I found a photo. It's small but not meaningless. The little peace of paper that I am holding in my hand shows a family.
"It's like a normal family photo, right? Everybody is smiling. But there is also some sadness in the picture. Do you want to know why there is some sadness?
Because this is all I've got. Yeah, I know. Family is important and it's nice that I say such things, but I am truly honest. These people, on this photo are all what I have. Not more or less.
But it's not that bad, you know? I mean, of course I love my family. I love it so damn much, but … it's not forever.
Just look at the photo. This … this is me. I look far too old for my age, don't you think? And I've been trough much, especially because of you, you 'lil bastard. But it's okay, I don't mind it. I never did, because it's my responsibility to go trough things with you and because of you.
You never had to do this. And I never wanted you to do this. I just wanted you to be safe and I still want you to be safe. But you grew old, too. Far too old to protect you. You don't want my protection anymore. Not in the way I did it in the past. But that's okay, because sometimes, I can still see the child in you. With your big and shiny puppy eyes. And … man … sometimes I really miss the past. But then I remember what the future would be and … I am happy to life in the now.
And look at the other guy there … he is smiling too, with his long brown hair and the puppy eyes. I can't remember when the last time was he went to a hairdresser. I know you won't believe me hm? I mean … you always wanted to go to college to study some normal shit and life a normal life. And I can promise you, you will. You will go there and study and find a girlfriend, find friends. And you will have all you ever wanted. But … it will be a hard path you have to go. You will get into fights with dad and you will yell at me. Oh for god's sake, you will yell at me so many times. And one day, you will go. And live the life you deserve.
And now you are asking why you are still with me in that age? Well … you came back.
Okay yes, I am sorry, I carried you back. Because I needed you and I still need you. I still need you more than you need me. That's because I am the big brother and you are the little one. I am truly proud of you, because you did so well. Yes you made many wrong decisions. But, hell man, I did too. Everyone does.
So this is my family. This is all I got and I love my family very much. I wont tell my family these things … I don't like talking about feelings that much.
But there's one thing I want to tell you. Never doubt that I love you. And do what you want. Because that's your way and no matter what will happen, I am proud of you."
I looked at the little and calm looking boy in the also little bed. His brown hair was short and was all over his face. His breath was slow and calm. I smiled a little.
"But please, try to be shorter. I am the big brother, not you." I said to the sleeping boy and stand up. "I am sorry, Sammy." I whispered and left the room.
"Are you ready?" Castiel looked at me with his emotionless face and I didn't really like his look.
"Calm down, Cas. Don't look at me like that."
"That's Jimmy's Face, Dean. He always looks like that."
"Hell man, I am sure he smiled some days and didn't creep the hell out of people. Let's go now." After my words have been said, he touched my forehead with two fingers and in the next second I was back home. Or whatever I tried to call home. It was just a motel.
Cas was gone, he never stayed long and why should he?
"Hey Dean where were you?" and there he came.
"Nah, not important. Cas talked to me and showed me some things." I answered.
"What kind of things?"
"What do you thing what kind of things? He just showed things like a garbage can or a train and frozen pizza and asked me what the meaning of it is."
Sam laughed a little bit. "Weird guy."
"He's an angel, don't expect too much." I smirked and went into the kitchen.
Just for a moment I looked back at my family and smiled softly.
Yes, all I've got