Its been 6 months since that day. The day I lost everything that meant the most to me. I lost Buttercup. She was my love, my life, my everything and I lost her, all because if a stupid mistake. Something I'll regret for the rest of my life..
Oh, if I have a moment, I'd capture that moment
You would be right here next to me.
I can't do anything but remember the times me and Buttercup had together. We would argue then end up cuddling on the couch. She could never stay mad at me, even after all the times I lied to her. I guess I did make her feel that I didn't love her. I began to look around my new mansion, hoping to see her arond every corner, but she was never there. I came home thinking she's their but she's not. I lost her. If I could just pause in my favorite memories I would. Like the first night Buttercup stayed over. We started off arguing over what to eat. I love the way her face scrunches up when she yells, and the look in her bright and shiny emerald eyes. After I caved, she ordered the food and sat on the other side of the couch. I pulled her closer and we cuddled the whole night. The feel of her body next to mine was so comforting..UGH I wish she could be right here nect to me right now. I blopped down on the couch that resembled my old one.
If I had the secret, the secret to your love,
I would place the treasure beneath my heart.
Lock it all up and throw away the key.
I would never give it up.
I tried to watch t.v but she kept clouded my mind. If only I didn't do everything I did, so many mistakes. She gave me countless chances, she could have left the first time but she didn't. She chose to stick besides me. Even after people told her about me, she stayed. Even my own flesh and blodd told her, but she never listened. That's the type of girl I lost. If I had a time machine, I would go back. Stop the lust for other girls, stop the cheating, the lies and focus on what I had. I had the best. I would take her love and keep it with my forever, but now I doubt she even thinks of me. I hurt her, she hates me. I hate myself. If I would never come back to reality if I had a chance to go into an altered reality where me and Buttercup were together. Never. I would NEVER give it up, not for anything in the world.
'Cause I was just a fool, a fool for you.
When I love you so childishly.
I turned the t.v off and stairs up the flights of stairs. I had this big house and no one to share it with. Why be with other women when in reality they meant nothing to me ? I forcefully pushed my empty bedroom door open and looked at my bare room. Nothing warming and home-felt like Buttercup's presence and I don't have that because I let all the fame and attention get to me. I plopped down on the bed restlessly. I didn't love her the way she deserved. Maybe its right that I let her go, but I need her. I know she hates me, but deep inside she misses me. Especially with her carrying a child. My child. I was so childish and I didn't even realize the signs! Then again I was raised by men, i didn't know the signs... I threw a pillow at the near-by wall. I messed everything up ! Why !?
And I want it all back
I want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all back.
I want it all back
I want it all, I want it all, said, I want it all back
You never miss a good thing 'til it's gone
I want it all, now I want it all back
I want our relationship back. Our love. I want us to argue then have make-up sex. I want her to always be there for me after i get ruffed up from a fight. I want her to be there in the stand praying that I won't get hurt. i want her to be there to care for me at the bar, or in the tension on a fight at the bar. I want her to care for me, now she hates me. I made her feel like shit and to top it all off, I got her knocked up. She has every right to leave me, but I have every right to want her back I'll change, EVERYTHING would be different. I would become her everything and she would become my everything. My one and only, that ring on her finger once meant nothing to me. Now I see. I see what marriage and comentmeint is really about. I could have been purely happy. I could have the life that million would die for. Now I feel like I've just died. I've lost everything I really ever want, and I want it back. Guess it's true when they say you never miss a good thing until it's gone, but now I truly understand.
If there is a green light and it's supposed to turn yellow
Peadle to the floor, 'cause I know your heart is turning red.
If I had the minutes, I would turn 'em into hours
And make love to your mind, not your body instead.
Everything about us was fine, except for me constantly lying and cheating on her behind her back. I'll admit Brute wasn't the only girl, their were plenty more. Some of my matches were out of town and Buttercup couldn't come sometimes. I wasn't alone like I told her I was. I was so a douche! Buttercup never once cheated one me! The thought probably never crossed her mind. What's wrong with me!? This girl dropped everything to follow behind me! She chose me over the profession of her dreams, and I made her feel like I wasted her life. I knew she was suspected me cheating, I knew would she began to question me constantly, but did I slow downt he slightest? NO, that's where I fucked up. No...I fucked up with I first cheated. The very first time. I francially searched my mind to come up with where I actually fucked up, there were some many mistakes I made in our realationship, it just showed me how idiotic I was really being. The moment I realized she was suspecting somehting I should have stopped and cartered to her because I know I would fuck up somewhere else along the line. I would change everythign I did wrong and change our most memoriable moments and change them longer, make them seem like hours. I would love every part of her and not just physically. I would deeper and far beyond what was on the surface.
I was just a fool, a fool for you
That didn't know what I had until I lost you.
Every single moment you turn up here
Instead of dead to me, that everything seemed so clear.
I miss her what more can i say. I fucked up and I lost something great. The dream, some people would say. I lost propbably the most perfect wife, the best child in the whole wide world. I probably would have been the best father,ever. Teaching him to fight and wrestle like I do. Go-karts and all the sports, it would have been great. I felt a faint smile creep upon my face as I imaged what my child could have been like, should be like. I'm too much of a sorry excuse of a man, than I shouldn't be allowed to have that type of joy in my life. I screwed everything up and this is what I deserve. To lay and wish of what could have been. I can wish I could hav seen this from the beginning but now I do. I dug my head deeper into my pillows before feeling a tears fall...
And I want it all back(I gotta have it all)
I want it all, I want it all, said, I want it all back
I want it all back
I want it all, I want it all, said, I want it all
You never miss a good thing 'til it's gone
I want it all, now I want it all back
Now anything isn't everything If everything, everything isn't with you
Now I want it all back
I want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all back
I want it all back
I want it all, I want it all, girl, I want it all back
You never miss a good thing 'til it's gone
Want it all, now I want it all back
Now I want it all back, now I want it all back
Now I want it all back
All I have to say is I'm sorry. If i was given a chance to go back, I would take it without a second thought. But most importantly if I'm given a chance to apoligize yo my one true love, I would take it. Risk ANYTHING for it, even my life. That;s how much I love her. If only I could tell her, if only I could prove to her and make everything ok for the sake of my sanity and the life of my child who I probably wont even get to see. The last time i get to see him, is developng in the stomach of my ex-fiancee who stormed away in her car. After she burned down my home and nearly cracked my skull! Who am i to complain? She was always there and come to look at it, I never was there for her. She left everything to be with me and all I did was abandon her. She could have left me but she didn't, she loved me too much. I hurt her to much and I miss her. I want our relationship back before the fame and fortune, before everyone knew who I was. I want that relationship back, but it's only my fault that it became corrupted in the first place. I just want it back. I want somehting I can't have, typical sob story. I felt my last tear fall after my last thought...I love you Buttercup, I'm SO sorry... With that I drifted off into a deep sleep wishing that she would be there by my side.
I awaken the next morning, I feel a strange prescene in my bed. I open my eyes to see Buttercup right next to me smiling, bright lime green eyes shinying, and the sun was shinying through the window at the right angle. I took in the scene, watching ther sweet sunrays bounced of her soft sun-kissed skin. I mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry' , before leaning in for a long awaited kiss. Only when I leaning in, I didn't fell her. She wasn't there... I signed as i realized I was still asleep. I opened my eyes to see the window closed with the curtain pulled over, I looked around the master bedroom. Everything so cold and desserted, ugh how I longed for sleep to cover me again. I swung my leg on the edge on the bed, ready to prepare myslef my another dreadful, Buttercup-less day...