Hello, there. Lately I've been in a slump and my writers block is getting worse. But then I got inspired for this oneshot... This one shot is inspired by my feelings right now. Yes, I'm in unrequired love. So I thought, maybe I should just write about it to ease my soul. Yeah, that didn't really help. I ended up crying... But enough about me, enjoy the story and please review with your thoughts about it.
Fairy Tail belongs to one and only Hiro Mashima!
Dear Natsu,
I always watched you from afar.
You were so close yet so far.
I thought that you felt the same, but boy was I wrong…
So much for my happy ending…
"Oi! Lucy!" I hear my name being called by your voice. I instinctively turn around with a wide smile even thought I'm hurting.
"Yes? Natsu?" I reply as I watch you coming closer and closer to me with your boyish grin that I find adorable.
"Can I copy your math homework?" you pleaded me with your famous puppy face that stopped working on me a long time ago. But I still give in and do what you want… With some complains, of course.
"You didn't do it again? If you keep this up you're gonna fail the year and you won't have mine homework to copy from." I replied going through my bag for my math homework.
"I won't fail. Don't worry, Luce!" you replied as you took the notes from my hands and began happily coping on my desk. I always wonder why you don't even make an effort of taking three steps to your seat and copy there. It was also one of the reasons why I mistook your feelings.
"Of course I worry. I care for you and don't want your future to be ruined by your laziness." I comment making you raise your head and smile at me proudly which made my heart flutter once again.
"And that's why you're my best friend, Luce!" and the flutter was replaced by strong pain. Best friend, yeah, that's what you see me as. I hold back tears as I smile at you and nod my head affirmably, yelling at myself in my head for being so stupid.
I was your best friend… Your most important friend… And nothing more… And I wanted so much more… It would make me cry for hours.
You say I'm your closest friend…
There are days when we don't exchange two words. I just stare at you while pretending to talk with my friends and you're busy being… You…
Being so stupidly ignorant, fighting with Gray for stupid reasons and challenging Laxus for a match every break.
At that times I often wonder why I fell for such idiot but then I remember all those times you saved me. All those times you ran to my aid. When I got harassed by those creeps or even few times you saved me from being kidnapped. You were such a hero in my eyes.
But I wasn't the princess in your eyes. The one you would jump to the minute she spoke up, the one you would run after if she got angry at you.
But you still did those things and made me even more confused and foolish.
I want to hate you and despise you… But I just can't… I love you too much…
And watching you from afar is ok with me… At least when you're not with her.
Then I just want to run away.
There were days we spoke two words in total, but now there are days when we don't speak at all. It's like we're strangers. It like I don't exit in your world.
You still fight with Gray and you still challenge Laxus… But you don't even greet me…
Ever since she came back I'm not even your best friend anymore. I'm just A FRIEND…
I'm gonna stand right here, watch you disappear…
Lately I could only find you with her. My heart would sink every time I saw you together but I still smiled.
She's a nice girl and I have no reason to give her a cold shudder. But I still want to punch you and push her away from you. Make you see that I'm better than her. That I should be the one standing by your side laughing.
I'm angrier at you than her. I'm angry at you for making me think that you returned my feelings. For all those times you acted like I was the special one… All those times you would act like a hero or stare at me and steal glances…
But I am the angriest at myself for being so stupid. For taking every time I foolishly confused your kindness for affection. For all those times I got my hopes up for nothing…
I'm angry at the fact that I still hope… That you'll suddenly figure out your feelings towards me and leave her.
"Ohayo, Natsu!" I greet you as I walk through the hallway, noticing that she's not with you.
You only looked at me blankly like you couldn't even remember my name. My heart broke in half.
"Oh, Luce! Long time no see!" you grin at me with one of yours most radiant smiles. I smile back but inside I want you stop… Because it made me fell for you even more.
That girl should be me…
On my 17th birthday you didn't show up. Neither did she. I invited you both and made a big party.
Everybody came except you two. I tried to have fun but it all seemed so dull without you.
I never really liked my birthday. My birth was partly a reason why my mother died. It made even more fragile than she already was.
And then I met you. And your friends… My friends. You made such a big deal out of me not telling you it was my birthday. You threw me a huge party.
That was the first time in ten years that I actually enjoyed my birthday. You made me love my birthday.
But then you made me hate it even more… Because it was the day you got together with her.
You were everything that I wanted…
But not every story has a happy ending. At least mine doesn't.
Not long after you got together with her I moved to another town. It was too painful to watch you two happy together. I really tried to be happy for you… I really did… But I just couldn't.
So I thought that maybe if I go away for some time my feelings towards you would slowly vanish.
And I really tried. I dated many guys… And even got engaged at one point. But it all seemed forced and fake.
I got my med degree. Became a doctor… Really successful one. But nothing made me feel complete.
It all felt fake and monotone…
I missed you like crazy. Every thought of you would make me cry… The pain in my heart was huge and unbearable… At one point I thought I'll die from the pain.
We didn't stay in touch. You forgot about me pretty fast. And I was crying after you, making me feel even more stupid. And I'm supposed to be a genius.
And then one day I get an invitation. To your wedding. After six years of not speaking I get freaking invitation to you freaking wedding. I was like you loved to torture me.
But I thought that maybe if I get through that day I will be able to get over you.
So I came back. You were surprised to see me. I think I saw a bit of longing in your eyes but blamed it on fantasies.
And then I saw her, all pretty and shiny. She looked so happy. And you… You looked like the happiest man ever. And it destroyed my heart.
That's when it hit me… I could never get over you. The best thing I could do is stay away from you hoping that one day I will find somebody who will help me move on.
I'm sorry, Natsu, but I can't support you and your choice. I really love you, but you love Lisanna. So be with her, and please be happy. Even thought I don't want you to be.
Oh, I'm such a hypocrite.
Well, it doesn't matter.
I know that it may not sound like it, but I'm glad that we met and became friends. I'm glad that you showed me not everything is about money and power.
I'm glad that you introduced me to my friends. I'm glad you were my first love.
I will always remember the past we shared together with a smile.
But the past is all we have together now.
I'm sorry for this strange letter; please don't be confused by it.
I just don't want to wake up one day regretting that I didn't tell you about my feelings. I feel a lot better after I wrote you everything.
I really love letters, it easier to express through them than talking.
I'm glad we were friends, Nastu. You will always be in my heart. Enjoy your wedding and be happy with Lisanna, if you think that she's the right one for you.
Only know you love him when you let him go…
I will always love you,
Lucy Heartfillia
"Do you, Natsu Dragoneel take Lisanna Strauss as your lawfully wife, in good times and in bad, in sickness and health until death do you apart?" the priest asked the salmon-haired man in front him.
The young man looked at the priest and than at the beautiful girl before him, confused. It didn't felt right… He didn't know why… But it all seemed forced… He didn't know what to answer.
"I… I… I…"
And that's it! I know it's short but if you like it I can write an epiloge...
For the ones who follow my 'The Line Between Love and Hate' story, I probably won't upload for a while. My feelings are pretty messed up right now and I can't write a happy love story if I feel so pathetic... So I'm really sorry.
Yes, I did write that I already wrote two chapters but they seem so cliche and wrong. So I don't want to make you read even more cliche stuff than I aready have in my TLBLH.
I'm sorry for grammar mistakes, English is not my frist language.
Thank you for reading and please leave a review.
Love,
FairyLove5