I loved him, more than anything. More than he could understand, more than even I could. I would have given my life for him willingly, happily even.
But he didn't love me back. Not at all. He scorned and mocked me for reasons I don't even know.
And I understood, that without him, without his love, there is no reason to live. To eat, to drink, to breath.
Quickkit padded proudly up to where Lilystar stood, puffing out her chest fur and staring defiantly into the leader's emerald eyes. Her left ear bent awkwardly downwards, so the tip brushed the top of her head, and her one of her tiny hind claws was missing. This was the way she had always been. She had been born into the world with a bent ear and lost claw, and it had caused the following six moons to be filled with stares, murmurs, and zero friends. At the time of her birth, Quickkit's father had tried to name her after her it. Luckily Quickkit's mother had intervened and insisted that her daughter be instead named after how fast she had opened her eyes and shot out of the nursery.
Contrary to the RiverClan's prediction, Quickkit was a strong, healthy kit, bigger than most of her denmates.
And so here the newly named Quickpaw stood, while her new mentor, Shadeclaw, cheered for her. The rest of the Clan reluctantly joined in, the voices growing louder and louder until Shadeclaw's had been long since drowned out. And one familiar voice stood out, at least to Quickpaw, from the rest.
2 moons after Quickpaw's Warrior Ceremony
"Quickstream! I'd like you to lead a hunting patrol with Stonefang, Featherdrift, Sunclimb, and Ripplestripe." Called RiverClan's deputy, Berryfur. Quickstream shook the leaf-bare cold out of her silver tabby pelt and headed to the camp exit. Her right ear flapped uselessly as she moved. She let out a long breath, watching the vapour rise into the frosty air. Her good ear twitched as Sunclimb padded noisily out of his nest, his long ginger pelt fluffed up. Quickstream had to stifle a purr as he padded towards her, bushed up until he looked like a hedgehog.
"Cold, Sunclimb?" She meowed teasingly, and ducked at Sunclimb's paw flew near her head.
"Shouldn't we be hunting? Where are the others?" he answered coldly.
"Here." A meow sounded from behind him, and he turned to see Ripplestripe, Stonefang, and Featherdrift. Stonefang walked behind the two she-cats, padding stiffly as though bruised.
The cold must be getting to him. Everyone thinks he'll be in the elder's den come new-leaf, Quickstream thought with sympathy for the old warrior.
"Good. Let's go." Sunclimb started forward, then stopped, seeming to remember who was supposed to be leading the patrol. Quickstream nodded to the ginger warrior as she passed him.
"We'll start by checking the river to see if it's frozen. If it is… We'll have to hunt somewhere else." Quickstream told her warriors confidently. This was only her third time leading a patrol, but she was already quite comfortable with leading.
When the patrol reached the best fishing spot in the river, Sunclimb bounded ahead to check for ice. He leaped back to the patrol, muscles rippling, and nodded triumphantly. Sure enough, when Quickstream saw the river, it was flowing as fast and as strong as ever. Purring, she found a spot near the edge of it, and gestured for the others to do the same. Each cat took up a space and waited, tails curled beneath their paws, pelts fluffed against the cold.
Finally, Quickstream heard a splash, and looked up from the river just in time to see Sunclimb's paw flash out of the water, a fat trout hooked on his claws. He nipped the fish's back and it stopped flopping abruptly.
"Nice catch!" Quickstream purred, and the other congratulated him as well. Sunclimb dipped his head in thanks to the others, than caught Quickstream in a dark glare.
"Quickstream, quit the good manners, and catch some prey for our Clan. Your praise won't feed our elders, queens, or kits." He growled softly.
Quickstream paused, taken aback. Featherdrift and Ripplestripe winced. Last time a cat had insulted her like that, it had been about her ear and claw, and she had blown up at her, throwing rapid insults and attempting to claw off her ears. Lilystar and Berryfur had then pulled her away while she seethed.
This time, however, Quickstream met Sunclimb's fierce amber eyes for a moment, and then dipped her head.
"Of course, Sunclimb. I'm sorry," she said evenly. Featherdrift and Ripplestripe both had their heads slightly tilted in confusion, but Stonefang had his eyes closed and was resting his head on his paws.
2 moons or so later
Quickstream padded towards the fresh-kill pile, relishing the warmth of new-leaf. She grabbed a carp and padded over to Sunclimb.
"Hi. Want to share this carp?" Quickstream asked politely.
"Huh? Oh, no, I've eaten my fill. Go share with someone else, or eat alone." He answered absent-mindedly. Quickstripe dipped her head and padded away, disappointment weighing in her belly like a stone. She shrugged it away and joined Reedfur by a fallen log.
"Cats of RiverClan! Hear my words! Tonight we take back Sunningrocks from ThunderClan!" Lilystar called. "We will have 2 attacking patrols. The first wave, led by myself, and the second wave, which will be led by Berryfur! The cats joining me on the first patrol will be: Stonefang, Leaftail, Featherdrift, Willowshade, Redfur, Skypaw, Quickstream, and Shadeclaw!" Lilystar paused for a breath. Quickstream sighed in relief. She wanted to make sure she was on this patrol, because it would be her first battle as a warrior. "On the second patrol: Darksky, Maplepaw, Sunclimb, Ripplestripe, Stormstep, Dawnriver, Troutpaw, and Owlflight! We attack at sunset," the proud leader finished. Cats yowled their approval, and Quickstream added her voice to the crowd, yowling into Silverpelt.
As Lilystar's patrol set off to the river, dusk settled and turned the fading light to shadows. Quickstream shivered and Reedfur pressed beside her, his eyes shining in the moonlight.
"Ready?" he inquired quietly.
"More than," Quickstream replied. She felt restless, even as she bounded through the marsh, wind slicing through her silver fur. Her paws itched to battle, but she contented herself by stretching her claws deep into the mud, tearing out grass as she ran. Up ahead, she could just make out Lilystar raising her tail to stop her warriors. Leaftail skidded into Quickstream as she paused, causing her to stumble.
"Sorry!" Leaftail whispered, wide-eyed, and Quickstream turned to face her. Turning back, Quickstream sighed. Her looks, as normal as they were to her, always intimidated some younger warriors. She had been told many times that she didn't look that strange, but it never helped to lift her spirits.
Reedfur touched her back lightly with his tail, trying to comfort her. Quickstream brushed his tail away with her own and tried to listen to Lilystar.
"RiverClan! This is it. We must win back Sunningrocks. Try keep the warriors trapped on the rocks near the river, and don't let them lead you to the undergrowth!" Lilystar ordered, and RiverClan swarmed onto the rocks.
Quickstream soon found a sturdy ThunderClan with a torn ear, and hissed. He hissed back, and she swiped at his muzzle with her claws extended. He growled in pain as blood dripped from a fresh cut on his nose, and he lunged towards Quickstream with his jaws. Quickstream yowled as his jaws closed around her neck, and she began to panic as he refused to let go. She struggled and swiped, but the grip on her neck never loosened, and soon black spots threatened her vision. She fell limp, and felt her mind going fuzzy.
Why? I'm not ready yet, StarClan... she thought desperately.
Suddenly her head cleared. All she saw was a flash of golden-orange fur fly onto her opponent. Quickstream fell to the ground, and suddenly her vision was taken over by red.
"I don't know. It seems to be healing well, but it was pretty deep... and she hasn't woken yet," Quickstream heard this voice coming from somewhere behind her. She groggily pushed herself into a sitting position, but soon toppled back down as a sharp pain split through her neck and gave her a nasty headache. She made a small noise in her throat and shut her eyes again. Paws rushed over to her and she felt someone licking at her fur roughly. Quickstream opened her eyes to slits and saw a cat with too many heads and far too many paws. Confused, she sat up again, slowly, and her eyes focused on three cats, each staring at her with wide eyes. She took in her mother's pale tabby fur, the medicine cat, Darkleaf, and her father, Grayfeather.
"Skysong?" Quickstream addressed her mother as the tabby queen continued to lick around her ears.
Her mother stopped and looked at her lovingly.
"We almost lost you," she whispered.
"Sunclimb!" Quickstream beckoned to the golden warrior. It had been a few days since the battle, and Quickstream was now allowed to wander around camp a little before returning to the Darkleaf's den.
Sunclimb glanced at his proceeding patrol reluctantly, but padded over to Quickstream.
"Yes?" he answered roughly.
"I just wanted to thank you for saving me from that ThunderClan warrior."
"That's all very well, but if you hadn't been in need of rescue like an over-adventurous kit, I might have been there in time to stop Lilystar from losing a life!" Sunclimb snarled, his amber gaze boring into Quickstream. Astonished at such outright hostility, Quickstream cowered and bounded away.
She soon arrived at a shady spot near the edge of camp, and lay down with her head on her paws.
He hates me, she thought confusedly, So why don't I hate him?
Over the next few moons Quickstream tried to be nice to Sunclimb, offering to hunt with him, but he always rejected her with stinging remarks. Kind Reedfur always assured her that she didn't need him, and that he was just bitter for some unfathomable reason. Quickstream herself didn't understand. Could it be because of her bent ear, or missing claw? That didn't seem likely. It didn't make her look much different than anyone else, and it seemed like a very mouse-brained reason not to like someone.
But Quickstream couldn't find any other possible reason, so she told herself that must be it. It wasn't like she had ever done anything bad to him.
1 moon later
It was a clear, bright morning, and the birds were chirping happily at the sight of Greenleaf. Stonefang had joined StarClan just two sunrises ago, from old age, and a recent border skirmish accident had cost Willowshade her life, too. It had been a tough newleaf; the effects of leaf-bare hadn't really faded, with many cloudy, overcast days, and not enough sun to revive most of the plants.
On top of that, Quickstream had become increasingly confused. Her Clanmates kept making comments, like, "When will you two tell the Clan?" and "Look how he follows her". Quickstream had no idea what they could be talking about, as the only tom Quickstream had any interest in was Sunclimb, and clearly that wouldn't work out.
Reedfur padded next to Quickstream, and then stopped in his tracks, turning to face her. They had reached the willow tree, a private shaded spot away from the bustle of Clan life.
"Quickstream... obviously you must know how I feel about you."
Quickstream's eyes widened. What?! She thought.
"...I love you Quickstream." He finished, looking at his paws awkwardly.
"Reedfur, I-"
"I figure the Clan is just bursting for us to tell them we're... mates."
Quickstream stared in horror.
"Reedfur! I- I don't love you. Not that way. I had no idea-" Quickstream stuttered in surprise. Reedfur looked up, alarmed.
"No, Quickstream!"
But she had run. She bounded across camp, saw Sunclimb, and pulled him out of camp.
"What is it? I have important duties!" he protested.
"Sunclimb... Why do you hate me?"
"I don't hate you, just stay out of my fur!"
"You do hate me! Is it because of how I look?"
"No, its-"
"Sunclimb, I don't love Reedfur. I love you."
Sunclimbs eyes widened, and then narrowed again and he bared his teeth in an angry snarl.
"Don't insult me! I don't care about your petty crushes!" he roared.
Moisture rising is her eyes, Quickstream replied,
"I don't know why! You hate me, I should hate you. But I don't, so at least tell me why you do!"
"I hate you because... because your father killed my mother!"
"What?" Quickstream's head spun, but she knew. Many moons ago, when she was a kit in the nursery, her father had come in to see her, weary and grief-stricken, and told her there had been an accident by the gorge. There had been a fox, and he had battled alongside Sunclimb's mother, Petalshine, to drive it away. But the fox had grabbed Petalshine and dragged her to the edge.
"I tried to save her," Grayfeather had told her, "But she slipped. The fox let go, and she fell before I could move."
"Sunclimb, that was an accident. You can't blame Grayfeather for it."
"Yes I can. If he had been quicker, Petalshine would have been here today. And you are that killer's offspring," he said. "I could no more love you than I could love your father."
Quickstream bounded away again, running from her troubles as she had many times before. She ran until she arrived at the gorge, the frothing water crashing on the rocks, making her dizzy. She took deep, sucking breaths, and stepped closer to the edge, and watched as pebbles fell loose into the gaping canyon.
I loved him, more than anything. More than he could understand, more than even I could. I would have given my life for him willingly, happily even.
But he didn't love me back. Not at all. He scorned and mocked me for reasons I don't even know.
And I understood, that without him, without his love, there is no reason to live. To eat, to drink, to breath.
Quickstream jumped, pushed by misery and confusion, and as dark, loud water took over her vision, she saw shimmering, starlit cats gather in front of her eyes, all wearing expressions of sadness and concern.
"Quickstream…" a light brown she cat stepped towards her. "I am Petalshine. It was not your father's fault that I died here. Sunclimb will realize this too, in time. This is not your time to join us."
Quickstream nodded, and closed her eyes, water rushing past her ears. Then a bright ginger cat took hold of her scruff and pulled her back to solid ground.