A/N: Hello all! I've got at least three other stories I should be working on, but instead I started another new one! I've really been wanting to do a NnoiNel, so her ya go. It's based on a dream I had like..a day or two ago. Kinda weird, kinda nice. Not sure how long it's gonna be, or what exactly is gonna happen, but I'm writing it dammit!

Italics= Thoughts/ emphasized words.

Also, this should probably be in Nel's pov, but might switch. You'll know when it switches to Nnoitra. Trust me. The amount of swearing will increase. Well, those are all my warnings. That, and it might possibly maybe turn into a lemon in the future if I feel like it. There, that's all the warnings. Enjoy another one of my crappy stories ^_^

I had the dream again. It's a strange dream, full of things I've never seen before. They are creations of my own mind, or perhaps they do indeed exist in another world. Whatever the case may be, they were in my dreams, and I enjoyed them. They are large structures, with metal steps, which carry you up to a platform, connected to others just like it. Connected to these platforms are plastic devices, which serve to guide you back down to the earth smoothly. Some twist and curve, while others are straight and steep. There are many other interesting things, some let you fly in the air, some you must carry yourself across by holding the cold metal, keeping your feet above the ground. This is not the first time I have dreamt of this place with it's magical inventions, surrounded by small wooden chips, separated from the grassy field. However, it is the first time I have dreamt of it while it rains, soaking the wooden pieces. The sky is gray and ominous, and I cannot see the sun, which is constantly haunting my subconscious.

It is something I rarely see, and when I do see it, it is only an illusion.

Something else happened in this dream, something disturbing. You could say this place is my safe haven, a place I go to escape my dreary life, so when someone else appeared in the wet, grassy field, I knew this was not a dream.

It was a nightmare.

It was a black figure at first, standing so far away, making my heart stop at seeing it. But that blade was a dead give away, and the figure was much to tall to be mistaken with anything else.

I did not run, for it is not in my nature.

It stalked closer, taking wide, eager strides. My sword was, as always, secure on my hip. I would certainly need it. As it came closer, it's face became clear, sneering at me like always. If it was not a sneer, it was an overly cocky grin, or a perpetual frown. He said nothing as his sword pointed at me, the tips shining despite the lack of light. I unsheathed my own weapon, also staying quiet. Words never did much in our battles. He gave me that cocky grin, exposing large, piano teeth, and launched at me. I used sonido, appearing on his left and swiping with Gamuza, and he dodges.

He's gotten better over the years.

But not enough to defeat me.

He disappears for a moment, and then reappears behind me. I predicted this move, and block with my sword. He frowns, and I keep my blade firmly pressed against his. The rain pours harder, and I know this fight will not end until he falls and cannot get up again. That is how it's always been, and probably will be forever. The very thought exhausts me. I do not enjoy this as much as he does. It is tiring, and now it happens in my dreams.

I don't remember what happened after that, but I do remember hiding behind the magnificent structures, my sword gone. I could hear his light footsteps, and I would duck and look everywhere, trying to find him. Our battle had turned into some kind of game, only this was a tad bit more deadly.

He still had his sword.

He would find me and strike, and I would disappear behind another section of the structures. This went on for quite some time, and I wanted it to end so badly. I wish we could speak like normal people, and not fight. I don't know why he hates me, besides that I am of higher rank. He does not hate anyone else, not even Hallibel. It is only me, and it breaks my heart.

Because I love him so.

When we fight, I want so badly to just drop my weapon and embrace him, and know the feeling of his lips. I do not let it show, how badly I want this madness to stop, for he would think I was weak and pathetic. Maybe I am, for being a hollow with a heart, and if that is the case then so be it. But he will never know about it. I can already hear the tormenting comments.

This was only a dream, a nightmare, actually. Now I am in the forsaken world of Hueco Mundo, wondering where everyone has gone. It is so very empty now. Inside the walls of Las Noches, there are few survivors. Starrk is no longer lazing about with Lillinette bothering him, Barragan is not rambling about being king, Zommari is not meditating, Szayelaporro is not doing crazy experiments, Aaraniero is not talking to his other floating head, and Yammy is not eating all the food. I was surprised when I awoke at the very same moment he fell for the seemingly last time. Ichigo left, and I never saw him again. When the shinigami started wandering off, I did something I shouldn't have. I was a child at the time, and was not thinking rationally.

I saved him. And another.

I didn't wait for them to wake, I merely spit up enough of my saliva to keep them alive. After that, I left in search of my brothers, who were buried in some rubble around the octava. When I saw that sword sticking out of him, I didn't comprehend what it meant. I didn't understand what had happened when I jumped up and pushed it deeper, piercing his heart, and watched as he faded away in little particles. Pesche and Dondochakka didn't want to explain it. They just wanted to take me home, and that is what we did.

It has been so very long since that day.

They did their best in healing me, and I eventually recovered my spiritual pressure, thus turning me back into an adult form. Not long after that, they returned. For the longest time, it had been just me and my brothers, until Hallibel came with her fraccion. I did not consider her a threat in any way, and didn't care at all that she had taken my place. We got along well, and lived in peace. But then one day, we were surprised to see the sexta walk in. Well, I knew it was because of me, but decided to keep quiet about it. Grimmjow added quite a bit of life to the dull palace. He's loud, brash, rude, and surprisingly easy to get along with, so long as you are patient and calm.

However, I knew that if Grimmjow was healed and came here, the other one would soon follow. It only took a day before my calm life was once again flipped upside down. He stormed in, furious and confused. He knew I had saved him all that time ago, and hated me so much more for it. I didn't want him to die, because I care about him, but he mistook it for pity yet again. No matter what I do, he will always hate me.

And it continues to shatter my heart into small pieces.

It is as if he never cracked my mask so many years ago. We have picked up exactly where we left off. He follows me every day, constantly wanting to fight, always throwing crude insults at me. He doesn't know how much it hurts, and if he did, it would be a huge victory on his part. I try to stay in my room, or somewhere he would never go, but he always finds me. Sometimes I even try to stay close to Grimmjow. We get along pretty well, enough for me to consider him a friend of some sort. He shoos him away, and says it is no problem when I thank him. I don't seek his help much though, because I am not weak. I can fight for myself. I am merely tired and broken.

I don't know how long it's been since Aizen left this place. I can only assume he was defeated, since he never came back. I do not mind. He did nothing to help me when my mask cracked, and a small part of me thinks he is responsible for his behavior. I want to blame somebody, anybody for his actions. Anyone except himself, and me, because I have done nothing. Aizen gave me my rank, I didn't choose it. But he doesn't understand.

A few days ago, the cuatro returned. We were all surprised. I knew Ulquiorra was strong, but I was certain he had died. That day, when I returned to my room, I felt him and Ichigo fight. It was terrifying. Ichigo's reiatsu changed that day, and felt so very dark, like a hollows. Ulquiorra's spiritual pressure completely vanished, and I knew he had died. When we asked how he survived, he merely said instant regeneration. It had been years since the day he died. That's not so 'instant' to me, but I wasn't going to pester him. No, that was Grimmjow's job. My job was to fight him every day, and torment myself with the same question.

Why do you hate me, Nnoitra?

Just saying his name hurts me. I have loved him for decades, and he hates me. It frustrates me beyond understanding. Hallibel serves as our leader, being the highest ranked, and he does not hate her. Perhaps a little, but not nearly as much as me. So many times during battle, I have almost asked him and demanded he tell me, but I feel that is what he wants. I refuse to look weak in front of him. No, the tears and sobbing are saved when everyone has fallen asleep and I have alone time, at least until he slams my bedroom door open, trying to sneak attack me.

It always frustrates him that I'm awake.

He doesn't see the tear tracks on my face. It takes everything I've got to not breakdown and pull him close, gripping his uniform as I sob, and block out the insults he would give me while trying to pry me off. I wish he could see the pain in my eyes, but he only focuses on beating me. I call him a beast, an animal, and it hurts me to say that. It is the truth though, and even then I still love him. I still cry myself to sleep at night, just like I am now. I want him to see so badly that I care about him, that I love him and want him. The fear of his rejection petrifies me, and I wouldn't be able to take his insults. I would leave Las Noches, and never come back.

"Nelliel!" His voice yells, approaching my door. I'm a wreck, and won't be able to compose myself, so I use sonido to run out the window and into the desert. He'll follow, this I know, but I just need time to collect myself. He thinks I am taunting him.

"Don't run from me, bitch!" His angry voice yells, closer than I expected, and I vigorously wipe the tears away and face him, putting on a false bravery act. His giant sword gleams under the moonlight, something I always found beautiful. His weapon is unique, just like him.

"Why'd you run?" He asks, frowning angrily.

I ran so you wouldn't see how pathetic I am.

Do you not see it? What you do to me? Or do you just ignore it? That seems very like you, Nnoitra.

Cruel.

"Because I don't feel like fighting" I say back, my voice strong. He frowns more and furrows his eyebrows.

"You don't feel like it? Since when does that matter? Do you think I felt like chasing after your fat ass? Don't be such a coward. Just fight me already!"

Why must you abuse me like this? Can you not see how close I am to breaking? Do you not know how badly I want to run into your arms and just stay like that? I am so tired of this. I want to give up. But, I wonder, what would you say? Would you laugh? Or just kill me on the spot?

Probably both.

"Why should I? There's no reason"

"There doesn't have to be a reason! I want a fight, and I will beat you! Get ready, Nelliel, cause I'm coming!" He yells, lunging at me. I almost let him hit me, finishing me off, but my reflexes automatically unsheathe my sword and block. I will not attack him. I will defend until he exhausts himself. Attacking him only brings more pain.

"You're so annoying. Why couldn't you have died? God, I want you to die so badly! I'm tired of you looking at me so pitifully! You should have let me die! It's better than getting saved by the likes of you" He yells, and I feel myself crumbling.

Why didn't I die? Should I have? I think if it wasn't for Ichigo..I would have.

I wonder, Nnoitra, do you want to die? You are so unhappy, do you wish death upon yourself? That makes me so sad. If you died...I would die as well. Life without you is too empty. That is why I saved you. I need you, Nnoitra, and you don't even know. Perhaps you should.

"If you want me to die, then kill me. If you want to die, then kill yourself" I say, partially wishing he would kill me. If it makes him happy, then I will be okay with it.

"I am going to kill you! This has gone on for too long!" He screams, swinging Santa Teresa at me. For the first time, I don't dodge. I drop my sword, and hang my head in shame. He reduces me to such a weak state, it is pitiful. But I love him..

He stops, and the blade never hits me. I'm shocked, and slowly look up. He looks just as surprised as I feel, and then looks angry once again. I can never make him happy.

"You stupid bitch! Do you pity me that much?! You would just let me win like that?! God, I hate you! I fucking hate you!" His words echo in my head, snapping my last nerve, and I feel cold tears stream down my face. He looks dumbfounded, and I feel humiliated. But I can't hold back any longer.

"Why? Why do you hate me? What did I do to you?! Why do I deserve this?!" I yell, and step towards him.

"You're a woman, and you're ranked higher than me. Why shouldn't I hate you?"

"Hallibel is ranked higher than anyone, and she doesn't get this treatment. Now tell me the real reason"

Another step forward. He hesitates, and looks mildly frightened.

"You pity me"

"I care for you!" I yell, letting it slip without really thinking. Now he looks completely frightened. I take another step, and he says nothing, his brows occasionally furrowing and then going back to normal. He's confused.

"What?" He finally says, still sounding angry.

"You heard me. I have never pitied you, not once. You have merely mistaken it with something else. I have cared for you, all these years. I take your insults, I fight you every day, I replay your hateful words in my head constantly, and even then I still care for you! Why do you think I saved you? So I could keep fighting you? Do you really think I enjoy this? No, Nnoitra, I saved you because I love you!" I scream, openly crying now, taking steps until he is inches away. My heart feels like it's slowly ripping in half, and he merely looks at me with one confused, skeptical eye. I let out a broken sob and finally let myself cling to him, gripping the fabric of his uniform and letting my tears slide down his bare chest.

"You think I'm gonna fall for that?"

He stabs me. The curve of his blade presses into my back, nearly severing it, and I go still, my body numbing. He laughs, and I look at him with wide, terrified eyes. I think he expected me to fall, or to attack, but I didn't do either. I did something he was not expecting

I kissed him.

He stared at me wide eyed, and I felt my body fall back, the darkness finally closing in. He thought I was trying to lower his guard, but I think now he understands. I was speaking the truth, and much to my surprise, he looks mortified. I feel myself smile sadly, and then close my eyes, preparing to hit the unforgiving sand, but it never comes. I feel his hands lower me gently to the ground, but I can't open my eyes. I'm too far gone for that.

"You were serious" He breathes, sounding shocked. My hearing starts to fade, and then I am thrown into the nothingness that is death.

I only wish I could have told him earlier.

A/N: Meh, I initially planned this to turn out different, but it took on a life of it's own. The next chapter should be less depressing. I'll try to keep both of them in character as much as possible, but it's gonna be hard. I mean, come on, Nnoitra being affectionate and staying in character? I'm not a miracle worker. Also, those structures Nelliel was referring to are playgrounds, in case you didn't know. Anyways, reviews are appreciated. I need to know if I should bother continuing this.