Disclaimer - I own not Bianca, Maggie, Jamie, Babe, JR or Adam...
In a Perfect World -
Maggie followed Jamie down the hallway, wondering once again what the hell she was doing. In this casino. In this hallway. In Pine Valley. She and James Martin were quite the pair, both lovesick fools, both desperately in love with women who were unavailable or worse, in love with someone else.
As they rushed along, she could hear J.R.'s voice carrying out the open hotel room door and down the hallway, his angry snarl berating his wife stridently. His words and tone spurred Jamie into action and he took off toward the open doorway.
"Babe?" Jamie called out, rushing into the room. "Babe, are you all right?"
"Oh. Oh, this is great," J.R. crowed in a snide tone to his wife. "You know, this is really good. You really know how to put on a show, don't you? Come on in, James. Come on in and take a look at what you've been fighting for."
Maggie, only a step behind, stopped suddenly just inside the doorway, shocked motionless. She felt as if someone had just punched her right in the heart. Or maybe it was the solar plexus as the breath rushed out of her lungs. The lump that choked her throat felt like it contained razors and tears threatened, stinging her eyes. The pain was literally overwhelming.
This couldn't be real. Dear God, it couldn't be real. Not after all they'd shared, all they'd talked about. All she'd bared...
"Bianca would never hurt me." Her words to Jamie just hours before echoed in her head, over and over again. "Bianca would never hurt me." "Bianca would never hurt me." Maggie had believed that. She would have sworn to that fact. For the last several years of her life, it had been true.
But what lay before her ripped all of that to shreds.
Bianca. In bed. With Babe. Both held the sheets up to their chests, their bare shoulders attesting to their state of undress, facing the audience in the doorway. Bianca's eyes met Maggie's, the look on her face one of pain and remorse. Remorse at what? Being caught? Crushing Maggie's heart? Not having the balls to tell Maggie the truth about her and Babe to begin with? Maggie clutched her purse strap tightly, trying to remember to breathe.
Her world seemed to be collapsing all around her.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, shaking her head in pain. "I can't be here right now."
On shaky legs, she somehow managed to bolt from the room and hurry back down the hallway in the direction she had come. In some kind of confused, jumbled logic, she had a fleeting thought that if she returned the exact way she came that the events she'd just witnessed would be erased from her mind and reality, completely cease to exist.
She could hear Bianca calling her name.
"Maggie! Please! It's not how it looks!"
Bianca untangled herself from the bed as quickly as she could, needing to go after Maggie and explain. Oh, God, the look on her face. Bianca felt her heart breaking at the memory. Pulling her blouse back up around her shoulders, she kicked her way free of the bedspread and sheets, hurriedly getting to her feet and rushing toward the door.
"'How it looks?'" J.R. sneered. "Yeah. Yeah. You guys even use the same lies. How cute is that?"
Oh, God, this was all her fault, Bianca thought. This stupid stunt was her idea. She set this plan in motion, she caused that pain on Maggie's face. She tore that heart to shreds and left it bleeding on the floor.
Bianca was frantic to vacate the room. She had to find Maggie and explain. She had to take the hurt from those brown eyes. She had to stop that heart, and her own, from breaking any further. Suddenly she had a hard time catching her breath, the look on Maggie's face burned into her memory and causing pain in her heart.
"Oh, God," she managed to croak, the monumental fear in her chest choking her voice. "Maggie…"
J.R. gave Bianca a scornful glance. "Not so saintly, now, are we, Binks?"
"JR, kiss my ass," she snapped as she rushed by him.
Leaving the chaos behind, Bianca ran down the hall, hoping to catch Maggie before she got back to Pine Valley. Bianca had to admit to herself that she was scared that Maggie might do something impulsive or rash, in order to salve the wound she had suffered at Bianca's hands. No. It was Bianca's duty, it was her responsibility. She caused this. It was up to her to make it right.
She caused this. That thought continued to run through her mind as she hurried through the casino, looking desperately for any sign of Maggie. She caused this. She caused this.
Suddenly, her mind swung back to that day in June, after they had played that silly 'I Never' drinking game with Babe and Jamie. When Maggie had admitted that she thought about the kiss she'd given her and thought about kissing Bianca again.
They sat on the sofa in Maggie and Jamie's apartment, facing each other, legs tangled up together, talking softly. It was natural and yet Bianca felt an undercurrent of tension, nerves.
She smiled. "'I never'," she murmured, resting her head in her hand. "So many secrets, so little time. Look, I'm sorry."
Maggie gave her a look. "For what?"
"When I put you on the spot, and I tried to get your secret out of you."
"Come on," Maggie replied, waving it off. "Curiosity is a basic human response."
Bianca shook her head. "But it's none of my business."
There was a meaningful pause. "Actually, it is," Maggie finally responded.
"Well, only if you want it to be. I respect that, Maggie. I know you wouldn't have lied to me unless it was really important." Bianca suddenly wasn't sure she wanted to hear what Maggie had to say. Just the thought of what she might reveal scared the brunette. "You know what? I already feel really weird about this. Let's just forget it."
"No, I can't. You know, I think –," Maggie paused, searching for the courage to continue. "I think it's about time that I talked to you about it anyway. But here's your fair warning, because if you feel weird now, plan to even feel weirder. What I want to tell you could possibly ruin our friendship forever."
"You have to tell me something that could ruin our friendship forever?" Now Bianca was certain she didn't want to hear anything Maggie was about to say. She tried to make light of the situation, ease the tension thickening the air in the room. "Wow, this doesn't sound good."
"It was more like a protective measure."
"Why, because I hurt you?" Bianca really began to worry at this point. Her fear of hurting Maggie was suddenly palpable. "Or you thought I would? Maggie, what did I do?"
"No, you didn't do anything," Maggie assured her. She paused again, marshaling every ounce of courage she possessed. She looked at Bianca and spoke. "Remember when we kissed, or... when I kissed you?"
Bianca rolled her eyes. "It's kind of hard to forget."
Maggie continued quickly. "And I blew it off like it didn't mean anything?"
"Yeah."
"It was a big fat lie," she admitted. "That kiss and that whole moment hasn't left me yet. And I think about it and I think about you, and I think about doing it again." She screwed up every last ounce of courage she had in her body and threw caution to the wind. "Bianca, I think I love you. I think, I'm pretty sure, I -- I love you."
"Wow."
'Wow' she'd said. It was the day Maggie had so selflessy bared her heart and soul and all Bianca could say was 'Wow'.
It was the day Maggie had finally told Bianca exactly what she'd dreamt of hearing for the last two, nearly three, years. The day she'd gotten her heart's desire.
The day she'd stupidly told Maggie she was committed to Lena instead of taking Maggie in her arms and admitting to feeling the exact same way.
Instead of doing anything that she'd promised Maggie, she just gave her a hug…
"Oh, God, what have I done?" she muttered, berating herself as she ran to the garage and her car. "What have I done?"
After sliding behind the wheel and starting the engine, Bianca sat silently for a moment. Maggie had admitted her love for Bianca, the one thing Bianca had wanted most of all since she and Maggie had become so close. And she had done nothing.
Swallowing down the sob that threatened to choke her, Bianca threw the car into gear and, amidst squealing tires, raced out of the parking garage. She had to find Maggie.
She had to.
"Goddamned car!" Maggie shouted angrily, stumbling across the sand.
She'd run out of gas. She'd made it as far as the beach where she and Bianca had made plans to leave town together after Miranda was born before the vehicle gave out, so she abandoned the car on the shoulder and sought solace in the waves crashing on the shore. She fell onto the rock where Bianca had sat, where Maggie crawled over to her and put her hand to Bianca's still-flat belly and told the baby to gently remind her mother that everything would turn out alright. That reassurance had certainly been blown all to hell over the ensuing months.
She'd fallen in love with Bianca, had finally found the courage to admit it. And she was shot down. Humiliated. Destroyed…
Bianca in bed with that skank, Babe. Dear God, not only did Bianca not want Maggie, but she'd had sex with Babe!
"Goddammit!" she screamed at the sky, tears coursing down her cheeks. "Goddammit…"
Still sobbing, Maggie pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face in her knees. She felt like her heart was shattered, the pieces broken beyond repair. It hurt. Everything hurt. Her heart, her head. Breathing, thinking. Living...
Through her tears and her pain, a single thought pushed through. The reason this hurt so badly, the reason she felt as if her world was ending.
Maggie knew she would never love like this again. Bianca held her heart and her soul. No one ever had or ever would touch her this deeply again in her life. That existence stretched out before Maggie, tearing a new wound in her already ravaged heart.
The tears continued to flow as Maggie sobbed, unknowing when, or if, she'd ever be able to stop.
Bianca raced back towards Pine Valley, pushing her car to its limits, frantic to find Maggie and explain. Apologize. Beg for forgiveness.
Racing down the highway, her multi-functioning headlights flashed on the tail end of a car parked haphazardly on the shoulder of the road. A Toyota Tercel. Maggie's car. Bianca slammed on her brakes, fishtailing a bit to skid to a stop beside the stranded vehicle. Hastily pulling over in front of Maggie's car, Bianca shoved the car into Park and jumped out, hurrying down the path to the beach.
"Maggie!" she shouted, stumbling down the path in her haste. "Maggie!!"
The sight before her stopped Bianca cold. There was Maggie, sitting on the big rock, a tiny figure alone in her grief. The way her shoulder shook told Bianca she was crying. Tears flooded Bianca's own eyes as she witnessed what her actions had done. What pain her foolishness had caused.
Lost in her own world, hearing only the sounds of her sobbing and the waves as they rolled into the shore, Maggie was unaware of Bianca's approach. Raising her head, she ran her hands through her hair and scrubbed at the tears on her face. It did no good as they were quickly replaced by fresh ones still flooding over her lashes.
"God, Stone," she finally said, talking to herself just to hear the sound of her voice amidst the sounds of the ocean. "You are some kind of loser... You stink at relationships with men and apparently you can't even be a very good lesbian..."
Bianca heard that comment as she neared and tried to bite back a rueful smile. Just like Maggie to hide her pain in a joke. Some things never change. But it's about time something did.
Carefully, she put a hand on Maggie's shoulder. "Maggie," she whispered softly. "I'm so sorry..."
Maggie recoiled from Bianca's touch, jumping off the rock and moving further away. "Go away, Bianca," she managed to choke out. She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself as if to keep her heart from shattering further and spilling onto the sand. "I'm not really in the mood right now."
Bianca followed, moving behind Maggie so closely that they almost touched. "I need to explain, Maggie. I need- I need to apologize."
Maggie spun around in anger. "No, Bianca, you need to go away," she snapped, getting in Bianca's face. "I think I saw everything I needed to see to understand. You don't want me, I get that. Now get the hell out of my life," she demanded, brushing past the brunette and stalking towards the path. Where she was going she had no idea, her car was dead and she was miles from home. "Dammit…"
"No," Bianca said firmly, grabbing Maggie's arm. She spun the blonde around, hand still gripping Maggie's bicep, so they were face to face again. Beneath her hand, she felt muscles tensing up. "I need to tell you, Maggie. You need to know."
"Bianca, I don't give a sh-."
"It was a set-up!" Bianca shouted over Maggie's words. "Nothing happened."
Maggie shut up. "What?" she asked in confusion.
"It was a set-up," Bianca repeated, her voice softer, her eyes boring into Maggie's. "We were trying to set J.R. up at admit he's been drugging Babe."
Maggie scoffed. "So you climbed into bed with her?"
"Nothing happened! I swear it!"
"Sleep with whoever you want, Bianca, I don't care."
Now it was Bianca's turn to snort skeptically. "Bullshit, Maggie."
"My God, what an ego you have, Montgomery. You're more like Erica Kane every day."
"Please, Maggie," Bianca whispered. "Let me explain- apologize- and then I'll go."
"Fine. Whatever."
Bianca sighed. "Maggie, I'm so sorry-."
"Explain," Maggie interrupted. "Don't try to apologize."
Bianca held up her hands. "Okay." She paused and took a breath. "J.R. has been drugging Babe. He drugged her drink to trick her into sleeping with Jamie, but it didn't work. So we thought- no, I thought that if he caught her in bed with the town lesbian, maybe it'd work."
Maggie shook her head. "Maybe what would work?"
"Maybe J.R. would reveal what kind of man he had become. Willing to set his wife up to sleep with his own brother, trying to take her child away from her. I lost my daughter, Maggie, I couldn't stand by and watch Babe lose hers, too. She delivered Miranda. She saved my life."
"So sleeping with her was the way to do it?"
"How many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened!"
Maggie snorted. "Sure looked like something happened to me."
"Goddammit, Maggie, we had our clothes on! We didn't sleep together, we wanted J.R. to find us in bed and he did! That's all!!"
"Oh, my God, and this was your brilliant idea?!"
"I didn't say it was my best idea!" Bianca sighed and took hold of Maggie's arms. "Jamie knew we were going to try something, that's why he had to get there. You weren't supposed to be there or I would have told you we'd made up this plan. I never meant for you to walk in and see that, Maggie. I never meant for you to be hurt like that."
"Who said I was hurt," Maggie murmured unconvincingly.
"Maggie…"
"Okay! Yeah, I was hurt, Bianca! My God, that little scene almost killed me!"
"I know that, Maggie. Why do you think I chased after you? I would never, ever knowingly hurt you like that. Never."
"I mean, shit, Bianca, I just told you that I loved you and…" Maggie choked on a sob, a lump suddenly forming in her throat. "And then I see you in bed with… with Babe…" She lowered her head, feeling the tears spring to her eyes once again. "I know you don't love me, Bianca… but seeing you with her after you told me-."
Bianca blinked back tears of her own. "I know what I told you, Maggie. And I was wrong. I was so wrong…"
"Don't tell me you love me, too, Bianca," Maggie sobbed. "I couldn't take that right now."
"Maggie," Bianca whispered urgently, taking Maggie's face in her hands. She turned the blonde's eyes up to hers and leaned close. "I do love you, Maggie. My God, I love you more than you will ever know."
"Stop, Bianca. Please."
"No, Maggie. You need to know." She pulled Maggie closer and kissed her. "I love you, Maggie. I have always loved you."
Maggie gripped Bianca's wrists, fingers digging sharply into tender skin. "Bianca, don't-."
Bianca kissed Maggie again. Kissed her until she felt her slowly surrender and sink into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her closer, kissed her deeper. The resistance Maggie tried to maintain melted and she slid her arms around Bianca's waist, returning the kiss she'd wanted so desperately for these last few months. Bianca's lips parted and Maggie plunged in, reveling in the warmth and taste and texture of Bianca's mouth. This is what she'd longed for, what she'd dreamt of since she'd told Bianca how she felt. And she'd dreamt that Bianca had longed for it, too…
After a long moment, Bianca pulled back, resting her forehead against Maggie's. "I was wrong, Maggie," she said softly. "I was so wrong. When you told me how you felt I- I guess I got scared. So I said I was in love with Lena and that I was committed to her."
"You were committed to her, Bianca."
"If I was so committed to her, Maggie, why didn't I go to her when she sent me that airplane ticket? I said something was keeping me in Pine Valley. Remember that? It was you, Maggie. You." Bianca sighed. "I couldn't go to Lena because I didn't want to leave you. I couldn't imagine - can't imagine being anywhere you're not."
Maggie wanted to believe Bianca desperately, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Bianca and Babe in bed, their shoulders bare, the sheet pulled up to cover what everyone assumed was their bare bodies... She shuddered.
"And what about tonight, Bianca? What was that all about?"
"I already told you about that. Nothing happened, I swear it. We were putting on a show for J.R.'s sake, that's all." Bianca shook her head, trying to find the words to explain. She gently caressed Maggie's cheek with a thumb, still cradling her face in her hands. "I wasn't trying to keep this a secret from you, Maggie, I promise you that. We- I came up with this little stunt tonight. Tonight. I didn't have time to tell you about it, to warn you, but it wasn't something I would ever have kept from you. God, Maggie, I would never do that to you!"
Maggie swallowed hard. "Do you know what this did to me?" she asked hoarsely.
"Oh, Maggie," Bianca murmured, pressing a kiss to Maggie's forehead. "I am so, so sorry. I'll never be able to tell you enough how sorry I am. The look on your face- it almost killed me, you know."
"Yeah, well, join the club." They both laughed through their tears. "I didn't know what to think, Bianca..."
"I know, I know, sweetie, and that's all my fault. I haven't been there for you these last couple of months, have I?" She turned Maggie's face up to hers, looked into dark eyes still shining with tears. "And I promised you that I would. I promised I would and then I immediately turned my back on you. I'm so sorry, Maggie. I'm so sorry..."
"Did you mean that?"
Knowing exactly what Maggie was referring to, Bianca smiled softly and nodded. "I love you, Maggie. I've loved you all along. But I was so afraid because-."
"I know, I like to run away..."
"Well, actually, I was afraid because a part of me keeps thinking this is too good to be true. For so long, I've wanted to hear those words from you, Maggie. And then, I do... and it... it... I had already fallen for the straight girl, Maggie... and no matter how much I wanted it, I never expected her to fall for me in return."
"I love you, Bianca. I think I have since the moment we met."
"Oh, really?" Bianca laughed. "You could tell by the way I fell at your feet?"
"You fell, I fell..."
They both laughed then Bianca kissed Maggie again. "I love you, Maggie. I love you so much."
"So, what now?" Maggie whispered, her forehead pressed to Bianca's, her hands on the brunette's waist. "Where do we go from here?"
"How about home for now? We'll figure out the rest as it comes along." She smiled at the smaller woman, finally in her arms. "We'll figure it out together."
Maggie returned Bianca's smile. "Together, I like that." Her eyes drifted to Bianca's lips. "Can I kiss you?"
"Maggie, I have waited for so long for you to kiss me again, you didn't ask the first time, why are you asking now?"
"Well, that was kinda like a guerilla kiss, you weren't expecting it. I want you to know that I want to kiss you this time."
"Shut up and kiss me, Maggie."
Maggie raised up on her tiptoes. "I love you, Bianca. You're mine, now."
"I always have been, Maggie," Bianca replied a moment before their lips met. "I always have been."
The kiss was gentle, soft and sweet. It was a kiss of promise, desire and passion. It was a kiss that said forever.
In a Perfect World...