Disclaimer – These characters are the intellectual property of a lot of people that aren't me. Please don't sue.
Spoilers – Very small one for Meridian. Takes place when Jack's General at SGC.
Summary – Snippets of conversations between Jack and Daniel when Daniel is late in giving his mission reports. JD friendship, non-slash.
Author's note – My first SG1 fic, feedback is appreciated. Also, English is my second language, so any help with Spelling/Grammar and Vocab mistakes is much appreciated.
Five Times Daniel's Late Reports Were Excused and One Time it Wasn't
"It's not my fault." Daniel Jackson's offended words echoed through the claustrophobic office, filling the oppressive silence that had settled between him and his best friend, one Brigadier General Jack O'Neill, also known as Daniel's boss.
"It's not?" With a slow raise of his eyebrow, Jack watched his friend, ready to have him squirm some more.
"Well, yeah… You told me I had to finish it first thing, absolutely nothing were to stand between me and my report, not a death in the family, not a long lost relative, not a newly discovered ancient dialect, not a boiling cup of Joe, and not a sudden urge to use the bathroom." Jack watched his friend, stunned for a moment that the man had remembered his long-rehearsed speech word-for-word, emphasis-for-emphasis.
"So then… Why is it that it was in fact a toilet that is standing between me and your finished report?" Jack asked, a hint of a smile promising to break through his perfectly controlled mask.
"Is it my fault the report slipped through my hands whilst on the thing? You said I had to complete it, even with such needs, I just did what you said. It's not my fault I was born clumsy." And with those words Daniel Jackson departed, ready to truly start on his report. It wasn't like he was about to tell Jack that he had actually spent the night studying a newly discovered ancient dialect, still spoken today on the planet they had last visited. Nope that wouldn't do at all.
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"So tell me Doctor Daniel Jackson, where is my latest mission report?" Jack watched his friend, a mixture of annoyed exasperation and curiosity lighting his face.
"Well you see… I took it home with me…"
"You took classified information home with you? No, wait, scratch that… You, Daniel Jackson, archeologist, linguist and anthropologist extraordinaire, actually went home? When did this earth-shattering event take place?" Still smiling at his friend Jack only slightly lifted his eyebrow, having that speak the rest of the words for him.
"Hah-Hah… I'll have you know, I've been spending at least three nights a week at home, got fish to look after you know…"
"So then tell me, man of many hidden secrets, how did your report vanish on this supposed trip home?" Jack knew perfectly well his friend hadn't left the mountain in at least a week, having discreetly checked on him every evening. What could he say, for more than a year he hadn't been able to really see or talk to his friend, he wasn't about to let even the smallest opportunities pass him by.
"I've been looking for a new car, what with you always on me about my current set of wheels, unfortunately I forgot it in one of the cars I took for a test-drive." The words flew so easily from Daniel's lips; Jack had a hard time believing this was the same man that used to perspire at having to tell the smallest white lie.
"So what you're saying Danny-boy, is that you left a document filled with classified information in a public place, ready for anybody to read. Do you have any idea the security breach you've caused? Oh… I can already see it, NID, FBI, CIA, KGB, NCIS, CSI, NBC, ABC, FOX, oh, Danny you'll have the whole alphabet on you for this one…"
Jack kept his face stoic, hiding the grin threatening to spread as the colour drained from Daniel's face.
Oh, he knew, he knew full well Daniel had yet to start his report, but the man had decided to lie to his superior, thus certain lessons were in order.
"Uhm… No Jack… I mean… There's no way the story could come out, because the report… It… It didn't have anything incriminating in it, and even if it did it would just be written of as the writings of a mad-man… Nothing to worry about…"
"Well let's hope so. But for now… Get that report on my desk in the next two hours or you're on decaf for the rest of the year. And don't think I won't check your home supplies!" Smiling at the fast retreating back of his friend, Jack sat back in his seat, silently skimming through Teal'cs brief, succinct report.
"We entered the planet that was filled with trees. Hostile forces abducted Daniel Jackson. Me, Colonel Carter and Colonel Mitchell attempted saving Daniel Jackson. Daniel Jackson saved himself, and retrieved us from our trapped pit. Daniel Jackson, me, Colonel Carter and Colonel Mitchell are all safe."
Ahh… If only everybody had the stoic Jaffa's talents with a pen…
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"I was in the infirmary the whole night after eating an alien dish."
"Okay."
"WHAT! Just Okay? No smart remarks? No asking for Doctor's notes? You are Jack O'Neill, right?"
"Yes, no, no, yes, yes."
"Huh?"
"You are a linguist, right?"
"Yes."
"So, go linguilise a report now that you're out of the infirmary. Come on… Of with you…"
"Oh... kay..."
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Daniel sat across from Jack, a look of apprehension on his face.
"What's the excuse this time Daniel?" Jack did not look in the mood for any games, thus Daniel decided to go with the truth for a change.
"The artifact ate it."
"The artifact ate it?"
"The artifact ate it."
"Oh…" Jack looked dumb-founded at his friend, wondering just where he came up with these excuses.
"No, really. I put it next to the bronze medal we retrieved from P3X-201, next thing I know. Gulp! And it's down the things throat."
"Its throat? The medals' throat?" Jack stared incredulously, head shaking wondering just what the president was going to say about this one when he put it in his report.
"Well it's not like it has an epiglottis. But yes, it literally just swallowed it whole. No idea if we'll ever see it again. But it is quite amazing, makes me a bit apprehensive of studying the artifact further."
"Yes. Wouldn't want you to be… swallowed by a medal."
"No, I really wouldn't."
"Just get it to me by the end of the day, please?"
"Will do."
"Good."
"Good."
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"The cleaner threw it out with the trash." Daniel gave a lop-sided grin, knowing full-well there was no way Jack was going to believe that one. In all honesty, Daniel had just been completely exhausted after six weeks negotiating peace treaties and other sensitive human-relations issues between Earth and a new ally. He had fallen asleep before his head had hit the pillow.
"Danny, did that one ever work at school?"
"You don't think it's the truth?" Daniel tried his best puppy-dog eyes, but failed miserably, still lacking about forty-hours' sleep.
"Hey, who am I to judge your excuses. I'm only your boss. If you say the cleaner took it out with the trash, the cleaner took it out with the trash. Just get it to me by the end of the week, after you've had another thirty-hours' sleep okay?"
Seeing the smile spreading across his friend's face, Jack gave him a soft pat on the shoulder, whispered 'you did good', and left the room.
Ready to give yet another report on Daniel's late reports he made a bee-line to his office. One thing was for sure, Daniel knew how to create extra paper-work for his boss.
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"I went on a date."
"Wha?!" The coffee he'd just taken a sip of went spewing out of his mouth before he had a chance to close it.
"I… went… on… a… date." Daniel did his best to annunciate every syllable, trying to keep his own smile from showing.
"I'm sorry Danny, but you've got to give me something to work with here! It fell down the toilet, hey, shit happens. The artifact ate your homework; we work with the weird everyday. The cleaner took it… well done stupid cleaner. But Danny-boy, seriously, you going on a date, well… Not even a two year old will believe that one."
Daniel watched Jack, feeling slightly affronted, before a thoughtful expression settled over his face.
"I had the bubonic plague?"
"Now that we can work with!"