I wrote this at 3 am after watching the last episode of greys, it's a Drabble so it's not perfect and its sloppy but I had to release some of my anger and frustration and this scene played in my head, I can't shake of this horrible feeling that these episodes are leaving me with. Again, this was written out of anger lol.

Fate- Man was given free will by his creator thus the possibility and assertion that we do not or cannot control the means to the end is factually wrong. So Why do people believe in the phenomenon? The concept is an attempt to assign some significance to the things that happen to us and around us each day. Sometimes to relieve us of the responsibility of making choices for ourselves and being in control of our own destiny. The theory that our lives and existence is premeditated and no matter the choices we make, the outcome of our decisions is something that we cannot escape is some what juvenile, yet people have clung to this notion for centuries and still continue to do so.

Even though scientifically the term is refuted and rebuffed, sometimes the mortal mind cannot help but wonder if we are all acting out a pre- written script, that our lives have been decided before hand, maybe the journey was left for us to explore and lead with our own recognizance but the final destination was set in stone from the moment we left the womb, or maybe even written at conception.

Life is funny, particularly how it maps itself out, we make plans for what's ahead, but somehow they never quite pan out, we try so hard to forget the past and sketch out our future that we forget to live in the present. We hide behind shadows and lurk under secrets, we make choices that change the course of our lives forever, not fully realizing that those choices can never be taken back, you can never un- ring a bell, thus you must lye in the bed you made. Second chances don't come by for most of us, so we are forced to reap what we sowed, and only dream about what could of been.

Regret will eat a person alive, each and every day, until there is nothing left for it to take from you and your whole world crashes to your feet, and then you don't even recognize your own reflection in the mirror and you become a ghost to everyone around you. Because you made the decisions that would lead to an easier less complicated life, but who would of thunk that what you thought you wanted, would never compensate for what you needed. It must be so hard to have that picture perfect life you always envisioned, that house with the white picket fence, that sweet and loving wife, your fulfilling career, and all that in between. It must eat you alive knowing your life is so uncomplicated and simple, yet your still so goddamn miserable, yes, that must hurt, knowing that she could have been enough, only it's a little too late.

Cristina sat in the small but quaint office fidgeting nervously with her fingers and trying to find a comfortable position in leather chair she occupied. The more time this took the more she started to worry, she hoped for good news, she knew and understood that she chose to wait longer then most, she had never wanted this before, even been one hundred percent sure in the past that she wanted nothing to do with this experience, that she was meant for the operating room and no where else. She had once destroyed a marriage over this, but she hadn't wanted or realized she would want this in the future so she let that relationship go, gave him the blessing to move on, and he did, rather quickly, so when the realization hit her, he was already tied to someone else, and she had no right to declare her change of heart to him. He moved on so fast, that she blinked and he was there, with her, and she, she was a forgotten ghost of the past not even worth mentioning to his future. It hurt like hell, to see him so unfazed, so happy and in love with someone else so quickly after she decided she loved him too much to let him miss out on his dream to have a family. It was harder to watch then to merely know, he had been proud of the fact that he didn't play favorites, never gave her anything she didn't deserve or offer her something in bias, yet with his new love, he made sure she got special treatment. He made sure she was favored, she didn't even work at the hospital but she came in and operated on his surgeries, he had changed so much so quick, she didn't even recognize him anymore.

Their years together we erased from his mind and replaced with his new vision of life that didn't include her, he started making plans for the future that allowed no room for her, she knew that she should blame herself for pushing him away, but even though she had pushed, she secretly wished he'd stay, let her know she was enough for him, instead he moved on so fast that she didn't have time to adjust or comprehend. She reached a breaking point one day and could no longer muster the strength to watch him move on since she couldn't find it in her heart to do the same. She could only take so much, and having him completely ignore and deny her was enough to make her leave and never look back. So the day he invited her out of pity to join him and Emma for Thanksgiving Dinner at Meredith's house out of all people, was the day she decided to write a letter of resignation. She had been betrayed twice, once by the man she loved and once by her best friend, and she didn't even know which hurt more. Meredith was suppose to be on her side but she was cooking dinner for Owens new girlfriend and didn't even invite Cristina, and Owen thought of her so lonely and pitiful that he had extended an invite and making such little fuss about it, as if their previous relationship of man and wife was so insignificant that it did nothing to cause a rift in his new relationship.

Cristina's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the office door opening as the doctor walked in and greeted them.
"Mr. And Mrs. McGuire, so nice to see you again." He smiled brightly as he shook both their hands before making his way around his desk to take a seat.
" Well first of all, I'd like to say congratulations! The Mariners are lucky to have you and welcome to Seattle, you'll love it here as long as your not afraid of a little rain." Dr. Koss chuckled as he put on his glasses and opened up their case file.
" Thank you Dr., my wife actually lived here for seven years during her residency and fellowship, so it's nice to be in the place she once called home, hopefully she can show me around and acquaint me with the city." He turned to face Cristina and lightly grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze.

Cristina turned and smiled gingerly and nodded to him, " I will do my best though most my time was spent in the hospital." Then she turned and looked towards Dr. Koss, "So what's the verdict?"

He scanned their file quickly before shutting it altogether and intwined his hands together and leaned forward. "Dr. Yang, you ovaries look in tip top shape, you have a very healthy egg count, and have a clean bill of health, the only hindrance is your missing Fallopian tube, other then that I don't see you having a problem with getting pregnant."

They both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well what happens next?" Brady asked eager to know how long it would take to expand his family.

"Well, we can make an appointment as soon as next week to schedule the insemination, after that we just wait and hope that the sperm
latches on to an egg, remember though, that before your treatment began you only had three samples of your sperm taken, so there might be a possibility that you will be forced to use donor sperm if the next three tries are unsuccessful. " He reminded them.

Owen walked solemnly out the office from their appointment trying his best to understand the circumstances, while Emma brushed a few stray tears from her face.

"We can always adopt." She said hiding behind a smile, she knew how much he wanted this.

Owen gave her a sideways glance, he knew that adoption was an option but something in him craved to have his own baby. He wasn't even sure if they were stable enough to even have a baby, troubled waters had been lurking between them for what felt like years now but he was determined to make it work, he couldn't start over again, that was too painful. It was moments like these that caused him to believe in karma, what goes around comes around. How ironic that he left a relationship because she didn't want to have his baby, and now he was in a relationship that physically couldn't produce one. The world was a very nasty and cruel place. He wondered often how his life would of been if he stayed with her, these three years without her had left him feeling empty, but he tried not to admit it to himself but often wondered if she was truly happy and if she ever thought about him like he thought about her. He was able to keep track of her through her new husband, but she had left Seattle behind and the people who were left there, so she had no way of knowing about him. She had crushed him when she decided to leave, and never gave him the opportunity to fight for her, so he just sulked in his own misery and wondered if there was more to life then this.

" We will discuss other options after we recover from this blow and let it sink in." He said while making his way through the doors and out the lobby, we need-, I need time to register this situation." He looked down at his feet while talking to her and answered in a defeated voice.

"What's there to understand?, you have super sperm and I have the problem, I have a uterus that is like the Great Wall of China and won't let anyone in." Emma shook her head and brought a hand up to rub her temple. " I can't believe this, all my twenties I tried to prevent getting pregnant, now in my thirties I couldn't conceive a baby to save my life." She was gonna go on but something caught the corner of her eye. A couple embracing outside the fertility office, their backs were facing her so she couldn't see their faces but she heard giggling and squealing. They must of gotten good news, she thought. She instantly envied the couple, and wished that Owen and her would of walked out the office with news worthily of picking her up in a big bear hug and swinging her around the room in sheer joy and happiness.

He turned his head and gave a once over to the couple, diverted his eyes quickly and then upon realization turned his head abruptly, begging his eyes to be hallucinating her presence. They were not facing him, but he knew the back of that head and those glorious, glossy ebony curls like the back of his hand. And then he heard her voice, and his heart fell to the pit of his stomach...it was her, she was here, a mere few feet from him, close enough to touch but three years too far away to reach. He hadn't heard her speak in so long, hadn't heard her laugh in what felt like a lifetime, hadn't stood this close to her in years, and yet they say time heals all wounds, but he was sure that no amount of time could make him content in the decisions he made, or rid him of the
regret that ate him alive little by little each and every day.

She was laughing, she looked happy and he swore he felt the oxygen knocked right out of him when he saw her being picked up and swung around. And then more realizations hit, what was she doing at a fertility clinic? Why was she in Seattle? Why did she look so happy?

She was swung around and he was rewarded with a view of her face. Her full lips as luscious as ever and a smile on her face, beautiful, but somehow it failed to reach her eyes. Owen had stopped to observe the couple just as Emma had, she gave a gasp when she realized who the couple was. Owen couldn't move either out of sight or to go over and make his presence known, so he just stood there and eavesdropped on their conversation.

"We're doing this, we're gonna be a family." He heard him say.
"We are already a family," she said as she curled her eyebrows. "We are just thinking about expanding it." Such a Cristina thing to say.
"No, no thinking, no more thinking, I know you wanna do this, I see the way you look at our nieces and nephews, there's a longing in your eyes, and I know you never wanted kids before but you were the one who brought them up, I never pressured you into doing something you didn't want to do." He said while he gently put her feet back down and moved slightly away from her.

He was right, he never pressured her into making babies, in fact she realized she wanted one right before she met him, even contemplated making a trip to a sperm bank. Somehow though, the whole situation had this uneasy presence in her body, she knew she was ready but couldn't shake the doubts. She sometimes wished this realization would have come earlier or that she was enough for someone to love and the sliver of hope that she would change her mind was enough for him to live by, but it wasn't.

" Hell must of frozen over." She said sarcastically, " Well, I do still have plenty of eggs left and I'm not getting any younger..." A slow smile started to form on the ends of her lips.
" I guess..., next time this year, we're gonna have to make room for a third person." His smile widened.

Owen let out a loud gasp.

She must of sensed they had an audience because she turned her head and was met with his blue eyes. Her smile quickly faded and her jaw dropped suddenly. She stood there frozen and unable to move or speak, shock waves pulsating through her body and her heart breaking all over again.

"Cristina?" He asked in a barley audible whisper.

"Owen," she answered back, still unable to move, her eyes glassy and her heart heavy.

He didn't know what to say or what to do, he still couldn't fathom that she was real, right in front of him, and he didn't know what to do about the rush of emotions that came sweeping back in an instance. You never forget, you try to, but the one that got away will always haunt you.

" Wha-, What are you doing here?" He stuttered sheepishly as he tried to find his wording. I missed you, is what he wished he could say. Why is it that after all this time, she still had this much power over him?

" In Seattle or this clinic?" She asked as she diverted her eyes from him and started looking uncomfortable.

He shook his head, " Both."

" Brady just got drafted to the Seattle Mariners so we are moving back here, the season doesn't start for another three months but we wanted to settle down and find a home and I needed time to look for a job." She looked over to Brady and realized she hadn't introduced him.

" Oh, sorry, Brady, this is Owen and that is his wife Emma." Cristina said with a raised eyebrow and a nod from Emma once she noticed the two bands that occupied both their ring fingers.

" This is Brady McGuire, my husband." Brady shook both their hands.
"Nice to meet the two of you." He stated, "So how do you know my Cristina?" He asked with grin.

His Cristina? Owen thought.

All three of them looked at each other uncomfortably, and stuttered to find the right words.

"Ummm, well we used to work together at Seattle Grace, errr, Grey-Sloan is what it's called now, Owen is actually the Chief of Surgery." She answered unable to meet his eyes.

Did he hear her right? Did she just demean their whole relationship?
He couldn't believe that he was introduced to her new husband as a former colleague of hers, as somebody she used to know, somebody who she exchanged courteous greetings with and passed by in the hallways of the hospital. He was worth way more then that.

He was gonna intervene but before he could Brady spoke up.

" Really?, well isn't that great? Maybe you can see if that hospital has an opening, wouldn't it be great to reunite with all your old friends and colleagues?" He asked while looking back and forth between Cristina and Owen. He didn't wait for either to respond.

"So, the two of you must be trying to conceive", he asserted, " Hope everything is going well." Emma looked up at Owen and back at Cristina and Brady before speaking for the first time.

" Well we are trying, just having a little difficulty", she said as she reached for Owens hand and squeezed it. "You two probably know how that goes, why else would any of us be here if we weren't having problems getting pregnant." Owen stood there even more uncomfortable then before as he struggled to release his hand from her grasp.
"Of course we do, thankfully, my wife has lots of eggs left for me to fertilize and a very warm and welcoming uterus." Brady turned towards Cristina and chuckled. " But I had to undergo treatment last year that would make me sterile so we decided to collect samples of my semen just in case we ever wanted to try for a baby, and now in the next couple weeks Cristina will be inseminated and hopefully impregnated, romantic huh?" He joked.

"Your having a baby?" Shock evident in his voice and his eyes pleading with her to deny the assertion. He shook his head, "You said you never gonna want kids, that you'd never change your mind." Owen looked at her in disbelief, willing himself to keep a cool and composed exterior, though he could sense Emma digging daggers at him.

" I thought I would never want them, I never thought this day would come, but it did." Maybe if you had waited, I would be carrying your baby into this world.
She tried really hard to show no sympathy because he didn't deserve her feeling sorry for him. In a sick and twisted way she had hoped that in this moment he felt exactly the way she did three years ago when she left.

" We're just very fortunate that I have a very hospitable environment to help grow a baby in especially since I'm not in my twenties anymore." She added as she looked Owen in the eye before averting her eyes to Emma.

Owen didn't have a problem getting her and her one Fallopian tube pregnant so Cristina made the assertion that it was Emma that had the problem.

Suddenly he can't breathe, he tries to but the air wont flow to his lungs, he cannot see because his vision is blurred and he cannot feel because his body has went numb. All he is capable of doing is hearing a stagnant heart beat from his ear.

He could only hope that this was a dream, that she was just an illusion and that this whole scene was fabricated from his subconscious.

Life- you just never know where it will lead you.

Regret- it will eat you alive.

"Perhaps you know someone whose heart clutches onto the bittersweet memory of the one who got away. Someone who secretly bears the weight of this imperceptible burden wherever he or she goes, every day of his or her life. Someone who'd gladly travel back in a time machine to a day when paths diverged, to mend together that which has been torn apart, setting destiny back on its rightful track — if only he or she could. Perhaps you know this someone better than you think. And should this someone happen to be you, may you find strength and support in the millions of others who shoulder this burden with you, and may you be reintroduced one day to that true love… in this lifetime and whatever comes after."