by Rune
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"The horizontal axis points, dammit! Give me the horizontal axis points!" Washu screamed at her computer. The computer blinked a few times. "Same to you!" Washu yelled, "Why did I program these things to respond in morse code anyway?" She was about to pull out her Giant Computer Blasting Black Hole Device (TM), when the computer showed something on the screen. There seemed to be an egg-like pod heading straight for the Masaki household. "I'll just teleport that thing in here!" Washu yelled out to no one, "A simple feat for the Universe's Greatest Scientist (TM)!" (Author's Note: Yes, she did yell out TM)
Washu hit a few buttons on her completely black keyboard. Instead of the pod teleporting in, a giant carniverous rabbit appeared and ran towards the room where the lab monkeys were kept. "I really should mark those keys," Washu grumbled to herself. She hit a few more keys and the pod appeared. "Now to open it! Computer, give me a hammer!" "Can't touch this!" "Not that kind of hammer!" The rapper was teleported away and a jackhammer appeared. Washu took it and began to hammer at the pod. After a few minutes, the pod exploded. "Wow!" Washu yelled, "Must've hit a gas line! Now let's see what was in there..."
Soon, the smoke cleared away. A lone figure was standing up and shaking his head. "Owwww..." he said to himself, "That hurt..." "Well, now who might you be?" Washu asked. "I'm... uhhhh..." the figure paused for a few seconds while trying to remember its name, "Oh yeah! My name is Likeastalyon. Hung Likeastalyon." A sweat drop appeared on Washu's forehead. "Well, um, Hung, why were you in that pod?" Washu asked. "Ah, yes," Hung began, "It's all coming back to me now..." Hung began to twirl around his arms. "Flashback time!" he yelled.
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"Well, Mr. Hung, for destroying numerous planets effortlessly and being so damn good-looking," the judge announced, "We sentence you to imprisonment in a space pod!" "Your honor, wouldn't it be easier to just kill him?" the bailiff asked. "YOU DARE QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT!?!?!" The judge screamed. "Uh, no sir..." the bailiff replied timidly.
Hung was taken to the dock where the pod was sitting. He was thrown in and the pod was ejected into deep space, never to be heard from again. Of course, the trajectory hadn't been mapped, so the pod was rocketed towards Earth. Why Earth? Because everybody sends their prisoners, evil super-beings, and trash to Earth.
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"That's my story," Hung said, "Also, I'm the universe's greatest fighter, scientist, philosopher, and all-around coolest guy. And did the flashback already mention that I'm too damn good-looking? By the way, I noticed your algorithms on that computer screen. All you have to do is recalibrate the dimensional matrices to adjust to the antimatter conductors. That should fix everything." Washu looked back at her computer screen and made the proper adjustments. "Good gosh," Washu mumbled, "This completes the problem I've been trying to finish for 15,000 years!" "No need to thank me," Hung said, "Its all in a day's work for the greatest guy in the universe."
"I've got to introduce you to everybody!" Washu yelled, "They'll love you!" Washu took Hung by the hand and led him outside the lab. "HEY EVERYBODY!!!" Washu yelled, "GET OVER HERE!!!!" Tenchi, Ryoko, Sasami, Ayeka, Nobuyuki, Katsuhito, Mihoshi, and Ryo-ohki all appeared. "I'd like you to meet Hung. Hung Likeastalyon."
"What kind of a messed up name is that?" Ryoko, of course.
"Do you like cooking, Mr. Hung?" Sasami, as if there were any doubt.
"With a name like that, I bet you're real popular with the ladies. You think you could teach me a few things?" Nobuyuki, in his eternal pursuit for tail.
"I bet you could teach me how to fight better!" Tenchi, who could already feel Hung's aura of awesomeness (Is awesomeness even a word?).
"I can learn as well." Katsuhito, who also felt the aura.
"Could you help me solve some cases?" Mihoshi. The awesome aura can penetrate even the smallest of minds (That line made me giggle like a schoolgirl. Penetrate. Hahaha.)
"I love you." Ayeka.
"Mya!" Ryo-ohki.
"You woke me up for this?" Ryoko asked tiredly, "Screw all of you, I need more sleep." The demon teleported away, not to be seen until the final part of the fic. "Wow," Hung said, "All of you people are utterly pathetic, but I'll be your pal anyway."
In the days that followed, Hung showed everybody except Ryoko how much better he was than them while showing them the error of their ways, ending each meeting with a snide insult. This continued on for awhile, as did the constant keg parties and orgies, until Ryoko finally grew sick of it.
"ARE YOU PEOPLE FRIGGIN BLIND!?!?" She screamed after listening to Hung insult everybody at the dinner table while they just smiled, "WHY THE HELL IS HE STILL ALIVE!?!?!" "You know Ryoko, you shouldn't talk like that," Tenchi said in a zombie-like trance, "Its bad manners." Hung smiled snidely. "Wait a minute..." Ryoko said, "I get it now. You're a psychic!" "Ummm... uhhh... bye bye!" Hung said as he tried to make his escape. Ryoko caught him, of course. "No way you're getting off that easy!" She yelled, "You're going to pay for this!"
Ryoko and Hung began to fight. Ryoko delivered the first blow, which was also the last. She had formed a beam saber and decapitated Hung. "About damn time somebody did that," Ryoko muttered to herself, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have sleeping to do."
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Well, that came out pretty well. Don'tcha just love it when Ryoko beats the crap out of the guy everybody hates? Now review my fic, or the curse of the overactive bladder shall be put upon ye!
-Rune