT: Thanks for nothing, Crow!
"And none of the readers' business," whispered some small creature, whether it be youma, Cardian, Droid, Daimon, Lemures, Mirror Paredory, Phage, Kisenian Flower, Snow Dancer or Bon-Bon Baddy, we'll never know.
TUXEDO: Damn JK, you leave SO MUCH OUT OF THIS!
"How is your plan coming along?" asked Evil Guy.
"It's coming along nicely. It hasn't started, but it looks like it will work, I think," said Saddam.
"Okay, just make sure no new complications show up."
TOM (Evil Guy): Just the occasional plot contrivance, but no complications.
* * * * *
"Usagi, when will we be attacked again?" asked Chibiusa.
"How would I know? I'm not psychic," she answered.
FALCON: Then ask Rei, you jackass!
TOM: Falcon, NO!
FALCON: What?
"I know, I just felt like being out of character. Rei-chan, when will we be attacked again?"
FALCON: ......
TOM: Whatever suggestions we say seem to end up in the fanfic for some reason.
FALCON: Now you tell me!
"How would I know? I'm not psy. . .er, wait a minute. I am psychic," Rei answered.
ALL: (weak laughter)
"Well, I'm sure there won't be any aliens coming from some other planet to marry me," said Minako.
"These are the voyages of the starship Yamato, the other Galaxy class starship," said Ami.
"Yes, that's true," said Luna. "And I'm a fish with a punctured lung."
CROW: Tuxy?
TUXEDO: Yes?
CROW: Can you kill me now?
TUXEDO: When this chapter's over, I'll think about it.
CROW: But I wanna die noooooooowwwwwww....
FALCON: You're gonna hafta wait your turn like the rest of us!
CROW: Aw, man...
* * * * *
Three leather-clad women stood on top of a building.
TOM: Sable, Torrie and Ivory?
S.KNIGHT: We already did that one.
TOM: I know, but it just seem to fit.
FALCON: (Starts to drool again.)
They were talking, or at least they were moving their lips while vocalising.
"I hate detransforming into civilian clothing," said Sailor Star Fighter.
CROW: Oh, gee, no one saw THAT ONE coming a mile away!
"Yes, we're female, dammit!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
ALL (excluding S.Knight): Oh, hell yeah!
S.KNIGHT: Alex, you too?
TUXEDO: Sorry, couldn't resist.
"And I have an annoying voice," said Sailor Star Maker.
"At least I get to play football with a lot of guys," said Sailor Star Fighter.
"And I take baths with female cats while appearing male," said Sailor Star Healer.
FALCON: Introducing Oscar as Sailor Star Healer.
OTHERS: (loud groaning)
FALCON: What?
"And I am rude," said Sailor Star Maker.
"What I want is a Chibi Chibi," said Sailor Star Fighter.
CROW: Uh...never mind. That's just too sick to say!
TUXEDO: Thank the heavens!
* * * * *
Saddam stood on the street, expecting to be confronted by the Sailor Senshi.
FALCON (Saddam): You wanna throw with my Scouts? I'll give you good prices on 'em!
He had a remote control in his hand, probably for his scud missile.
S.KNIGHT: But he accidentally took the TV remote by mistake.
TUXEDO (Mrs. Hussein): What's on the tube today? *Click* BOOM!
"Where are they?" he wondered. He noticed several people walking around him laughing at him in his military attire. He shouted, "Okay, Sailor Senshi, where the hell are you!?!?!?!"
TOM: Maybe they left the fanfic?
FALCON: Take us too!
TUXEDO: Calm down!
One passerby managed to stifle something in between laughing fits, "Does anyone know the Sailor Senshi hotline number?"
"1-800-SSENSHI," answered a voice.
"Who's there?!?!" exclaimed Saddam.
"It is I, Inspector Gadget! In the name of Metro City Police, I will screw up!"
TUXEDO: Aw, (BLEEP)!
OTHERS: Watch the language!
S.KNIGHT: At least it's not the live action movie.
CROW: And thank GOD it's not Alicia Silverstone in a tiara.
And so he did. The resulting explosion took out half of the street, but miraculously, since Inspector Gadget is only a DIC cartoon, no real damage was done.
TOM: I hate to say it, but JK has a point...
FALCON: Tom?
TOM: Well, a SLIGHT one, but a point.
In his place, the three leathery Senshi stood before Saddam.
CROW: Snakes in fukus. Run!
"Who are you?" asked Saddam. "Are you the replacements for the S&M Sisters?"
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
S.KNIGHT: Sailor Silver Knight!
TUXEDO: Tuxedo Alex!
FALCON: Falcon Knight!
(A small fanfare plays in the background.)
TOM: You like feeding your egos, don't you?
FALCON: Oh hell yeah!
Together, they shouted, "Stage on!"
TUXEDO: I wish the fanfic would yell "STAAAAAAAAGE OUUUUUUUUT!"
All of a sudden, ten more Senshi joined them, as well as three cats and some guy in a tuxedo.
FALCON: Since when was Alex in the fanfic...OUCH!(Plucks another yellow rose from his arm.) Not again!
TUXEDO: Look, I was forced into this for three chapters. Don't bring it up!
"I am Sailor Moon! If this is a joke, you've done a bad job! We don't want to fight more women with strange fetishes! On behalf of the South American country of Ecuador, we will punish you!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
"I am Sailor Mercury! With my perfect brain and IQ of 300, I will out-think you to death!"
S.KNIGHT: Anyone can out-think these characters.
"I am Sailor Mars! I can see what your next move will be, so don't pull anything unexpected! You will feel the pointy heat of my Mars Flame Sniper!"
CROW: So Sailor Mars is a transvestite?
TUXEDO: CROW!
"I am Sailor Jupiter! Me big! Me strong! I have plenty of talent!
FALCON: If she has the most "talent" of the bunch, then Baywatch has the most Emmy Award-winning talent on TV.
If you try to look up my skirt, I will kick you in the crotch!"
TOM: Since I don't have any built-in genitalia, this'll work out great!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
TOM: Heh heh...
"I am Sailor Venus! I may look like a blonde, but I really am a, well, blonde! If you're lucky I may take you out to an X-rated movie!"
TUXEDO: Don't say that, Venus! The Bots'll hold you to it!
BOTS: Bite us!
"I am Sailor Chibi Moon! I am pink! I am sugary! But most of all, I am sooooooo kawaii that I will kill you by tooth decay!"
S.KNIGHT: Sailor Chibi Moon! The best sugary treat on the planet!
"I am Sailor Pluto! I've seen the future, and you're not in it! You will die long before the 30th century!"
TOM: Damn, that actually sounded normal.
"I am Sailor Uranus! I'm even bigger and stronger than thunder-breasts here!
FALCON: Ah, I see that JK read "Ami Mizuno's Class of Self Loving" too.
TUXEDO: Oh, lord, don't get me started!
I will stick my Space Sword where the sun doesn't shine!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! The seas say you're accustomed to the desert, so I doubt you can breathe underwater! If all else fails, I will hit you over the head with my violin!"
ALL (El Kabong): KABONG!
"I am Sailor Saturn! My Silence Glaive can split you in two! I can destroy the world, can you?!"
CROW: Well, I can make hentai comments on the fly, but you don't see me bragging!
"I am Tuxedo Kamen! I must give a corny speech or some words of encouragement! The rose will prick you to death!"
S.KNIGHT: (Rises from her seat, fire in her eyes.) You...take...that...back...
TUXEDO: (Tries to hold Silver Knight back.) Michelle! It's only a fanfic! A BAD fanfic. He doesn't mean it!
S.KNIGHT: ....(Sits down again, nearly in tears.) I'm sorry...it's just this...thing is just WRONG BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION!
TUXEDO: (Puts an arm around Silver and dries her tears.) It's all right...it's all right...I won't let it get to you.
(Falcon Knight and the Bots start to snicker and make noises.)
TUXEDO: Shut up!
"I am Luna! I'm just a cat that can talk, so don't hurt me!"
"I am Artemis! I'm used to abuse, so nothing you can do will hurt me! Of course, if you become Luna and insult me, I will probably cry!"
TOM (Artemis): Luna...(sniff)...still torments me about...(sniff)...OSCAR! NOOOOOOOO!
"I am Diana! I am cute, can't you see?"
FALCON: (Looks really hard at the screen) Ummmm.....uhhhh.....no.
Saddam just looked at them. "To hell with this. I quit," he said as he walked away.
ALL: ......
CROW: That's IT?
S.KNIGHT: He QUITS?!?
TUXEDO: Where did I put my sword...
"We are NOT into S&M!" exclaimed the Starlights.
FALCON: And now, your daily random thought from the Sailor Starlights.
* * * * *
TOM: Oh, those are the holes I put in the screen when my head exploded. Don't worry about them.
"Ah, so Saddam Hussein was defeated by mere words," said Evil Guy.
TUXEDO: At least he was able to walk away. I damn near fell asleep.
FALCON: You and me both, bud.
"You'd be afraid if you went up against the Senshi yourself," said a young woman.
"What would you know about that? You're not even supposed to be in this fanfic," said Evil Guy.
"Whoops! This isn't Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon Knights?" said the redhead.
"Who are you, anyway?"
"I am Akari, blatantly out of character here," she answered.
TOM: That's a crossover, isn't it...
CROW: Yep.
TOM: Okay. (Ahem) STOP THE FRIGGIN CROSSOVERS!
"Oh, well, I think I'll just have to go up against the Senshi myself, then," he said.
FALCON: I thought that would happen later.
S.KNIGHT: FALCON! NO!
"Hmm, maybe after a few more parts. I want to see some more of my minions totally humiliated by the Sailor Senshi before I utterly destroy them, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
FALCON: ......
TOM: You did again!
S.KNIGHT: How many times do we have hafta tell you...
FALCON: I'm sorry...
* * * * *
TUXEDO: The remains of the fourth wall.
Next time on Evil Guy From Another Dimension:
Usagi: What's going on?!?!?!?
Rei: Beats me.
CROW: And don't ask us, either.
Well, that's it for part 5 of this fanfic. Any comments can be directed to jarcher@direct.ca. By the way, I KNOW this is being MSTed ^_^ For those of you who think this is just a badly written fanfic, well, screw you ^_-
CROW: Well, you can bite all of us then!
S.KNIGHT: Magic Voice! When do the Fourth Wall alarms go back on?
MAGIC VOICE: When the chapter's over.
TOM: It IS over, isn't it?
MAGIC VOICE: There's still more to read.
FALCON: Damn!
MAGIC VOICE: Don't take it out on me!
Actually, this is written when I'm in the goofiest of moods, usually late at night.
TUXEDO (Jupiter Knight): After I drink a few beers and snort some crack...
I never plan what will be written, I just write what comes to mind and just try to make it very odd. Well, I'm going to shamelessly plug some stuff now:
FALCON: Oh, no you don't! (Pulls out a remote control.)
TOM: What are you doing?
FALCON: This. (Presses the Fast Forward button.)
(The shameless self plugs go by extremely fast.)
CROW: Dang, we owe you one.
S.KNIGHT: Wait a sec. How come you didn't do this before?
FALCON: It'll only work for self plugs.
(The self plugs end, and the fanfic resumes.)
Well, that's about it. Next thing written will be BSSMK episode 9. I really need to make a page for Evil Guy From Another Dimension.
=======================================================================
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TUXEDO: Part 5 is done!
TOM: Let's get outta here.
(All leave the theater.)
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
@@@@@
BACK ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight are trying to console each other after the fanfic. Falcon Knight, Tom and Crow are in their respective rooms.)
TUXEDO: ...And that fourth wall sequence...
S.KNIGHT: Do NOT get me started on that!
TUXEDO: Okay, backing off...backing off...
S.KNIGHT: (sigh) I'm really sorry for being on edge back there.
TUXEDO: It's okay. You had a reason. I'm just surprised that Tom's head didn't explode for the 53rd consecutive time.
S.KNIGHT: Yeah, I know. That reminds me, we really need to stock up on them before they run out.
TUXEDO: I'll put 'em on the shopping list.
(Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight laugh a little before entering a long silence.)
TUXEDO: ...Thank you, Michelle...
S.KNIGHT: For what?
TUXEDO: For everything...I mean, for rescuing me from JK, for bringing me out of that stupor after "Isobel", for getting me through all those fanfics...dang, theirs so much I can thank you for...
S.KNIGHT: (smiles, blushing a little) I really should be thanking you. You helped me through all the fanfics, you were there during all my Darien rants...I don't deserve you.
TUXEDO: (Now his turn to blush a bit) I enjoy it. It's my pleasure. Besides, I wouldn't do it for just anybody...
S.KNIGHT: (Reaches out and hugs him.) Thank you...
TUXEDO: (Returns the hug) Thank you...
(Another long silence passes. As the hug loosens a bit, Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight gaze into eachother's eyes for a long while. Tuxedo takes his hand, places it under Silver's chin, and draws her face towards his. They meet in an passionate kiss.)
TOM: Hey guys! Look at this! Lover boy's got some!
(The kiss ends abruptly as Tom, Crow, and Falcon Knight enter the main room. Both Tuxedo and Silver blush. Tom and Crow break into choruses of "Lover Boy" while Falcon shakes Tuxedo's hand.)
FALCON: Congratulations, man! When's the wedding?
TUXEDO: Oh, bite me!
S.KNIGHT: That settles it. I'm getting a lock for my room.
@@@@@
DEEP 13 1/3
(Frank, now in his pajamas, is watching the goings on through the hexfield.)
FRANK: Aww, what a cute couple.
J.KNIGHT: Frank! Didn't I tell you to brush your teeth?
FRANK: I know! Just a few more minutes!
J.KNIGHT: Frank, do you want to sit in the "Bad Chair"?
FRANK: No, no, no! I'll get ready! I'll brush!
J.KNIGHT: And push the button while you're at it.
FRANK: Sure thing, Dee Jay!
J.KNIGHT: That's Jay Dee!
(The button is pushed, and the screen goes black.)
@@@@@
Author's Notes
Well, I knew I had to bring back the pain of Evil Guy eventually, so I thought this would be a good time. Did you like my valiant return? Or did you just think it sucked? TELL ME! I NEED THE FEEDBACK! I can't improve without your help! E-mail me at tuxedoalex@home.com.
More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: Hotaru stood up and exclaimed, "Yes, it's true! This new product is the most amazing thing this century! The Misty Scene Threat 10000/3! It makes no sense, but you will buy it!"
(Thanks, Jupiter Knight!) :)
Shameless Self Plug: Coming soon to A Sailor Moon Romance web site will be my first story: The Sailor Moon Chronicles- Return of the Jedite"! It's finally nearing completion! Also, keep an eye out for "For Whom The Rose Smiles," the Tuxedo Alex origin story!
- 15 -
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3333 1/3
RIFFED BY: TUXEDO ALEX
EPISODE 11: EVIL GUY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION (Part 5)
(BY JUPITER KNIGHT)
But before we go on, here are some:
Disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
"Evil Guy From Another Dimension" belongs to Jupiter Knight and he's welcome to it. I take no responsibility for his work. However, I would like to say that this MST of his work is no discredit to the author himself; just the fanfic. So please Jupiter Knight, if you're out there, don't take this as an insult. This was all done with fun in mind. I don't want my mailbox's to be assaulted by flames!
Plus, please be flattered that you're the evil brain sending us your fanfic! I couldn't do it without you! :)
SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Falcon Knight walks onto the screen. The rest of the crew is in a mock wrestling ring in the background. Falcon is dressed in a ref's attire.)
FALCON: Hey, guys, this is Falcon Knight, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. You're probably wondering why I'm here instead of that Joel guy. To be honest, I'm wondering too. But it's like this. Jason Halloway took Joel to the escape pod and left, leaving me to fill the void. Well, anyway, you'll have to excuse me while I referee this match...
(Cambot shifts to the rings. Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight are located in one corner, while Tom and Crow are in the opposite corner. Tom and Crow both have ridiculous masks on.)
MAGIC VOICE: This tag-team contest is for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from 32 Century Crystal Tokyo, at a combined weight of 350 and one-half pounds, Tuxedo Alex, and Sailor Silver Knight!
TUXEDO: You're going down, Bots!
S.KNIGHT: Your hentai nonsense is ceasing now!
MAGIC VOICE: And their opponents, hailing from the Satellite of Love, at a combined weight of 37 pounds, the Omnipotent UltraBots!
TUXEDO & S.KNIGHT: ......
CROW: Tom, what kind of nickname is that?
TOM: Well, I thought that a nickname like that could strike fear into the hearts of everybody, you know? It's like saying "Yeah, you can fight us if ya want, but we're omnipotent!"
CROW: Do you even know what omnipotent means?
TOM: Well,....no, but...
CROW: (sigh)
(Falcon Knight steps through the ropes.)
FALCON: Okay, let's start this thing. Ring the bell!
(A bell rings somewhere on the Satellite, starting the match. Immediately, both Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight go to their attack positions.)
TUXEDO: YELLOW ROSE BARRAGE!
S.KNIGHT: SILVER STAR FLOOD!
BOTS: Dammit...
(The roses and stars collide with the Bots as Falcon Knight bails out of the ring. This sends pieces of canvas and turnbuckle all over the place.)
FALCON: Uh.......we'll be right back...
TOM: My spleen!
TUXEDO: You don't have a spleen!
CROW: Much less know what one is.
TOM: You don't either!
S.KNIGHT: Guys!
@@@@@
A FEW MOMENTS LATER ON THE SATTELITE OF LOVE
(Falcon Knight is holding a repair kit while Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight repair the damage they inflicted upon the Bots. Crow's repairs are done, and they are in the process of screwing on Tom's head.)
CROW: Omnipotent Ultrabots...
TOM: Hey, it was a good nickname!
FALCON: Sure it was, Tom. Sure it was.
TUXEDO: (Giving the last few tweaks on the neck.) There, now you're as good as new!
TOM: Next time we have a match, DON'T DO THAT!
S.KNIGHT: All right! We promise!
(The red light starts to flash.)
TUXEDO: Man, it looks like Randy Savage and Gorgeous George are calling.
(He presses the button, and sees Frank on the screen.)
FRANK: Hi, guys! What's shaking?
CROW: Frank?
TOM: What happened to Dr. F.?
FRANK: He's on vacation. So he let me have a baby-sitter! Isn't he the greatest?
TUXEDO: Uh, sure Frank. So does that mean no fanfic today?
FRANK: My babysitter says you have to read it.
BACKGROUND VOICE: Damn right!
(All the SOL occupants shudder at the voice.)
S.KNIGHT: Oh, my God...
FALCON: It can't be...
TUXEDO: Not again! (Hides under the table.)
BOTS: It's...
(A familiar figure appears on the hexfield.)
ALL: JUPITER KNIGHT!
J.KNIGHT: Greetings, worms! I see that the three of you have been "enjoying" your stay on the Satellite?
TUXEDO: (Popping up from the table.) You're not forcing us into the 'fic again! I won't let you!
J.KNIGHT: Oh, don't worry about that. I'm just going to force you to READ the fanfic!
S.KNIGHT: Oh no...
TOM: Not more 'Evil Guy'!
CROW: We had four parts! Isn't that enough?!?
FALCON: I haven't read it yet...
(Electricity surrounds Falcon Knight's head once again, sending him crumpled to the floor.)
S.KNIGHT: Falcon!
J.KNIGHT: Thanks for "filling him in", Frank!
TOM: Frank, how could you?
(Frank comes back onto the screen.)
FRANK: Hey, if I didn't, I'd have to go to bed early!
J.KNIGHT: Anyway, now it's time for Part 5 of your favorite story, and mine, "Evil Guy From Another Dimension!" Enjoy!
(The hexfield cuts off. Falcon Knight slowly rises to his feet.)
FALCON: I REALLY wish they would stop beaming back-stories into my head.
(The klaxons go off.)
CROW: And it looks like you need to recover quick...
TUXEDO: ...'cause we got JUPITER KNIGHT SIIIIIIIIIIGN!
@@@@@
(6)
(5)
(4)
(3)
(2)
(1)
THEATER
Been too long since part 4.
TUXEDO: Actually, it hasn't been long enough.
Got a new VCR at the beginning of the month and I've been on an anime high for the past 2 weeks.
CROW: So THAT'S what he's been smoking!
S.KNIGHT (stoned): Pass me the Ranma joint...oh, yeah...that hit the spot...
I still have about 34 1/2 more hours coming later this month (yikes)! Anyway, here we go again with this happy, fun little fanfic.
FALCON: In a sick, twisted sort of way.
If you like this, you know what to do. If you don't like this, you can send a slightly modified message to the same address. What's the address? Oh, it's somewhere around here.
TUXEDO: Well, that's one way not to get hate mail...
Oh yeah, Jackie, here's part 5!!!
TOM: First it was Steve the Angry Dolphin, now it's Jackie. Who else is gonna fall to the whim of this guy?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon: The Evil Guy From Another Dimension
By Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight)
FALCON: I call no Street Fighter refferences!
CROW: Take all the fun outta life, why don't ya.
Part 5 - What the hell? The leather Senshi appear!
TOM: Sable, Torrie and Ivory?
S.KNIGHT: Not those whores!
FALCON: (Drools at the thought.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last time on COPS, er, this fanfic:
ALL (singing): Bad fanfic, bad fanfic, what'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when our crew riffs you!
Saddam Hussein, wtf is he doing? Who the hell knows?
TUXEDO: And who the hell CARES about wtf he's doing? And why the hell are we watching wtf he's doing...
S.KNIGHT: Alex, hush!
TUXEDO: Sorry, I got carried away.
He sent the S&M Sisters against the Senshi, and they had a rather extatic defeat.
TOM: Proving that Jupiter Knight's pleasure equals our pain...
And now, the long awaited continuation! You know you were desiring this.
CROW: Who's JK talking to?
TOM: Well, it isn't me...
"And the answer is?" asked Ami.
"Refrigerated dishes deserve revenge!" exclaimed Minako.
FALCON (Family Fued guy): Good answer! Good answer!
"Uh, no," said Ami.
"Minako-chan, that's 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'" said Makoto.
S.KNIGHT: Chilled, you stupid author! Revenge is a dish best served chilled!
TOM: Do we have to be that specific?
S.KNIGHT: Sorry, this fanfic is REALLY irritating...
"You're both wrong," said Ami.
FALCON: Was there a question to begin with?
TUXEDO: With JK's patented "No Plot" formula, we don't need a question!
"The answer is, 'Take me now, loverboy'" said Chibiusa.
Everyone stared at Chibiusa. "Ah, so that's the answer!" exclaimed Usagi.
TUXEDO: Argh! No "Chibi-usa'a 7th Birthday" flashbacks!
"Correct!" exclaimed Ami.
"Wai! Wai!"
ALL (mutted trumpet): Wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah.
* * * * *
"So, what should we do today, Haruka?" asked Michiru.
TUXEDO: No, Crow.
CROW: What are you talking about.
TUXEDO: Just putting out the fire before it starts.
"To break this redundant habit, I'll just say. . ." paused Haruka.
"Yes?" wondered Michiru seductively.
CROW: Yes?
TUXEDO: So much for that...
"Hot. . ."
"Yes?! Yes?!"
CROW: Yes?! Yes?!
S.KNIGHT: Crow!
"Passion. . ."
"Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!"
CROW: Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!
TUXEDO: CROW!
FALCON: Yes?!?! Yes?!?! Yes?!?!
S.KNIGHT: (Throws the bunt of an arrow at Falcon Knight's head.) Don't you start!
TOM: (Giggling to himself)
TUXEDO: And that goes for you, too!
TOM: Dammit!
"Fruit," Haruka finished.
Michiru pouted and said, "I thought you were going to say sex."
FALCON & CROW: Us too...
S.KNIGHT: Thank God...
"Maybe later. The curtain's about to rise," said Haruka. Haruka was at the piano and Michiru held her violin.
"Oh yeah. I seem to be a bit absentminded today."
ALL: (groaning)
TOM: Although the sex would provide a much better show.
FALCON: Oh, no question.
TUXEDO: Guys!
* * * * *
CROW: Hey look, there's us!
S.KNIGHT: Funny...it looks like they're suffering too.
MAGIC VOICE: For the remainder of the chapter, the fourth wall alarms will disconnected.
FALCON: ....Who was that?
TOM: Magic Voice.
FALCON: Magic what?
CROW: We'll explain later.
TUXEDO: But why are the alarms disconnected?
Later, after the concert, all of the girls met at Hikawa Jinja, somewhat after 7 pm, but before 7:30 pm. Could have been 7:15 pm, but after taking a look at the clock, it seemed to be 7:14 pm. One minute off, but it was a good guess.
TOM: Damn daylight savings time.
"I feel something odd," said Rei.
CROW (Rei): ...up my skirt. Serena! Get out from under there!
TUXEDO: Crow!
"So do I. My mirror seems to indicate something," said Michiru. "The words. . ."
"Are coming to me," said Rei. "Misty Scene Threat? And something about a number."
"10000/3 is the answer," continued Michiru.
ALL: ...............
FALCON: Aw, smeg!
S.KNIGHT: Jupiter Knight isn't...
TOM: I think he is.
TUXEDO: He's breaking the fourth wall in spades!
CROW: May God help us all...
"Ah, Misty Scene Threat 10000/3?" asked Usagi.
FALCON: No, It's Mystery Science Theater, 33...OUCH!
(Falcon Knight removes a yellow rose from his arm.)
TUXEDO: THEY break the fourth wall, Dirty Bird. WE don't!
"Makes no sense to me," said Rei.
"Me neither," said Michiru.
TOM: I think we all agree on that point.
Hotaru stood up and exclaimed, "Yes, it's true! This new product is the most amazing thing this century! The Misty Scene Threat 10000/3!
VOICE: Oh hell yeah!
TUXEDO: Who was that?
S.KNIGHT: He sounds familiar.
VOICE: It's the author, now keep quiet!
It makes no sense, but you will buy it!"
TOM: Funny, I thought we made sense of the senseless.
"This has been a message from your friendly neighbourhood fanfic author," said Setsuna.
VOICE: That's it, Jupiter Knight! Give us free publicity! Just hand it over!
CROW: Yeah yeah yeah, just keep writing us...
(Crow suddenly disappears.)
TOM: Crow! Oh my Lord!
FALCON: Where'd he go?
S.KNIGHT: I don't think Crow should've insulted the author.
(Crow reappears.)
VOICE: Don't you mess with me!
CROW: I'll make a note of that...ugh...
"What do you know about that, Setsuna-san?" asked Michiru.
"Girls, tell them!" exclaimed Setsuna. A quartet of girls walked in the room and started a bit of a cheerleading type thing.
"Give me an M!" exclaimed VesVes.
"Give me an S!" exclaimed CereCere.
"Give me a T!" exclaimed ParaPara.
TOM: Give me a FU!
OTHERS: FU!
FALCON: Give me a Q!
OTHERS Q!
CROW: What's that say?
S.KNIGHT: Uh, lets not go there.
"What's that spell?!" exclaimed JunJun.
"Emestee?" asked the others.
TUXEDO: Eminem?
CROW (rapping): Hi, my name is...
FALCON: What?
CROW (rapping): My name is...
S.KNIGHT: Who?
CROW (rapping): My name is...
TOM: Slim Shady!
"Close enough," said Setsuna. "Thank you girls."
* * * * *
"What the hell took you so long?!" exclaimed Evil Guy.
FALCON: Sorry, I had a roast in the oven...
"Sorry, some author or something kept rambling on and on," answered the Iraqi dictator.
"Fine, fine. What you do in private is none of my business," Evil Guy sighed.
CROW: I thought that the S&M sisters were dead!
S.KNIGHT: Thanks for nothing, Crow!
"And none of the readers' business," whispered some small creature, whether it be youma, Cardian, Droid, Daimon, Lemures, Mirror Paredory, Phage, Kisenian Flower, Snow Dancer or Bon-Bon Baddy, we'll never know.
TUXEDO: Damn JK, you leave SO MUCH OUT OF THIS!
"How is your plan coming along?" asked Evil Guy.
"It's coming along nicely. It hasn't started, but it looks like it will work, I think," said Saddam.
"Okay, just make sure no new complications show up."
TOM (Evil Guy): Just the occasional plot contrivance, but no complications.
* * * * *
"Usagi, when will we be attacked again?" asked Chibiusa.
"How would I know? I'm not psychic," she answered.
FALCON: Then ask Rei, you jackass!
TOM: Falcon, NO!
FALCON: What?
"I know, I just felt like being out of character. Rei-chan, when will we be attacked again?"
FALCON: ......
TOM: Whatever suggestions we say seem to end up in the fanfic for some reason.
FALCON: Now you tell me!
"How would I know? I'm not psy. . .er, wait a minute. I am psychic," Rei answered.
ALL: (weak laughter)
"Well, I'm sure there won't be any aliens coming from some other planet to marry me," said Minako.
"These are the voyages of the starship Yamato, the other Galaxy class starship," said Ami.
"Yes, that's true," said Luna. "And I'm a fish with a punctured lung."
CROW: Tuxy?
TUXEDO: Yes?
CROW: Can you kill me now?
TUXEDO: When this chapter's over, I'll think about it.
CROW: But I wanna die noooooooowwwwwww....
FALCON: You're gonna hafta wait your turn like the rest of us!
CROW: Aw, man...
* * * * *
Three leather-clad women stood on top of a building.
TOM: Sable, Torrie and Ivory?
S.KNIGHT: We already did that one.
TOM: I know, but it just seem to fit.
FALCON: (Starts to drool again.)
They were talking, or at least they were moving their lips while vocalising.
"I hate detransforming into civilian clothing," said Sailor Star Fighter.
CROW: Oh, gee, no one saw THAT ONE coming a mile away!
"Yes, we're female, dammit!" exclaimed Sailor Star Healer.
ALL (excluding S.Knight): Oh, hell yeah!
S.KNIGHT: Alex, you too?
TUXEDO: Sorry, couldn't resist.
"And I have an annoying voice," said Sailor Star Maker.
"At least I get to play football with a lot of guys," said Sailor Star Fighter.
"And I take baths with female cats while appearing male," said Sailor Star Healer.
FALCON: Introducing Oscar as Sailor Star Healer.
OTHERS: (loud groaning)
FALCON: What?
"And I am rude," said Sailor Star Maker.
"What I want is a Chibi Chibi," said Sailor Star Fighter.
CROW: Uh...never mind. That's just too sick to say!
TUXEDO: Thank the heavens!
* * * * *
Saddam stood on the street, expecting to be confronted by the Sailor Senshi.
FALCON (Saddam): You wanna throw with my Scouts? I'll give you good prices on 'em!
He had a remote control in his hand, probably for his scud missile.
S.KNIGHT: But he accidentally took the TV remote by mistake.
TUXEDO (Mrs. Hussein): What's on the tube today? *Click* BOOM!
"Where are they?" he wondered. He noticed several people walking around him laughing at him in his military attire. He shouted, "Okay, Sailor Senshi, where the hell are you!?!?!?!"
TOM: Maybe they left the fanfic?
FALCON: Take us too!
TUXEDO: Calm down!
One passerby managed to stifle something in between laughing fits, "Does anyone know the Sailor Senshi hotline number?"
"1-800-SSENSHI," answered a voice.
"Who's there?!?!" exclaimed Saddam.
"It is I, Inspector Gadget! In the name of Metro City Police, I will screw up!"
TUXEDO: Aw, (BLEEP)!
OTHERS: Watch the language!
S.KNIGHT: At least it's not the live action movie.
CROW: And thank GOD it's not Alicia Silverstone in a tiara.
And so he did. The resulting explosion took out half of the street, but miraculously, since Inspector Gadget is only a DIC cartoon, no real damage was done.
TOM: I hate to say it, but JK has a point...
FALCON: Tom?
TOM: Well, a SLIGHT one, but a point.
In his place, the three leathery Senshi stood before Saddam.
CROW: Snakes in fukus. Run!
"Who are you?" asked Saddam. "Are you the replacements for the S&M Sisters?"
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
S.KNIGHT: Sailor Silver Knight!
TUXEDO: Tuxedo Alex!
FALCON: Falcon Knight!
(A small fanfare plays in the background.)
TOM: You like feeding your egos, don't you?
FALCON: Oh hell yeah!
Together, they shouted, "Stage on!"
TUXEDO: I wish the fanfic would yell "STAAAAAAAAGE OUUUUUUUUT!"
All of a sudden, ten more Senshi joined them, as well as three cats and some guy in a tuxedo.
FALCON: Since when was Alex in the fanfic...OUCH!(Plucks another yellow rose from his arm.) Not again!
TUXEDO: Look, I was forced into this for three chapters. Don't bring it up!
"I am Sailor Moon! If this is a joke, you've done a bad job! We don't want to fight more women with strange fetishes! On behalf of the South American country of Ecuador, we will punish you!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
"I am Sailor Mercury! With my perfect brain and IQ of 300, I will out-think you to death!"
S.KNIGHT: Anyone can out-think these characters.
"I am Sailor Mars! I can see what your next move will be, so don't pull anything unexpected! You will feel the pointy heat of my Mars Flame Sniper!"
CROW: So Sailor Mars is a transvestite?
TUXEDO: CROW!
"I am Sailor Jupiter! Me big! Me strong! I have plenty of talent!
FALCON: If she has the most "talent" of the bunch, then Baywatch has the most Emmy Award-winning talent on TV.
If you try to look up my skirt, I will kick you in the crotch!"
TOM: Since I don't have any built-in genitalia, this'll work out great!
S.KNIGHT: Tom...
TOM: Heh heh...
"I am Sailor Venus! I may look like a blonde, but I really am a, well, blonde! If you're lucky I may take you out to an X-rated movie!"
TUXEDO: Don't say that, Venus! The Bots'll hold you to it!
BOTS: Bite us!
"I am Sailor Chibi Moon! I am pink! I am sugary! But most of all, I am sooooooo kawaii that I will kill you by tooth decay!"
S.KNIGHT: Sailor Chibi Moon! The best sugary treat on the planet!
"I am Sailor Pluto! I've seen the future, and you're not in it! You will die long before the 30th century!"
TOM: Damn, that actually sounded normal.
"I am Sailor Uranus! I'm even bigger and stronger than thunder-breasts here!
FALCON: Ah, I see that JK read "Ami Mizuno's Class of Self Loving" too.
TUXEDO: Oh, lord, don't get me started!
I will stick my Space Sword where the sun doesn't shine!"
"I am Sailor Neptune! The seas say you're accustomed to the desert, so I doubt you can breathe underwater! If all else fails, I will hit you over the head with my violin!"
ALL (El Kabong): KABONG!
"I am Sailor Saturn! My Silence Glaive can split you in two! I can destroy the world, can you?!"
CROW: Well, I can make hentai comments on the fly, but you don't see me bragging!
"I am Tuxedo Kamen! I must give a corny speech or some words of encouragement! The rose will prick you to death!"
S.KNIGHT: (Rises from her seat, fire in her eyes.) You...take...that...back...
TUXEDO: (Tries to hold Silver Knight back.) Michelle! It's only a fanfic! A BAD fanfic. He doesn't mean it!
S.KNIGHT: ....(Sits down again, nearly in tears.) I'm sorry...it's just this...thing is just WRONG BEYOND ALL COMPREHENSION!
TUXEDO: (Puts an arm around Silver and dries her tears.) It's all right...it's all right...I won't let it get to you.
(Falcon Knight and the Bots start to snicker and make noises.)
TUXEDO: Shut up!
"I am Luna! I'm just a cat that can talk, so don't hurt me!"
"I am Artemis! I'm used to abuse, so nothing you can do will hurt me! Of course, if you become Luna and insult me, I will probably cry!"
TOM (Artemis): Luna...(sniff)...still torments me about...(sniff)...OSCAR! NOOOOOOOO!
"I am Diana! I am cute, can't you see?"
FALCON: (Looks really hard at the screen) Ummmm.....uhhhh.....no.
Saddam just looked at them. "To hell with this. I quit," he said as he walked away.
ALL: ......
CROW: That's IT?
S.KNIGHT: He QUITS?!?
TUXEDO: Where did I put my sword...
"We are NOT into S&M!" exclaimed the Starlights.
FALCON: And now, your daily random thought from the Sailor Starlights.
* * * * *
TOM: Oh, those are the holes I put in the screen when my head exploded. Don't worry about them.
"Ah, so Saddam Hussein was defeated by mere words," said Evil Guy.
TUXEDO: At least he was able to walk away. I damn near fell asleep.
FALCON: You and me both, bud.
"You'd be afraid if you went up against the Senshi yourself," said a young woman.
"What would you know about that? You're not even supposed to be in this fanfic," said Evil Guy.
"Whoops! This isn't Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon Knights?" said the redhead.
"Who are you, anyway?"
"I am Akari, blatantly out of character here," she answered.
TOM: That's a crossover, isn't it...
CROW: Yep.
TOM: Okay. (Ahem) STOP THE FRIGGIN CROSSOVERS!
"Oh, well, I think I'll just have to go up against the Senshi myself, then," he said.
FALCON: I thought that would happen later.
S.KNIGHT: FALCON! NO!
"Hmm, maybe after a few more parts. I want to see some more of my minions totally humiliated by the Sailor Senshi before I utterly destroy them, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
FALCON: ......
TOM: You did again!
S.KNIGHT: How many times do we have hafta tell you...
FALCON: I'm sorry...
* * * * *
TUXEDO: The remains of the fourth wall.
Next time on Evil Guy From Another Dimension:
Usagi: What's going on?!?!?!?
Rei: Beats me.
CROW: And don't ask us, either.
Well, that's it for part 5 of this fanfic. Any comments can be directed to jarcher@direct.ca. By the way, I KNOW this is being MSTed ^_^ For those of you who think this is just a badly written fanfic, well, screw you ^_-
CROW: Well, you can bite all of us then!
S.KNIGHT: Magic Voice! When do the Fourth Wall alarms go back on?
MAGIC VOICE: When the chapter's over.
TOM: It IS over, isn't it?
MAGIC VOICE: There's still more to read.
FALCON: Damn!
MAGIC VOICE: Don't take it out on me!
Actually, this is written when I'm in the goofiest of moods, usually late at night.
TUXEDO (Jupiter Knight): After I drink a few beers and snort some crack...
I never plan what will be written, I just write what comes to mind and just try to make it very odd. Well, I'm going to shamelessly plug some stuff now:
FALCON: Oh, no you don't! (Pulls out a remote control.)
TOM: What are you doing?
FALCON: This. (Presses the Fast Forward button.)
(The shameless self plugs go by extremely fast.)
CROW: Dang, we owe you one.
S.KNIGHT: Wait a sec. How come you didn't do this before?
FALCON: It'll only work for self plugs.
(The self plugs end, and the fanfic resumes.)
Well, that's about it. Next thing written will be BSSMK episode 9. I really need to make a page for Evil Guy From Another Dimension.
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TUXEDO: Part 5 is done!
TOM: Let's get outta here.
(All leave the theater.)
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
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BACK ON THE SATELLITE OF LOVE
(Tuxedo Alex and Sailor Silver Knight are trying to console each other after the fanfic. Falcon Knight, Tom and Crow are in their respective rooms.)
TUXEDO: ...And that fourth wall sequence...
S.KNIGHT: Do NOT get me started on that!
TUXEDO: Okay, backing off...backing off...
S.KNIGHT: (sigh) I'm really sorry for being on edge back there.
TUXEDO: It's okay. You had a reason. I'm just surprised that Tom's head didn't explode for the 53rd consecutive time.
S.KNIGHT: Yeah, I know. That reminds me, we really need to stock up on them before they run out.
TUXEDO: I'll put 'em on the shopping list.
(Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight laugh a little before entering a long silence.)
TUXEDO: ...Thank you, Michelle...
S.KNIGHT: For what?
TUXEDO: For everything...I mean, for rescuing me from JK, for bringing me out of that stupor after "Isobel", for getting me through all those fanfics...dang, theirs so much I can thank you for...
S.KNIGHT: (smiles, blushing a little) I really should be thanking you. You helped me through all the fanfics, you were there during all my Darien rants...I don't deserve you.
TUXEDO: (Now his turn to blush a bit) I enjoy it. It's my pleasure. Besides, I wouldn't do it for just anybody...
S.KNIGHT: (Reaches out and hugs him.) Thank you...
TUXEDO: (Returns the hug) Thank you...
(Another long silence passes. As the hug loosens a bit, Tuxedo Alex and Silver Knight gaze into eachother's eyes for a long while. Tuxedo takes his hand, places it under Silver's chin, and draws her face towards his. They meet in an passionate kiss.)
TOM: Hey guys! Look at this! Lover boy's got some!
(The kiss ends abruptly as Tom, Crow, and Falcon Knight enter the main room. Both Tuxedo and Silver blush. Tom and Crow break into choruses of "Lover Boy" while Falcon shakes Tuxedo's hand.)
FALCON: Congratulations, man! When's the wedding?
TUXEDO: Oh, bite me!
S.KNIGHT: That settles it. I'm getting a lock for my room.
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DEEP 13 1/3
(Frank, now in his pajamas, is watching the goings on through the hexfield.)
FRANK: Aww, what a cute couple.
J.KNIGHT: Frank! Didn't I tell you to brush your teeth?
FRANK: I know! Just a few more minutes!
J.KNIGHT: Frank, do you want to sit in the "Bad Chair"?
FRANK: No, no, no! I'll get ready! I'll brush!
J.KNIGHT: And push the button while you're at it.
FRANK: Sure thing, Dee Jay!
J.KNIGHT: That's Jay Dee!
(The button is pushed, and the screen goes black.)
@@@@@
Author's Notes
Well, I knew I had to bring back the pain of Evil Guy eventually, so I thought this would be a good time. Did you like my valiant return? Or did you just think it sucked? TELL ME! I NEED THE FEEDBACK! I can't improve without your help! E-mail me at tuxedoalex@home.com.
More Disclaimers
Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted by Best Brains Inc.
Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi and all her distributors, including DIC.
Any other brand names or song titles or anything of the like that I forgot to mention are the properties of whoever created them in the first place. I take NO CREDIT from them! (There, that oughta keep me from getting sued!)
Stinger: Hotaru stood up and exclaimed, "Yes, it's true! This new product is the most amazing thing this century! The Misty Scene Threat 10000/3! It makes no sense, but you will buy it!"
(Thanks, Jupiter Knight!) :)
Shameless Self Plug: Coming soon to A Sailor Moon Romance web site will be my first story: The Sailor Moon Chronicles- Return of the Jedite"! It's finally nearing completion! Also, keep an eye out for "For Whom The Rose Smiles," the Tuxedo Alex origin story!
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