A/N: Ayyy first Homestuck fic
So I did this sort of holiday last year for Hetalia and since it was fun, I decided to do the same for Homestuck. I'll try to update daily until the 25th, but it'll be difficult, and I'm already a day behind T_T
The pairings for this fic will be DaveJohn, Rosemary, Dirkjake, Janeroxy, Gamtav/slight Tavvris, Erisol, Karezi/Nepkat, Mitula, Meuloz, Cronkri, Gillfronds, Jadefef, EquAra, Rufuss or whatever you even call that ship. I think that's it for now?
Please tell me what you think! (the first chapter is pretty slow for introductory purposes.)
It beginning to become a well-known truth that the Egbert-Crocker household was not meant to hold as many people as it was holding at the moment, at least not in one space. Not only was the living room rapidly filling up, but the driveway and street area was becoming clogged with cars as more and more people streamed through the doorway.
John and Jane stood by the Christmas tree, the strings of rainbow lights blinking, and the spoon ornament Jane had made when she was five digging into John's back. Together they regarded the growing number of people in their house; their father had retreated back into their kitchen, about five cakes and ten batches of Christmas cookies too short.
Jade, Jake, Dirk and Dave were spread out over their couch; the Harley-Englishes had been there well before people had started showing up, as the two families were practically related. Calliope perched on the arm of the couch, talking cheerfully to Dirk, while Caliborn sat on the floor complaining about something or the other.
From there came the Pyrope sisters, Terezi making a beeline for Dave and Latula insisting on a high-five from everyone in the general vicinity. The Captors were right behind them, and Mituna joined Latula on their quest for high fives and general "radness" (Sollux, in comparison to his brother, did not look like he could give any less of a crap). The Serkets came next, from which point Aranea started to talk Jake's ear off, much to Dirk's disapproval. Dave had the exact same look on his face when Vriska pulled the same tactic on John.
The Vantases came next, and it was getting harder to hear now that there were two preachy blabbermouths in one room. Kankri was talking about the evils of Christmas or something like that, and the look on Karkat's face showed that he'd had to listen to the vent the entire way over. And with the Vantases came the Maryams, each looking as frazzled by Kankri's incessant word vomit as Karkat did.
Then there were the Amporas, their entrance defined by Eridan giving his cake a dramatic flip and Cronus hitting on the first person he ran into (Porrim, who kneed him without a second thought). The Makaras arrived with Gamzee already smoking something and Kurloz smiling in a vaguely creepy manner. John could've sworn there was an outline of a pentagram on the back of his hand.
/Great. We're inviting Satan into our house./
The Megidos were next, followed by the Nitrams. While Aradia and Tavros were talking happily to one another, there was an obvious tension between Rufioh and Damara, owing to the former's look of profuse discomfort. The Peixes came right after, Feferi placing herself between Eridan and Sollux while Meenah found herself a spot right next to Aranea.
The last people to push through the doorway before the flood of people ended were the Zahhaks and Leijons, the two sets of best friends bundled up heavily against the cold. By now nearly all available sitting room was gone, so they found places for themselves on the staircase. It was then the flow of people entering the Egbert-Crocker house ceased; now the living room was abuzz with their voices.
"John," he turned to Jane, who was struggling to be heard. "Do you have any idea where Roxy and Rose are?"
"They're not here?" Scanning the crowd, John found several blond heads, none of them belonging to the two Lalondes. "Huh, you're right. Uh..."
"I'm certain we told them, and they definitely know their way to our house...hm..." Jane frowned. "Should we just get started anyway?"
"Yeah, I think so." It was weird the Lalondes weren't there yet, but for all they knew, Roxy might've seen a cat along the way. Then they'd have stopped, and after realizing how cute it was, taken it home and knitted it little cat sweaters and other adorable nonsense. It was completely plausible given the the two of them, so John wasn't really worried.
He turned to face the crowd of people. "So, we, uh..." John's voice got lost amongst all the others, and it was clear barely anyone save Jane was listening to him. "Hey, guys-"
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" With that single statement, everyone fell silent. John winced; he was grateful for Karkat's help, but definitely had a pair of lungs on him.
"Thanks Karkat! So, yeah. The whole Secret Santa was me and Karkat's idea- well, and Kankri too- but since this is Jane and mine's house we'll be running the thing. So! Secret Santas are really simple- everybody picks a name, Jane and I write it down, and everybody has to give some sort of gift to their person by the 25th. Or sooner, if you're going to be gone."
"I was under the impression I was receiving gifts, not giving any." Caliborn spoke up from where he was crouched on the floor.
"Dude, I think you've totally missed the point of a Secret Santa." Dirk laughed slightly, poking Caliborn in the head while he spewed profanities. Calliope sighed deeply, already looking fed up with her twin.
"I'll make sure he gets a present for whoever he gets, or else." She assured John. He smiled at her, completely reassured; if anyone could corral Caliborn, it was Calliope. She was sweet as they came and perpetually friendly, but that was a case of silk covering steel. John had complete faith in her abilities when it came to controlling her brother.
"So, um, continuing on... If you don't give your person a gift, I'll kick your butt. Or Karkat will kick your butt for me. Or, if we're experiencing a severe lack of holiday spirit and general empathy, Kankri will give you one of his holiday sermons." The general look of horror shared by everyone gathered made John even more confident that no one would skip out on giving a gift that year. "I thought so."
"I take offense to that," Kankri spoke up from the back. "In fact, I'd say that's very trigger-"
"Kanny," Porrim took Kankri's face in her hands, abruptly ending his sentence. She gave the pained and exasperated look of someone who'd been forced to put up with lectures on triggers for far too long. "Stop talking."
Jane and John shared a bemused look before shrugging. As long as Kankri wasn't talking about triggers, just muttering under his breath to Cronus, they would be okay. Jane pulled down a Santa hat filled with little paper slips from the mantle. "I guess that's everything, then." she said. "Time to start picking names-"
The doorbell rang at that moment, halting Jane's sentence and causing her to sigh in exasperation. She had finals next week, and they really needed to get things moving.
Kurloz, who was standing closest to the door, opened it, greeting the guests (the Lalondes, who'd finally shown up) with his ever-present, close-lipped smile. Both Rose and Roxy smiled back at him; both of them were sporting large grins and appeared somewhat unsteady, which, when it came to the Lalondes, could only mean one thing.
John and Jane exchanged a look. Gamzee was already high, or in the process of becoming so, and now Rose and Roxy looked to be rather drunk. And it was only the middle of day.
"Heeey, Janey, sorry we're late," Roxy spoke loudly as she made her way over to the Christmas tree. "Sorry, Johnny-boy," she added, slinging an arm around John and the other around Jane.
"We just got a little...distracted." Rose giggled for no apparent reason and flung herself into Kanaya's lap, causing the other girl to blush profusely and start whispering urgently into Rose's ear. The blonde just laughed it off, sounding incredibly drunk and attracting everyone's attention. After all, Roxy already had a reputation as the girl who mixed vodka and lemonade right on school grounds and could whip up cocktails professionally despite being only a senior in high school, but Rose was known to be the sober of the two.
Apparently that wasn't the case this time, though.
"Just how drunk /are/ you?" Jane whispered to Roxy, who was still leaning on her and John and flashing random winks to Jake and Dirk.
"That's a long story." Roxy sighed contentedly, running her fingers through the siblings' hair. "Eggnog, Janey. Need I say more? Besides, Rose's got it way worse."
"You've got that right," John muttered, watching Rose bat at Kanaya's dangly earrings like a cat, while the Maryam looked two parts concerned and extremely annoyed.
"Roxy, you know we talked about this-" Jane started, but Roxy waved her off with a flap of her hand.
"Nah, it's okay. We can talk later, now let's get this Secret Santa shtick started!" Roxy reached for the Santa hat plunging her hand in and pulling out a little folded slip of paper. Her face broke into a grin as she unfolded it. "Hey, I got-"
"Roxy, that's not how it works." John pointed out, wondering why everybody they invited seemed to have no idea how Secret Santa's actually operated. "Now just whisper it me and I'll write it down for you."
After Roxy had done so- she had gotten Nepeta, which was bound to go well, given how they both had an affinity for anything feline- John turned back to the crowd of people, who had turned back to their own conversations after the Lalondes' misdirection. Thankfully Karkat didn't have to yell again, as all it took was John clearing his throat to capture everyone's attention.
"Now that Roxy's gone, I guess that means everyone else can go- whoa-" at his words, a veritable flood of people surged forward, clearly not understanding the concept of 'one-at-time'. John was what one might call vertically challenged, and thus was fully prepared to be overwhelmed, possibly trampled before his own Christmas tree.
And to think, just before Christmas...will Jane get the cookbook I gave her? Will Dave get the My Little Pony coloring book and understand its irony? All the cake left uneaten- and let it be said on that day, in his own home, John Ebgert was stepped on till he died...
John was fully braced for impact, and rather surprised when it didn't come. He glanced up hesitantly, and saw that Gamzee, easily one of the tallest people present, had plucked the Santa hat from Jane and was holding it above everyone else.
"Got it for you, sis." he said to Jane, giving her a sleepy smile. He picked a slip of paper, examined it for a moment, and then leaned over to whisper in Jane's ear. She nodded slightly, marking it down on their notepad, before shooing him off. Jane and Gamzee were a weird sort of friends- he'd been in her Home Ec. class and, from what John had heard, continually slipped weird things into his baking, as well as trying to offer her the same substances. Jane refused to let anything tarnish her tried-and-true Crocker family recipes, but had a decent amount of respect for the Makara, as she did for anyone who could make a pie as good as he could. Now they exchanged baked goods with each other, Jane's cupcakes frosted impeccably and the tops of Gamzee's pies dyed bright blue with food coloring.
"We should all up and make a line," Gamzee suggested, and upon his words, everyone else did as he said, since somehow Gamzee had that effect on people. From there everything went smoothly, with Jane and John recording each person, including themselves.
By the time they had finished getting everyone down, snow had started falling lightly outside, piling on the windowsill. John leaned against the frosted windowpane, watching everyone go at the food that had been set out (a good number of cakes and cookies that he refused to touch, all done up in the appropriate holiday fashion) and glanced down at the notepad.
Thirty four people. They had to be insane to think that this would go smoothly.